Chapter 52: Durn Fool Yankee!

May 11, 1996, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania

“I’m guessing the friend of a friend?” I grinned.

“Yes.”

“Where’s Nathan?”

“He’s at a training class in California. I asked him to make sure it was OK to come see you, you know, given our past.”

“How much does he know?”

“That we were occasional, casual lovers. He’s not the jealous type, but I don’t want ANY misunderstandings.”

“Cool. If I had known you were going to be here, I wouldn’t have gone for a couple of drinks with John.”

“It’s OK. You up for a talk?”

“Sure. Something going on?”

“I know a quiet place we can go. Your room probably isn’t a good idea, from how it looks.”

“Your friend of a friend is working?”

“Yes,” Tara laughed. “There’s a quiet lounge a couple of blocks from here. Not nearly as expensive as the hotel bar.”

I nodded and we left the hotel and walked a few blocks to a dimly lit bar with table service and a very quiet atmosphere. I didn’t even see a television, which, together with the decor, to me proclaimed ‘no raucous behavior or noise’. We sat down and a waitress quickly took our orders.

“So what’s up?”

“Career advice and relationship advice.”

“Career advice I can do, but I’m probably the LAST person you want to come to for relationship advice!”

“I disagree. How much time have we spent together?”

“A decent amount.”

“And a lot of it was talking!”

I smiled, “Yes.”

“Those talks were some of the best I’ve ever had, and if you recall, we talked quite a bit about relationships, especially early on.”

“True,” I said carefully. “Can we take career first?”

“They’re kind of related, in a sense. My concern about career is should I have kids soon? Or should I wait another six or seven years?”

“I suppose it depends on how much time you’re going to take off, and how your boss deals with that kind of leave.”

“Not the way you do, that’s for sure! I was thinking it made the most sense to have the kids close together and take off from when I’m ready to deliver the first until the second is about a year old. Of course, that assumes we can get the timing right.”

“Both ways present a problem,” I said. “If you were to do it now, you wouldn’t have much experience, so when you go to look for your next job, that would count against you. On the other hand, I’ve heard that a lot of hiring managers don’t give much credence to ‘pre-pregnancy’ experience.”

“That is, indeed, the problem. How did you handle things?”

“We had a live-in nanny.”

“Full-time?”

“Yes. She lived with us and had her own room. Actually, there were two full-time nannies, but they each ended up getting married. Then we hired someone just for days. She left us back in December, so now we have a babysitter for the kids when they get home from school. Ashley goes to our daycare co-op, but she’ll start school in August. For the Summer we’ll probably hire someone for days again, but that’s up to Jennifer and the other moms.”

“I don’t think we’ll be able to afford a nanny. We both make decent money, but not enough for a nanny. Even daycare for little ones is expensive unless it’s subsidized the way it is for NIKA. I guess with, what, five incomes, you could handle it?”

“Jess was in medical school at first, and Kara was in school. But with Jennifer, Josie, Elyse, and I working, we managed. And it started out slow - Jesse was first and just had a daytime babysitter. But I’m a bit concerned about you talking babies having said you wanted relationship advice.”

Tara smiled, “In some ways, it seems like I’m whining, but the bottom line is he doesn’t like to cuddle.”

“And you do.”

“I’m a girl, in case you hadn’t noticed!”

“I noticed. I’ve run into a few girls who didn’t need cuddling, but they’re few and far between. Have you told him?”

“I have, but he’s just not ‘cuddly’, if you know what I mean. He’s a nice guy, the sex is good, he treats me well, but I can’t get him to cuddle me. It’s a brief hug and kiss or sex. Nothing in between. And after, he likes to go to sleep. But I hear that’s not uncommon.”

“And your sex drives?”

“Close enough that it’s not an issue.”

“Good. My friend Bethany, who’s a clinical psychologist, says that falling asleep after sex a physiological development that led to guys staying with women they had sex with, which is good for the species. But sometimes it’s so strong it can create relationship problems. There’s actually a name for it, if it’s bad enough to impact your life - post-coital tristesse. I think, but I’m not 100% sure, that it has to do with serotonin levels. I’m sure between my wives and Bethany, they could answer that. But, I bet you’ve felt it. Ever felt like crying after sex? Not because it was bad, but because it was so good?”

“Asks the man who turned my world upside down!” she laughed.

“Go behind the net and stuff it in the back door?” I chuckled.

“Among other things! But sure, I’ve felt that with you and with Nathan.”

“Same idea, but guys don’t cry. The emotional release from really good sex can do that. We always joke about ‘fucking someone unconscious’, and that’s entirely possible - not from exhaustion, but from intense pleasure.”

She nodded, “A couple of times with you I just wanted to fall asleep.”

“I’d say he should talk to a counselor and see if there’s anything that can be done. How big of a problem is this for you?”

“I’m asking myself that very question all the time. That’s why I decided to ask you. And if there’s some kind of treatment that will make him more cuddly and less sleepy, I’d be VERY happy.”

“What about cuddling other times?”

“He likes his space more than I do.”

“I’m detecting a source of long-term conflict if you go down this path without resolving that difference.”

She nodded, “I think I just needed to hear someone say that out loud.”

“Go see a counselor; together. Try to resolve this before you get married. If you don’t, you could wind up very unhappy.”

“I’d more or less concluded that but I wanted to bounce it off someone who has been through couples counseling, so to speak.”

“And other kinds, too. Depending on Nathan’s attitude, you may get some pushback. If it’s strong, that may be your indication you’re in the wrong relationship.”

“I know,” she sighed. “So career?”

“You’re a legislative aide, right?”

“Yes, locally here in Pittsburgh for a State Senator.”

“Is there any reason you couldn’t work as a freelancer when you have your kids?”

“I’d need to build some credibility first.”

“But it’s possible?”

“Sure.”

“And I suspect there are other things you could do, such as campaign consulting, voter outreach, that kind of thing. But you need to spend a couple of years getting established, as you say. Make a plan, then carry it out.”

“That easy?”

“Yes, that easy,” I grinned. “Of course, as is always the case, the devil is in the details.”

“Would you help me develop a business plan?”

“Absolutely. You need to come up with a list of the kinds of things you can do and the kinds of services you could provide, and then we’ll take it from there. You’ll need to provide all the expertise about politics. But I can certainly help you with anything else, including bringing computers into the mix.”

“I’ll start working on that. Are you coming back for the next round?”

“No, though I may come for the Cup finals if the Pens make it and the timing works out. I’ll let you know if it does. Do you think Nathan will go see a couples counselor?”

“I think so, but I’m not sure. Obviously, if he won’t, then it’s probably Quitsville.”

“Don’t put it like that when you talk to him!”

“Of course not!” Tara laughed. “I’ll use my feminine wiles on him!”

“He’s doomed!” I chuckled.

“So how did you know that thing about falling asleep after sex?”

“It was something Bethany and I talked about a few years ago. I don’t even remember the context now. But we have what most people might consider ‘off-the-wall’ conversations. Well, not so much now that she’s remarried.”

“She’s the one who wrote the book on recovery from sexual abuse and whose husband was murdered?”

“Yes.”

“Someday I’d like to meet her.”

“Come to Chicago and I’ll make sure it happens!”

We finished our drinks, caught up on life since our last visit, and then I headed up to bed to get a few hours’ sleep before an early Sunday morning flight back to Chicago.

May 15, 1996, Chicago, Illinois

“Molly, I’m glad you could make it,” Sensei Jim said as we sat down at the dining room table.

We’d moved the black belt dinner to my house as there were now eight of us, including Molly, and that was too many for Sensei Jim’s house.

“Who’s cooking, Steve?” Jolene asked.

“Jesse and Birgit,” I replied, “with help from Jessica.”

“I’m more than twice their age and I couldn’t cook dinner for this group!” Hannah said, shaking her head.

“They’ve wanted to help cook since they were little, and we do have an army to feed here on a regular basis!”

“They’re also a bit competitive with each other,” Kara added.

“A bit,” I chuckled.

“Molly, how are your students progressing?” Sensei Jim asked.

“I think Sensei Steve might be a better judge.”

Sensei Jim nodded, “Perhaps so, but I didn’t ask him, did I?”

“Uh, no, «Shihan». My top students, Ted, Amy, Marissa, and Tyler are all progressing nicely with the new system. The others are doing OK, except for Mitchell. He’s still chafing at the fact that Ted advanced past him to 1st Kyu.”

I saw Jolene grimace, but she quickly recovered. She STILL had issues with my promotion, nearly two years after it had happened. And I knew what Jim would say later, which would only set her off even more.

“Ted is competing in the tournament?”

“Yes. Our goal is an all Dojo Hisakawa Hiro final. Me against Sensei Steve!”

“I think our students are the ones sparring,” I chuckled. “I’d get in real trouble with a bunch of people if I sparred in competition!”

Molly laughed, “I meant our skills as teachers!”

“We both have to get to the finals, and it’s possible Ted and Marcia could meet before then.”

“It’s likely, actually,” Sensei Jim said. “They really do their best to avoid having the finals be between two students from the same school.”

“I wasn’t aware,” Molly said.

“Me neither,” I agreed, “but then again, only Marcia has competed. And if she decides to test for her black belt, this will be her last competition in the High School group. In the Fall, she’d be in the adult black belt group. Jolene, did you decide to sign up?”

“Yes. I’ll be in the women’s black belt competition, and the mixed one as well.”

It was going to be interesting to see how well she would perform. She had the technique, but her weakness was mental; it always had been. I wondered how Sensei Jim was going to handle coaching her, but that was his business, not mine.

“We’ve also had some interest among the lower kyu,” Sensei Jim said. “Will is working with them and we may see as many as five total students in the Labor Day tournament. This is all new for our dojo, so I need to have at least one of you to step up and help Will coach. Therese will begin working with Steve on training and coaching techniques.

“We will have a potential logistical issue, though, as to be able to coach, you need to be 3rd Dan. I’ve spoken to Will about this, as well as Steve, and I’ve also asked Therese to begin preparing to test for her shidōin license. Will is permitted to act as her assistant during the matches, if she has two students competing at the same time. That will be part of his training for his eventual promotion.”

“Congratulations!” Hannah and Kara both exclaimed.

“Well deserved,” I said, nodding to her.

Jolene was fuming. It was all she could do to hold it in, but she managed. I could see the absolute burning anger in her eyes, and I was sure Sensei Jim could as well.

“Thanks,” Therese said.

“Dad?” Jesse said quietly as he came into the dining room. “Dinner is ready.”

“Go ahead and bring the food in, please.”

He quickly left the room and a moment later, Jessica, Birgit, and Jesse brought in our dinner and set everything ‘homestyle’ on the table for us to pass around. Jessica checked if we needed our drinks refilled, and took care of that.

“Thank you, Doctor Jessica,” Sensei Jim said. “And thank you Jesse and Birgit.”

Jesse gave a theatrical bow, and Jessica and Birgit made exaggerated curtsies, causing me to laugh so hard I nearly cried.

“Your family never ceases to amuse,” Jim laughed, then said, “«Itadakimasu».”

We began passing the bowls and plates around the table.

“Attendance at the dojo has been good,” Sensei Jim said. “And we’re seeing more ‘walk-in’ students in our new location than we did in our old. I’m very optimistic that between our outreach, our community involvement, and the small amount of advertising we do, that we’ll continue to gain new students at a reasonable pace. And speaking of community involvement, our Alderman, Lawrence Bloom, will visit our dojo on June 1st. There will likely be reporters there as well. Obviously, be careful what you say to anyone that day! Let’s try to avoid any negative press!”

We had an enjoyable meal with good conversation, though Jolene was quieter than usual, and I suspected her mood was only going to darken. I wondered if I might be able to make some progress with her, but I didn’t hold out much hope. But that didn’t mean I couldn’t at least try. When we finished eating, the kids and Jessica served coffee or tea and we continued our discussions about students and the school.

When our gathering broke up, I wanted to get Jolene to stay to talk for a moment, but she hurried out of the house. Sensei Jim was the last to leave and stopped at the front door.

“You saw her reaction, right?”

I nodded, “I did. I’ll talk to her.”

“She doesn’t have the temperament to be a coach or instructor, Steve. YOU do, and look what happened when you let Mrs. Ingles put you, what did you call it? On tilt?”

I nodded, “Yes. I know. I should never have let her get to me that way.”

“That wasn’t my point. My point was that if someone like you, who DOES have the right temperament, can lose your cool, think about what someone more volatile might do. What would you do if a ruling went against you, and the ruling was wrong?”

“I’d carefully make my case, but defer to the officials, rather than risk problems in the future. I’d go to them later to discuss it, or take it up with Sensei Ichirou in private.”

“And do you think that’s how Jolene would respond?”

I shook my head, “She’d have their guts for garters.”

Sensei Jim laughed, “One of Major Powers’ favorite sayings, though I always wondered why he might need garters!”

“If Joe Namath can wear pantyhose and win the Super Bowl, I’m not sure I’d question someone like Major Powers on that topic!”

“We had a drill sergeant in basic who referred to us as ‘ladies’!”

“I thought that was just TV and movie BS.”

“That’s right, your friends are all Navy. Going to RTC is like going to Summer camp compared to the Army or Marines. And don’t even get me started on the Air Force! Heck, the Navy doesn’t even do rifle quals, do they?”

“Shipboard defense is usually either shotguns or yelling for help from the nearest Marine,” I chuckled.

“Don’t let your friends hear you say that!”

“What? They all think that ‘away all boarders’ or ‘prepare to repel boarders’ stuff is too damned dangerous! Stand-off weapons from over the horizon are MUCH safer!”

“I liked my rifle, but a howitzer will settle an argument in a way that’s less likely to get you shot. Anyway, at every step, Jolene shows why she doesn’t have the temperament for this.”

“I’m going to talk to her. Again.”

Sensei Jim nodded, “I’d expect nothing else.”

We bowed to each other, and he left, and I went to hang out with my wives and kids until bedtimes, and then a walk to the hospital with Jessica.

May 17, 1996, Chicago, Illinois

“No vetoes,” I said to Dave on Friday morning.

“Then we’ll take our top three - Robby Ingram from IIT, Teri Schaffer from UofC, and Lenora Jackson from Northwestern.”

“Spreading it around?” I grinned.

“Not intentionally. Those were the top 3 of the five I had come in to see you.”

“OK. Go ahead and make the offers. Get the paperwork to Kimmy. Did you finalize the internship?”

“Yes. I signed the papers for Jodie today and faxed them to the University.”

“Good. And the meeting with Doctor Bauer?”

“Lunch next Wednesday with him and Doctor Driesson. Julia will join us.”

“Excellent,” I replied. “Did you tell him what we wanted to talk about?”

“I did. I’m not sure how open they are to the idea given it’s an engineering school.”

“Last I checked, Dave, engineers need to be able to read, write, and think! I was thinking about why we end up with so many female staff when they make up maybe 30% of the applicants. I had Keri pull some information and guess what I found?”

“They’re more likely to have non-engineering minors?”

“Bingo. And we get our choice of the cream of the crop because our benefits are WAY more friendly to women than any other company of which I’ve heard. And I aim to keep it that way.”

“I’ve seen and heard about the ‘frat boy’ culture at engineering firms like Dante’s and at firms in Silicon Valley. I suspect you’ve seen it with lawyers?”

“In spades. Doctors, too. It’s just one of those things that never occurred to me.”

“What?”

“That women can’t do anything a man can do in the workplace. Yes, there are physical differences, and I get that, but about the most exertion any of us put in at the office is lifting the juice bottle or soda can from our desks!”