Chapter 15: Consummation

I couldn’t wait for my next date with Dave, though opportunities for unrushed intimacy are rare when you have a teen at home. Certainly, she had basketball practice every afternoon now and all four boys in the dating group were also on the team, but there was no mention of another overnight party and I just wasn’t comfortable with the message it would send if I spent the night at Dave’s or if I brought him home for the night. Nonetheless, we continued to date and he often joined Whitney and me for dinner on the weekend. I tried to establish a normal family pattern to get Whitney used to having him around and we would spend the evening watching a movie together.

I don’t know how we lasted two months without just ripping each other’s clothes off right there on the sofa. I was nearing the point of simply announcing to Whitney that Dave would be spending the night. Of course, Thanksgiving and Christmas added to the stress and the fight that occurred on the basketball court during the holiday tourney didn’t ease tensions. It wasn’t much of a fight. Whitney had been fouled. The next thing I knew, one of her teammates took a swing at the offender and laid him out. There were whistles, ejections, and warnings to both teams. Whitney confidently sank both her foul shots just before the end of the first half.

“I don’t understand what was going on out there,” I said as Dave drove us home from the game. “That boy is violent. He didn’t want Whitney on the team in the first place. I thought they had a truce of some sort the past few games but I don’t understand why he’d just punch out a player on the court. I don’t think Whitney was involved but it happened right after that foul. Basketball is too rough a sport. It was one thing when she was just going to camp. Playing on a boys’ team wasn’t such a great idea. I’m going to pull her from the team. I can’t have her around that kind of activity.”

I was venting, rambling, and just letting my mouth run as we drove from Warsaw back to Mishawaka to meet the team bus and take my daughter home. And the team was laughing and high-fiving each other as they got off the bus. I saw the boy who’d hit another slap hands with Whitney and the other boys of the dating group. When she got in the car, I started in immediately in spite of Dave trying to calm me.

“I don’t like you involved in something like this, Whitney. You could have gotten seriously hurt out there. I think you should stop playing basketball,” I started. She groaned. “I’m serious, Whitney. Playing a boys’ sport is too dangerous.”

“Mother, Master Cho hits me a lot harder than that kid did on the foul. Lots!“ That was not comforting.

“He was much bigger than you. Master Cho is an expert, but he’s smaller than you are now. That boy could have gotten you into a brawl. What would happen if you were forced to use your arts on the court?”

“Josh? Mom...” Whitney uncharacteristically started giggling.

“Exactly what is so funny?”

“Um ... Josh was defending my honor. It was so chivalrous. I’m only sorry it earned him a two-game suspension.”

“Still...”

“Anyway, Mom, there’s going to be a big New Year’s Eve party at Hannah’s house. Parents are all going to be invited to a grown-up party at the same time. You and Dave will get a chance to meet everyone. Then Brenda is having some of us over to her house for the night. Just girls, so don’t panic. I was just thinking that maybe you’d like a little private time of your own after the party, you know? I bet I could stay over on New Year’s Day with Brenda, too. We won’t have practice again until school starts on the following Monday. And Merry Christmas, everyone. Are we all going to do something special? You’re going to be with us on Christmas, aren’t you, Dave? I got you a present. Rose’s birthday is tomorrow. I’d like to go see her. The guys are all getting together Monday just to shoot some hoops. Remember last year when we went to Chicago before Christmas? That was really fun. I’d like to do it again. Will you guys have any extra time off? I suppose we could wait for the weekend, but it’s always more fun if we do it before Christmas. I know! Maybe I could get Brian to come with us! We could, like, double-date. What do you think, Mom?”

When my daughter’s motor starts running, there is no shutting it off. Suddenly, the conversation was no longer about her quitting basketball, but whether I’d be willing to transport her and her boyfriend across a state line to do Christmas shopping in Chicago.

“Dave, honey, as much as I feel like my daughter is arranging things for us, I can’t help but feel like this is the opportunity we’ve ... I’ve been waiting for. Will you please plan to spend the night with me New Year’s Eve? And the next night?”

“Jan, you know how much I love you and I want you. I’ve been happier this fall than ever in my life. My answer is yes.”

And that is how we waved goodbye to Whitney at the Gordons’ house when she got in Brenda’s car and drove home together to spend the night. Our first night together.

I’d felt intensely wicked when I stopped at Walgreen’s to get contraceptive foam, condoms, lubricant, and vaginal wipes. I was nervous all day long, constantly afraid that something might happen and Whitney would discover my secret stash. This was definitely outside my comfort zone. I didn’t want to set a bad example for my daughter. But even she recognized the love Dave and I felt for each other.

For his part, Dave was a dear. We took his big car to Chicago on Tuesday with Brian and Whitney in the back seat. They were cute. I glanced over at Dave, two inches shorter than me and then back at Brian, at least half a foot shorter than my daughter. They didn’t have any difficulty with the difference in heights and remembering how poorly my marriage to a man taller than me had gone, I was glad Whitney was confident enough in herself to date a shorter man.

“Are your intentions toward my daughter honorable, young man?” I asked as we stopped in front of one of the mechanical displays at Marshall Field’s. We were doing different shifts so that each of us got to know the others better. Whitney was off with Dave to help him pick out the perfect present for me while I strolled down State Street accompanied by her young man.

“You know, Mrs. Anderson, it’s really too soon for me to have any intentions. I’m only fifteen and Whitney is only fourteen. Everything is a possibility but not an inevitability.” This kid could talk better than any teen I’d ever met. I understood he’d been the principal architect of the dating agreement. “I can tell you this. I love playing basketball with Whitney. I love having come to Chicago for this little outing and that she wanted me with her. I love holding her hand when we get a chance. I’m hoping she’ll let me give her just a little kiss when you drop me off at home tonight. Are all those things honorable? I think so. I guess my intention is to be Whitney’s friend for many years. I’m not going to do anything that would make that impossible.”

“Are you planning to charm the pants off all the mothers of your girlfriends or is that an honor you reserve only for those who are taller than you?” I laughed. He gulped and glanced down at my slacks. I was sure he breathed a sigh of relief to see they weren’t around my ankles.

“I hope you’re speaking metaphorically,” he said. “Nearly all the moms are taller than me!”

“I’m pretty tired after that party,” I said. “I want to keep kissing and ... do everything, love. I’m just afraid I’ll fall asleep on you.”

“Please do,” Dave said softly. “Please cuddle close and fall asleep on me. Maybe tomorrow we’ll be up for more.”

We went to bed, a little embarrassed to be sharing such an intimate space. I wore a silk nightgown purchased specifically for the occasion. It was opaque, so I wasn’t exactly advertising, but after looking at myself in the bathroom mirror for a couple of minutes, I took it off, removed my bra and panties, and slipped the gown on again. I wasn’t kidding myself. I might be too tired tonight—or this morning, as it was already past one-thirty—but I had every intention of giving Dave access to my body. I wasn’t going to make it difficult on him.

Dave came out of the bathroom after his turn in cotton pajama bottoms and a crisp white T-shirt. It had to be new. I could still see the creases where it had been folded in the package. I held the blanket up and invited him to slip into bed beside me.

“I ... took off my makeup,” I said. “I can’t sleep in it. I hope I don’t gross you out.” I realized that in my professional life and on all our dates I’d worn eyeliner, mascara, foundation, and lipstick. When we went someplace fancy, I included blush and darkened my eyebrows. I’d been pretty dolled up for the party but if I’d slept in it, I’d be a mess in the morning.

“Jan, I think you are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met. I appreciate the extra care you take when we go out, but I’d look into your eyes and love you no matter what kind of makeup you did or didn’t wear,” he said. What a sweet talker. We kissed but true to our expectations, I cuddled up next to him and went to sleep on his shoulder. It was the first time I’d slept with a man since Whitney and I fled New Jersey.