Chapter 36: Wade in the River

Rose and Larry came to see us. I assumed Rose wanted to see Samantha and was about to excuse myself when she called for Lily’s and my attention.

“Mama Lil and Papa Sly,” she said. “We love you. Everyone on the ranch loves you. And we all loved ... love Lexi. We want her here with us always.”

“We thought we might scatter her ashes here if it’s okay with you and Brian and the clan.”

“It’s okay. We investigated creating a village cemetery, but it is beyond our ability. The legal complications are ... complicated.” Rose hesitated and glanced at Larry, the ranch manager.

“There’s a spot out at the edge of the woods where we thought we might create a kind of memorial garden,” he said.

“You see, we don’t plan to leave here,” Rose added. “Lexi showed us that life is fragile and we’re all going to die one day. We want to stay here. With her.”

“You mean, have your ashes scattered on the ranch, too?” I asked.

“In our memorial garden. And we want to invite our parents and siblings to consider this as their home, too. Would it be too much to ask to have a memorial service when everyone gets here for the summer and to place Lexi’s ashes in our garden?” Rose was near tears, sparkling in her eyes. I looked over her shoulder and saw Sam and Hannah holding each other and nodding as tears streamed down their cheeks.

“Of course,” Lily said. “Sly, it would be perfect. I can imagine looking forward to a day when I knew I would lie next to my daughter. Don’t you think?”

“Yes. Yes, I do.”

“Since Lexi would be the first laid to rest there, would you mind helping us plan it?”

Rhiannon joined Larry and me and brought along Del Swanson when we went out to survey the area they thought should be the memorial garden. It was actually in the woods and there were trees around which they would have to work.

“The idea of a garden in the woods is lovely,” Del said. He was a forester by profession and he looked at the kinds of trees, distances between them, and other aspects that I would never have considered. “The overstory is dense. I don’t think you would get the kind of plant life you want to be sustainable here. Grass would be patchy at best. The ground is uneven and it would be difficult to mow. To do annual flowers out here would be as big a challenge as the ranch garden. And keeping them watered would mean hauling water during the hot months.”

“You mean we’d have to cut trees?” Larry asked. I was glad he asked the question because even though I liked the area, I had no idea how to create a garden.

“No! We don’t want to lose any trees. At least none of the major trees that are creating the big problems,” Rhiannon said. “The thing that attracted us to this area was the kind of serpentine layout so it wasn’t like having a rectangle with rows and plots.”

“You could certainly lose some of the saplings out of this area. They’re struggling anyway. We might find one or two worth transplanting, but we could cut most of the small trees and brush without missing it.”

“Stones,” Rhiannon said.

“What?”

“Let me do some research. But here’s what I’m thinking. There’s a little Zen garden in the Arboretum at the U. It doesn’t grow anything, but it has a peaceful beauty that is entrancing. Let me study it and see what it takes. Del? Would we lose anything vital to the old trees if we removed everything else from between and around them and put in gravel?”

“Doesn’t sound very pretty to me, but no, I can’t say you’d lose anything from that. It might even force the roots deeper to get their water if it wasn’t being held at the surface by mulch and soil.”

“I’ll be back with an idea tomorrow,” she said. The girl took off at a dead run. When she got an idea in her head, she couldn’t rest until it was a reality. Larry and Del turned to go as well and then stopped to look at me.

“Go ahead,” I said. “It’s nice and peaceful here. I’d like to sit and listen to the birds for a bit.”

“I like this place, Daddy.” I looked around but no one was there. Still, I could hear my daughter’s voice.

“Are you here, little Lexi?”

“I’m always near, Daddy. I know what Rhiannon has in mind. I’ll be in a place where my family and my clan will visit often.”

“I miss you so much, angel.”

“One day, you’ll join me out here. But don’t hurry, okay? Just visit me sometimes.”

“Every day.”

“Mmm. That could get morbid.”

“I...” I looked around again. I was talking to myself. I didn’t even have Lexi’s ashes with me and I could still hear her as if she were standing beside me. “I don’t know what to do any longer. I’m lost.”

“Mama needs you. Sammie needs you. Hannah needs you. My friends ... my whole clan needs you, Daddy. Help them. Help them be all they can be and protect them as much as you can.”

“I promise you, my darling little angel. I will do whatever is necessary.”

“Now you sound like Brian.” Giggles in the rustling leaves of the trees. “Don’t forget to do what is necessary for you, Daddy. Not just for us. Go home and make love to Mommy. She misses you.”

That was the last time my daughter spoke to me ... or that I imagined she spoke to me.

Rhiannon’s plan was beautiful. The reality of having all the boys ... the young men of the clan working together under Larry’s and Del’s guidance turned it into something even more beautiful and special than her sketches and drawing could depict.

The order of the day was everyone in white gis with clan, tribe, or casa belts. Leonard and his crew had been busy and I even found the clan gis to be comfortable in the July warmth. We gathered at the firepit where wood was laid but unlit. We just leaned on each other and held on. I carried Lexi’s ashes, holding my precious daughter for the last time.

“We wanted to create a family cemetery here at El Rancho del Corazón,” Rose said. “There are a lot of them out in the country and we thought it would be a simple thing. It turns out that it isn’t. You have to go through a huge approval process and put aside maintenance funds in perpetuity in order to have a cemetery approved, even as part of an Indiana community or town. However, in conducting our investigation, we discovered that either burying or scattering ashes on a family plot is not restricted. We have established a plot where we can scatter the ashes of our loved ones. Larry, Del, Josh, Doug, and others from the community have worked diligently over the past few weeks to create our own peace garden. It is to that garden that we will now proceed.” Rose led the way and we all fell in behind her.