Chapter 58: Not What I Expected

July 3, 1996, Chicago, Illinois

I blinked several times and took a breath before responding. It didn’t help. The best I could do was contain my visceral reaction at her completely out-of-line request and her wrong-headed assumptions when she had NO idea what had happened in my life the previous eight months.

“What makes you think you can make that request after refusing to talk to me for nearly eight months? And equally importantly, without explaining Alexi? And without giving me the first clue about what you expect from me?”

“Because of the deep, loving relationship we shared.”

“Which you cast away,” I replied. “I’m not trying to absolve myself from the mistakes I made, but you walked away.”

In fact, she’d walked away multiple times, and each time, in such a way that I couldn’t talk to her, and just as the first time, with the assumption she could walk back into my life and have what she wanted. I wasn’t buying what she was selling. But I’d hear her out.

“I could counter that by saying you drove me away.”

“You could, but in the end, that wouldn’t change what happened, even if I were to accept 99% of the responsibility. I could see needing time away, even extended time away, but eight months? Eight months which included you having your baby and naming him? That hurt!”

“I’m not trying to fight with you, Steve, but as much as you hurt me?”

“Was THAT why you did it? To hurt me?”

“Don’t you think we hurt each other? Repeatedly?”

“But on purpose?” I asked. “I know I hurt you by not seeing you as who you were, but who I imagined you to be, and I’m sure many other ways as well. But I didn’t do it on purpose!”

“But you knew your thinking was wrong!”

It was, but it sure wasn’t as wrong as HER thinking - that I’d somehow put aside Kara in favor of her. I may have been mistaken, but at this point, all I could say was that Michelle was delusional. It boggled my mind, and the fact that she didn’t seem to see it, only made me MORE upset.

“Escaping our ideas of how the world works, and who people are, is a really tough thing to do. I did get past it, eventually. But, if I can be blunt, you couldn’t overcome your view of how the world ought to work, and that’s what led you to leave. If you think about it, in the end, we both had the same obstacle to overcome, albeit we approached it from different directions.

“I saw you as someone who you were not; you wanted me to be someone I am not. In the end, how we viewed each other, and how we treated each other, created the gulf between us. I couldn’t get past the image of the novice nun, and you couldn’t accept that I’m not cut out for monogamy. In the end, though, I’m neither who you think I am, nor am I who you want me to be.

“What you see as my promiscuity is simply who I am, as seen through YOUR ideas of social norms. I’m totally in control of it now. Was I before? There were certainly times when I was not, but you left as I was getting things under control! And if I can be blunt, you snatched defeat from the jaws of victory because you couldn’t have the one thing you wanted which you had to know you couldn’t have from the beginning!

“If you want to talk about having a wrong view of the situation, I’m fine with that. The thing you have to admit is that you had an equally wrong view of the situation and chose to walk away instead of giving up on that wrongheaded view! Now you come back and ask me to make love to you? If I can be blunt, you’d have been better off asking me to fuck you senseless!”

“Will you fuck me senseless? And THEN talk to me?”

If I’d bet myself a billion dollars on her response, it would have been exactly that. Fundamentally, I was getting the idea she was baiting me. But why? To what end? Well, I wasn’t going to fuck her any more than I was going to make love to her. Not until I had SOME answers.

I shook my head, “I’m sure you remember my propensity to talk the ear off girls. Well, to even get me to consider either fucking you senseless or making love to you, you’re going to have to TALK to me, Michelle. We don’t have a relationship which justifies EITHER of those options. We’re too close to just fuck and too far away to make love.”

“For someone who has as much sex as you do, with as many girls as you’ve been with, that sounds pretty strange.”

She’d proven my point with that one sentence. She had NO idea who I was now. It was STILL about the girls I’d been with before. That made the situation effectively hopeless.

“If you believe THAT, then you understand me even less well than I thought you did!”

“Isn’t it true that you found reasons to fuck any girl you wanted to?”

Which was the last straw in my book. There was no way back that I could see.

“You know, if you think this approach is going to get you what you seem to want, you’re sorely mistaken. In fact, it’s more likely to end our conversation right now.”

Something hit me, and I had a sudden suspicion.

“Is this some kind of warped test?” I asked before she could answer. “If I refuse, I pass? If I agree to do it, I fail? Why are we here, Michelle? And what is it you want from me?”

“I suppose, at this point, nothing.”

“Nothing? Now you have me confused as hell! What about Nathaniel? Why have me be his godfather if you’re just going to walk away? Are you trying to lay some kind of weird guilt trip on me? Because if you are, it won’t work. I offered to help you in any way you wanted and offered to care for Nathaniel as if he were my own son, if that’s what you wanted. Instead, you came here for Loki knows what reason. Well, unless you tell me, right now, we’re walking out of here.”

“Then it’s goodbye,” she said.

She picked up her purse and walked towards the door.

“I have no idea what your game is, Michelle, but I’m not going to play. Walk out the door and that’s it. The only thing I want at that point is you to have a lawyer draw up a document terminating our agreement about Nathaniel. And for you to tell Father Basil you released me from any obligations as godfather.”

Without a word, she opened the door, and walked out of my life.

July 4, 1996, Chicago, Illinois

“Ready to talk about what happened with Michelle, now that you’ve had a good night’s sleep?” Jessica asked as we lay in bed on Thursday morning.

“It wasn’t just that, Babe. I didn’t want to spoil Stephie’s sixth birthday celebration.”

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to sound as if I felt it was wrong to wait. I was simply wondering if sleeping on it helped you decide what you think she intended.”

“I think she intended for me to send her away,” I said. “I’m reasonably certain that in her mind, that’s the only way it could ever end. I had to kick her out for her to finally be done.”

“I think I can see that,” Jessica said. “How do you feel?”

“Shitty about being so harsh with her, but I didn’t think I had a choice. It just felt as if she was purposefully messing with me, like it was a test. The other issue, and maybe the bigger one, was she purposefully went out of her way to accuse me of being willing to have sex with any girl who asked, which has never been true.”

“Michelle Bateman?” Kara asked.

“For one. There have been others I’ve turned down or simply refrained from responding to advances. The problem is, no matter what, she was always seeing me from HER perspective, and wasn’t interested in hearing mine, except to beat me over the head with it. And I just couldn’t accept that anymore.”

“That makes sense,” Jessica said. “But then I don’t get her making you Nathaniel’s godfather.”

“That’s the one thing I simply can’t make heads or tails of. The last thing I’d think about Michelle was that she was vindictive.”

“What if that’s not it,” Kara asked. “What if it was intended to be a failsafe?”

“Against what?”

“Something happening to her before she got engaged.”

“Alexi?”

“Does ANYTHING else make sense in your mind?” Kara asked.

“There’s not making sense and then there’s bat-shit crazy! Why not ask him? And why not get engaged beforehand, if that’s what it was?”

“Tiger, how well do you know her at this point?”

“Perhaps not as well as I think I do,” I allowed. “But it’s only been six weeks since she asked be to be Nathaniel’s godfather.”

“Do you have another option?” Jessica asked.

I shook my head, “Nothing makes sense, as I said. Maybe, assuming you’re correct, she was sending Alexi a message that the baby isn’t his. But if that was the case, I think it backfired because in addition to asking her to have an attorney draw up a document releasing me from my commitment, I asked her to let Father Basil know she was releasing me from my obligations as a godfather.”

“How does that work?”

I shrugged, “I’m not Orthodox, so who knows? I took it seriously, but I’m not sure she did. And the name?”

“Maybe part of the same thing? I mean, if the crazy idea that it’s a message is correct. I know this is a bit odd, but did anyone see the birth certificate?”

“I have no idea, and the baptism was in his given name - Nathaniel. But at this point, I think I need to just let it go. I believe she got what she came for - me sending her away.”

“Did you think about sleeping with her?” Kara asked.

I shook my head, “No. I went pretty much directly from surprise to outrage without anything in between.”

“I suspect the old Steve would have done it.”

I shrugged, “Maybe, because he would have still had feelings for her. No, that’s not quite right - he would have ACTED on the feelings for her, rather than ask the questions first.”

“You still have feelings for her, obviously.”

“Obviously, but they’re dampened by the way she’s treated me, and perhaps that was her intention. But now we’re in the realm of mind-reading, and only Jennifer and I could ever do that reliably with each other!”

“Does that still work, Tiger?”

“When we let our guards down,” I said. “But we don’t do that too often because we both know what might happen if we’re not exceedingly careful.”

“There really never has been anyone else like her, has there?”

“She’s my Jen and I’m her Steve. We found a way to make it work, despite everything arrayed against us. And there is a living, breathing, sometimes annoying proof of our extreme love for each other asleep in the second bedroom of the coach house right now.”

My wives laughed softly.

“He’s only annoying because he’s YOU, Steve!” Kara teased. “Well, he’s you and Jennifer.”

“Just as Birgit is you and Tiger, Kara.”

“None of the other kids are like that,” I observed. “They’re less a ‘mix’ of their parents and more of a product of the entire family.”

“You’re closer to Jesse and Birgit than the other kids,” Jessica said. “And I don’t mean that you ignore the other ones, it’s just your eldest son and eldest daughter bonded very closely with you. Ashley, Stephie, and Albert all get plenty of attention, but they don’t seem to need you the way Jesse and Birgit do. Nor do Matthew and Michael. They need you, but just not the same way.”

“And that will change as they get older,” Kara said. “They’re different people with different needs.”

“Just as my wives are,” I said.

“Well, what I need RIGHT NOW is a hard dick!” Kara giggled. “And a soft tongue!”

“I think we can oblige,” I chuckled. “What do you say, Jess?”

“Yes!”

An hour later, we got out of bed and went to the shower together. I very much enjoyed the three-way showers, as they allowed us to express our love for each other in a different way from what we had just done in bed.

“Are you planning on staying with Karla tonight?” Kara asked.

“If my wives allow it, yes.”

“Jess?” Kara said sexily. “Same as last time?”

“Yes!” Jessica growled.

“I want details this time!” I demanded.

“We girls get to keep our secrets, too, Tiger!” Jessica teased.

“Yes, we do!” Kara exclaimed. “Unless you want to share about Maria Cristina!”

“You don’t like to fight fair, do you?” I groused unconvincingly.

“Oooh!” Jessica squealed. “He used the ‘F’ word! You know what that means!”

Kara smirked, “The OTHER ‘F’ word – FLOGGERS!”

We finished our shower, dried off, dressed, and went downstairs to have breakfast. We were greeted at the bottom of the stairs by a scowling daughter, complete with hands on hips.

“Birgit honey,” Kara said sweetly, “Your mommies needed time with Daddy!”

“You took my cuddle time!” she said accusingly.

“Pumpkin,” I said soothingly, “I told you last night we were going to sleep late because we all had the day off.”

“You weren’t sleeping,” she giggled. “You were having sex!”

“Guilty as charged! I love your moms, so we do that! Let’s have breakfast and we can have cuddle time before we start getting ready for the party. Go wake up your brothers and sisters, and Aunt Elyse, please, and tell them breakfast is in twenty minutes. Knock on Karla’s door, too, please.”

“OK!” she agreed and scampered up the stairs.

“Deftly handled,” Kara whispered. “Crossing Birgit on cuddle time is putting your life at risk!”

We went into the kitchen where Jasmine was sitting at the table drinking coffee.

“I hope it’s OK that I started the coffee,” she said. “Usually everyone is up before me.”

“Absolutely.”

“I never asked, but how will things work for the ten days you’re gone?”

“The same as now. So long as the police or fire department aren’t involved, just enjoy having the house to yourself! It’s OK to have people over, just keep it below the level of needing cops in riot gear!”

Jasmine laughed, “You know me better than that! I’m more likely to cuddle up with a book and mint tea than have a wild party. But I may have a friend stay a few days.”

“That’s fine. Feel free to use anything in the fridge, pantry, or the liquor cabinets. Elyse will leave you some cash for incidentals. I don’t think you’ll run out of anything, but just in case.”

“You don’t have to do that.”

I chuckled, “I know how much they’re paying you at the Trib, as in, next to nothing.”

“Working with Stan Jakes would make it worth it if they didn’t pay me at all! I’ve learned so much in the last month. I didn’t realize how much news depends on confidential sources and people speaking on deep background. If Stan Jakes didn’t have a Rolodex with four thousand names in it, he couldn’t do his job properly.”

I nodded, “It’s all about building contacts. But you know what? That’s just as true for my business. Cindi, our VP of Sales and Support, busts her butt to make contacts in the medical and legal professions, while I do it in finance, real estate, and corporate governance. My contacts have made my job a LOT easier.”

“He told me he talks to you about computer stuff all the time.”

I nodded, “We meet about once every two months so he can ask questions about computers or technology. It never generates an article directly, but it helps him understand what’s going on. I’m sure you saw lots of people from all walks of life in his Rolodex.”

She laughed, “You think he lets me look at it? It’s locked in his desk and even his editor doesn’t get to see it!”

Which made me feel a LOT better! I had wondered how Stan would explain our relationship. How we met was easy, but why we were still in touch on a regular basis, and how I could call in the favor to help Jasmine get a job was something completely different. Being a regular source of information would explain that, without having to go into the OTHER information I provided.

“That does make sense. He’d need to guard that list zealously.”

“The downside is I don’t get to see how he conducts those interviews, but I totally understand why he can’t take me along.”

“When is your last day here?” Kara asked.

“My last day at the Trib is August 16th. I haven’t booked my return flight yet, but probably around the 20th if that’s OK.”

“Of course it’s OK! You’re welcome to stay as long as you like. Do you think you’ll come back next Summer?”

“If the Trib offers me an internship, you can count on it! I’m grateful for your hospitality.”

The kids began trooping into the kitchen, followed by Elyse and Karla. Birgit came to help Kara and me with preparing breakfast, and about fifteen minutes later, we served breakfast to the small horde in the kitchen - some at the table, some in stools at the island, and some of us standing. When we finished, Kara and Jessica offered to do the dishes so Birgit and I could have our cuddle time.

“How are you this morning, Pumpkin?” I asked when we cuddled in a chaise in the sunroom.

“Good! Tiffany and Rachel are coming to the party today. And Mom said Joseph and Amelia will be here, too!”

“Yes. Jake and Joyce will be here right after lunch. And Josh and Mary will be here, too. We’ll finally get to see their baby.”

“How old is Sandra?”

“Eighteen months, I think,” I said. “I’d have to look at my calendar to be sure.”

“Can I have a sleepover with Tiffany and Rachel?”

“Yes, but it would have to be after we get back from Florida. Talk with your moms about it, please.”

“Because it’s girl stuff?!” she giggled.

“It’s better if one of your moms talks to Tiffany’s mom. Rachel’s mom will be fine.”

“Rachel’s mom is cool! Tiffany’s mom is a pain in the butt!”

I laughed, “Do you say that about ME to your friends?”

“Sometimes!” she giggled. “You’re a boy, Dad. And boys can be REALLY dumb!”

“You know, I can get abuse like this anywhere. I don’t need to cuddle you to get it!”

“You love me, Dad!”

“I do; but that doesn’t mean you aren’t annoying!”

“Boys are WAY more annoying!” Birgit declared. “They act so dumb!”

I chuckled, “Just wait until you’re fourteen or fifteen. They’ll be even more dumb!”

“Because they want to have sex! And they’re dumb about it!”

“Who told you THAT?” I asked.

“Mom! And Aunt Jennifer. And Aunt Bethany. And Katy!”

I laughed, “OK, OK. I get it!”

“But Aunt Jennifer said you weren’t TOO dumb!”

“Aunt Jennifer talks WAY too much!”

“She loved you even though you were dumb!”

I chuckled, “A good thing, too, because your dad was pretty dumb back then.”

“And you knew Aunt Melanie and Aunt Kathy and Aunt Bethany then, too.”

“Yes. We were all friends back in Milford. Aunt Melanie started dating Uncle Pete back then, too. I met Aunt Elyse later.”

“I want to go to Sweden like you did.”