10.

I was naked, except for a pair of white socks and a thick charm bracelet around my waist. The bracelet had a Miraculous Medal the size of a throw pillow hanging from one side, I remember, and a pink plastic horse hanging from the other. I was leaning on Sister Margaret’s arm, and she walked me slowly up and down the aisles. The kids all had their hands folded and their eyes on the front of the room. They didn’t look at me. Sister warned them there’d be trouble if they did. Nobody said anything, either, but then somebody — I didn’t see who, but I’m sure it was a boy — reached out as we passed and put his hand between my legs. My heart began to race. I put my hands over my breasts. The nipples felt sharp as nails. I got excited fast, and I was crying It’s happening! It’s happening! when mom came in the classroom door.

But I didn’t do it, Mommy, I said. I didn’t do it! I didn’t do it!

And I woke up. The kid who put his hands between my legs in the dream was me, because my arm was already down my pajamas. My heart was still going, and I started coming. I didn’t even have to move my fingers. I just pressed them to my clitty and curled up in a ball and came. It was scary, because all this sex stuff was getting me into so much trouble, but it was comforting, too, knowing I could still feel good after everything that had happened.

Anyway, it was clear I couldn’t stop if I wanted to. As far as my salvation was concerned, I was lost. I mean, I was doing it in my sleep. It was like the devil had taken over my body and was making it do things.

But if I was going to be punished for being a bad girl, I might as well be one.

Problem was, other than touching myself, as hot as that was, there was nothing I could do about sex. Mom told me that from now on I had to come home from school right away, and she asked one of our neighbors to check up on me and make sure I did. And I wasn’t allowed to talk to Eddie anymore — Mom said I couldn’t speak to “that boy” ever again.

She didn’t say anything about Lisa. I don’t think even she remembered there was a girl involved in the rope thing. For her, the problem was boys. So Lisa and I hung out together in the schoolyard, and she walked home as far as the library, where we’d go our separate ways. We’d sneak touches at each other’s hands, but that was all. I told her about being whipped, and the other shit Ransom did to me, and we worried about what to do.

Lisa agreed the adults were no help. No one would believe me if I told them what Father Ransom was doing — least of all Mom. She thought he was a saint. I had this fantasy where we’d be naked, and Eddie’s dad would burst in with a bunch of other cops and drag him off to jail. I knew it was hopeless, because Ransom was too smart to get caught.

As things turned out, though, that’s just what happened. All I had to do was stand up for myself.

It was Wednesday, and I had three more days to go before my next “lesson.” I’d been restless all day, not paying much attention, shifting around in my seat. Sitting in that hard desk chair made my bottom start to hurt again, and I kept shifting my weight from one cheek to the other, slouching, then sitting up, trying to get comfortable. Sister Margaret didn’t seem to notice. So once again I was waiting for the bell to ring so I could go home and continue my prison sentence. Ten minutes to go, and suddenly we all had to stand up again.

“GOOD AFTERNOON, FATHER!”

I guess he got tired of waiting, too.

“Good afternoon, class,” he said. “Be seated. Sister, may I speak with Miss Purple privately?”

“Certainly. Miss Purple, would you go with Father Ransom, please?”

“No,” I said.

“I beg your pardon?”

“No, Sister.”

“Stand up, young lady ... When a priest asks to speak to you, you go with him, and gratefully. Do you understand?”

“No, Sister.”

“Get yourself into that corridor as fast as your legs will carry you!”

“No, Sister.”

I still don’t know where all this came from. I wasn’t thinking. You didn’t talk back to a nun. But I was so angry and scared that I heard myself saying things I never thought I’d say in a million years. And I had nothing to lose. I was going to be punished no matter what I did, and it felt safer to stay in the classroom with Sister Margaret, where maybe the worst that would happen is I’d get my feet licked again. But I was not about to step into that corridor.

Sister Margaret came at me like a rhinoceros. I nearly peed myself as she barreled up the aisle, but I did not move. I grabbed the top of my desk and held on. They’re not bolted down. Sister grabbed me by the collar and tried to haul me to the front of the room. The desk scraped the floor, moving about a foot before one of the legs caught on the desk in front, and the whole thing tipped over. I went down with it, clinging to the metal bars, my books tumbling across the floor and Sister pulling me by my ankle. My shoe came off, and my skirt slid up over my panties.

The kids were dead silent, like in my dream. They must have been stunned, and too scared to move with Ransom standing here. Then I heard a voice say “Leave her alone!” A pair of hands took hold of my wrist and pulled me in the opposite direction.

It was Lisa.

“It’s all right,” I heard Ransom say. “I’ll come back.”

“No, it’s not all right,” Sister said. But she let go of me. “These two young women have just earned themselves detention. And if everyone here knows what’s good for them, they won’t breathe a word of this.”

Somebody said “Yeah!” — loudly and sarcastically. Sister glared around the room, angrier than I’ve ever seen her.

“Who said that? Stand up whoever said that.”

Eddie must think he’s living in a movie. I’d love to spend an hour in his head and see the world the way he does. There must be gladiators and spaceships and armies marching around in there. That’s the only reason I can think for why he stood up and said —

“I am Spartacus!”

The thing is, I don’t think he was the one who mouthed off. It didn’t sound like him. I think he just took the blame because somebody had to. If they didn’t, we all would have been stuck there forever.

“All right, Spartacus,” Sister said, “you and your two girlfriends stand up at the front of the room.”

At the word “girlfriends,” the class began to erupt. Kids were saying Whoa! And Girlfriend, man! until Sister cut them off.

“Quiet!” she said.

And they were quiet.

I got up off the floor. Ransom wasn’t there anymore. I limped to the front of the room, carrying my shoe. Lisa and Eddie came up behind, and we stood with our backs to the green chalkboard, watching the other kids pack up and leave for home, one line at a time.

Sister was not in a forgiving mood. She turned her chair around and sat facing our lineup, like a foot away. I was in the middle.

“The Gang of Three,” she said. “I’d expect this from you two, but you, Miss Purple, what’s gotten into you? Well?”

“Nothing, Sister.”

“Nothing? You call that nothing?”

“It’s what Father Ransom is doing to her,” Lisa said.

“What is he doing to her?”

“He—”

“Let her tell it. Well?”