Chapter 23: Michelle’s Dilemma

November 5, 1995, Chicago, Illinois

“Hi!” Kara called out, jumping up from the couch.

I pulled her into my arms and hugged her tightly, but released her almost immediately as a small army of kids suddenly mobbed me, demanding my attention!

“Hi Kids!” I said, then hugged each one in turn.

“How was Ohio?” Kara asked when I’d hugged the last of the kids.

“Good. I have some stuff to tell you and Jess, but it’s easier if we wait for her to wake up rather than have to repeat it all twice.”

“Did something happen?”

“Can we please wait for Jess?”

Kara cocked her head and looked at me, “I suppose. Michelle will be home before then.”

“That’s going to be interesting,” I said. “I need to get a bite to eat.”

“You didn’t stop?”

“Wendy’s isn’t exactly what I’d call ‘low carb’,” I laughed.

Kara and I walked to the kitchen, followed by Birgit, Stephie, and Ashley. The three girls sat at the table while I made my lunch, and Kara pulled one of the stools from the island next to the table for herself.

“Did you see Joseph and Amelia?” Birgit asked.

“Yes. Aunt Joyce wants to come to visit, but she’s really busy, and Uncle Jake is helping the Navy with a submarine. Grandpa Adams said they’re going to come visit at Thanksgiving.”

“Your mom, too?” Birgit asked with a frown.

“Yes. But we’ll be nice to her.”

“She’s mean!” Stephie said.

“I know, Bunny Rabbit, but we’re nice to her anyway. We try to be nice to everyone. What did you guys do while I was away?”

“Played with our friends,” Stephie said. “And Birgit did karate with Mommy. What did you do?”

“I visited with Aunt Joyce and Grandpa Adams, and talked to Doctor Mercer.”

“Aunt Elyse said you were getting your head shrunk!” Stephie giggled. “It doesn’t look smaller!”

“Aunt Elyse is a turkey!” I laughed. “Where is she?”

“Kissing Eduardo!” she giggled.

“They went out to lunch and then they were going shopping,” Kara laughed. “Though she did spend the night at his place.”

“Yes! Kissing!”

“She’s supposed to kiss Eduardo!” I said. “He’s her boyfriend!”

“Anyone home?” I heard Michelle call out.

“In the kitchen!” Kara called back.

Michelle came into the kitchen with a shoulder bag and small suitcase.

“How was Pennsylvania?” I asked.

“Quiet. Peaceful.”

“Good. Did you make any progress?”

“Finish your lunch and come upstairs, if it’s OK with Kara.”

“It is,” Kara said.

“Thanks.”

Michelle turned and left the kitchen. Kara and I exchanged a look and both shrugged, neither of us sure what the invitation meant. I finished my lunch, rinsed the plate and glass and put them in the dishwasher, then kissed Kara and my girls and headed upstairs. I knocked on Michelle’s door and she called out for me to come in. I went in and shut the door behind me.

“Come sit with me,” she said, moving to the loveseat.

I walked over and sat down beside her. She said nothing, but simply took my hand in hers and held it. I waited in the increasingly uncomfortable silence, for her to speak. It was, perhaps ten minutes later, when she finally did.

“I’ve come to a complicated intersection,” Michelle said quietly, “and I’m not quite sure which of the roads to take. And the decision is complicated by being pregnant, which is the one thing I am very, very happy about. It’s everything else I’m not sure about.”

“How can I help?” I asked.

She took a deep breath and let it out, “I wish I knew the answer to that question. For three weeks I’ve gone over everything in my mind, and in a way, I’m more confused than I was when I left. But I have to make some important decisions, even if I’m confused. I want you to help me raise my child, but I’m not sure if I can be around you if I’m not sleeping with you. And I’m not sure I can continue sleeping with you if you’re going to have casual relationships with other women. And that’s all complicated by the fact I work for you. Please don’t take this the wrong way, but I feel trapped.”

I could see how she would feel that way, but I knew something she didn’t, and I didn’t think we could continue the conversation with me knowing something important which she didn’t. Melissa would forgive the indiscretion, I was sure.

“What if there were a way to fix that last complication?” I asked.

“What do you mean?”

“Melissa Mascioli is going to call you tomorrow and offer you an administrative assistant role which is very much like the one Kimmy fulfills for NIKA.”

“Did you ask her to do that?” Michelle asked, sounding upset.

“No. She approached me and asked my permission to speak to you. I granted it, and I would have no matter what the situation between you and me was. I would never stand in the way of someone’s professional growth, and you know as well as I do, Kimmy is not going anywhere.”

“No kidding!” she laughed softly. “Do you think I should take it?”

“I think you should talk to her about it,” I said. “It’s more responsibility and more pay, though I have no idea what she’s going to offer you.”

“And the baby?”

“You should tell her about that, but we managed while Kimmy was on maternity leave. And M&M has the same policy in place, though the benefits aren’t quite as generous. That said, we have the support agreement we signed, and I promise that no matter what you decide, I’ll make sure you and the baby have absolutely everything you need and are very comfortable.”

“Why me? I don’t know her that well.”

“Jennifer recommended you. And Melissa knows I would never put you in the position you’re in if I didn’t trust you implicitly.”

“Does she know about us?”

“Not that I’m aware of. I can’t imagine Jennifer shared anything about our personal relationship. I certainly haven’t.”

“Would you be very upset if I consider it?”

“No, of course not. You have to do what’s best for you and your baby.”

“And us?” she asked.

“With regard to dalliances, I am who I am. I make no apologies. They will happen, and the number will wax and wane. Sometimes there won’t be any. Sometimes there will be several. I know you don’t approve, and I know you wish I would limit myself to Jessica, Kara, and you, but we both know that’s not going to happen. Will I eventually stop having dalliances? Maybe. But you can’t depend on that happening in any particular timeframe.”

“What would happen if I decided I didn’t want to make love with you?”

“Other than not sleeping in your bed on Sunday nights? Nothing would change. If you don’t know that, you’ve completely misunderstood me.”

Michelle took a deep breath and let it out.

“That is my biggest struggle, Steve. I love, absolutely love, what we do together. But I can never do it with anyone but you. If we stop, it means I’ll be celibate for the rest of my life. That is the one thing about which I’m completely sure.”

“And that is one decision with which I really can’t help you. Kara might be able to provide some input, if you want.”

“She and I have spoken at length about it. About what she would have done if you hadn’t taken her back. She wanted kids badly enough, she would have most likely set aside that belief, though it would have upset her greatly to do so, and it probably would have eventually wrecked her marriage because of guilt.”

I nodded, “I know. It’s something I hear from you and Kara, but it’s not something I can internalize.”

“If you could, then perhaps you wouldn’t have deflowered so many young women.”

“It takes two to tango, Michelle. Not everyone believes the way you and Kara do. In fact, the vast majority of people don’t. But, it’s part of your core being, so you can’t simply ignore it.”

“I don’t regret sharing my virginity with you, Steve. Please know that. And I understood the ramifications of my choice then and my choice now. I will never, ever believe it was wrong to make love to you. And I don’t want you to think it was wrong to make love to me. That said,” she smiled wryly, “I’ve made my bed and I have to lie in it.”

“Before you make any decisions, why don’t you talk to Melissa? I don’t want you feeling trapped, and perhaps that will provide you with some freedom, if that’s what you need. Maybe working at M&M is what you need - to get away from me and my circus, at least part of the time.”

She nodded, and squeezed my hand.

“If I were to move into my own place, would we still be able to be together? I mean, occasionally?”

“I think you, Jessica, Kara, and I can work out whatever arrangements are necessary.”

“I love all three of you, very much.”

“And we all love you. I suppose I should ask now about tonight.”

Michelle laughed softly, “Three weeks without sex? I’m about to climb the walls!”

“Uhm, isn’t that a problem for the future?”

She took a deep breath and let it out, “One day at a time, Steve. That’s all we can do - take life one day at a time. Go see Kara and the kids. I’ll see you at dinner.”

“OK.”

She released my hand and leaned over and kissed my cheek. I got up and left her room, pulling the door closed behind me. I went downstairs to find Kara and the kids. We played with them for a few hours, and then Birgit and I went to the kitchen to make dinner. Jessica came in just before dinner was ready to give me a kiss, and I asked her to help get things on the table.

After our family dinner, and after Bo, Gina, Brian, Samantha, and the Quinns had left, Jessica, Kara, and I went to the ‘Indian’ room with a pot of lemon tea.

“Kara said you had some things to tell us,” Jessica said.

I nodded, “First, and please keep this to yourselves until you hear otherwise, but Joyce is having a hysterectomy on Thursday. She has stage 1A cervical cancer.”

“Oh no!” Kara gasped, a tear forming in her eye.

“Kara,” Jessica said gently, putting her arm around her, “At that stage, a hysterectomy is a very effective treatment, so much so that you could call it a cure. Tiger, when was she diagnosed?”

“She had some abnormal cells about a year ago, and they did the same cauterization treatment she had done a decade ago. The cells came back and they diagnosed her last Thursday.”

“That surgery is quick, but I suppose she had already dealt with the possibility the first time.”

I nodded, “Yes, so she simply told them to schedule the surgery. She’s telling Jake today. He was in Connecticut, either Groton or New London, working on some propulsion system problem for the Navy. She told her grandmother and me, but didn’t want to tell Jake over the phone.”

“Understandable,” Jessica said. “How is she?”

“Emotional, but holding things together. Her grandmother is a tough cookie and will make sure Joyce is OK.”

“How was your talk with Doctor Mercer?”

I smiled, “She said I passed my check-up.”

“Good!”

“I do have two other things to tell you,” I said. “First, when Joyce and I were at dinner with my dad, I ran into Donna Woody.”

“No way!” Kara gasped. “How is she?”

“Twelve years older than the last time I saw her,” I grinned. “And Marcus is fourteen. He’s a good-looking kid.”

“Let me guess,” Kara smirked, “you didn’t go back to Joyce’s house!”

“Actually, I did. Donna and Marcus had dessert with us, then she and I talked for maybe ten minutes. We exchanged phone numbers and I promised to call her. I’d like to see her.”

Kara laughed, “Oh I BET you would! Is she still as pretty?”

“Yes, though she’s not pregnant, so, you know...” I smirked.

Jessica laughed, “I remember reading that in your journal. She’s the one who got you hooked on making love with pregnant girls! Michelle is going to be VERY happy!”

“We need to talk about that, too, but after.”

“OK. What are you going to do with Donna?”

Kara laughed hard, “I think THAT is obvious!”

“Are you sure that’s OK?” I asked. “You were once worried she might swoop in and steal me at the last moment.”

Kara shook her head, “No. You aren’t in love with her, are you?”

“No. I cared very deeply for her and I really would like to spend time with her, even if it’s platonic.”

“I don’t have a problem with it. Jess?”

Jessica shrugged, “We agreed Steve was in charge of his sex life, so long as he behaved and followed the rules. So, I’m OK with it.”

“About that,” I said.

“Tiger?” Jessica asked with obvious concern in her voice. “What did you do?”

“Recently I made a choice, freely, to violate one of the rules. I was with Eve Falvey.”

“And you’re just telling us now?” Jessica asked,

“It wasn’t months ago, Babe. Nobody, and I mean NOBODY knows except the two of you. Obviously, I can’t tell Elyse, or even let her read my journals.”

“NOW that decision makes more sense,” Kara said. “The whole ‘babysitting’ issue was important, but not important enough to cut off her access.”

I nodded, “Our disagreements about dalliances were important, but this is obviously something I can’t reveal to anyone besides the two of you.”

“Why?” Jessica asked.

“Remember the kindred spirits comment? Well, she and I have talked, a lot, and I decided to do it.”

“You trust her to keep this quiet?”

“Babe, if I didn’t, I never would have done it.”

“Will this be an ongoing thing?” Kara asked.

“Given the need for absolute secrecy with no possibility of discovery, it is going to have to be more discreet than anything I’ve ever done. That obviously limits the possibilities. Can you imagine if Penny were to find out?”

Kara smirked, “Your life wouldn’t be worth a plugged nickel!”

“What did Doctor Mercer say about you restarting your dalliances?”

“She’s accepted our basic premise, and as such, so long as I don’t get out of control, and don’t go after any underage girls, she’s not making a big issue of it. My concern, obviously, is that in the past couple of months I’ve been with Meredith, Jasmine, Molly, and Eve. And there are a couple looking on the horizon - Lyusya and Donna. That seems to me to be on the verge of getting out of control.”

“Are you happy, Snuggle Bear?”

“Very.”

“And none of this is causing you any REAL problems?”

“No.”

“Then I think you’re just, well, making up for lost time. You’ll find your equilibrium. What about Michelle?”

“She’s confused, and said she felt trapped by circumstances. I told her about Melissa’s request, and she’s going to consider it. She’s also trying to decide if she should stay here, and if she should keep sleeping with me. Of course, when I asked about tonight she mentioned it had been three weeks and she was climbing the walls!”

Jessica and Kara both laughed knowingly.

“I think he’s going to be VERY tired in the morning!” Kara teased.

“If he can even walk!” Jessica smirked.

“I have plenty of energy!’ I replied. “In fact, if you want a demonstration before work, I’m happy to oblige!”

“Maybe...” Jessica said coyly. “What did you have in mind?”

“What do you think, Kara?” I asked with a grin. “Tag team?”

“Yes!”

“Goody!” Jessica squealed, jumping up.

Kara and I followed her, laughing, up the stairs to our room.

November 6, 1995, Chicago, Illinois

“Again?” I asked with a silly smile.

“I told you I was ready to climb the walls!” Michelle replied fiercely as she mounted me very early on Monday morning. “Just lie back and enjoy it!”

I chuckled and did as she said, reveling at the feel of her tight tunnel, imagining what she would look like doing this five months in the future when she was eight months pregnant. I smiled at the thought.

“What’s THAT smile for,” Michelle asked.

“Just imagining what this will be like when you’re seven or eight months pregnant.”

“That excites you?”

I nodded, “It does.”

I would have told her WHY it excited me, but talking about past lovers was the LAST thing Michelle wanted to do, especially when she was in the throes of an orgasm which had just begun. When her orgasm passed, she began working on another one.

Twenty minutes later, I crawled out of Michelle’s bed and staggered to the shower. It was going to be a LONG day.

“Poor baby,” she giggled, climbing into the shower with me.

“I had a long drive back from Cincinnati, entertained Jessica and Kara before Jess went to work, and then you didn’t let me get any sleep except a couple of short cat naps! You, on the other hand, spent three weeks praying, meditating, and working in the garden!”

“MY garden is well tended,” she laughed. “Plowed repeatedly and thoroughly seeded!”

I laughed, “I had a vasectomy, so there is no seed!”

“Quit spoiling my fun!” she said firmly.

“Yes, Dear!”

Michelle poured shampoo into her hand and began massaging it into my scalp.

“We’ve made love all night before!” she insisted.

“I’m getting old,” I chuckled.

“Oh, you are NOT!” she laughed. “You performed your duties to my complete satisfaction!”

“And today at work?”

“Take a nap!” she laughed.

We finished our shower, lovingly washing each other’s bodies, and then I left for my run with Gina, which was going to be hell, given how little sleep I’d had. I managed to complete the run, but the walk back home made it clear just how difficult the day was going to be. I also, as I walked, continued to wonder exactly how Michelle was going to resolve what seemed to be an impossible conundrum - her need to make love with me, and her complete rejection of the idea of dalliances.

“You look tired,” Kara smirked when I came into the master bedroom for a shower and to dress for work.

“I believe the term is ‘rode hard and put away wet’!”

“Poor baby!” Kara teased.

“Funny, that’s exactly what Michelle said! Did you talk to her this morning, you little scamp?”

“Mayhap I has, Suh,” she drawled, then started laughing.

I went into the bathroom, adjusted the spray, stripped off my clothes and got into the shower.

“What’s she going to do?” I asked. “If anyone can guess, it’s you.”

“I honestly don’t know,” Kara said, leaning against the sink. “There is no way to resolve her desire to have you fuck her silly on a regular basis and her objections to your dalliances.”

“My thoughts exactly. So, I ask again, what does she do?”