The Falling Oak - Learning How to Die
Copyright© 2018 by Darian Wolfe
Chapter 8: I've Had A Bad Day
Oct .3, 2018
I don’t want to talk today so it probably means I should. Today has been hard for me. I’ve had some good news, a fundraiser to pay for some of my medical tests was successful.Yay! I also got to hold my grandson for the first time today. He’s a mess. I got to hold him twice and play with my grand daughter which was fun. I have to sit before I hold my grandson in case I have a seizure. Which leads me to the bad shit.
While we were at my daughter’s I felt a seizure trying to start. I didn’t want to spazz in front of her so I tried to meditate in order to get under it and diffuse it before it started. After a while, they thought I had fallen asleep and started talking in front of me. I was wide awake. My wife told her how I cried when she asked me to give up my books. My daughter told her that she’s moving too fast and she needs to give me time to get settled. I’m going “oh fuck! this is me they’re talking about.” After a while they quit talking and decided they needed to “wake me up” as my daughter had some where to go. I got to hold my grandson again while she was getting ready. My wife was playing with our grandaughter in another part of the house. I held him as tears streamed down my face. I realized how much of his life I’m going to miss.
I’ve had a trip planned for several months and it looks like it will be canceled due to the seizures. I’m not safe for driving the amount of time necessary to get there. It’s a festival that’s only held every two years. My daughter is going to see if she can take us. That’s another reason I’m upset. I’ve really looked forward to this and if I don’t go this time I don’t think it’s reasonable to expect that I’ll be in a condition to go next time.
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