Chapter 73

Thursday, October 20th, 2022

Hello Everyone,

I hope things are going well for you. I’m amazed by the love, compassion and support that I get from you. Thank you. Sometimes, it was just that that kept me willing to face another day instead of finding my tree by a stream and ending it.

The pain is much less severe. The photo-phobia is too. For the most part I live a quiet, fairly normal life. I sleep six hours a night, usually waking up only once. I used to wake up 10+ times a night. That is if I could sleep at all.

My heat tolerance is better. I can be out in the shade for awhile in the mid 70’s as long as I don’t exert myself. Once it’s in the 80’s my tolerance in sunlight goes down to single digit minutes. 90+ I’m in immediate danger and have to get out of it, NOW! I still don’t sweat even though I get a slight glisten on occasion.

Since I work out now I have to bathe more. Since I’ve been ill I once did an experiment. I quit bathing entirely. I wanted to see what happened. It took six weeks before I developed any type of odor. It wasn’t even pronounced. I guess when you don’t sweat bacteria has trouble finding a place to grow. TMI Right? I was just curious and literally had nothing else to do.

I am grateful that I can work out. It’s amazing to be able to move and do things. A few years back, I thought I’d never see a gym again. I still have to do pussy weights. My heaviest that I can do safely is 220 on a leg press. My heaviest press is about 70 pounds. I do do 30 reps per set. I’m lifting to lose weight hence the long sets.

I injured my back doing 240 on the leg press a few weeks ago. I just started very light weights again this week. I’m hoping next week to get back in the swing of things.

I’m still working on my weight loss. I’ve been stuck just above 220 for a long minute. Hopefully, I’ll get it figured out soon.

I’ve also been able to do some weaving. For the longest time I couldn’t focus or control my hands well enough. So Yay!

I still have Aphasia that comes and goes at will (it’s, not mine.) I still get thrown into confusion if very many people are talking around me at once. I can handle a small group of say six people quietly talking. Any more than that and it jacks me up after about an hour. I have to leave or at least get to a quiet spot for awhile.

I’m still seeing my counselor every week. We meet by phone because I almost hurt someone the last time I was at the clinic. I felt threatened by them (They did actually verbally threaten me). My counselor decided that me being in a waiting room full of people with mental issues is not a good idea.

So overall, I’ve made some serious progress and intend to make more.

I do want to remind you guys that I am here. If you need an ear to vent, bitch, or moan, or would appreciate talking with someone about dealing with serious or terminal illness. I’m here.

The Oak has always been a place to talk about our fears, hopes, and anger in a supportive environment. I know what it’s like when you’re desperately ill and your loved ones can’t deal with talking about it. I promised in the Oak that I would always be available and I mean it.

‘nuff said.