Chapter 13: Pushups

Dad was sitting on a barstool at the island nursing a beer when Bobbie Joe asked the question. He looked at us and replied, “Just fine. If I could survive the three of you, a little thing like a heart attack is easy.”

Mom and Grandma laughed at that. “We were just amazed they actually found a heart,” said Mom.

“Very funny. I don’t need comments from the Peanut Gallery.”

“Well, what happened?” asked Bobbie Joe.

Jack had heard some of this the other day, but my parents had been somewhat vague as to details, and I hadn’t wanted to ruin the surprise. Again, Mom and Dad fudged around the edges, simply giving out with how he had blacked out and collapsed, and Mom had to call the emergency squad.

“Let’s face it, Dad, you need to start taking better care of yourself. I mean, you buy the farm, Mom won’t have anybody to nag but us!” I replied. “And with Jack in San Francisco and Bobbie Joe in Philadelphia, that dumps it all on me!”

“That might be worth it alone. I can look down from above and laugh at you,” he said.

Jack cocked an eye and said, “Who says you’d be looking down from above? More likely you’ll be looking up from below.”

“He makes a valid point, Dad,” chimed in Bobbie Joe.

“Very funny.”

“Especially considering how you had the heart attack,” I added.

“Grim!” said my father in a warning tone.

Mom said, “Behave!”

Bobbie Joe and Jack looked at each other curiously, and then turned back to me. “Explain,” said Jack. Bobbie Joe merely made a rolling, move-it-along motion with his right hand.

“Well, you know the causes of heart failure, right?” I asked the guys.

By that point the rest of the adults were looking at me, though Mom and Dad didn’t look happy.

“Yeah, I suppose,” said Jack slowly. “Like smoking?”

“That’s one of the causes,” I agreed.

“So, Dad doesn’t smoke.” Jack looked over at our father and said, “You don’t, right? Did you ever?”

“No, I never smoked.” Dad just grimaced at me.

“There’s heavy drinking, like alcoholic levels, and diabetes, and high blood pressure. There are all sorts of things that can cause a heart attack,” I added.

That just got the others to asking Dad about his health. Meanwhile Kelly was looking at me with a sly smile on her face. “Your parents are going to kill you,” she whispered at one point.

Eventually my siblings concluded that it must have been Dad’s weight and cholesterol that caused the heart attack. That was when I commented, “Well, it might have been strenuous exercise. I mean strenuous exercise was listed as a possible cause. Still, that seems unlikely, since it happened at eleven o’clock at night. I mean, Dad, that couldn’t have been it, could it? You and Mom were in bed then, right?”

In a heartbeat, every eye in the room was on my parents, both of whom had turned beet red. It was Bobbie Joe who spoke first, saying in a faux disapproving tone, “Really, father, this is so embarrassing.”

“Don’t you start,” Dad said, warningly. “I don’t want to hear it!”

“Careful, Dad, you don’t want to get excited. I mean, it might be as bad as exercise,” commented Jack.

“You are out of the will! You are all out of the will!”

“Way to go, Jack!” said Grandpa to Dad. “Or should I be congratulating Maureen?”

Grandma slugged Grandpa at that, and Mom started protesting. It got even funnier when both Jack and Bobbie Joe began asking questions about ‘midnight pushups’ without my even mentioning the term.

Then it got silly. Riley came up and said, “Pushups? Daddy and I do pushups!”

“Really?” asked Jack.

Bobbie Joe simply commented, “Kinky!”

“I don’t think that’s the type of pushup your father is talking about,” said Teresa.

Riley ignored it all. “Come on, Daddy, let’s do pushups!” She began tugging my hand.

I sighed and laughed at my eldest. “Okay, let’s do pushups.” I moved to the center of the living room and got down on the floor. Riley ran over and jumped on my back. “Come on, get in position.”

Riley straightened out, so she was lying on my back, and then I felt her hands on my shoulder blades. “Okay, Daddy, I’m ready!”

I made a loud grunt and pushed up, lifting Riley on my back. “You’re getting pretty heavy, kiddo. I think I’ll be the next one having a heart attack.” I dropped down to the floor.