Chapter 2

Calling it a change is not very accurate. It was more of an awakening or a transformation of my core nature. I became someone different. It is said that evolution sometimes comes quickly and with great pain. If that’s true, then I was evolving.

I started drinking heavily, lost my job, my cars, my house. I was on the verge of being homeless and was utterly hopeless. Then, as I was at the proverbial low-point, I met a woman named Candice. She cleaned me up, took care of me and introduced me to the joys of Tantra.

Tantra changed my life.

Sex with Candice was unlike anything I’d ever experienced before. It went deeper than mere physical pleasure. Sure, she took my body to the extreme heights of ecstasy, but she did something miraculous. She caused something inside me to open and feel this pure, mighty flowing of love through my body, mind, and soul.

She called it “communing with the Goddess.” I called it bliss.

It started out with changing things about me. Candice introduced me to clean living. I stopped drinking. I ate only whole, vegetarian, organic foods. She taught me yoga and meditation. She taught me how to look inside myself and see the “inner light” and to draw energy from the Universe into my being.

I know that all sounds like some New Age bullshit. I get that. I always thought that crap was for the foolish sheep who blindly sought enlightenment with any new, designer trend that came along. But, with Candice, I never once felt that way. She guided me slowly, step-by-step to be the man she knew I could be.

She taught me how to give love to receive love. She also taught me how to give pleasure entirely with no desire for or expectation of receiving any reciprocation. Then, she showed me an even more important lesson, that to want and accept joy, selfishly is not selfish at all. To fully give love, we first have to know how to receive it.

As I progressed in our training, I learned that sexual pleasure is the flowing of the life-force energy inside and around us. As our bodies become aroused, the energy flow increases, growing stronger. It mixes with the life-force of our lover and flows in and out of her with our breath. The more pleasure we feel, the more connected we become, and the more energy flows. The energy is called Qi and is the pure life force. The Qi is the primal force of love in the Universe. If you think about it, there’s a logic to it. Love leads to sex. Sex is about procreation or the creation of life. So to create life, you become aroused. The energy that causes arousal is the same energy that produces life, which derives from love.

It may sound like nonsense to you, but as Candice straddled me, took my rigid cock inside her warm, wet pussy and told me to “breathe deep and feel the light of the Goddess flowing down into your body,” I felt it.

As we made love, she told me to breathe out slowly and send my sexual energy out of my cock and into her pussy. I could see in my imagination light energy flowing down and out of my cock into her. Then as we came together, our mouths pressed tightly, chests together, and she said, “become one with me, with the Goddess and with the Universe,” I experienced a life-expanding, overwhelming climax.

After a year, I was happier than I’d ever been. I had started a software design firm, combining the learning I acquired at the University in both Computer Science and Business. It was a small, five-person shop, and we barely made any money. However, we designed a data management solution that was light-years ahead of anything the big companies could produce.

I was living with Candice. We had sex every day, in various ways, and she mentored me in so many things. I loved her. My traditional lifestyle told me that the right thing to do was marry her. So, I came home from work one day, all smiles. I was happy all the time, so that was nothing surprising. She was not there. I found a handwritten note from her on a pillow. I recognized her flowing cursive style immediately. When I lifted the paper, her scent filled my nose.

It said:

“Todd,

I love you, and you feel the same way toward me. I’ve suspected for a while now that you’ve been wondering where our relationship is going. I think it is time we took things to the next level. Don’t you?

Come to me at the address below. Be there at 8:00 tonight. Be sure to bathe first, then wear the yoga outfit we got last week. Tonight we will stand before Shiva and Shakti and unite as one.

Namaste,

Candice”

I was surprised and read the note over several times. I smiled as I realized she had felt the same thing I had. Sometimes, good things do happen to people. As Candice told me, “the Universe wants you to be happy.” It was our egos which got in the way and prevented our happiness or caused us pain.

We had a large, deep, Japanese style bathtub. I showered and climbed into it, letting the scalding hot water soak into my muscles. I sunk down, feeling it relaxing me all over. I breathed in slowly and deeply and visualized the light of the Universe descending into the top of my head, then through my body.

When I felt fully energized, I thanked the Universe and climbed out of the tub, dabbed a few drops of Sandalwood oil on my naked body, then slipped into the loose-fitting pants and shirt. I reread the note, looking at the address. I knew the general location. There was a vegan restaurant nearby that we had been to a few times. It was only about a fifteen-minute walk. So, around 7:40, I left our apartment, my mind on Candice and visions of our future.

I walked there in a cloud and arrived just before 8:00. It was on the 2nd floor above a yoga studio. That made sense, I thought, as I climbed the stairs and knocked on the door. I could hear soft, Indian-style music playing inside. The door opened a few inches, and two things immediately caught my attention. First, the scent of incense emanated from inside. Second, the girl who answered the door was stunningly beautiful and was not Candice.

Candice was a slender 24 year-old with long red hair, usually pulled back into a ponytail. The girl who stood in the doorway was in her thirties, with long, black hair that came down to her ass and Asian features.

“Namaste,” she said smiling. “Are you Todd?”

“Yes, I am,” I answered, “I’m looking for Candice.”

She opened the door and gestured for me to enter. “Please, come inside,” she said softly. She had a hint of an accent; I could not quite place. It sounded almost British, but not. “Candice is already here.”

I stepped inside, and she closed the door behind me. “My name is Jasmine,” she explained. “Welcome to our temple.”

The only light in the room came from numerous candles of varying size. The walls were painted a dark gray with purple trim, and artwork of an “Eastern” nature decorated the walls. At the time, I wasn’t sure of their origin. They could have been Indian, Chinese or even Japanese. It was a small ante-room with a couple of cushioned chairs and two doorways leading into the interior of the building. Beaded curtains hung in both doorways.

“Thank you,” I replied, a little unsure of myself. I wondered why Candice had invited me here.

It was as if Jasmine had read my mind. “Candice is inside,” she explained, smiling sweetly. Her eyes sparkled in the candlelight. “Please follow me.” As she turned to walk away, I examined her figure. She looked to be slightly taller than five feet, slender with small perky breasts and what looked to be a tight, firm ass. She was wearing a top made of white cotton that I think is called a “peasant” top. It was like a loose tube of cloth with short sleeves that left her shoulders, upper torso and abdomen bare. She was also wearing some satiny, semi-transparent “Genie” pants and was barefoot.

I followed her through a doorway and down a hallway, where soft yellow light flickered invitingly. We passed several darkened doorways as we walked the length of the hall. As we entered the room at the end, I immediately saw Candice and felt joy. She smiled broadly and came to me with her arms extended. She hugged me to her and kissed me softly.

“I’m so glad you’re here, Todd,” she said, then stepped back from me. I noticed several other people were present in the room. All of them dressed in a similar fashion that you might call “hippie chic.” I scanned the room and counted three other men and four women. Everyone appeared to be between twenty and forty in age.

“Let me introduce you to my friends,” Candice said as she turned to the others, still holding my hand. “You already met Jasmine.”

Jasmine dipped her head to me. “Namaste,” she whispered.

A thin man with brown hair and a goatee approached with a blonde-haired woman with enormous breasts. “This is Jordan and his wife, Miranda.”

I went to shake Jordan’s hand, but he hugged me, patting me on the back. “Namaste, Todd. Welcome. We’re happy you could make it. Candice has told us all about you.”

I didn’t want to seem weird or unfriendly, so I gave him a perfunctory hug bag. “Thanks,” I replied.

He stepped aside, and his wife moved forward to hug me. She held on much longer than Jordan had and I didn’t mind it anywhere near as much. Her breasts felt soft and warm against my chest. I realized she had on no bra under the thin, linen shirt.

“Namaste,” Miranda whispered to me, her mouth near my ear. “I hope you enjoy tonight as much as we enjoyed our first puja.” I didn’t recognize the word she used. It sounded like “pooh” and “jah.” I thought maybe it meant party.

“Namaste,” I said back. It felt awkward for me to say it. Candice had told me that it was a traditional greeting among yoga and tantra practitioners. It was a Hindu word that meant “I bow to the divine within you.” I was still coming to grips with the concept that the inner light inside all of us was the one true source of all life and thus, was divine. My upbringing taught that God was external to us, not inside of us. Once I mumbled the greeting, I added, “Thank you. I hope so too.”

Miranda kissed me quickly as she pulled away. I was surprised that it was on my lips, not on the cheek. She seemed to blush and looked down demurely as she moved back to her husband’s side.

Candice then introduced me to a man named Michael who appeared to be in his early-to-mid forties. “Michael is one of my oldest friends,” Candice explained. He brought me into the light when I was wandering in the darkness.”

Michael stepped forward and smiled. “Namaste,” he said, bowing and folding his hands in front of him as if in prayer, “welcome to my home. Candice speaks very highly of you, young man.”

He gave me a brief hug as well. “Thank you,” I said, then quickly added, “Namaste.”

I was feeling a little lost. These people all seemed to know who I was, but I had never heard of any of them. This group was a part of Candice’s life that she had never shared with me before. There was a lot about her I didn’t know.

A pretty woman with sandy brown hair stepped forward. When she got closer, I realized it was gray hair, and she was older than I had first thought. She was elegant and beautiful. The age lines gave her face a majestic grace. “Namaste, Todd. I’m Peggy, Candice’s mother.”

Now that she said it, I could see the resemblance. She was like a mature, refined version of Candice. If this is what Candice would look like when she gets older, she will age well. I was a bit tongue-tied. Peggy was wearing a white linen blouse that ties in front with a string that criss-crossed back and forth through eyelets in the cloth. However, it was untied and left her cleavage fully exposed. The fabric was practically translucent, and her large, dark areolas were visible. I felt a stirring in my loins as she stepped into my arms and hugged me tightly.

I know she had to have felt it pressing on her abdomen. She let out a very faint whisper of “oh my” into my ear. Her breathy voice only added to my arousal. The baggy pants I had on would not do much to hide my growing arousal.

She stepped back, and I stammered out, “Namaste. It’s a pleasure to meet you, Peggy. I would never have known you were Candice’s mother. Her sister maybe, but not her mother.”

She winked at me. “Candice told me you were a charmer and I see she was not exaggerating.”

I was thankful the room was dimly lit and hoped that nobody was looking too closely. I glanced at Candice. She raised both eyebrows in surprise as she intentionally looked at my cock. When she noticed my gaze, she tipped her head to the side, grinning at me.

She saw.

She led the last two people over to meet me. The man was tall, slender and dark skinned. “This is Ahmad,” Candice explained. Ahmad looked to be Indian, or maybe Pakistani. He didn’t speak or hug me. Instead, he just bowed slightly. I bowed back and tossed in the obligatory, “Namaste.”

Jasmine stepped up and said, laughing softly, “I didn’t get to greet you yet properly.” She pushed herself into my arms, pulling me into a bearhug. I hugged her back lightly, uncomfortable at her aggressiveness. “I can’t wait,” she whispered in my ear, then said louder for all to hear, “Namaste and welcome, Todd.”

I extricated myself politely from her grip. Jasmine’s whispered words struck me as odd. Can’t wait for what? I smiled then repeated, “Namaste” to her.

Candice stood by my side, holding my arm and kissed my cheek. “I’m happy you came,” she said looking up at me. I wanted to kiss her badly.

Just then, Michael started speaking. “Welcome everyone to the puja. Shall we begin?” The others all muttered their approval.

I looked down to Candice with a questioning look on my face. “Don’t worry,” she assured me, “I’ll tell you what to do. Help me get the cushions.” She walked over to a cabinet and opened it. Inside were many square pillows a few inches thick and maybe two and a half feet across. She took out several. I grabbed the rest. We moved to the center of the room, and I helped her arrange them in a circle, pointing inward. There looked to be one cushion for each of us.

The others all seemed busy making some other preparations as well. Michael was near the front of the room, which had floor-to-ceiling curtains covering the entire wall. He pulled them apart, first one side, then the other, fully opening them. Behind the curtain was what looked like an altar of sorts. It was beautiful and had a statue of a nude woman prominently displayed in the center. All around her were other statues, objects, and candles. Two of the women lit the candles.

Someone lit incense in a large ornate bowl. It smelled quite strong and heady, adding a sense of mystery to the ambiance. Candice guided me to a cushion and sat next to me.

“Do I have to sit in the lotus position?” I asked quietly.

She shook her head, then whispered, “No, love, just be comfortable for now. I’ll tell you if you need to assume a posture.”

I crossed my legs but didn’t interlock my feet, like you would in a proper lotus position. Jasmine sat down to my left. I looked around as everyone took their seats. They were all sitting boy-girl, boy-girl. One cushion was empty, which must have been saved for Michael. He was at the altar.

I watched him as he raised a massive chalice above his head facing the statue of the Goddess. He lowered it, placing it on a stand in front of her. She was seated lotus style and entirely nude. Her golden vagina was directly over the chalice. To my surprise, a golden liquid streamed from her metal pussy, into the cup. It continued for several seconds, then stopped. Michael recovered the glass and stepped into the circle and deftly sat, still clutching the cup with both hands.

He raised the cup and spoke, “The Great Goddess, Shakti, giver of life, has blessed us with the nectar of her womb. The Supreme Mother, from whom all life originates. She is the source of Life and Light. The flowing of her juices is the dew of the thousand-petaled lotus.”

I looked nervously at Candice and whispered, “Is this like a traditional Hindu ceremony or something?” I asked.

She grinned, then answered, “Not exactly. It is Michael’s creation, but he based it loosely on a variety of traditional esoteric ceremonies.”

Michael continued, “The Goddess is the source of sexuality. She is the libido. She is desire. She is pleasure.”

“Shakti is the divine yoni, the womb of wombs, mother of all. Hari, Hara, and Brahma—the gods of creation, maintenance, and destruction—all originate in the yoni.”

The other participants, including Candice, all responded in a chanting fashion, “Blessed is the yoni, may it bring pleasure and life to all.”

Michael rose and walked over to stand in front of me. He held the chalice out to me, “Todd, be welcome in our puja and taste the sexual secretions of the Goddess.”

I stared at him, unmoving. Candice leaned to me and whispered, “As our guest of honor tonight, you will partake first. Drink.”

I looked at her. She smiled at me, radiating love. I turned back to Michael and accepted the chalice. I raised it to my lips and took a small sip. It tasted like honey mead, with spices. It was cool on my lips and tongue but warmed me instantly. He grinned and gestured for me to drink more. I took a much larger swig and glanced up for his approval. He nodded and took the chalice back.

I felt the warmth spreading inside me. I assumed the beverage was some form of alcohol. I felt myself relaxing, almost immediately. I also felt a flicker of dizziness for just a few seconds. Michael stepped in front of Candice and spoke, “Tonight, our dear Candice has chosen to welcome the Goddess inside her. She will be her avatar on Earth. Blessed is the yoni of Shakti, consort of Shiva and bringer of carnal pleasures.”

I wasn’t following what Michael was talking about. I didn’t know what it meant to be the avatar of the Goddess. Everyone spoke again, and I found myself uttering the words with them, “Blessed is the yoni, may it bring pleasure and life to all.”

Candice took the chalice and drank deeply. She passed it back, wiped her lips on the back of her hand and smiled at me. It was a wicked, sensual smile that sent a chill up my spine. I could feel my cock starting to get hard again.

Michael then went around the room, handing the chalice to each participant, speaking something cryptic. Each time, as the person drank we said the words, “Blessed is the yoni, may it bring pleasure and life to all.” Each time, a feeling of warmth inside me grew more profound and more complete. I also felt my cock growing harder and harder. By the time Michael completed his circuit to stand in front of his cushion again, I was hard as a rock. I felt a light sheen of sweat on my forehead. I noticed that the candlelight appeared a bit fuzzy around the edges.

Michel drank the final draft from the chalice, then returned it to the altar. He picked up the censer, which hung from a chain and walked around the circle on the outside. He was speaking words that seemed to penetrate directly into my heart.

“We invite the Goddess Shakti to join us and enter into the flesh of our sister Candice. Take her body as your own. Use her for your carnal desires and experience the bliss of intercourse in her vehicle.”

Say what?

I slowly looked over at Candice. She was seated in the lotus position with her hands clasped together over her heart. As I watched her, it seemed as if her aura suddenly burst outward, shining out like rays of cascading golden light. Her eyes sparkled brightly.

Michael then stepped into the circle of people and walked around swinging the incense. The cloud of scented smoke was thick and aromatic. I inhaled deeply and felt the room sway slightly. He spoke, “Let the God Shiva, husband and paramour of Shakti come forth and enter into this body.” He was standing in front of me. “Todd, do you invite the power of Shiva to come into you so that you may couple with your divine wife?”