S11:E01: Jenna McCartney (45)

Jenna McCartney (45), from Chicago (USA), at the Radisson Blu Hotel, Manchester Airport.

We open this edition, the first of the new series, with the classic shot of an aeroplane coming in to land at a large airport. Then we cut to look at an arrivals board, seeing the numbers flickering over to confirm that flight BA100 from New York has arrived ... Then we’re watching the skyway as passengers shuffle along with that ‘8 hours on a plane’ look ... Focusing in on one particular passenger – and she’s stunning ... Casually dressed in a knee length dress that looks both comfortable and sexy, her blonde hair and make-up make it look like she’s just stepped out of the salon rather than off the plane – walking in what seems to be a natural slow-motion, like the world is slowing down to let us admire her...

Blonde, slim, top heavy, beautiful ... She almost floats through the crowd as they walk. If we didn’t know better, we’d swear this was American actress and tv personality Jenny McCarthy – but for legal reasons, we have to make it clear that she isn’t Jenny McCarthy. Definitely not.

We hear her speak in voice-over, with a light and friendly American accent, “My name’s Jenna McCartney ... I’m a former Playboy playmate of the month - I’ve presented shows on MTV ... I’ve acted in movies and on tv ... And, you know, I’ve gotten to that point in my career where it’s time to fade away – and I don’t wanna do that ... I want to be remembered ... So today, I’m here in Manchester, England ... To do something that will keep me famous forever!”

We cut to the meet and greet area, a small crowd waiting to welcome loved ones home ... Luke Ozvik holding up a sign that says McCARTNEY (although it clearly said McCARTHY – but an NE has been over-written on the H) – it appears that even HE was confused about who was flying in today. Then we see silver doors slide open and our beauty walking out in slow-motion, looking super-confident.

We cut to a hotel room. Everything set up for the interview than always starts our show ... Our usually camera shy producer has taken the unusual step of appearing on camera, sitting on the edge of the bed to interview his stunning all-America guest (still wearing that knee-length, figure hugging dress, but no longer carrying her travel bag).

“Hello Jenny...” he begins, still apparently under the apparent misapprehension that he’s with the great Jenny McCarthy. “Welcome to our show...”

“Thankyou” she smiles, flashing insanely white American teeth.

Ozvik spells out the situation as Jenna nods and continues to smile. “You’ve just stepped off a flight from New York ... We’ve just walked over to the Radisson Blu hotel and checked into your room ... And we’re going to shoot your scene right now...”

“Yes ... That’s right.” Confirms Jenna with a tight-lipped smile suggesting she’s almost thinking twice about what she’s doing. Almost. “It’s something I want to do before I change my mind ... Right now, I’m horny as hell, but if I get a good night’s sleep and a chance to think about what this job might do to my career – I might change my mind...” She pauses, the flashes those teeth again as her big smile returns, “ ... But I don’t want change my mind!”

Ozvik continues to switch the microphone, pointing it at himself as he speaks, then over to Jenna when it’s her turn. In reality, the interview audio is picked up by our skilled boom-mic operator, Richard the Sound Man. “So, the obvious question ... The big question ... Is ... What’s a nice girl like you doing on a bestiality show?”

Jenna takes a breath, turning slightly toward camera to answer... “Well ... I’m proud to announce ... That I am re-locating from the United States of America...” She suppresses a laugh. “ ... To the United Kingdom...” Another pause, smiling with excitement, “ ... To be one of the hosts of the dirtiest show on television - ‘The United Kingdom of Zoo’”

Our crew is small – a sound man, two camera-men, a lighting tech, production assistant, and Ozvik our producer ... But they muster together a reasonable little round of applause to welcome Jenna to the team.

She calms them with a hand in the air, wanting to talk again soon... “Buuuuut ... I can’t host a bestiality show ... If I’ve never tried bestiality!” She smiles again, half embarrassed.

“So...” Begins Ozvik, “ ... Are we supposed to believe you’ve accepted a job hosting this show – and you’ve never even had sex with a dog?”

Jenna shakes her head in disbelief, “It doesn’t matter whether you believe me or not – the fact is I’ve never done it ... I’ve thought about it – so many times ... I’ve watched videos ... I’ve watched, like, every – episode – of – your – show ... And the more I see, the more I want to do it ... So when I wrote to you to ask if you needed a new host – it was like, an excuse, to come over here and have some doggy fun ... And hopefully, one day, maybe some piggy fun – and some horsey fun ... And whatever else ... Really ... I’m down for whatever disgusting shit you want to have me do.”

We cut to a different angle, almost behind the scenes footage, as she confirms, “I figure that once I’ve done this my old career, Playboy, MTV, all that shit ... Is OVER ... Like, done! So I have to make the most of the new one ... You know...?”

Back to her interview as Ozvik takes control, “I suppose we should check the merchandise before we move forward with this arrangement ... We need to know if we’re getting what we saw on the internet...”

Jenna looks a little doubtful, then cracks a smile – she knew she was going to have to get naked, and she doesn’t really have any issue with it... “Weeeeell ... I need to take a shower to get the airplane smell off me, and you guys are welcome to watch...”

In the next shot, Jenna is in the shower - naked, shining and soapy, with hot water pounding against her smooth flesh. She looks as good as any 45-year-old woman has ever looked. Her boobs are fake, but not bolt-on fake. Her belly impossibly flat, her arse tight, her legs nicely shaped. She smooths the soapy water around her body, focusing on those great tits of hers ... Talking to us the whole time...

“I wouldn’t say I’m actually into bestiality ... Not obsessed with it ... But I definitely want to try it ... And I’m sure I’ll enjoy it, because I just enjoy all sex ... It looks so hot and heavy, and dirty ... It’s like when I fuck another woman ... I’m not a lesbian, but I love fucking women ... It’s just a hobby though – not a lifestyle...” She laughs.

“But I’m not here because doing it turns me on ... I’m here because I really like the idea of being there introduce new girls to the dogs, to help them out ... But before I can do that, I need to get lots of experience with lots of dogs, so I know what I’m doing ... So I’m here for a crash course...” She soaps her tits a little more, holding them toward our camera before adding, “And to show off, of course!”

We cut back to the bedroom, watching Jenna toweling off beside the bed, working on her hair – completely comfortable with the crew and the cameras focusing on her amazing naked body.

“I just can’t wait to get started ... That’s why I asked to do this right here, right after the flight ... I don’t want to wait another minute...”

Ozvik responds from behind the camera, a touch of excitement in his voice... “Well, I know we can’t wait either – and I’m sure our viewers will want us to get on with it as well ... So, without further ado ... I think it’s time for us to bring in your co-stars...”

Jenna’s face lights up even brighter, and she almost drops her towel altogether, “Co-starSSSSS!” She emphasizes the plural with an almost unbridled sense of excitement – then turns on the bed to look at the room door as it opens...

First in is a muscular white beast with a domed forehead ... He’s about 22 inches to the shoulder, solidly built. He hustles into the room, his little tail wagging feverishly ... Obviously excited by all the people and cameras...

“This is Buddy ... Buddy is a Bull Terrier ... He’s 2-and-a-half years-old and he’s only just started servicing women ... You will be his third conquest...”

Jenna looks up from the dome headed beast and smiles into camera, “Oooooh ... That makes me feel special!”

Behind him, the second beast is a grey-coloured, muscle-bound hound, a little taller, and more muscular than the first dog, with a wider head and a definite smile...

Ozvik gives us a little more commentary, “And this is Cooper ... He’s an American Bulldog ... He’s 5 years old and he’s been making ladies scream since before Buddy was born...”

We watch from the side of the room as these two mean-looking creatures rush around, bouncing around at everyone’s feet – sniffing and snorting ... Cooper, the bulldog, figures out what’s going on before Buddy, zeroing in on the sexy blonde beside the bed.

“OOOhhh ... Coooooperrrrr!” Sighs Jenna as she fends the animal off – bending forward to push him away playfully – always playfully.

As he circles around, looking for a new angle to run at the nude ... The other beast hurries around looking for attention from the crew.

Jenna sits back on the bed and gets comfortable, smiling up to the camera and nodding – she’s ready to start – and we’re ready to watch...

Cooper turns back toward our host/guest/Playboy model, and pushes up between her knees – not getting too much resistance this time - raising his head up between her thighs and slopping his tongue out over her pussy, sliding it over her soft pussy lips.

She reacts like she’s been hit by lightning, her body going rigid, her hands on top of the dog’s wide head, but not blocking or pushing him away... “Oooohh Goooddddd!”

Raising her head and looking down at him as he continues to lick, her mouth hanging open in amazement...

Snapping back to reality – remembering where she is, that the cameras are here recording the moment, and that’s she’s still effectively auditioning for a job on the show – she half looks up at the camera, trying to control herself, and adding commentary. “You see this ... On videos, and ... Ooohhh ... You just don’t ... Realise ... How good it feels...”

She lets him lick a little more, pushing his head down when he begins to move away, and adding, “It’s not just ... A physical thing ... It’s ... It’s knowing that you’re ... Ooohhhh ... Doing this ... With a dog...” She looks right into camera now, repeating herself with a sense of the incredulous. “With a fucking dog!”

Right on cue, the other dog – Buddy - leaps onto the bed ... She has just enough time to exclaim “Two dogs!” before he has staggered over to her face and planted his tongue across her overly made-up cheek to her thickly lip-sticked lips ... Smearing the lot and immediately ruining the make-up.

She reacts by raising her chin and opening her mouth slightly – letting the dome-headed beasty lick over her lips and between her lips, moving her head to make sure each of his tongue swipes passes into or over her mouth. Humming/moaning her approval.

He licks for a little while before growing bored and moving down toward her pussy to see what Cooper is licking ... His approach making Cooper growl a little, then stop and back off, taking another happy, tail-wagging, circuit of the room – ignoring the naked Playboy playmate on the bed and checking if there’s anyone else here to fuck...

Buddy takes over licking her cunt. Whereas Cooper was on the floor licking up at her, Buddy is standing above her, licking down ... The angle gives him less access, but means he’s working almost exclusively on her clit ... Which she loves!

Arching her back and bringing both hands up to her fantastic tits, squeezing them firmly as the dog’s tongue makes short work of her ... The combination of his hunger and speed, the angle, her being primed by the American bulldog, and the fact that she’s with a dog, enough to put her over the edge to a shaking, jerking orgasm ... We’ve barely started and she’s already shaking. She’s in for a big afternoon!

We watch as she arches her back, twists her body, squeezes her tits and breaths hard ... It’s not a noisy orgasm, but it’s definitely a good one. Within a few seconds she’s covered with sweat and goosebumps, and she’s pretty much out of breath.

We cut to a shot of her a little later, sitting up on the bed, still catching her breath, a big white-toothed smile. Sweeping blonde hair out of her face and looking toward our camera.

“A dog just made me cum!” She states. “A fucking dog ... Licked my pussy, until I came!” She’s amazed. “There are women who can’t make me cum that quick!” Shaking her head. “Fuccckk!!”

“If that’s blown your mind, wait until you feel it when they fuck you!” Notes Ozvik from behind the camera, which makes Jenna smile even wider, shaking her head and holding up her hands o either side of her face, making an explosion sound and movement, ‘mind-blown’.

Then she’s down on the floor, on her knees, pushing Cooper away, then pushing Buddy away, then pushing Cooper again, as the two animals vie for position, each wanting to mount the bitch first!

She looks away from them, over to one of our cameras, adding more commentary. “So, I’ve been in your lovely country for just over an hour ... One of these lovely doggies has already made me cum ... And now ... I can’t believe this is actually happening ... I’m about to let these two beautiful beasts tag-team me!”

And with that she pushes them away one more time then leans forward onto her hands, those firm tits hanging down ... Then leans further forward, shifting down from hands to elbows, being her big tits closer to the carpet, pushing her firm arse up into the air, angling the base of her spine down so that her pussy sticks out back between her thighs ... And it’s a beautiful pussy. The kind pornographers love – clean shaven with the neatest labial lips you could ever hope for, and just a thin slit of glistening pink flesh within...

Buddy and Cooper both head behind her at speed, and both attempt to mount her – one from either side of her rear end. The younger dog is actually there first, pushing his ugly forehead under the neck of the bulldog, trying to push him out of the way as he staggers around her, hindpaws stepping over her calves as he attempts to get into good fucking position...

Cooper remains mounted side-on, pumping his crotch toward the American blonde, but lacking the brain-power to realise that he has with no hope of actually penetrating her from this angle.