Chapter 63

Hello Everyone,

It’s been a minute, but I am Finally Free. I can go outside without worrying that I’ll cook. WHOOO HOOO! Due to Covid things have been kinda strange. Video conferences with my therapist and neurologists.

Is it good news, bad news, or no news? A little of each. my sweat glands gave an effort. I actually sweated a little. Not the way I should have been. But, it’s a start. I’ve spent a lot more time with my came because I’ll randomly start falling over. I’m scared of doing a header off my front steps so I’m very careful about using them.

Cognitively, I seem to be more off center. My family is saying that I’m doing weird things. I have no clue what they’re talking about my left arm not included. Why would I say that? My anxiety expresses as some paranoia (That’s cool we’re old friends. It’s a awesome friend to have in any form of Law enforcement. He’s kept me from a beating many a time.) My anxiety also expresses itself as random jerks in my body and it gives my left arm a kinda of life on its own. When I stress it will draw itself up by my shoulder and my fingers do this thing where they deform like I’ve had a stroke.

I was off my meds for about three days due to not having the money to get them. I wasn’t happy with the experience, My mental abilities regressed and the pain, I mean the real pain started coming back. What upset me is I discovered that without those pills my brain can’t function. So it’s not a matter of becoming normal again or any simulation of it. It is simply about functioning well enough not to shit my pants and no I don’t want to talk about it.

My family has been talking with each other about what to do when dad dies. They seem to forget I have really good hearing and being in another room and speaking low doesn’t keep me out.

Plus, the IRS thinks it’s ok for me to have filed in March and I still haven’t received my tax refund and it’s October. How stupid of me. Social Security still hasn’t had my court date.

The last two months I’ve alternated being pissed at the world and depressed. I’ve had a couple of good times don’t get me wrong. That’s just a matter of having fun in spite of. I sleep alot now, I’ll sleep a full night and then sleep 1-3 hours a day. I know part of it was boredom. There’s only so much you can do in a bedroom. That’s where I spent the Summer in between mad dashes in the car.

Oh, while I’m thinking about it, I’ve started a new series Warlord. I’ve decided it’s going to spend the majority of my writing in. I give you fair warning if the word trigger feels in any way more urgent to you than the word apple I suggest you give it a pass. It is a trigger minefield. I’m not intentionally trying to put every code in the story and a lot of them will be there because it’s necessary for the story. Anyhow, you’ve been warned, Love ya

Cheers,