Chapter 25: A New Russian Empire

November 14, 1995, Chicago, Illinois

Penny was in a foul mood when she came into the office on Tuesday morning.

“Hey, asshole, how could you not tell me something so important?!”

“Relax, Penelope! It wasn’t my place to say anything. Michelle asked to tell some people personally, and then left it to Elyse, who is, or rather was, her manager, to tell everyone else. You took the afternoon off!”

“If you call me Penelope one more time, I’m going to beat you within an inch of your life!”

“Well, Penelope, Penelope is your name, isn’t it?”

She picked up the Nerf bat I’d bought for her and hit me in the chest with it.

“I’d hit your head, which might knock some sense into you, but I don’t want to deal with Al Barton or Jessica!”

“Good choice, Penelope,” I grinned.

“Argh!” she growled. “So who’s replacing her as office manager?”

“That’s up to Elyse. Remember, that role reports to the CFO. And she gets to manage her team, just as the other managers do.”

“And Michelle is pregnant?”

“Yes, Penelope, she’s pregnant. But you know I can’t be the biological father.”

“Utter the ‘P’ word again and you won’t BE a biological father!”

“Cutting off my member doesn’t wipe out the Y-chromosome, Penelope!” I taunted.

She glared at me, but gave up, knowing that I’d simply continue using her given name with relative impunity no matter what she threatened.

Just before lunch, Elyse called and asked me to step over to her office.

“I talked to her this morning,” Elyse said when I’d closed the door.

“And?”

“I’m inclined to offer her the role. Is there anyone who should talk to her?”

“Kimmy,” I said. “And I’ll have a quick conversation with her after that just to confirm.”

“OK. Let me chat with Keri and Chris so they aren’t taken by surprise. I don’t think there will be an issue, but I don’t want them blindsided by an announcement like that.”

“Whatever you need to do. Did you talk with Cindi?”

“No, I’ll do that before I have Eve meet with Kimmy.”

“Let Cindi know she can start looking right away. Or maybe someone who is doing phone and on-site support is interested in QA.”

“I’ll let you know. I want to get this wrapped up today. I didn’t check your schedule.”

“I’m having lunch with Sam to discuss what’s looking to become a joint venture with FJF for an IT practice where we provide the technical muscle and they provide the legal muscle. Sam proposed we put together a security audit offering, as well as the ‘expert’ services we’ll provide directly to FJF.”

“OK. But you’re free all afternoon otherwise?”

“I have a call with Abel in New York scheduled for 3:00pm, but it should be short. I think I’m going to need to fly to New York and see him. There isn’t a problem, but he is all by himself there which can be tough. Andy at least has someone with him in Los Angeles. I can visit some clients as well.”

“When?”

“Probably after the first of the year. I’ll see him, at least briefly, at the regional party in December.”

“I have all the confirmations for the parties. I believe that’s all set. Michelle was working on it, so you know it was in good shape! Kimmy said she has your reservations for Colorado Springs and Pittsburgh.”

“OK. Just send Eve to me when she’s talked to Kimmy.”

“No privileges, Mr. Adams. Remember that.”

“Says the woman who said, and I quote - ‘Fuck the rules’!”

“I’m invoking my own pseudo-wifely privilege!”

“Tell that one to Jamie!” I grinned.

“I think I’ll keep my mouth shut,” she smirked.

“That will make this VERY boring!”

“Go back to work!” she ordered.

I leaned down and gave her a kiss on the cheek, then went back to my office. Just before noon, Sam called and said she was ready for lunch. We met in the lobby where I donned my moderate Winter jacket and fedora, and Sam put on a very stylish coat which her boyfriend had recently given her.

“That really suits you,” I said.

“Thanks. Levi has good taste!”

“He’s dating you, so he must. Beautiful, intelligent, and successful!”

“And a klutz!”

“I daresay not severely injuring a five-year-old kid qualifies you for sainthood, not as a klutz. Well, not sainthood, I guess, since you’re Jewish.”

“And secular, too, so don’t sweat it. Levi and I put up Chanukah AND Christmas decorations. It’s cultural, you know?”

“Sure. I have something for you.”

I handed her an envelope.

“What?!” she gasped. “You can’t do this! No!”

“Sure I can. And I did. I believe the customary response is ‘Thank you!’ not ‘No!’.”

Sam broke her usual protocol and hugged me tightly.

“Thank you!”

“You’re welcome. I figured it was the least I could do.”

“How many miles did THIS cost you?”

“Most of my mileage bank and upgrade points which were left over after the flights to Sweden and Russia, but don’t sweat it. I wasn’t going to use them anytime soon, and at the rate I earn miles, it’s no big deal. You know Barney comps us all First Class upgrades on domestic flights when seats are available, so I don’t need to use miles or upgrade points for those.”

“Open date?”

“Yes. I didn’t want to make any assumptions about Levi’s schedule. Well, assuming you’re taking him. It does say ‘and traveling companion’!” I grinned.

Sam laughed, “Not in this life or any other!”

“Tell me something I don’t already know!”

“You know,” she said playfully, “I could take my mom! But then I’d need to look for a new boyfriend and Levi is already housebroken, so maybe I’ll just take him after all!”

“Nice,” I chuckled. “Persian women remind me of Greek and Italian women!”

“Nah, they’re amateurs! The Greeks and Italians, I mean!”

“I’ll mention that to Sofia and Joyce when I see them!”

Sam laughed, “Your doctor friend, right?”

“Yes, the pediatrician.”

“You must be in your element today.”

“Why do you say that?”

“The budget showdown? Closing most government offices or running them with a skeleton staff!”

“Hey, if they told all ‘non-essential’ staff to stay home, my question is, why do they have jobs if they are ‘non-essential’? Do WE have any non-essential employees? I mean, besides you, of course!”

“There’s a fire hydrant coming up you could trip over, Boss!” she threatened. “I see your point, but you know we don’t see eye-to-eye on that.”

“No, we don’t. You’re the token Democrat in the place!”

“So sue me! Your friend the Deputy US Marshal is a Democrat, too! The one who made the list?”

I laughed, “I should have known!”

We walked into Venice Café, waited in line to get our food, then found a table in the back corner so we could have some privacy.

“I read your proposal and I like it,” I said. “I’d like you to go to California and meet with Megan and Ben Jackson. I think there is some very good synergy with security audits. While you’re there, talk to them about electronic discovery, too, please.”

“I saw your email about that. It makes sense after the work we’ve done for the FBI. We could develop tools for that purpose, too. But if we do all of this, it’s too much work for Brenda and me.”

“I know. That’s the real reason we’re having lunch away from the office. I want you to think about how you want to handle this. Your role is non-managerial and that’s what you wanted. And that works when it’s just you and Brenda. But if we add one or two more people, Julia won’t be able to manage that group with all her other duties.”

“I do NOT want to manage.”

“Trust me! I know! I’m curious how you think we should handle this.”

“Have you considered forming a security team? I’d obviously provide them senior technical backup, but they would operate similarly to Charlie’s team or one of Dave’s development teams.”

“Have someone in mind to lead it?”

“Actually, no. Brenda and I work really well together, and she’s my successor should anything happen. She likes what she’s doing as well. I think you’ll need to create a team from whole cloth.”

“If that’s going to happen, then YOU are going to create the team from whole cloth and spin it off with the team lead reporting to Julia. Obviously, she’ll need to approve of the plan, but I want you to build the team.”

“Why me?”

“Because I only do vetoes! The LAST thing I want to do is a couple of dozen interviews. Besides, you and Brenda know exactly what we’re looking for. And, in a slight twist, I’d ask Megan to interview them as well.”

“Oh, wow! That’s an interesting idea. I never would have thought of it, but if they’re going to be working closely with her new practice, it makes perfect sense.”

“It does; especially given the new team is going to have to train lawyers in enough technology to be successful.”

“Which is going to be about as easy as herding cats!” Sam laughed. “Lawyers and computers do NOT work well together!”

“Did you just say we shouldn’t be in business?”

She laughed, “I meant from the technical side. How many support calls do we get which amount to ‘did you actually read what was on the screen’?”

I laughed, “Yes, what Cèlia’s team calls ID-10-T errors!”

“That one is reserved for lawyers. With doctors it’s usually PEBKAC!”

“How often do you listen in on support calls these days?”

“Maybe two hours a month. The team is really good and they’re making very good use of the knowledge base that Brenda and I built in HTML and PHP. I am SO glad we have access to Usenet at work. PHP is a lot easier to use than Perl, though it’s not quite as powerful. I’m hoping to see it extended.”

“It sure simplified the trouble-ticket submission pages on our company website. I assume you saw my memo discussing the bugs and limitations I found.”

“I do read your emails, Boss!”

“I never doubted that. Write up a proposal for the structure of the new team and send it to Julia, Cindi, Elyse, and me, and we’ll get the ball rolling. And call Megan to make your travel plans. If it has to be after the first of the year, I understand.”

“I suspect January is best all around.”

“Then, in the immortal words of Julia Kallas when she was running things, ‘Make it so!’.”

We finished our lunch and headed back to the office. As planned, I spoke with Abel at 3:00pm and listened to what he had to say about being on his own. As we talked, I came to the conclusion that anywhere we only had one person, we needed to make sure the regional director visited them at least twice a year, and preferably every quarter, and it could be combined with customer visits. I made notes for discussion at the ‘leadership’ meeting, and had just hung up when Elyse called to say she was ready for me to talk to Eve.

Penny was at her workstation, so I met Eve in the ‘Orr’ room.

“Is this because of Cincinnati?” she asked as we sat down.

“If you mean because you moved into a position of complete trust because of Saturday afternoon, then yes. If you mean a quid pro quo for what happened Saturday night, then I’ve horribly misjudged you.”

Eve nodded, “I meant the afternoon. I’d never impute improper business decisions to you. I don’t recall hearing you’ve ever made any.”

“I’ve made a few,” I said. “Including this one, at least if you listen to our attorney.”

“Obviously. But have I behaved differently in any way? Or talked to anyone?”

“No, of course not.”

“Only a foolish person kills the goose who lays the golden egg! Or the golden boss who lays the employee!”

I laughed hard, “Nice. I assume you’ll be able to work closely with me without any trouble?”

“Of course. And with Elyse as well. And Kimmy,” then she broke into an evil grin. “Penny on the other hand...”

“You aren’t the first one to mention that!” I grinned.

“Let me just say this - I bet she was the best fifteen-year-old fuck on the planet, bar none.”

I nodded, “There might be some truth to that statement.”

“As feisty as she is? And as sexy? She must have been a sex bomb at fifteen.”

“She isn’t now?” I grinned.

“I believe you cut her off at sixteen in exchange for that desk next to you.”

“You believe correctly. Back to business for a minute. Is the salary acceptable?”

“Are you kidding? I live at home and other than my car payments and insurance, I have no real expenses. My Metra ticket is subsidized, as is my parking at Route 59. Dad refuses to charge me rent, and won’t accept any, telling me to save my money for a house when I get married. So I bought the nice car, put down a big chunk, and as I said, that’s the only real expense I have.”

“And the job interests you?”

“You hired me as a support engineer in January, promoted me to QA Engineer less than five months later, and now you’re offering me one of the most important roles in the company, where I get to be part of the executive team? What do you think?”

“I think that’s not an answer.”

“Yes, it interests me.”

“Do you remember the first interview?”

She laughed, “You threw me for a loop with those off-the-wall questions.”

“Here’s the one for today - the government shutdown.”

“Make it permanent and eliminate all ‘non-essential’ staff immediately! We’d save trillions!”

“Good answer,” I chuckled.

“It was kind of obvious, given your libertarian leanings.”

“Leanings? That’s like calling Mario Lemieux a ‘good’ hockey player.”

“Who?” she smirked.

“I may need to reconsider my decision, given the decor of the largest conference room!”

“I’m a bit more observant than that!” she laughed. “When would I start?”

“That depends on the outcome of the debate I’m sure Cindi and Elyse will have as soon as Elyse offers you the role.”

“You could have them settle it by Jell-O wrestling!” Eve smirked.

“If I sold tickets to THAT I could retire tomorrow!”

“No kidding. Cindi is impressive.”

“She is. Thanks, Eve. I’ll let Elyse know I’m happy.”

“You were VERY happy Sunday morning! Can we get together to shoot soon?”

“Well, I was supposed to coach Marcia for a tournament after Thanksgiving, but I can’t do that now for the reasons I told you. What about Friday after Thanksgiving?”

“The store is closed, but I have a key to the range. We’d have it all to ourselves.”

“Sounds like a plan. Let me clear it with Jessica and Kara.”

“It’s weird to be having an affair with a married man and have to sneak around everyone EXCEPT his wives.”

“As they say, welcome to Cirque du Steve!”

Eve laughed and we got up. She went downstairs and I went to let Elyse know she should proceed. That evening, I explained everything to Jessica and Kara, and both laughed, shook their heads, and opined that Fate was finally smiling on me.

November 15, 1995, Chicago, Illinois

“Happy Birthday!” the assembled team exclaimed when I brought Elyse down to the first floor of the office.

“I SAID no parties,” she hissed.

“Who’s the boss around here?” I asked.

“ME! Of the purse strings!”

“Which is why I paid for this personally, using funds drawn on Jessica’s private account!”

“Bastard!”

“Just enjoy yourself! That’s what you tell ME when you have parties I tell you not to plan!”

She did, actually, enjoy the meal catered by Portillo’s, including a chocolate cake which was out of this world. We ate our meals, sang to her, and ate cake and ice cream, and then everyone pitched in to help clean up. Given the massive numbers of carbs in my double-bacon-cheeseburger, large cheese fries, Coke, cake, and ice cream, Elyse and I went for a walk immediately following lunch.

“Sugar high?” she teased.

“Everything tastes so sickeningly sweet these days. I need to walk for an hour. Are you cool with that, or do we need to cycle back earlier?”

“I’m OK with it.”

“Did you and Cindi come to an agreement?”

Elyse smirked, “Without resorting to Jell-O wrestling!”

“I see Eve mentioned that to you,” I said flatly.

“She does work for me now! And I doubt anyone would buy tickets to see me.”

“I wouldn’t be too sure,” I said, putting my arm around her shoulders. “You know I prefer your body type to hers.”

“You know what I’ve always wondered? Is that related to your thing for younger girls?”

I shrugged, “Who knows? Your aunt has your same build, and Birgit was like Karin. Melanie is a bit bigger, and Jennifer was a C-cup by around sixteen. Debbie V was bigger. So it wasn’t as if I fixated on small breasts and associated them with being fifteen or whatever. And besides Samantha, who was my favorite from the Saint Martin Six?”

“Liz. The one with very nice, very firm, very large breasts.”

“So it’s a severe preference, but not a fixation. I think Kara sort of proves that, don’t you?”

Elyse laughed, “True. The one girl, who, if someone put a gun to your head and made you decide to only have sex with one girl for the rest of your life, you would choose.”

“Yes. Anyway, your agreement with Cindi?”

“Next Monday. We worked out an arrangement with Charlie for Elizabeth to borrow Bert or Nathan if we need them, but given we’re seven months from a major release of the legal software and we just shipped a major release of the medical software, we probably won’t need to. Cindi is doing the paperwork and will drop it with Kimmy this afternoon. She’s also going to hand in the paperwork for the three new Support Engineers. And I should have the paperwork for the new consultants Charlie wants to hire by the end of the week.”

“Cool. What about admin staff?” I asked.

“We’ve always run so lean that I’m reticent, but we need someone to help Chris and Keri. Lucas helps, obviously, but he has his own duties. It’s not like we have secretaries or admin assistants.”

“Only Kimmy, but really, everyone types, everyone answers their own phones, everyone does their own faxing. We started out that way and it makes sense to do that as much as possible. I take it you read Barbara’s staffing plan and final budget request?”

“Yes,” Elyse agreed. “That will help a lot, because putting a general purpose admin person in Colorado Springs means I won’t have to use Keri or Chris for front desk duty, or worse, one of the consultants or programmers. And that means they can reconcile the timesheets for the region, and enter everything into the billing system and payroll system. I think that office may well grow faster than Chicago.”

“You saw that, in the end, Mario decided against larger space for next year.”

“I think with Durham, as well as needing someone in New England, it makes sense.”

“Yes, and having someone in Boston will help with New York as well. I don’t like these ‘lone wolf’ situations, but, honestly, the airfares would kill us, not to mention the lost time traveling. We’ve done a pretty good job in that regard, but we still have issues with the Pacific Northwest. It doesn’t make sense to put someone in Seattle just yet, but Barbara did consider it.”

“You saw that we got the final lease documents for the space in Dallas, right?” I asked.

“Yes. Zeke is flying down next Monday to do a walk-through. He’s already talked to our phone consultants and I have a list of equipment. I don’t think you should send Eve, even though Michelle was planning to go.”

“I agree. Do you realize just how crazy this is? Chicago, Pittsburgh, Colorado Springs, Durham, Dallas, and a satellite office in Los Angeles? Plus staff in San Francisco and New York? It seems like yesterday we were working out of the house!”