Chapter 3: Mary Whittaker, MD

August 7, 1995, Mayo Clinic, Rochester, Minnesota

“Good morning, Doctor Whittaker,” I said when I walked into her office.

“Good morning, Mr. Adams!” Doctor Whittaker said.

“You know, if you’re going to use me as a guinea pig the least you can do is call me ‘Steve’!”

“And you’ll call me Doctor Whittaker?”

“The doctors I’m close friends with I call by their first names, and I hope we’ll be friends.”

“Well, seeing as you’re personally responsible for me getting to manage my first case, I think ‘Mary’ is just fine!”

“I do reserve the right to call you ‘Doctor’ or ‘Doc’ from time to time. It’s just one of those things I do! Who’s your Attending?”

“Doctor Alston. And Doctor Ross and Doctor Schultz will consult on this research project. They planned a lunch tomorrow, if that’s OK with you.”

“It is. What’s the game plan?”

“We’ll start with a complete physical, a complete history, and then get your blood work. After that, we’ll do the glucose tolerance test. At the end of the day, we’ll do an EKG and then a stress test. Tomorrow is the EEG MRI, a CT scan, a stress test with epinephrine administered, and some cognitive tests.”

“I’m ready.”

“Let me get Doctor Franks to do the physical.”

“Why?”

“I figured you’d be more comfortable with a male doctor.”

“You figured wrong,” I said with a smile. “Remember, I’m married to an Attending Trauma Surgeon! If she found out I asked for a male doctor for my physical, I would need the ER! So if YOU aren’t uncomfortable with doing the exam, then let’s get started.”

Doctor Whittaker laughed, “OK. You realize it involves a hernia exam and a prostate exam?”

“I think you have smaller fingers than Doctor Ross or my doctor back home!”

Mary laughed, “A point I’d never considered! Go ahead into the exam room and get undressed. Just leave your undershorts on.”

I nodded and walked next door to the exam room. I quickly undressed and sat on the exam table. Doctor Whittaker returned with a nurse, Andrea Spielman, and began the exam. Just before she finished, my theory about smaller fingers was confirmed.

“You can get dressed,” she said. “Andrea, please draw four vials.”

“Damned vampires!” I said with a huge grin, to let the nurse know I wasn’t upset with her.

“Doctor Ross warned me you were a Smart Aleck, Mr. Adams!” the nurse said with a soft laugh.

“A thoroughly accurate assessment!” I agreed.

She left to get the phlebotomy kit and I quickly dressed. After the vials were taken, Doctor Whittaker did a complete medical history.

“Did my story change?” I grinned when she finished.

“I’ll compare the one from last year to this one when I analyze all the test results and compare them to the past ones. But these will be the baseline for my study, so I can ensure consistency from year to year. You do promise to come back every Summer about this time, right?”

“To see the second prettiest doctor I know?” I grinned. “Of course!”

“Does your wife know you’re a flirt?”

I nodded, “She’s well aware!”

“Let’s get your glucose tolerance test underway so you can eat.”

I drank the bottle of glucose water and settled in for a long day of waiting while my blood was taken every two hours. I’d brought my PowerBook 540c so I could write in my journal and do some work, if I could get a telephone line for my internal modem. There wasn’t one in the exam room, but Doctor Whittaker, Mary, arranged for me to use an empty office which had a proper analog telephone connection.

“Your laptop has a color screen?” she asked when I turned it on.

“And stereo sound,” I grinned. “The Apple laptops are light years ahead of most PC laptops. Well, the laptops most people buy, anyway. It also has a longer battery life and a built in modem so I can connect to the computers back in the office.”

“You sell software to run medical practices, right?”

“Yes, but we also do software for law offices as well as computer support and consulting.”

“I have some work to do, so I’ll leave you to your computer. The nurse will take the blood in here, so you won’t need to come back to the exam room. I’ll see you at 5:00pm for the EKG and stress test, and then we’ll be done for the day.”

I actually managed to get about two hours of work done, as well as get caught up on my journal entries. I had a separate file for all of my dealings with the Outfit and Stan Jakes, one to which Elyse did not have the password, nor did she have access to, as I kept it on my laptop, unlike the journal entries which were regularly synchronized with my brand new Power Macintosh 9500 desktop at home.

“That’s the last of your blood I need today,” Nurse Spielman said.

“I’m surprised I have any left at all!” I chuckled.

“Doctor Whittaker is waiting for you in her office.”

“Thanks.”

I got up and walked down the hallway to Doctor Whittaker’s office, and the two of us walked to cardiology where Doctor Schultz was waiting for us to do the EKG and a stress test. When those finished, Doctor Whittaker and I went back to the office I’d been using so I could get my laptop before heading to the hotel.

“If you’ll allow it, I’ll buy you dinner,” I said.

“I’m not sure that’s a good idea,” Doctor Whittaker replied.

I chuckled, “You have NO idea how many times I’ve said that in other contexts! I have lunch with Al Barton once a month, and occasionally lunches with Doctor Malik Washington and other doctors. They’re my friends. I’m hoping you’ll be a friend as well. In fact, Jessica wants to meet you at some point. She’d have come on this trip, but she has an overnight shift and we agreed it was a bad idea to trade.”

“I am SO glad I’m doing my Residency in research, not in the hospital! I’m one of the lucky few who have fairly normal hours, though I do have to do shifts in the ICU and be on call.”

“I’m going to have a nice steak dinner,” I said. “I’d be happy if you joined me. If you don’t feel comfortable, I understand.”

Doctor Whittaker laughed, “I’ve had basically zero social life for eight years, which I’m sure you’re aware of, so I suppose it’s OK.”

“Then let’s go!” I said.

Thirty minutes later we were sitting in a nice restaurant with a bottle of red wine, eating our salads, and waiting for our main course to be brought to the table.

“You know the worst part?” I said. “It’s having to eat carbs during the entire week before the glucose tolerance test. It actually makes me feel poorly because my body shifts out of ketogenic metabolism.”

“There is a lot of controversy surrounding the claims of Atkins, and before him, Banting.”

“I get the Atkins complaints,” I said. “His book allows unlimited meats and cheeses, and while caloric intake is less of an issue than sugar, it’s a bad idea. On the other hand, Banting had great success in treating adult onset diabetes with his carbohydrate controlled diet and a Doctor Rosedale is reviving his work.”

“Banting wasn’t a doctor!”

I grinned, “And doctors have a monopoly on medical information?”

“It does help to be properly trained!”

“Yes, of course. But advances can come from nearly any direction in just about every field. It was a dentist, not a radiologist, who invented the improved CT scanner. At Argonne Labs near Chicago, high energy physicists are doing research on using high energy particles in the treatment of cancer. And THAT was started by a physicist at Harvard in the 1940s!”

“How do you know that?”

I smiled, “One of my friends is engaged to a research scientist at Argonne. We see them every few weeks. She’s a black belt in Aikido and comes to our dojo occasionally.”

“You practice a different form, though, right?”

“Shōtōkan. I’m a 5th Dan, and a certified instructor.”

“May I ask you a delicate question?”

“If my doctor can’t, who could?” I grinned.

“There is some big secret about you that Doctor Ross and Doctor Barton are keeping about your personal life. I’m guessing it doesn’t affect my work, but I think I need to know. I mean, if you’re willing to tell me.”

“Are you sure?” I chuckled. “Once you go through the ‘Looking Glass’ there is no turning back, Alice!”

“I think I need to know; not because I’m nosy about your personal life, but given your health situation.”

I decided I was going to have a bit of fun with how I explained the situation.

“If you’re absolutely sure.”

“I am.”

“Jessica isn’t my only wife and she isn’t mother to all my children.”

Mary laughed, “If I had a dollar for every divorced doctor with a blended family and kids by more than one woman, I could pay off my student loans tomorrow!”

“Not my only CURRENT wife,” I grinned.

“I may be a new Resident, and I may have been out of touch with the real world for eight years, but I think I would have heard if they made THAT legal!”

“And yet, it’s true. My other wife is a Chemistry professor at the University of Chicago, and she’ll receive her PhD in December.”

“Wait! They know about each other?”

I laughed, “Not only that, but we share a bed!”

Mary laughed and shook her head, “No way. This is all some sort of put on!”

“It gets better,” I grinned. “Or worse, depending on how you look at it. I have seven kids, but only four of them are by my wives. And we all live together in Chicago.”

“And mistresses?” she said, laughing harder. “This is all some male wet dream fantasy one of the doctors cooked up; I’m sure of it!”

I pulled my wallet out of my pocket and took out the plastic holder with the photographs.

“My seven kids and their four moms, plus the first mom’s wife.”

She flipped through the photos and a look of realization slowly spread across her face.

“You’re actually serious,” she said, after flipping through the photos for a second time.

“I am.”

“How did I miss this?”

I smiled, “When you took my sexual history, it was perfunctory. You asked how old I was the first time, whether I’d ever had an STI, whether I had any issues with gaining or maintaining an erection, or if there were any fertility issues. You covered the vasectomy when you asked about surgery. You didn’t even ask me how many kids I have.”

“You aren’t here for sexual dysfunction and there was no history of it, and how many kids a man has isn’t particularly relevant to his physical health the way it might be for a woman.”

“I suppose,” I replied, “though you might want to be a bit more thorough in that regard in the future. What if I was engaging in unsafe sex practices? Things which might put me at risk for HIV? You weren’t thorough enough, Doctor Whittaker.”

“Damn,” she sighed.

“We’ll fix that tomorrow, and it’ll be in the file when you discuss it with Doctor Alston and the other Attendings.”

“No, I need to let Doctor Alston know I messed up. I wasn’t thorough.”

“Well, I’m not going to tell the teacher on you.”

Mary sighed, “Eight years of school, INCLUDING clinical rotations, and there are days when I feel as if I’m still in kindergarten!”

“Do you remember the first time we met? When you missed the very reason I’m here? What did Doctor Alston tell you then?”

She sighed, “Probe. Look for changes, patterns, and relationships. I guess I was so focused on the syncope that I didn’t take the time to explore other areas.”

“And now you will.”

She smiled, “I never expected a patient to teach me!”

“I’m not a normal patient!”

“No kidding! I did notice you toned down being a smart ass.”

I laughed, “You have no idea how difficult it was not to make a joke when you were doing the hernia and prostate exam! I was SO tempted to complain that you could at least buy me a drink first!”

Mary laughed, “Cute, but you know darn well that wasn’t about sex!”

“Of course! But that doesn’t make it not funny!”

“True. And that’s not half as bad when I did my gerontology rotation! The first elderly man who I told to get undressed said ‘You first!’”

I laughed, “See, now that’s something I would say in the right situation! You do recall I did say you were far better looking than Doctor Ross!”

“You did,” she said warily.

“Relax, Doc,” I chuckled. “It’s not like that.”

“Then what is it like?” she asked with a stern look.

“Come on, Doc, noticing a pretty girl is NOT anything more than noticing a pretty girl. I didn’t mean to offend you.”

“Then why say it?”

“Because I was joking around with Doctor Ross and Doctor Alston. I didn’t mean anything by it!”

“And your comment before about buying me a drink? And this dinner?”

“Doctor Whittaker, I’m sorry,” I said apologetically. “It appears this was a bad idea.”

Suddenly she smirked, and there was a twinkle in her eye, and then she laughed openly.

“Gotcha! You looked like you wanted to crawl in a hole and die! I’m sure you know just how much female medical students have to put up with!”

I nodded, “I’ve heard from Jessica and other female doctor friends, including the one I run with every weekday morning. And yes, you did get me!”

“I can be just as silly as the next person, but it’s tough to do that in a clinical environment. Too many people are too serious about it.”

Now I was sure I could joke around with Doctor Whittaker.

I nodded, “That’s true. You know, I have a hobby?”

“Besides karate and occasionally playing chess and riding horses?”

I nodded soberly, “I’m an amateur gynecologist, and I’d be happy to do a THOROUGH exam!”

Mary laughed hard, “Very cute. One of the boys I graduated from medical school with had a collection of t-shirts. One said ‘Free breast exams’; another said ‘I’m not a gynecologist, but I’ll be happy to take a look’. He was a total pig, if you can imagine.”

“Where did he Scramble?”

Mary smiled widely, “A public hospital in Los Angeles; in dermatology. How did you know?”

“I’m married to a trauma surgeon, remember? And one of my mentors is Doctor Barton. Jess was in her third year when we married. And, as I mentioned, the doctor I run with is female. They’ve told me the horror stories!”

Our steaks arrived, along with the side dishes, and we dug in.

“It was pretty bad,” she said. “Male medical students and male doctors basically prey on female medical students. There are doctors who wear their conquests as badges of honor.”

“Which is exactly why Jessica wanted to marry someone outside the medical profession.”

“But why marry a guy who had another girl? Or did your other wife come later?”

“I was already with Kara when I met Jessica, but it’s more complicated than that. I met Jess when the girl who was likely going to be my fiancée was involved in a near-fatal traffic accident.”

“This just gets more complicated the more you tell me!”

“I told you, once you stepped through the ‘Looking Glass’, there was no going back, Alice!”

“Go on.”

“Well, remember when you said you had no social life for eight years? That was Jessica. The short version is that Jessica decided she wanted me, but was afraid I wouldn’t be able to hack her clinical rotation schedule, her studying, and worse, her Internship and Residency. From her perspective, it provided what she needed.”

“And the long story?”

I nodded and began telling the story. We finished our steaks, had dessert and coffee, and then went to the bar for a drink before I finished.

“Unbelievable,” she said. “I do have to say that was a unique solution your wife found.”

“Pretty much.”

“And you can have other girls on the side? And everyone is OK with this?”

“The people who matter - my wives and the other girls.”

“And is that how you expected this evening to end?” she asked, hands on her hips.

“That was the furthest thing from my mind!” I said defensively.

“I’m not sure if I should be relieved or offended!” Mary laughed.

“If it will soothe your physician’s ego, I’ll remind you I did say you were pretty.”

“Yes, you did,” she smirked. “In fact, you offered a complete gynecological exam!”

I was pretty sure she was yanking my chain, and that was fine. I wanted to have a good relationship with her. If she happened to be serious, I could easily talk my way out of it.

“Interested?” I smirked. “I’m VERY thorough.”

“It’s that simple? We just go back to your hotel and do it?” she asked.

“It’s NEVER that simple!”

“You know,” she sighed, “there are days...”

“Trust me; I know. Jessica and I have worked through all the issues. Do you have a boyfriend?”

“Who has time? Well, I suppose I have some now, but before? Don’t make me laugh! It was either hook up with some medical student or go to a bar and get picked up. Neither of those is at the top of my list of good ideas.”

“And celibacy isn’t one of mine!”

Mary laughed, “Nor mine. There was a guy back home who I dated off and on during High School. I’d see him on those rare occasions I went home. If you’ll pardon the indiscretion, it took the edge off.”

“A woman who had her finger in my butt and her hand in my briefs is on intimate enough terms to say pretty much anything she wants!”

“I can see your point!”

“And you want me to return the favor?” I grinned.

“Thank GOD women don’t need prostate exams! No thank you!”

“But the other exam?” I smirked.

“Will you answer a question without taking it the wrong way?”

“I’ll try.”

“How often do situations like this end up with the girl going to bed with you?”

“In the past? Fairly often. Well, probably almost always. Now? Rarely. Why?”

“Why? I’m asking from a clinical perspective. I know you’ve been diagnosed as mildly bipolar and hypersexuality is one of the symptoms. Do you think, from your perspective, that severely restricting your carbohydrates has contributed to your reduced, well, I’m not quite sure what to call it. From what I gather, you sex drive is fine.”