The Falling Oak - Learning How to Die
Copyright© 2018 by Darian Wolfe
Chapter 17: Compassion
Nov. 6th, 2018
I had several good days in a row. Yay! As they say, all good things must come to an end. It started with an increase of my internal anxiety level that had absolutely nothing to do with the external world. Nothing had changed. I was still having seizures and Aphasia and living my life. Things just started becoming harder again. Being that my condition is neurological my mood can be and often is a precursor and indicator of coming events. When I laid down last night and closed my eyes I knew I was in for it today.
One of the symptoms of migraine with aura are visual artifacts which means you see lights, patterns, or objects, in your visual field. When I’m going to get creamed I get hundreds of these flowing at my face in various colors or black and white. It can be cars, tables, numbers, balls of light (I like the blue ones) whatever my subconscious generates. I’m still waiting for boobies. Hey, if it can throw a desk it can throw a stacked blond.
Anyhow, so I woke up to seizures and strong Aphasia that went pretty much all day. You know what, life doesn’t give a shit. There’s still things that have to be done. So after I called in to work. It’s automated so I didn’t have to talk. I grabbed my cane and hobbled my ass out to the car with my wife and took care of business.
One of our Oak community contacted me yesterday and gave me a lot of information on filing for Social Security Social Security Disability. Thank you so much! One of the things I had to go do besides vote was get a regular checking account set up. I’ve been using a debit card for years.
I didn’t know this, but you can get over stimulated at a bank. When I’m having a bad day I process information (all information including sensory) slower. My wife and the bank person were going too fast and the room was too bright. I was wearing my prescription shades at the time. There were too many pieces of paper on the desk.I had to tell them they were overwhelming me.
Then I was doing the shakes. I’ve found that if I rock at the right speed the shakes will stop. So I have two ways of looking like an idiot. I can shake or I can rock. The trick is finding the right speed because each set of shakes is different. I also discovered how hard it is to write my name. That’s new. There’s this thing I have to do with my body where I have to tell it what I want to do then wait a bit before I try it then I can usually do it. So I had to decide I wanted to write my name wait a second or so then set the pen to paper and write. It’s not like that all the time but it was like that today. When we were ready to leave. I had to get my body’s permission (that’s what I call that) to get up so I wouldn’t bust my ass.
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