The Falling Oak - Learning How to Die
Copyright© 2018 by Darian Wolfe
Chapter 38: Being A Fuddy Duddy Sucks
Feb. 22nd, 2019
Hi Guys,
I’m still cruising along. My family is finally about done with the flu. Yay! I find it interesting that even after having my illness for more than a year I’m still learning things about how it has changed my approach to life. I yelled at a doctor yesterday. We were at my youngest child’s appointment. We were in the exam room. All of a sudden there was a lot of movement in the hallway. It wasn’t an emergency or anything, it just became busy. Between the activity in the hallway and the discussion in the room it triggered the anxiety thing. The doctor bless her heart is an exuberant person by nature. She said something really loud. I about came unglued and said “DON’T DO THAT!”. I startled everyone including myself as it jumped right out of my mouth. I apologized and explained my situation. So it looks like I get to carry my sensory equipment everywhere now.
An unexpected thing is that during an anxiety episode heavy metal or tribal music is soothing in an unusual way. When I say heavy metal I mean death metal, the fringe type of metal. Hardcore heavy metal. What is unexpected about it is at any other time I can’t stand the sound of it. During an anxiety attack it is as though a part of my mind is racing like an engine without a gear engaged. When I hear that music the racing engine engages it and quits bothering me. I can do what I need to do thinking wise. The anxiety is still doing it’s thing, but it’s mostly doing it with the music. I think it’s a form of entrainment process. It’s the rhythm that gets my mind’s attention. I would love to have an EEG run while doing this but me lab rat days are over.
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