Chapter 28: You Could Always Say ‘No’

December 3, 1995, Chicago, Illinois

“Hi!” Melissa exclaimed when I arrived at her house on Sunday afternoon.

“How are you?”

“Good! I’ve missed our relaxation therapy sessions!”

“Things have been busy. Next weekend is busy as well. You’ll have to come by one evening this week.”

“I’d ask you join me in the Jacuzzi, but you’re here for Michelle. Are you staying the night?”

“I don’t know,” I said. “It depends on Michelle, and if she hasn’t told you, then nobody knows except her.”

“If you strike out, come see me ... maybe I’ll discover what I’ve been missing!”

“I’m still married,” I said.

“I know. It’s a stupid mental block based on social norms, and for some reason I haven’t been able to shake it. Well, come on in, we have lunch ready.”

“Thanks.”

I followed her to the kitchen where Michelle was waiting for us. I wasn’t quite sure how to approach her, but she solved the problem by stepping over and giving me a light hug.

“How are you?” I asked.

“Good,” she smiled, then leaned back in, putting her lips next to my ear, and whispering, “and VERY horny!”

“Get a room!” Melissa teased.

“After lunch!” Michelle replied impishly.

We sat down to a lunch of cream of mushroom soup and when we finished, Melissa shooed us out of the kitchen. Michelle took my hand and led me up to her bedroom. I started to say something, but she put her finger to my lips.

“You talk too much,” she said quietly. “Right now I need you to fuck me and fuck me HARD!”

I nodded and without a word, undressed. Michelle did the same, and two minutes later we were on her bed, slamming our bodies together in an almost violent coupling. Michelle had a string of strong orgasms and after about ten minutes, I exploded into her. When my orgasm finished, I pulled out and rolled onto my back. Michelle snuggled close and I put my arm around her.

“I’ve missed you,” I said.

“What we just did?”

“Yes, but that’s not what I meant. I miss spending time with you.”

“I needed my space,” she sighed, twirling her finger in my chest hair. “Thank you for letting me have it.”

“You’re welcome. I’m glad you invited me here today.”

“This is probably the last time we can be that crazy. The baby will get in the way soon enough.”

“And I’ll very much enjoy making love with you and your big baby belly! If that’s what you want, of course.”

“I’m just taking things one day at a time right now. The most important thing is my baby, obviously. Beyond that, I don’t know for sure.”

“You know I’ll help in any way you want me to.”

“I know. You promised; and I know you’ll keep that promise. Is everything OK at home?”

“Yes. The kids miss you, especially Birgit.”

“Would it be OK to take her to lunch?”

“Sure! She’d love that. Just arrange things with Amanda.”

“Who’s replacing her after Christmas?”

“I’ll take Ashley to the daycare co-op until she starts school next fall. Jennifer found a pair of High School Juniors who’ll come to the house in the afternoons to be there when the kids get home. And Kara’s schedule has her home no later than 4:30pm.”

“I’m glad things are going well.”

“How’s work?”

“You don’t get reports from Jennifer or Melissa?”

“Other than asking Jennifer if you were OK, no. I don’t want to pry. Melissa and I don’t talk about you.”

“You know she’s probably listening at the door!” Michelle giggled.

“Shall we invite her in?” I teased. “Though I doubt she is.”

“She joked with me about it, but I think you’re right. You know she wants you to drag her to her bed and do to her what you just did to me, don’t you?”

“First of all, I came to see you. Second, she’s made it clear she doesn’t want to be with a married man. And third, she’d have to ask me, which she won’t.”

“I didn’t say she’d ask; I said that’s what she wants.”

“I thought you had a problem with me being with other girls.”

“I do. I didn’t say I wanted that or that I would be happy. In fact, I’d be disappointed. But that doesn’t change the fact that she wants it.”

“So why tell me?”

“I don’t know.”

“A test,” I said flatly.

Michelle took a deep breath and let it out slowly, then whispered, “I guess.”

“I thought you moved here so you wouldn’t have to deal with those issues,” I said gently.

“I guess I just can’t get it out of my mind.”

“And yet you asked me to come here.”

“I know. I need you, but your lifestyle is just...”

“ ... not something you can deal with,” I said, completing the sentence she’d left hanging in mid-air.

“But I need you,” she sighed.

“I understand, but that topic has to be off limits or things are going to go very badly.”

“I’m sorry. Please don’t go!”

“I’m not going anywhere unless you tell me to leave or make it clear you don’t want me here.”

“Make love to me, please?” she asked quietly.

We made love three more times before showering and joining Melissa for dinner. After dinner, we hung out for a bit before Michelle hinted I should spend the night at home. I kissed her and then she walked me to the door. I was just getting into my car when Melissa came out through the garage.

“I’m surprised you’re leaving,” she said quietly.

“That’s what Michelle wanted. Does she know you came out here?”

“No. She went up to her room. Is everything OK?”

I shrugged, “She’s as confused as she ever was. Just watch out for her, please.”

Melissa smiled, “I will. I could use that shoulder rub.”

“Given what Michelle and I talked about, that’s probably not the best idea. I’m sorry.”

Melissa frowned, “Bummer. Can I come by tomorrow?”

“After karate would be fine. Sauna, shoulder rub, and whirlpool?”

“Sounds good,” she said. “Sounds VERY good.”

We hugged lightly, then I got into my car and headed home.

December 4, 1995, Chicago, Illinois

“She told you not to have sex with me, didn’t she?” Melissa asked as I rubbed her shoulders in the sauna.

“More or less,” I said. “But it’s about anyone except her and my wives, really, not you personally.”

“Let me get this straight - she’s having an affair with a married man, but thinks he shouldn’t stray? How does that even make ANY sense?”

“In Michelle’s mind, it does,” I said. “That’s all that really matters to her. It’s a contradiction I haven’t been able to overcome.”

“It’s weird.”

“I’m not sure how much she’s talked to you, but it has to do with her worldview.”

“That stupid notion that you can only ever have sex with one guy in your life? I swear, if she REALLY believes that, she should never have fucked a married guy in the first place!”

“That would be the logical conclusion,” I said. “But if you know that, you also know why she did it.”

“Because she felt it was fated from the origin of the universe. I can’t buy into that kind of fatalistic outlook.”

“Me neither,” I said. “But I totally understand why she thinks the way she does. In the end, all of this makes sense in Michelle’s mind, even with all the contradictions.”

“I have half a mind to have sex with you just to make a point.”

“Which would be about the dumbest reason I can think of for you to do it,” I said. “And if I thought that was the reason you were asking me to do it, I’d turn you down flat.”

“You would, wouldn’t you?”

“Yes. We have a really good relationship and I don’t want to mess it up.”

“You haven’t thought about moving your hands lower?” she teased.

“Thought about? Sure. I have a VERY vivid imagination. But that doesn’t mean it’s a good idea.”

“I’m curious,” Melissa laughed.

“Curiosity killed the cat!” I replied.

“But what a way to die,” she laughed. “Jacuzzi?”

“Sure.”

We got up and moved to the Jacuzzi. I got in and she followed, sitting between my legs. I put my arms lightly around her waist, and she surprised me by turning sideways. She rested her head on my shoulder and put her hand on my chest. Her right breast pushed deliciously into my chest, and threatened an inappropriate reaction.

“So, about those fantasies,” she asked impishly.

“I’ll tell you on one condition,” I grinned.

“What’s that?”

“You agree, in advance, to do EVERYTHING I’ve fantasized about.”

“I can’t do that without knowing what it might involve!” she protested.

“And I don’t think it’s wise to tell you my fantasies.”

“Jerk,” she laughed, turning so her back was against me.

“Let me ask you this,” I said. “Are you willing to give up what we have in exchange for sex?”

“What do you mean?”

“It’ll change this in ways we can’t predict, and being in here will become about sex, not about relaxation and intimacy.”

“What?”

“If we were lovers, what do you think we’d have done in here?”

“I see your point.”

“So, do you want to trade?”

“No, I don’t think that would be a good exchange.”

“Exactly.”

After about twenty minutes in the Jacuzzi, we got out, showered individually, and I walked her to the door. We hugged, exchanged kisses on the cheek, and she left. I went upstairs to the bedroom where Jessica was getting ready for work.

“One of these days...” Kara teased.

I shook my head, “No, actually not. I asked her if she wanted to exchange the relaxing, intimate time for sex. She decided that was a bad trade. In fact, I suspect from this point on, she’s not going to bring it up. She likes what we have too much to mess it up.”

“You’ve developed two very good female friends with whom you haven’t had sex,” Jessica observed.

“Gina doesn’t cuddle naked with me in the Jacuzzi,” I chuckled.

“And Melissa doesn’t complain about the downside of being a girl!”

“I can do without that!” I said, shaking my head. “But Gina gets a kick out of it. And since Robby was born in April, I get to hear about chapped nipples and other things I had zero interest in knowing about! You girls never complained about that!”

“It’s a girl thing,” Jessica laughed. “You aren’t my girlfriend, but you ARE Gina’s! I’m ready to go.”

The three of us went downstairs, put on our fall coats and set out for the hospital.

“Did you confirm your plans for this weekend?” Kara asked.

“Yes. Donna will be here late on Friday afternoon, probably about the time I get home from work. She’ll have dinner with us, then I’ll take her to the loft apartment.”

“You could just use the guest room, Tiger,” Jessica said.

“Which would violate our rule about not being with anyone in the house except the two of you. Well, Michelle when she was here.”

“This seems like a very special occasion, don’t you think?”

“Maybe,” I said. “But I’m also not sure how she’d react to something like that.”

“In your journal, you said Stephanie sat in the other room while you and Donna had sex the first time, and then later, too!”

“I think it’s a bit different from being in the same house with my wives!” I protested.

“It would be easier,” Kara said. “I mean if she’s comfortable with it.”

“I’ll let her know it’s an option,” I said. “If you’re both OK with it.”

“We are,” Kara said. “We talked about it once you told us your plans. Did Melissa say anything about Michelle?”

“Just that she knows that Michelle is very confused. Something has to give, but I don’t know what. In the end, it’s up to her, but there is a limit.”

“What do you mean?”

“If she makes an issue of me being with other girls, I’m going to have to break things off with her. I sort of hinted at that on Sunday afternoon. The only people who have ANY say in that are the two of you. Well, and me, obviously.”

“How are things with Molly?” Jessica asked.

“Just fine. She’s not demanding, understands the situation, and knows things will end once she manages to get released by her sensei in Milwaukee.”

“Do you think that will happen soon?”

“I have no idea. I really want to talk to the man, but Sensei Jim forbade me doing that. I think a short conversation with him might actually resolve the issue.”

“And end your sexual relationship with her.”

“Yes, but that’s not what she needs most from me at this point. She needs me as a mentor and sensei far more than she needs me as a lover. I think her attitude towards finding a boyfriend has changed somewhat.”

“Sex with you will do that, Tiger!” Jessica laughed.

“It seems as if you’re trying to wean the girls from sex with you,” Kara observed.

“I think it depends on the girl,” I said. “The idea of a long-term third is attractive, but it would take a special kind of girl.”

“Elyse?”

“She and I have danced around that topic. Eduardo might be OK with it happening occasionally, but not the way it was before. I’m not even sure I should be with her again. I did promise to talk to her about it.”

“Eve?”

“Moving her into the house might raise some eyebrows, not to mention she has a history of relatively short-term affairs. She gets bored, or the guy does something she doesn’t like, and she moves on. Well, except for her dad’s friend in Florida. She’s been with him every Summer when they visit since she was sixteen. The fact that they’ve managed to keep that secret is a pretty good indication she knows how to be discreet. She’s the model of professionalism at work.”

“Unlike Penny!” Kara teased.

“Penny is Penny,” I chuckled. “Nobody controls Penny!”

“It’s too bad Kimmy married. She was perfect.”

I smiled, “At the right time, yes. I needed what she had to offer when she offered it. Now, it would be very different. But she’s married and has a kid.”

“Do you think you need a long-term third?” Jessica asked.

I shrugged, “I’m not quite sure what I need at the moment. For now, I’m just going to stick to Molly and Eve, well, plus Donna this weekend.”

“What about Michelle?”

“I have a strong feeling something is going to change. I just don’t know what.”

“What about your deal with Lyusya?”

I chuckled, “She’ll end up in a serious relationship again, and that will be the end of it. She’s been dating, so it’s mostly a matter of time.”

“What about Karla? She’s coming to visit next Summer.”

“True, but we’ll play that by ear, too. Remember, «lagom». I had a bit of a spree, but I want to dial it back a bit. There’s a good balance there somewhere, and I just need to find it.”

We arrived at the ER where Kara and I both kissed and hugged Jessica, and when Jessica had gone into the building, Kara and I turned for home.

“Between you and me, Steve, are you doing OK?”

“Yes, Honey, I am. I know you’re concerned about how I’m thinking, but honestly, Meredith and Jasmine were one-offs, and I don’t want to repeat them. Not because there’s anything wrong with them, but because it doesn’t fit my idea of a proper balance. Molly and I are fairly regular lovers; Eve and I are occasional lovers. I think that’s a much better balance.”

“A third almost would have to be a girl who didn’t want to have kids, or already had them.”

“And who would sign up for Cirque du Steve.”

“Liz would! In a heartbeat!”

“Except she wants to marry and have kids, so it would have had to end. I want to go back to your question. It seems as if you don’t think I’m doing OK.”

“I think you’re out of sorts because Michelle moved out. I do agree with you about Meredith and Jasmine. And Molly will probably end the way you say, maybe even soon. You can’t be with Eve too often, and, as you say, at some point that will end. I almost feel like taking out an ad!”

I laughed, “And what would this ad say?”

“Wanted: Sexy virgin who does not desire children or marriage for long-term relationship with over-the-top sex!”

“I think we’d get arrested,” I chuckled. “And I’m not sure a virgin would sign up for that kind of thing.”

“I suppose it depends. If you figured a ten-year affair, and she was eighteen, that’s not crazy given the age girls are getting married now.”

“It sure changed quickly, didn’t it?”

“I think part of it was Milford was more rural and getting married right out of High School or college was normal. Here it’s three or four years after college.”

“True.”

“Will you consider something we’ve never done before?”

I chuckled, “I can’t think of anything sexual that we haven’t done that I would do!”

Kara laughed, “That’s not what I meant, Silly!”

“What did you have in mind?”

“Let me find the girl. I obviously know your type.”

“Why would you do that?”

“Because I think you need a long-term third, and you haven’t been successful at finding one. And it’s not as if you have much chance to meet any girls these days, given that you’ve put most women you could meet ‘off limits’.”

“I’m not sure that’s a good idea.”

“You can always say ‘no’, Snuggle Bear.”

“What about Jessica?”

“I’ll make sure she approves.”

“Would you expect me to give up all the other girls?”

“No, but you will. Sure, you’ll have the occasional dalliance, but they would be few and far between. At least until a certain set of redheads come of age!”

“Kara...”

“Sorry. I was just teasing a bit. You know I would never say anything except to you. And I did leave out several other young women who will come to you with a demand you initiate them!”