Chapter 18: Business Lessons

October 26, 1995, Chicago, Illinois

“Gee, you aren’t asking for much,” I replied sarcastically. “Just one of my two key people.”

“You have a building full of key people whom you have trained to do things the right way!” she protested.

“And why would I want to give them up, even if they were agreeable?”

“Because you know how to recruit the best people and train them. You have a system which works. I’m trying to build one. Let me draft one of your star players.”

“That’s a hell of a bomb to drop on me today,” I said.

“Some other day would be better?”

“No.”

“It would be more responsibility and probably higher pay.”

“For them. I hate to sound mercenary here, but what’s in it for me?”

“When did YOU become a mercenary?”

“I’m a businessman. What’s the value proposition here?”

“Are you serious? Or are you challenging me to see how I respond?”

I shrugged, “You decide which it is and respond appropriately.”

“Jesus, Steve! You’re being a real prick!”

“I see. You ask me nicely, bat your eyelashes, and I’m just supposed to roll over for a request like this? What kind of businessman would I be? EVERYTHING has a value proposition. Everything!”

“I can’t be bought!”

“Sure you can! Everyone can. It’s all a matter of finding the right value. If you’re talking about sex, for some women it’s a dinner and a movie; for others, it’s a diamond and a wedding ceremony. What’s the value proposition here? Seriously, would you give away a piece of testing equipment for free just because a customer asked you nicely?”

“I thought you were my mentor! I thought you were supposed to help me?”

“I am! But giving away valuable assets is a sure-fire way to ruin your business. Give me a value proposition. You want a draft pick, fine. What do I get in exchange?”

“You want to sleep with me THAT badly?”

“Oh, come on!” I growled, a bit too loudly. I lowered my voice and continued, “Do you think THAT little of me?”

“Sorry,” she said. “What do you want?”

I shrugged, “Make me an offer. What is it worth to you? THAT will tell me how serious you are.”

“5% of M&M, but I get your proxy, permanently.”

“Will Mark go along with that?”

“Mark will do whatever I tell him to do.”

“It’s an interesting offer, but if either of them found out, they’d feel as if I sold them to you.”

“What the fuck?” Melissa in an angry whisper. “You told me to make an offer and now you’re telling me not to?”

“I’m showing you the downside of what you offered. You have to think about ALL the angles.”

“Wait! This IS a lesson, isn’t it?”

“Is it?” I asked with an arched eyebrow.

“It is! You’ll let me ask one of them because you want them to have the opportunity. You’re pushing me because I made a serious request without understanding all the aspects of the request.”

I nodded, “True. You realize you would have seriously overpaid for just the right to ask, don’t you?”

“What?”

“All that 5% would have got you was my agreement you could ask. It wasn’t contingent on them accepting.”

“Shit,” she whispered. “I almost fucked up royally.”

“Part of it is our relationship; part of it is you aren’t ready for that kind of hard-assed negotiation.”

“Where did you learn it?”

“You’ll love this!” I chuckled. “I learned it from Dante!”

“No way!”

“Yes, way! And I turned it around on him. You’ve seen the results.”

“I need you to teach me how to do that!”

“I thought I just did! Well, at least a start, anyway.”

“So, you’re OK if I speak with them?”

I nodded, “Michelle is on vacation. She’ll be back in Chicago on November 5th.”

“She’s the one I really want, so I’ll wait until she returns.”

“May I ask why?”

“It was Jennifer’s suggestion.”

“And the full conspiracy is revealed,” I grinned. “But your co-conspirator failed to clue you in on how to negotiate with me!”

Melissa laughed, “Oh, she did! But I don’t think that’s the best approach!”

“If she talked about High School, I’m in BIG trouble!”

“I’ve heard a few stories.”

“She’s a dead woman!” I said, but I was laughing too hard to sound serious.

“The mother of your eldest son? I doubt it! Anyway, I didn’t think her negotiating tactics were appropriate.”

“Probably not. But she’ll give you good advice. She’s given me a lot of good advice over the years.”

“She said she gave you a lot of bad advice.”

“We were both foolish when we were teenagers. We’ve grown up. But, despite stabbing each other in the heart repeatedly, we’re still together.”

“She loves you very much.”

“And I love her as well. You’ve met Jesse, who is the proof of our love.”

“You’re not upset?”

“No. Jennifer would never do anything that would hurt me. We got that out of our system before we had Jesse.”

“Stormy?”

“That’s an understatement.”

“When Michelle comes back, I’ll speak to her. If she turns me down, I’ll talk to Keri. May I ask how you’ll go about replacing either of them if I lure them away?”

“I’ll decide if there are any good internal candidates, and if so, offer the positions to them. If not, I’ll advertise.”

“So how do you know?”

“My gut, really.”

“Would you let me sit in on the interviews?”

“Mine are usually very short. In this case, Elyse would be the hiring manager. I simply exercise a veto if warranted. And that’s usually based on a ten-minute conversation, and the questions are usually fairly off the wall.”

“This I HAVE to see.”

“One step at a time. Speak with Michelle or Keri, and if you can lure them away, then we’ll talk about it. I will warn you about something, but you’re going to have to make the decision for yourself.”

“What’s that?”

“Don’t overpay. I can’t tell you what the right number is, but don’t try to buy them. That always fails.”

“But you pay more than the typical salaries.”

“I also don’t overpay.”

“You’re confusing me again!”

“I pay what the person is worth to NIKA, taking into account the costs to replace them should they leave. Employees are not fungible, no matter what the business school idiots say. I had this conversation with Samantha when she took over Spurgeon from her dad after he was arrested. She changed the pay scales for the support staff and now the average longevity in the job is three years. It was just over a year before. And you know I have almost zero turnover.”

“But isn’t that because of what they call ‘golden handcuffs’? People can’t get more, so they stay.”

“Would you stay in a job which made you miserable or which you hated? And if you did, how good of a job would you do?”

“Eventually you’d burn out.”

“Exactly, and either you would quit or be fired, depending on how things played out. We can tolerate just about anything for a short time. But long term? No.”

“That makes sense. Thanks.”

“Now it’s my turn to ask you for advice.”

“Seriously?”

“Yes. I have a supervisor and an employee who want to date. I owe them an answer tomorrow. I’ve already put it off a week and I can’t put it off any longer.”

“Each other? That’s a policy violation. I know because we use your policy manual!”

“Dave and Julia.”

“They’re married.”

“Sure. But there is a precedent there. Not to mention Elyse and me.”

“What did Jamie say?”

I laughed, “It wasn’t fit for a family publication!”

“He said ‘hell no’?”

“He asked if I was out of my fucking mind.”

“Is that actually a question?” she smirked.

“You’ve been talking to Jennifer WAY too much!”

“You have to say ‘no’!”

“And what do I do when they date secretly?”

“Fire them.”

“A team lead and a top programmer? I thought about moving one or the other, but that doesn’t work, and there’s no way to move either of them to a different team because they’re in Colorado.”

“Then you, sir, are officially fucked.”

“Gee, thanks.”

“I don’t see how you can condone it, Steve. If your policy manual means anything, you have to enforce it. And yes, there’s the provision for a waiver, but if you grant one, you’ll have to grant them all. Dave and Julia can be THE exception.”

“Which is basically what everyone has told me.”

“But you disagree, don’t you?”

“I do. And my first inclination was to say ‘no’. That’s my last inclination as well. But it bugs the hell out of me.”

“The only thing I could think of would be to move both of them to Chicago and put them on different teams.”

“Which presents a dilemma because I don’t have another team for the supervisor to manage, AND that person moved because they didn’t want to be in Chicago.”

“Terry?”

“Yes. I figured that was pretty obvious. And the new programmer from Lone Star, Skye.”

“What does your gut say?”

“That I’m going to get indigestion from trying to play the whole ‘so I clearly cannot drink the wine in front of you’ game with myself.”

“Haven’t you built up your immunity to Iocane powder?” she laughed.

“You would think, right?”

The waitress brought our «Bento» and after I said «Itadakimasu», we began eating.

“So, what are you going to do?” she asked.

“Hell if I know. I have until tomorrow to decide.”

“You may need that sauna, shoulder rub, whirlpool, and bourbon as much as I do on Saturday. I’m not sure I could fuck YOUR brains out!”

October 27, 1995, Chicago, Illinois

“She laughed at me,” Joyce said.

“What the fuck is her problem? And why is she so sure I did it?”

“Process of elimination, I guess. She’s sure I was involved, too. She actually said she’d stop if I admitted I’d taken the money and paid them $2.5 million.”

“She wants vig, too? Nice. I assume you told her to drop dead?”

“Of course. I denied everything.”

“OK. Then we go to Plan ‘D’, I guess. What will it take to get them to back off?”

“You’d pay them off?”

“Maybe. Remember, it’s a business deal. But the number of zeroes isn’t going to be close to 6!”

“I never told you, but I tried that approach nearly a year ago, not long after they decided we had done it. They want the full two million, plus vig.”

“It would cost me less to have a button pushed! A LOT less.”

“You won’t; and they know it. The empty gun.”

“Fine. We’ll have a sit down. At your house, with your grandmother there. You, me, Anthony, and Connie, plus someone to act as my second.”

“They’ll want muscle if you bring muscle.”

“I’ll bring a girl,” I said.

“Who?”

“Don’t worry about that right now. Set up a meeting. We’re going to end it at that meeting. Period. One way or the other.”

“Are you sure?”

“They’ve escalated. First, they went to you. Then they sent Peter Scuderi here, twice. Then the break-in. What’s next?”

“Shit.”

“Exactly. Set it up.”

“OK. What are you doing about Terry and Skye?”

“I’ll know when I talk to them in about two hours.”

“You know my opinion.”

“It matches Jamie’s, the HR Consultant’s, Elyse’s, Melissa’s, my dad’s, and my first, second, third, and last inclinations.”

“Then why the struggle?”

“Because no matter what I do, everything can go straight to hell. My goal is to pick the option least likely to cause that.”

“Let me know.”

“I will. Call me when you have things set up.”

We hung up and I went back to my office where Kimmy brought me tea and I relaxed at the low table, with incense burning in the bowl. Penny knew I was agitated, but I rebuffed her questions because it involved her soon-to-be-ex-husband. I STILL hadn’t come up with a solution when, an hour later, Kimmy told me she had Principal Ahern from the kids’ school on the line. I had her put the call through.

“Principal Ahern? This is Steve Adams.”

“Good morning, Mr. Adams. There isn’t anything wrong, but I did need to speak to you.”

“What can I do for you?”

“I received a call from a very agitated parent who is extremely concerned about your children walking to school without an adult.”

“Principal Ahern, you know my kids. They’re ‘city kids’. The school is only about seven blocks from the house, through a very safe neighborhood. Even Stephie, who’s only in kindergarten, knows how to look both ways when crossing the street, and to pay attention to the ‘Walk’ lights. The older kids always hold the younger kids’ hands when they do that, just to be safe. Not to mention Jesse and Birgit both have cell phones and money, and both know how to ride the CTA and Metra.”

“Jesse told me all of that quite clearly,” Principal Ahern replied. “I only got the partial eye roll because he knew I wasn’t the person who had expressed concern.”

“So what are you going to do?”

“Nothing at this point. After talking to both Jesse and Birgit, I’m convinced the kids aren’t in any actual danger. There’s no policy on the matter, either. I’m calling you so you know this parent has expressed serious concern about your kids being ‘unsupervised’ and ‘at risk’.”

“Principal Ahern, the day I don’t feel it’s safe for my six, and soon to be seven, kids to walk to school is the day I sell my house and move out of the city. Have you spoken to either of Jesse’s moms?”

“No. I figured it was easier to call you, as father to all the children.”

“I’ll take care of it. I assume Jesse didn’t give you too much grief?”

“He’s learning when to be blunt and when not to,” she laughed. “As I said, just a partial eye roll and a sigh. And then a very clear statement about knowing how to ride the bus and train if he needed to. I’m curious, has he done that alone?”

“No. But we felt the kids needed to know how to do that. It’s an important life skill, like swimming or riding a bike. Or driving when they’re old enough for a learner’s permit. How are you going to handle this?”

“I’ll call the parent back and tell them I do not believe there is an issue with kids doing what they’ve been doing in Chicago since CPS was founded in 1837!”

“Thank you, Principal Ahern. If that parent gives you any further trouble, please ask them to call me and provide my office number.”

“I will. Your kids are charming, wonderful, intelligent, and, if you’ll pardon a slight indiscretion, real stinkers!”

I laughed, “That’s putting it mildly!”

We said ‘goodbye’ and I hung up. I dialed Jennifer’s direct line and told her about the call.

“Oh for fuck’s sake!” she growled, clearly annoyed. “Do people seriously not have anything better to do with their lives?”

“Apparently not,” I replied. “She’s not going to do anything.”

“You know the escalation as well as I do,” Jennifer sighed.

“DCFS, of course. But they’re going to have a hell of a time proving neglect or danger when, as Principal Ahern said, it’s been this way for over 150 years!”

“This time,” Jennifer said, sounding annoyed. “You know what’s coming. The handwriting is on the wall.”

“I know. But we can’t give up!”

“No, we can’t.”

“I did leave out one thing Principal Ahern said.”

“What’s that?”

“That our kids are real ‘stinkers’.”

Jennifer laughed, “If she only knew! They’re VERY restrained at school!”

“She did mention that our son is learning a bit of discretion in what he says and when.”

“So he’s not us, then?” she laughed.

“Except he is, Jen. We were like that in school. It was only our parents who got grief from us.”

“True. I was happy you acceded to Melissa’s request.”

“I didn’t have time to talk to you about that last night. You sandbagged me, Jen!”

“It wasn’t my place to tell you, and you know it!”

“True. See you tonight?”

“Yes. Melissa told me you invited her to Girls’ Night Out.”

“She’s going to hang out with me on Saturday afternoon for some stress reduction therapy!”

Jennifer laughed, “So THAT is what you’re calling it now?”

“All joking aside, that isn’t going to happen. Well, not what you’re implying.”

“Relax,” Jennifer laughed. “You know I’m yanking your chain.”

“You’ve always been good at that!” I said with a smirk she could hear.

“See you tonight!” she said, laughing.

We hung up, and I knew EXACTLY what Penny was going to say.

“I could use some serious stress reduction therapy!” she growled sexily.

“You know you’re always welcome to use the sauna and you know where the liquor cabinets are!”

She rolled her eyes, hard, and simply turned back to her workstation, muttering, “No fun”.

I checked my watch and I had about thirty minutes before I was supposed to talk to Terry and Skye, and wanted to have one last conversation with Jamie, and our new HR Consultant, Prem. I had the beginnings of an idea and wondered if it were possible. I asked Kimmy to get them on the line, and about ten minutes later she told me the call was ready. I went to the ‘Orr’ room for privacy.

“Jamie, Prem, I have an idea. It’s not fully formed, but is there any way we could write an employment contract with the two of them that protected NIKA and laid out their responsibilities? I’m thinking we’d do the same with Dave and Julia.”

“You know my opinion on this entire matter,” he said.

“Jamie, all of the options are bad. In the end, one way or the other, things could go sideways.”

“You’re still convinced they’ll defy you if you tell them no?” Prem asked.

“Let’s just say I have strong suspicions. And while these two aren’t going to sue us if I say ‘no’, who knows what might happen in the future. I also have a REAL problem with telling people what they can do outside the office.”

“I don’t think we could write a contract which would protect NIKA. Anything we wrote would be quickly abrogated if a claim of sexual harassment was made by EITHER party. And nothing could protect us from claims of favoritism. You really only have two options here - tell them ‘no’ and enforce it with discipline if they violate it; or reassign them.”