Chapter 18

When I got home I took an hour to store all the equipment correctly, then I locked the scooter to Big Bertha. I also took the pedal bike out for a ride. I rode a leisurely eight mile out and then reversed the ride. I wanted to try the full twenty miles, but I didn’t want to re-injure myself, so I stayed with the sixteen miles round trip.

After I arrived home I sat staring at the bag of chocolate chip mint cookies. There were ten left. I was torn between wolfing them down, and tossing them out for the birds. As usual I made a compromise with myself. I ate six and tossed the other four to the birds. I never said I played fair.

I was sitting almost naked watching the original Magnificent Seven movie on my computer. Hell, even the movie’s sound track was worth owning. I didn’t own either. I was just on a vintage movie free site; of course my door bell rang, I didn’t bother to add anything to my old faded gym shorts, they were the ones in which I slept. Actually I did add the ‘1911’ but since I carried it maybe I shouldn’t mention it. Semantics were too hard a decision for 8 PM on a Sunday night, I decided.

I recognized the twenty-something Assistant District Attorney for Chatham county. “Ah, Mona Lisa McMillan?” I asked.

“Close enough,” she began.

I pointed to my chair beside the computer station, while I slipped on a green tee shirt with the number 29 on it. When I was more or less decent I asked, “So what brings you here?”

“You refused to come to me, so I came to you,” she said.

“So, are you a Muslim?” I asked with a rude smile.

“No, it’s a common quote,” she said.

“Yes I know. So what is so important that you need me?” I demanded to know.

“Eddie ‘Shoes’ Allen gave us the name of his supplier, but he has since disappeared.” she informed me.

“That’s bad luck,” I commented while refilling my glass of tea glass. “Want one?” I asked.

She shook her head as she said, “Or someone else is cleaning up after himself.”

“I would say that is a possibility,” I agreed. “I’m not a cop, so why tell me?”

“You aren’t a cop is why I’m here. If you worked on this, no one would put two and two together,” She suggested.

“Well, sorry, Mona. There is no equation to solve. At least not for me.” I admitted.

“We can give you a job with a decent income,” She offered.

“I especially don’t want a government job,” I laughed.

“Then what do you want?” she asked.

“Look, I’m not a cop. I wouldn’t even know where to begin,” I said.

“I know you are not a cop. The word I got is that you are an expediter. Someone who gets things done. Things no one else can figure out. The word I got was that the solutions are not always what the bosses want, but they always work,” Lora Lee suggested. “And it’s Lora Lee.”

“I’m sorry the answer is still no,” I said.

“Well, I always wanted to know how the other half lived,” she said.

“What other half?” I asked.

“The ones who buy a huge antique safe. Then it just disappears. Makes me wonder why a simple man would need a safe that big. What do you reckon the owner has stored in it?

“I wonder what I would have to do, or who I would have to screw to get a search warrant for the Hokey Pokey self storage business?” she asked with what might pass for a slutty smile.

“Isn’t that called blackmail?” I asked.

“No, that is called giving a person a chance to save themselves,” Lora Lee countered.

One thing I knew was she might think she knew something, but she was wrong. I had been around the block a few more times than she had. She was just under thirty, but I was just under sixty.

“Lora Lee McMillan, I think we are through,” I said.

“No, we are not through,” she said.

“Yes we are,” I said, holding up my phone. “It’s amazing all the good shit you can do with one of these.”

“You bastard,” she said.

“Yes, an accident of birth in my case, what’s your excuse?” I asked with a grin.

I fell asleep shorty after she left. I have no idea why I sleep better in crisis mode, but I always do. I did dream about having sex with Lora Lee. I supposed when I awoke in a cold sweat that it was a sign that the sex hadn’t been very good.

When the clock woke me at 5 AM, I rode off on the road bike. I checked closely for anyone following me. I was pretty sure she didn’t have a really professional chase squad. So I rode to the Hokey Pokey self storage facility, more or less directly.

I rode around to my unit in the middle of the night. I opened the outside roll up door, then I checked before I went in. I checked to be sure my tells were still in place. Things like the corn starch around the safe. There were no foot prints, and the tooth pick was still laying against the side of the safe door. If someone had opened the safe there would be signs of a disturbance somewhere. There was nothing, so I opened the safe and removed the tiny pocket new testament. It was the book I used for a book cypher. It was the key to finding where all the bodies were buried.

I also removed a large box of milk duds from the safe. Then I climbed onto the bike and rode home. The round trip had been thirty miles and I really did ache.

Once I got inside the house I slipped the new testament into a bookcase. The milk duds went onto the basket inside my small new chest freezer. After all that, I took a shower. I allowed the hot water to run on my back and hips for a longer time than usual. I also swallowed the maximum dosage of my pain meds.

I fully expected to be in too much pain to do even the simplest of things. I had exceeded even my ‘pre pain flareup’ levels of bike riding at one time. I sat around more or less pain free for a couple of hours, then I took the scooter out for a grocery run. I figured I better get on with it, while I wasn’t bent over with pain.

I bought two weeks worth of frozen meals, just in case I had an emergency. I even took the basket trailer Jasper had built for me. I used it just in case I had to lift it. I didn’t want to put any more strain on my injured back and hips than was necessary.

I put all the groceries away, and I even made room for the trailer by stacking it on top of the cargo trailer. Only then did I raise the packing case side and lock it. I locked the scooter to the handrail of the deck. It was probably the most secure structure on the place. A four by four post anchored three feet deep in concrete was pretty damned secure.

I still didn’t have more than my ordinary pain. Since I loaded up on painkillers, the ordinary pain should not have risen to a noticeable level. The phone rang. I almost didn’t answer it, but I surrender to my curiosity. It was another blocked number.

“Okay whatever your selling, or giving away count me out,” I said before I even said hello.

“Those guys bug you too, I wouldn’t think they would even bother with you,” Martin’s voice said.

“Of course they bug me. They bug dead people,” I commented with a laugh. “So what can I do for you?”

“You looking for a job?” Martin accused.

“No, why would you ask that? Especially in that tone?” I demanded.

“Seems we have had five or six people asking about you. If you are ready to work again, just call me. I can find something for you.”

“I’m not looking, but who called?” I asked.

“Some county attorney, or something like that. Then there was the Southern Justice League. They are some kind of non profit company. And a couple of law firms. I think they were trying to find a hit man for one of their clients,” Martin informed me.

“Gee, the only one I’m interested in is the hit man position,” I replied with a laugh.

“Well I have to tell you there is a certain Prince in the middle east looking for a bodyguard,” Martin said.

“Why would he bother with me? From what I hear he has a bodyguard in the house,” I laughed.

“He doesn’t think she will ever find a husband. At least not one who she can’t beat the shit out of,” Martin laughed.

“Tell him not to look at me. On my best day ever, she could kick my ass,” I laughed again. “So you got anything else?”

“No just wanted to let you know, and I wanted to ask how they knew about me?” he asked.

Everything about me became public record after that asshole burned my house.”

“I should have asked, do I send flowers or a file,” Martin sounded almost serious.

“He is doing five years in the pen for first degree arson,” I admitted. “Even that was reduced to three years for his help with some other things.”

“So, should I warn him that you have a long memory, so he can start looking for a new home?” the LT asked seriously.

“No, man, I done changed,” I said in Eddie Shoes voice.

“Lucy sends her love. You should call her. I don’t know why, but she has been worried that you might eat your 1911.” he suggested in a sad voice.

“Not a chance, tell her I expect her to shoot me, maybe with my own gun,” I said with yet another laugh.

After Martin left the line, I walked out to my porch under the awning. I sat down in the shade it cast with a thirty two ounce thermos of Iced tea. I kept the phone within reach. I was half expecting some kind of trick from Lora Lee McMillan. Prosecutors are filled with cheap tricks. They don’t believe in right and wrong, just in their conviction rates. Most will do whatever it takes to keep a positive conviction rate.

The call which I received half way through the thermos of tea was from James Mason. His phone was open, so I decided to be nice to him, whoever he might be.

“Yes Mr. Mason who are you, and what the hell do you want with me?” I asked.

“I’d like to meet, and talk about a job,” he suggested.

“Frankly James, I had an offer from the state’s attorney general. I had to turn him down. I’m just not up to working again just now,” I explained.

“Tasha Goldberg said that you would say that. I’m supposed to tell you that you owe her father.” James said.

“Where does she figure into this?” I asked.

“She works with us now,” he replied. “We have a lot of immigrants, who we think are being mistreated. We need someone to fight for them. Not some pie in the sky liberal house wife. We need a pragmatic man with a background that won’t be questioned by the gun toting conservatives,” He demanded.

“That is quite a pitch, but I’m not interested,” I said.

“I can respect that, but can we call on you to consult on just the operational planning?” he suggested.

“What the fuck kind of operations are you talking about?” I asked.

“Anything that endangers innocent human life and any free man’s liberty,” he said. “Or just someone that pisses enough of us off.”

“Oh god, not an honest and rational liberal. I don’t think I can stand I. I might just faint,” I said.

“How do you think I feel? I’m trying to hire a former CIA operative,” he said.

“You do need someone, your intelligence sucks,” I said.

“Oh, course, you would say that. Too bad Tasha already outed you,” he said.

“The next sound you hear will be hanging up on you,” I said it while breaking the connection. Since I had no idea how to get in touch with Ms Goldberg, I returned to my ice tea while I watched the cars go by.

Sure I was getting bored, but I still had camping and fishing to play around with. Who knows, I might write a blog, I suggested to myself.

To cure the boredom for one afternoon I decided to take the scooter and go to Little Caesar’s for a pizza. I carried it to one of the local parks. I didn’t want to ride all the way to Haw river on that Monday.

It was hard for me to believe so many things were being juggled by so many people at the same time. Fortunately they would all go away in a day or so. I thought that, but it didn’t happen.

Two days later I was having the last of the pizza for breakfast. It was just as good cold as hot. It was different, but it was still good. The knock on the door at 9 AM was a surprise. I opened the door with the 1911 in my hand. It was just a habit, since I had been blown up. Yeah I knew that I could be overly dramatic at times.

The man was in one of those fancy uniforms that only small town cops, who are in high positions wear. “Mr Selfridge, I am here to ask you man to man, why does the local DA want me to watch you?” he asked.

“I have no idea,” I said honestly, but it helped to know that I probably hadn’t been watched on my trip to the Hokey Pokey Storage building.

“Yesterday I called everyone who knows you, and they all say you are not into anything. So until the DA can come up with a good reason, I’m not going to waste my meager resources on this stupid assignment. But let me warn you, I will be back, if you come to my attention again,” he threatened.

“Sounds fair,” I replied.

Now that lady DA was beginning to piss me off. She obviously didn’t like to take no for an answer. This was one time she had no choice; she was driving me into the arms of her competitors.

I picked up the phone and made the call. “Okay, I have changed my mind. Be sure to bring Tasha with you for the meeting. Call me when you get to town. We can meet at Scooter’s diner; Tasha knows where it is.” I said it then immediately hung up.

Lora Lee might have a bug on my phone, but she was going to get a real shock when she figured out what was going on, I thought. I spent the rest of the morning doing nothing but pure research on the Southern Justice League Inc. It was one of those bleeding heart outfits, but they had gotten a few people off death row and out of jail.

There had even been a documentary about one man who had been on death row for twenty plus years. They had actually gotten men out of jail for lesser crimes than murder. They had a good rate of success. I did a lot of research before 7 PM.