S15,E12 - Mandy Hayes (42), from Brentford, with Andy

We begin this week’s show with a slow pan across a residential area, streets of terraced houses, two levels plus attics with dormer windows.

As we move across the streetscape, a caption fills the screen: “BRENTFORD, ENGLAND.”

When it fades, we complete our scan of the street as we do a full turn to look behind us, to a similar a particular building, two levels plus dormer windows in the sloping roof, but on the front wall there’s a large sign (gold writing on a green background) that reads, “THE WHEREHOUSE – a gastro pub.” The lower floor of the building is painted the same shade of green as the background of the sign, and infront of that, on a wide pavement, a couple of wooden picnic tables, with a couple of customers still eating dinner.

A thick-set waitress collects plates from one of the table, exchanging comments with the diners and laughing. She’s blonde, not the youngest, and not the prettiest, but very friendly looking – and her clothes (white button up blouse and a black knee-length skirt) are tight enough to reveal that whilst she has a thick trunk, big bum, wide shoulders, and a healthy chest, she’s in pretty good condition.

She moves out of the way to take the dishes back to the pub, and we see who she’s been serving ... It’s our white haired, stocky, casually dressed Scottish host – Andy Boss. And under the table, resting between his ankles, is a large, dark pile of fur and muscle called Bucky.

Andy looks up at our camera as if he’s almost embarrassed about the staged shot, then introduces himself and the show to our camera in his intelligent, clear Scottish accent.

“Hello ... Welcome to another episode of ‘The United Kingdom of Zoo’ ... My name’s Andy Boss, and this hairy bastard is Bucky...” At the mention of his name, the dog raises his big head and looks up at his owner. “We’ve come down to Brentford today so that I can enjoy a nice meal, and he can enjoy a nasty waitress...”

We cut to a close-up of that waitress, now looking right into our camera and introducing herself in a well-spoken, confident home counties accent. “Hello ... I’m Mandy Hayes ... I’m 42 years old, and I’m from Brentford ... And I’m looking forward to having sex – with that dog...” She points to the side and we follow her line of sight around until we’re looking back and Andy and his big dog, standing to the side of our camera crew.

And then we’re looking at Mandy and our host, standing opposite each other, angled toward our camera.

As usual, Andy looks like he doesn’t believe a word his guest is saying, and appears to be impatient as he waits to get to the end of the questions so that the action can begin. “Okay then, Mandy ... Tell me a story...” – he moves the microphone over infront of her and waits for her to speak.

Mandy talks fast and loud, with the confidence of a woman who’s been in the food services industry for years, “My girlfriend Ash – that’s my best friend, nothing lezzy ... Aahhh haha haha ... This was a few years ago ... We’re sort of growing old disgracefully ... Or, growing middle-aged disgracefully, haha ... Me and her were on like, a double date, sort of thing ... And we all went back to one of the guy’s place ... And we was having a little orgy sort of thing ... But both of the guys were into my friend, not me ... Haha haha ... I was watching, because it’s fun, you know ... But after a while I got a bit lonely – I was feeling left out ... And this dog is wondering around ... So I start playing with him – just joking around ... You know...? Trying to get them to pay attention to me ... But he wasn’t into it, and nothing happened ... And I ended up feeling a bit disappointed ... And I remember thinking – I bet he’d fuck Ash! And since then I’ve kept thinking about it ... About her doing it, about me doing it ... And I thought ... Why not...?”

“So ... No bullshit ... No excuses ... You’re just a filthy whore who wants to fuck a dog...?” Checks Andy.

Mandy smiles and nods her head, “Oh yeah ... I wouldn’t dream of pretending anything else!”

Andy stands, pulling on Bucky’s leash to get the dog to his feet as well. “Right then ... Lead us to nearest suitable venue for dogsex!”

“Certainly ... If you’d like to follow me...” She smirks and turns to head into the pub - Andy follows with Bucky – and we follow him, speeding up the video as we move through the pub, past diners eating inside, through a bar, through a doorway and up a staircase to the private apartment upstairs, then through into a bedroom that looks out into the street. A few crewmembers are already here waiting for us, with cameras, microphones, and lights already set-up.

Our guest moves to the bed, then turns around and sits on the edge with her legs apart, her skirt riding halfway up her thighs – not high enough for us to see her underwear, but far enough to produce a dark space that interests the dog...

He moves straight over to her, slipping his snout between her thighs and into that space in her skirt, sniffing at her panties inside as she laughs and strokes his head and neck, bending forward over him, trying not to laugh too much as his attentions tickle her thighs and pussy. “Hello ... Hello...”

She doesn’t look particularly turned on yet – she hasn’t even so much as unbuttoned her blouse – and at the moment she’s clearly treating this as more of a game than as foreplay for sex. Definitely having fun. Looking up to our camera, half laughing, and commenting that, “He’s already more interested in me than the other woofer was!!”

“Do you like that?” Checks Andy, then before she can answer he answers his own question, “Of course you do ... Dirty slut!”

She barely notices the abuse, too busy smiling and giggling at the dog’s attentions ... Raising her bum a little off the bed and taking hold of the sides of her skirt, shuffling it up her thighs until the gusset of her white panties is exposed, then sitting down again, leaning back a little and reaching down to pull the gusset to the side of her pussy, exposing her big-lipped pussy to the dog’s nose and tongue ... A tuft of dark pubic hair pokes through from the top of the panties.

He sniffs first, then licks – and she spasms from the first contact ... Then laughs, and gasps, “Oh woowwww ... That’s ... Woowwww!” She looks into camera, her smile growing and her eyes opening wider and wider as Bucky continues to lick with ever increasing intensity.

She lays back further, almost flat on her back, her chest straining the front of her blouse, nipples poking through - one hand holding her panties to the side, the other gently pulling the top of her pussy up – presenting her clit...

She’s breathing harder and harder as the dog continues to lick ... Spreading her thighs wider, pulling the panties further away from her pussy - as if they are getting in the dog’s way ... Letting his tongue slop over her pussy and her fingers, swishing her big pussy lips around, leaving them shiny and wet ... All much to Mandy’s amusement – she’s constantly on the edge of hysterical laughter.

Her reacting is a result of shock rather than amusement – she can’t believe what she’s doing, and she can’t believe how good it feels ... Looking up and seeing cameras just makes it feel more surreal...

She pushes on with the experience, trying not to laugh – but every touch of the tongue pushing her further that way...

She slips her fingers down from above her clit to between her pussy lips and spreads them apart – wet flesh parting to expose soft pink, almost slimy inner walls ... Which are immediately licked by the big dog – his wide tongue sliding between her lips, gliding through her wetness – making her gasp and arch her spine again...

“Oh, you like that don’t you, slut!?” Notes Andy. Not expecting, or getting, an answer – because she’s lost in the licking.

Still smiling broadly, letting out the occasional giggle, she’s spreading her thighs so wide we’re worried she’s going to pull a muscle or strain a tendon ... Reaching over from the gusset of her panties to her long pussy lips, taking one side and pulling them open, opening the other side with her other hand, spreading herself wide-open so that the dog’s licks slip inside her ... Driving her to another level ... Leg’s shaking ... Her breathing speeding up ... The laughter almost gone ... Her face turning redder...

Bucky stops licking and tries to mount the bed, getting one paw up before Andy steps in to grab his collar, pulling him back so that his big mouth is infront of our guest’s pussy... “Lick that ... Good boy ... Make the whore cum ... Good boy...” Orders Andy - who acts dismissive around our guests, but loves nothing more than to see his dog making a woman cum!

And once he gets back to licking her it doesn’t take long for the big black beast to send this woman over the edge and into an orgasmic frenzy – positively hooting with laughter and curling up as his tongue sends electric shocks throughout her nervous system, making her whole body spasm and jerk as she tries to push him off and roll away, squealing “OOoooohh ffuccckkk ... Jeeeezzzusss!”

She rolls over, moving up the little bed, but before she can get too far the big animal has lurched up on the bed to join her, and he’s stepping over her, excitedly trying to get into a position on top of her ... All of which makes the post-orgasmic, still tingling bitch laugh even more hysterically... “A minute ... Just give me ... A minute!!” She shrieks ... Laughing and pushing the dog aside, which just makes him want her more.

She ends up on her back, with the dog standing over her head – with one hindleg in her resting between her arm and body, almost in her armpit, and the other on the other side of her head – her eyes under her balls and tail, her chin under his heavy, hairy sheath. She’s looking up at his little red rocket ... Glistening and pink – poking slightly away from her face, down toward her body...

Half laughing, then stopping – a moment of lust overcoming her hysteria - she reaches up and grabs the sheath, suddenly looking very serious as she begins to wank at it ... Quickly helping the shaft to grow, and allowing more of it to be exposed – pulling the sheath back and getting a better look at his equipment... “OOoohh bloooddyy hell!!!” She gasps, before belching out another burst of shocked laughter ... Her mouth is less than six inches from a dog’s cock – we know there’s only one way this is going to go – and so does she...

“Go on ... Suck it, whore ... You know you want to...” Taunts our host, quite unnecessarily, because there’s no question of her intent as she continues to jerk the sheath, getting the dick as big and hard as she can ... Making it drip a few drops of pre-cum onto her – most of it splashing away from her face onto her blouse...

She pauses, letting go of the cock, and grabs the front of her blouse, then rips it open to expose her soft tits (no bra) – nothing special apart from the long, rock-hard nipples. Then, with her white top hanging on either side of her body, her boobs exposed, she reaches back up to the sheath and goes back to wanking the dog – letting his pre-cum drip and squirt down onto her tits...

She continues to jerk it, gasping, “Yeaaahh ... Yeeeahhhh ... Cum on my tits ... You like it? You like? Mmmmm...” – and then, as it grows to six inches long, switching her grip from the sheath the shaft, pulling to downwards toward her face and raising her head toward it, and stroking it into her open mouth, moaning, and reaching down between her legs, trying to rub her pussy, but finding her tight skirt still bunched up around her thighs...