Chapter 6

Book 6

Last night when I got home she told me of her doctor’s visit. She said that while she had been uncomfortable with the procedure she didn’t have any of the problems she’d read about (cramps and stuff). I asked her when we could test it out! She said that because she’s mid-cycle that she needs to use some other birth control for at least a few (3-4) days to be sure everything is okay and that’s also how long it takes before it starts to work.

Then she tells me she can’t use the diaphragm either for another day or so as everything ‘inside’ is irritated (she later told me that whatever they used to dilate her cervix left her “swollen” and it won’t fit) and that it’s a common result of the procedure that goes away in 12-24 hours usually.

We were both still very horny and she was into teasing me again too. After dinner last night we were upstairs and she was sorting laundry and she held up her panties from Thursday night and called for me and said, “I think these are dirty, don’t you?”. Later on, when she told me of her ‘swollen’ problem she reminded me that we had some condoms in the bathroom from when she went to Boston. That was okay with me as I thought I was going to have to settle for us not fucking.

When things started to get hot and horny last night she’d been teasing me about how Peter likes certain positions or telling me other stuff. Without spermicide in her I could really enjoy licking her pussy and that was a great thought for the future! She teased me and asked (although she knew I couldn’t) if I could still taste Peter in her and then she continued by telling me that she thinks she’s going to enjoy not having to ‘prepare’ for sex! It was when we were about to fuck though that she really got to me and said, “You need to put a condom on just like Bill had to when I was up in Boston last summer.”

What a turn-on to hear that, I hadn’t thought back to that time in a while now and her saying that brought back a lot of things. As I knelt on the bed and opened the foil package I thought to how I felt back then and how Bill must have felt at that moment.

She recognized that it turned me on and teased me more about having to use a condom for the next day or so. Just the way she was teasing me was so erotic; she’d ask me if I had pictured them doing this or that and her teasing took me in yet another whole direction.

Normally I hate using condoms but last night it didn’t matter. With the way we were connecting it was a total turn-on and we fucked for what felt like hours. I know she came several times reacting to me in her pussy or to the thoughts in her own head. Eventually, even through the numbness of the condom, I finally came too. As I slipped out of her she let out that giggle again. I asked what was so funny and she answered, “ ... it turned you on to think about Bill AND Peter didn’t it?” I smiled but didn’t answer; she already knew.

We cleaned up and drifted off to sleep.

I’ll be honest here and will say that the idea of Peter riding her bareback does turn me on. I was in the shower and when thought about it and damn if I didn’t get a wicked hard-on.

By the same token, I’m not sure that I want Suzanna to know that this is a turn-on for me to think about. I’m just not sure that I want her thinking that way despite that it might be a nice gesture.

I am reminded about a conversation we had a long time ago about her first boyfriend who took her virginity. She was actually on the pill before she was having sex as her doctor prescribed it to regulate her monthly cycle. The doc told her it meant that she couldn’t get pregnant but that it wasn’t a license for sex. She never told her strict catholic mom that or she’d have flipped knowing her daughter was on birth control.

Anyway, she told me that Joe (I think that was his name) was thrilled that he didn’t have to use a condom that first time. She said it hadn’t been a great experience and that it had hurt a bit and made her think about all sorts of stuff but that she did and always will remember him and have a special place in her heart for him. When we started talking about her fucking other guys, she came out and said that if Joe did come back around, that she would probably fuck him what with him being the first guy in her and the first guy to cum in her. She said she would probably always let him have her.

I understood what she was saying. If my first girlfriend who let me blast inside her showed up then I too would want to give it a shot for old-times.

Where I’m going with all of this is that I am concerned that if I suggest this and she does go for it, that it will cement Peter in a similar place in her heart.

To be very honest, I’m actually a bit scared that if I show her that I am, in any way, enjoying the whole ‘me in a condom and Peter not’ that it may become something she will look to do in the future. She’s very aware of what I enjoy in terms of her teasing me to enhance our time together; I’m a little concerned that she may add the ‘me using a condom’ thing to her repertoire and ask it of me in the future. I honestly hate condoms as I just don’t get off as well in them but the whole symbolism thing of what they mean if I use them and Peter doesn’t is absolutely a turn-on. Basically that thought and arousal pretty much convinces me that I am definitely a cuckold inside. I mean I have surely masturbated to these types of stories before but I don’t think, even subconsciously, I ever wanted to be in one for real.

I don’t think Suzanna likes condoms at all though so that may be a saving grace for me as even these past 2 nights she hasn’t seemed happy about using them. However, if she sees that I get some enjoyment, even though it may be a mental and not physical, it could change how she sees them. Right now she only sees them as a diaphragm-alternative, not with any sort of sexual stimulation thing for me on their own.

I’m rambling on but I’m not sure what I should think or do here. I love the excitement that this whole line of thought is doing to me but I’m not sure how to bring it up in such a way that I can find out what she’s thinking/feeling without having her change how she feels about it.

She did let me put my fingers in her vagina last night though; she felt okay enough for that. She asked if I could feel the 2 strings (more like fishing line) that come out of her cervix and are attached to the IUD. She told me that’s how she knows it in the right place and also how the doctor can remove it if needed. I could feel them and she said that if everything is okay after a week or 2 that her doctor can trim them back as by then everything should be okay for the longer term. That was both weird and exciting; feeling that inside her, knowing what it meant.

I don’t know if I can come out and say about the bareback thing to her just yet; maybe later tonight after some wine but what I did say earlier this afternoon when we had some alone-time and were kissing and stuff was, “there are still a few more condoms if you are still not ready for the diaphragm.”

She hugged me and said, “That’s so sweet that you are thinking about me,” but that was all. I’m a bit scared to come out and say it. I mean it’s something I just need to be sure I want to say as I don’t think there will be a way to take it back afterwards. On the one hand I would like her to think and want for me to use condoms as she does know it would just drive me crazy with desire and arousal. On the other hand part of me is concerned about what it could mean if she were to want it for I don’t know how I would deal with that if it got out of hand or became something more than just these next few days.

I know we’re in a good place right now so I’m reluctant to change things especially not knowing what’s going to happen with her anyway. The other thing I think about is that circumstances like this don’t happen often when timing, moods, feelings, the stars, the moon and whatever else line up just so. It almost seems like fate in some ways.

We’re cooking dinner together and it’ll be ready shortly so I’m going to go consider things over some wine before dinner.

Wish me luck.

Last night Suzanna really appreciated my being agreeable to using a condom again. She even had a little fun calling me Bill and playing up, “how nice it is to see you again”. That really got me going.

I only raised the subject of Joe, her very first boyfriend, in the context of ‘firsts’, of having a special place in her. In other teasing and conversation I asked her if Peter was looking forward to the ‘new you’. She blushed and said yes.

I wasn’t really thinking clearly (or was I?) when I said something about him being a reason for the IUD in the first place. Suzanna told me that she liked the idea after her doctor was so positive about it and then said she surely won’t miss the spermicide cream. I smiled at that and said, “neither will I.”

I did ask her earlier this afternoon how she felt ‘down-there’. She smiled and said she was pretty sure everything was better. I then asked her if the 4-days were enough and she said that’s what the doctor had told and then added, “I hope so”.

I have maybe 3 more hours to decide. I may not have to reveal my fantasy about using condoms since I can say I’m worried about the 4-days or that I want to be sure she’s really-okay and ready. That may buy me another day, however, I will only be putting this off till tomorrow at best.

I’m thinking I may just tell her I liked the idea of saying it’d be part-time on agreement with both of us or something like that.

All I know is that I have this rock hard boner just typing this.

When I got home and over dinner I hinted around about tonight and got clear signs she was still horny and so I asked her both if she was ready and whether she was sure enough time had passed by. I did it in passing conversation, not as the centre of what we were talking about, and I wasn’t even sure if she’d heard me. I just know that I was still undecided.

We said goodnight to our son about 10pm and headed up to our bedroom. I won’t say there was a tension between us but there was definitely something in the air so to speak. When we got into bed finally and started kissing and stuff she brought it up. She said again, “thanks for being so considerate”. I kept quiet and just kept up the making-out and I told her it was no big deal and that I just wanted to be sure she was okay and things like that.

As we started to get into it a bit more she said something like, “ ... the doctor did say 4 or 5 days...” I could tell she was sort of tense too so I just asked, “what’s wrong?” and she just said it was nothing and she was just thinking out loud.

Now maybe it was my mind playing with me but it just seemed to me that she wasn’t all there, like her mind was elsewhere. To be honest, mine was too. I mean she was so wet and ready and I knew I could just have her just like that finally again after 14 years since she was on the pill. Yet I also knew that I wanted something else.

So it really came down to those few minutes. This morning I’m looking back and realizing how big that time was last night. I guess I’m finally okay with accepting that I want to be a cuckold. I think I had ridden the fence a long time; this seemed like it just fell into place and I know that in those few moments last night, I let myself accept what I wanted.

I played hero and said, “look, if you’re still worried” - it took her a second to understand what I was saying. She then did the whole, “I couldn’t ask you again, I feel bad enough” speech.

As I said, I now realize that at that moment I knew exactly what I wanted. I think I surprised her by asking about whether she was still keeping Wednesdays to herself and she just nodded and said, “hopefully” with this shy questioning look that I could not lie to. And that was it, I just said, ‘I’ll be okay” and then after a pause just loud enough to be heard, “it kind of turns-me on if that’s what you want tonight”.

It took her a moment to think about what I meant. She said, “You know it’s not like that; it’s not that I don’t want you”.

I looked at her and said something like that may be what she’s telling herself but I ‘knew’ there was more to it. That’s when I said, “Anyway, that’s what turns-me on”.

I didn’t know if she would realize all of what I had said and implied until she said, “you know what you are saying, that Peter...” and I cut her off and just said, “Yes, I know what it means”. Again, maybe it’s me but I swear I saw a smile and a certain look on her face at that moment.

She didn’t tease me at all after that. Matter of fact, it was quite a passionate love-making session. Neither of us said anything else about that part of our fucking; no comment about the condom or what I thought was a lot of cum (for me) in it when we were done. It was just very passionate and very loving. Sometimes I’ll be up on my elbows or have my arms fully extended when I’m on top of her but last night she wanted me close and wrapped herself around me as we both orgasmed. All she said as she got out of bed to get us a washcloth was, “Thank you. I love you”.

And that was it. It’s now almost 12 hours later and I am still turned-on and have a wicked hard-on writing this thinking about what I’ve done. She still hasn’t said anything else to me about it. All I can think about is how I’m going to have to keep my hands off her tonight and what a struggle that will be. I am SURE that there will be some more talking tonight. I feel good that I let it be her choice and that she got the courage and strength up to let herself say it even if she told herself that wasn’t the real reason. I’m okay with that and I feel good that I finally said what I was thinking and that she was good with that too.

When I reached down and felt her last night, knowing she was ready to be fucked and knowing how wet she was, and that, as I said, it would be a first in like 14 years to do it safely without diaphragm/spermicide.

I guess you can call me a true cuckold for this want and desire but at that moment, and I know it’s crazy, but it just seemed to be an incredible rush and turn-on to admit at that moment to myself that I wanted Peter to have her first like that.

I think part of me was of the mindset that this is something special and exciting for us both and that in a strange way I wanted it to be even more exciting for Suzanna to have her feel that nervousness, that anxiety and, yes, that desire to have Peter fuck her first.

I guess in a way I’m hoping that she’ll start to want this for herself when she sees and experiences something like this.

Crazy, I know.

Suzanna seemed quite happy this morning. I do hope she is in the mood to talk about it tonight as now that the cat is out of the bag I do want her to tell me how and what she is feeling and thinking both about what I told her, what she thinks about me and what she thinks about Peter. I’m also very turned on thinking about what she may tell Peter and what he thinks about it too.

It was strangely quiet sex-wise this evening compared to the past few days. A thought came to mind that Suzanna had always said ‘no’ to Wednesday nights because of the whole diaphragm/spermicide stuff she’d have in her for like 48 hours straight if we had sex. So I realized that in what I’d said last night I’d already changed over to accepting Wednesday’s new status as just her not wanting me and wanting to be ready for Peter tomorrow night. That thought struck me in that it made me realize that she is starting to want things sexually for herself and not just for me. What a turn-on to see happening. All night long until the kids were gone I just thought about what I’d set into motion and how she seemed very happy. Once we were in the bedroom she started the conversation by right out asking me if I was serious what I’d said about last night and being aroused by using a condom with her. I wasn’t really ready for this just then and I tried to find the right words. I finally told her that it wasn’t so much the condom that turned me on but it was using it because I was turned on by what it meant would happen. I said it, “that Peter would have you first”.

From there we just went in every direction. She came out and admitted that it too turned her on both that I wanted it for her but also that she felt so wild and aroused by her desire to have the first time with Peter. She made it quite clear at one point when she said something about being surprised that, “my first time with just the IUD for protection will be with Peter and to know that it is also what you want too”. She looked down at one point and saw my cock as it is now bulging out of my sweatpants and she smiled and asked, “is that because of what Peter is going to get and you’re not?”

Damn, I nearly came just from hearing her say that but as sexy and erotic as she was there was one point where I said something about, “ ... hoping I’m not going to lose you.” At that moment there was a sudden change in her whole persona. She went from sexy and erotic to dead serious. She held my head and face in her hands and just said how much she loved me and she repeated that her enjoyment depends on mine. She said she appreciated knowing that I am liking all of this and that I’m okay with going further because she did want to, very much so. She then it quite clear that if I wasn’t happy with this, or better, if I’m not aroused sexually about it, that she would stop wanting it herself as she would never feel right about it otherwise.

You would have to know Suzanna to understand how serious she was and I simply do not doubt her. I told her as we kissed that this is something we’re doing together and as long as we’re both enjoying it, that we should go on. I did not bring up Joe but from what she said to me and from what I’ve said to her, I no longer question that she would surely have sex with him. My theory on that is that the men who are partners with women when they have their ‘first times’ are ones who earn special consideration in the future.

I know it works that way as, before Suzanna and I were together I happened to meet up with my old high-school girlfriend. We had been each other’s ‘firsts’ and despite her involvement with another guy it was effortless for me to get her into bed and into her panties.

I’m thinking that Peter will be one of Suzanna’s ‘firsts’; the first guy to cum in her in 14 years without a diaphragm and spermicide. I’m not sure why that turns me on but it does. I told Suzanna I would try to hold off until she gets home tomorrow night. She smiled and said that would be ‘very sweet.’

I don’t believe Suzanna likes or enjoys using condoms and we have (and she has) only used them out of necessity. However, I will admit that in my fantasy-ridden mind a request from her for me to use a condom with her, for any made-up reason, if done correctly could be arousing.

Is there a symbolism regarding Peter having greater claim on her pussy? I think that concept might be lost on her but it is an arousing thought. I mean in some ways I am ‘giving’ her to him but I could only go along with that in the realm of sexual enjoyment and just for that moment, not as anything beyond. I think Suzanna wouldn’t want that either despite what may be in her heart.

At this point, I believe I’m ready to accept whatever she might want. She’s already admitted to wanting Peter to be the ‘first’ and that was incredibly arousing to hear. It was also telling me that she is wanting things for herself which I’m happy to do as long as we’re open with each other and not hiding anything. Since I made this admission to her, I feel as if a weight is off my shoulders and it just seems easier to say, “This is what turns me on” and that’s it.

It feels really good to finally just come out and admit to Suzanna what I was thinking. I do think I underestimated her in some ways in her ability to understand me more than I thought. It just seemed to me like the almost perfect situation to encourage. Even this morning as I kissed her when she left for work, she smiled and hugged me and told me how lucky she is. She then added that I, “had better be ready for later”.

I guess for me right now it’s just something that I did and will just have to live with; to me, knowing what’s going to happen later is extremely hot. I had thought today that I would have regrets or second thoughts but instead I almost feel better about it than yesterday. The idea that I could make tonight more exciting for us all just seemed like the right thing to do.

It seems like this is all happening so easily and almost effortlessly but I think and feel that is much more of Suzanna’s doings than mine. She seems to genuinely understand what turns me on and I guess that must reflect something positive about how we are together. Now I’m just hoping the day goes by quickly and that she isn’t too late tonight.

Last night was our no-sex night but this time it wasn’t because of the whole 48-hour diaphragm usage thing, no, this time it was because she knew it turned me on to have to wait for her.

Tonight and it’s now 7:30pm. I am SURE that Peter has already put the IUD to the test and that Suzanna has undoubtedly had orgasm after orgasm. When she does finally come home - hopefully within the next hour - it will also be the first time in 14 years that she will not have used spermicide when a guy has cum inside her. I cannot wait to experience that with her later.

Meanwhile I am trying to hide the evidence of my perpetual hard-on from my kids and am trying to avoid getting over-stimulated to keep myself on edge until later tonight.

I am not sure where all this will now lead for my openness and confession of more of the depths of my cuckold desires are a concern but the excitement of it all makes that pale in comparison.

That I should be much more of a part of their time together has the potential to be a recipe for disaster for us but I don’t feel that way right now. I do genuinely believe that Suzanna is being honest with me when she says that it is just sex and that there isn’t much more than that between them. I guess time will tell.

She didn’t get home until well after 8pm on Thursday and I was on the edge all night until I dragged her up to the bedroom about 10pm after we said goodnight to our son. She told me that they both met at their usual no-tell motel. Peter was there already when she got there. She asked me if I wanted to hear all the details and all I could say was, “definitely”. Peter was very surprised by what Suzanna told him I’d done. She said he actually felt honoured and, as I’d hoped, she couldn’t contain her excitement and it was clear to me as she told me what happened that I’d done the right thing. For the first time I actually felt like she was telling me what she wanted to tell me instead of what I wanted to hear! That turned me on so much.

She said they got naked and he eagerly went down on her. For the first time I cringed as she told me that he would fuck her a bit and then go back to going down on her. I remembered being able to do that with her back when she was on the pill and I was VERY envious of Peter enjoying that moment with her.

I no longer really fear telling her that hearing these things really turns me on. She said that feeling him without spermicide in her was incredibly arousing and that was only topped by when he did finally cum inside her. The look in her eyes as she told me that said it all. She said she’d also not realized what a worry about him being in her without any contraception had been before and with that thought how she seemed to orgasm so much more easily.

He asked her several times whether I had really not ‘had her’ yet. Each time she said, “no, he wanted you to be the first” and he would just start fucking her more and more and harder and harder.

I felt my excitement building as she told me how she was on her back as he was in her and he said he was getting close. She said she held him tightly as he moaned and I nearly came without touching myself when she told me that as they were kissing she felt him finally climax and that she was right there and orgasmed with him; just from how much she could feel from him; how she could feel his body in her and next to her and how she could feel his warmth spreading inside her.

That was it, I eagerly went down on her after hearing that. She knew to expect that as this was a first for me, of not having to deal with spermicide and such. I didn’t mind Peter’s cum in her and being able to feel and taste what was left pushed me right to the edge.

When I could stand it no longer I pulled up onto my knees and eased my own cock into her now wet and open pussy. She just said to me, “it’s your turn now” and that was it. I just started to fuck her like crazy as deep as I could go. She was so open and not so much creamy inside but VERY wet. A moment later I just let loose in her.

We talked a lot last night and, my god, did she tease me last night before we fucked again. Suffice to say that right now, Saturday morning, my cock is thoroughly drained for sure.

Her answer to me when I asked her how she felt with him, whether she felt closer to him or whether she was more excited or anything like that, gave me such an intense rush and wild combination of feelings. She told me that she felt, in many ways, like a virgin and very much like she did her very first time. She didn’t say it was Joe but I knew what she meant. She said she felt so alive and so so sensitive. I told her that I too hadn’t realized just how numbing the spermicide had been.

I was so excited hearing all of this and my response was obvious by how turned on and hard I’d get as she’d tell me this. She knew I wanted to be teased a lot on Friday too and, my god, did she seem to enjoy it. I can’t remember in what order or whatever but during our foreplay last night she enjoyed telling me all sorts of stuff.

She told me how she could feel so much more of Peter’s cock; she described how she could feel every vein and ridge; how she could feel him so much when he was deep in her too; how when he was deep in her and he’d be close to cumming that she could feel him swelling up - something I KNOW she loves - and getting thicker before he’d cum in her.

Last night she showed me the position they were in when he came in her the first time. I love this position; her knees bent all the way with her thighs against her calves, and then pushing back and out on her legs. However she is shaped inside, that’s the position that is just the most intense. She said a lot of times with the diaphragm in her she couldn’t get comfortable like that but now that she was able to let Peter really have her and that she felt like he was opening her up and crawling inside. Like I said, I’d enjoyed that position many times and when she told me that was how she was when he squirted I was both incredibly excited to the point of something like spontaneous combustion but I also felt this ache that I knew was going to come with it. She had given something to Peter that I just had some second thoughts about. That position for her (and me) I know that her whole body is just like waiting at the edge of orgasm and as soon as I, and now Peter, cum in her it is like the most intense climax.

Now, a day later, I have to say that it is an incredible turn-on to even think about it. I’m glad I did what I did that I gave her something that was very special for her. It is so fucking arousing just to even see her walking around the house knowing what she’s doing with Peter. She said she stayed naked with him the entire time and the entire time he would just push his cock into her whenever he wanted. She loved it; loved the feeling of not having the spermicide and stuff all over. It killed me when she said she loved that she could suck him any time and did so many times.

I had to know, to ask, how many times did he manage to cum in her? She was quiet and then said quietly, “3 times,” and then, “But I don’t think he ‘came’ much the last time.” The first time he was on top of her in my favourite position (the position I was in when I got her pregnant which turned me on to think about). The second was with him behind her as they watched a dirty movie on TV. She said she could feel SO much more in that position than ever before. All I could think of was him behind her giving her a few swats on the ass as he fucked her!

She said the last time was very special. He told her that he was very touched by what she’d and I’d done and she said it was one of those moments where they just lay there. She really poured it on telling me how they were so close, hugging, kissing, caressing ; her holding her legs back for him and him deep in her for what she said felt like forever. She said she didn’t cum from that but that it felt almost as good feeling him like that. She let him pump away until he said he’d cum and then they just kept on hugging and kissing.

Now I know she deliberately laid on the last part for I’d told her that’s what I wanted her to do; to tell me every detail of last night and, my god, she did. After she finished telling me everything and we got to fucking, I held her closely and as we kissed she told me again how that was the very position again that Peter was with her. Feeling her against me like that and knowing Peter had felt the exact same thing the night before just filled me with such an intense erotic feeling that I just started to really fuck her deeply and more and more firmly. She kept it going telling me how Peter would hold her ass and pull himself into her more and more.