I know it’s not cool for a guy to think that his Auntie looks sexy but having watched my Aunt Nellie walk down the aisle as she got married to my best mate’s Uncle Jack there is no other way to describe her. Even though she was getting on a bit -- she was thirty-seven after all -- she was fit and the dress she had picked showed off her family treasures perfectly. Like all of the women in my family she had an excellent set of mammaries; hers appeared to be about the same size as my mum’s double D’s. Hell, even my sister who was only a couple of years older than me had a full rack of boy magnets and had no compunction about showing them off to the world.

The wedding had happened in a small church that was literally next door to the hotel we were all staying in, we didn’t even have to get in the cars to get there. The bride had arrived in a horse-drawn open carriage and had looked beautiful, as all brides should. Her walk down the aisle with her heels reverberating on the stone floor had been something to behold, I only wish I’d had a video camera to hand to record her posterior for posterity as it undulated away from me. Mum must have known what I was looking at because she jabbed me with her elbow and gave me one of her patented ‘behave’ looks.

The actual ceremony had been blessedly short and as Jack and Nellie Sullivan, the newlyweds, were carried away in the horse-drawn carriage the rest of us all made our way back to our hotel on foot. The reception was being held in the same hotel that most of us were staying in which made the logistics simpler for all involved.

The meal was pretty good, not too fancy and not too small. You know what it is like at some of these functions; they don’t give you enough food to feed a mouse let alone a growing lad. I was off to a good start as I had managed to snaffle a glass of wine for the toasts despite the close attention that mum had been paying me. I guess you could say that she was not paying as much attention as usual because she was distracted by the goings-on at the top table.

My Grandfather, Nellie’s father, had passed away a few years ago and when she and her fiancé had been planning the wedding she had asked my dad, William, to stand in for her dad during the ceremony, you know, to do the father of the bride bit. That meant that he was not sitting with mum and me on our table but was up at the top table. He had already given his speech and it had been truly cringe-worthy and now, the prat was openly flirting with the groom’s mother. Don’t get me wrong, she was a good looking woman even if she had to be nearly sixty but what dad was doing is just not the done thing, especially in front of an audience containing his wife and the rest of his family.

Mind you, things were not much better on the other side of the top table. How Aunt Nellie got together with her fella is a something I have not been told and I suspect that there might be something that mum considers improper about the whole thing. Even so the funny thing from my point of view is that the groom, Jack, is my best friend’s uncle. Andy and I have known each other for years, at least since Junior school and maybe even before that. We do just about everything together including sports and that most popular of activities, chasing girls.

The point is that Andy’s dad, Peter is the groom’s brother and he is acting as best man and, like my dad is proving what a prat he is. His speech was borderline coarse but that wasn’t the worst bit, now he was making eyes at the Matron of Honour, a dizzy blonde by the name of Sonia Fanning who was lapping up the attention he was paying her.

To say that the atmosphere on the table we were sat at was frosty would be an understatement, of the eight people around it four were ignoring our side of the table and mum and my mate’s mum, Ann, were looking daggers towards their respective spouses. The only good point as far as Andy and I were concerned was that with our mothers so distracted we were able to help ourselves to the left over bottles of wine.

I thought our good fortune was going to end as the final toast was given and they started to clear away some of the tables so that the dancing could start but lady luck was on our side for once.

“Where are they going, now?” Asked Andy’s mom, as most of the top table headed out of the room.

“They’ve got to sign the registers, Ann,” replied mum as she downed the last of her latest glass of wine.

“Oh,” was all Ann managed in reply.

“Don’t worry about them,” continued mum before turning to me. She gave me a beady-eyed look, “Ben, don’t you overdo the drinking. I know you’ve had alcohol before but don’t go making a fool of yourself like someone else I could mention.”

I nodded in response, not risking opening my mouth and putting my foot in it. It was a tactic I’d honed to perfection in the last couple of years living in what was becoming something of a warzone.

Mum turned her attention back to Ann, “Would you like something a bit stronger?” she asked lifting up her empty wineglass.

“I wouldn’t mind something, Wendy, but I don’t fancy queuing at the bar.”

A glance towards the end of the room revealed what she was talking about. With the top table being vacated people had taken the opportunity to replenish their drinks and the crowd was three deep around the bar.

“Ben, would you go to the bar for us?” asked mum, phrasing it as a request rather than a direct order.

I nodded again and mum chuckled in response, “Of course you would.” She fished around in her purse and pulled out a twenty, “I’ll have a Bloody Mary, and Ann will have... ?” She paused and looked over at her friend.

“A Bacardi and Coke, please.”

“A Bacardi and Coke,” continued mum, then paused, “and get a drink for Andy and yourself but not a spirit.”

I took the note from her hand and headed for the bar without saying a word; Andy jumped to his feet and followed me across the room, glad to be out of harm’s way for a short while.

“What are you going to get?” he asked as we joined the crowd waiting to be served.

“Cider,” I replied, “It’s what I usually drink and after what mum said I don’t want to risk getting drunk. Can you imagine what she’d do to me if I threw up in front of everyone?”

Andy screwed up his face in mock-horror, “It wouldn’t be pretty,” he admitted.

“It wouldn’t,” I agreed. “So what do you want?”

“I’ll have the same.”

I chuckled, “Wimp.”

“Hark who’s talking.”

We both laughed softly until the barman arrived.

“What can I get for you?” he asked.

“A Bloody Mary, a Bacardi and Coke and two Ciders, please.”

He frowned at us, “Who are they for?”

“Our mums,” I replied, “They didn’t want to queue so they sent us.”

He nodded and started to get our drinks and I breathed a sigh of relief, technically we were underage to drink and he would have been within his rights to refuse to serve us.

When we had our drinks we headed back to our table and found that it had disappeared; the staff had tidied it away to make room for a dance floor. Andy spotted my mum waving at us off to the side near to an open door.

“Here you are, mum.” I placed the drink down in front of her and she looked at my drink in my other hand.

“You’d better call me by my given name if you’re old enough to drink that stuff,” she said.

“Really?” I asked in surprise rather than just agreeing with her.

“At least while we are out,” she confirmed with a nod. “Anyway, it makes me feel old when you call me mum.”

“You’re not old ... Wendy.” I didn’t go any further in case I dropped myself in it, which left a silence hanging between us.

Ann chuckled, “You’d better use my proper name too,” she said. “And you, you rascal,” she continued eyeing her son, “can do so as well.”

Andy’s eyebrows rose as his mum giggled and she took a sip of her drink. I smiled; it looked like the wine the two of them had been drinking was starting to take hold.

I slid into a seat as far from my mom as I could without going to a different table and took a look around the re-arranged room. Although the room was still pretty bright the disco had been set up and had its light display running, some sort of backing track was playing softly creating a level of noise that masked most conversations without making them impossible.

Andy nudged me and nodded towards a couple of girls who looked to be about our age. I smiled at them when they caught us looking and they giggled before they turned away.

My gaze was attracted by a commotion near the main door as the top table party returned. I frowned as I noticed that dad had his arm around the waist of the groom’s mother and a quick glance over to mom revealed that she’d spotted his arm as well.

“Bastard!”

It was said under the breath but coming from Ann it was so unexpected that it shocked me and I think it did her when she realised that she’d said it out loud.

I looked back at the wedding party and understood what the problem was. I thought dad was being an idiot but compared with what Andy’s dad was up to he was being a saint. Peter had his hand on Sonia’s ass and she had her arm wrapped around his and was hanging there like she belonged to him.

“I’ll go and...” I said starting to rise to my feet.

“No!” snapped mum. “Leave them alone.”

I admit I was surprised at the vehemence she displayed.

“I’ll have words with him when we get home,” she stated and I shuddered. Dad was in a world of hurt and didn’t even know it.

Ann downed the remainder of her drink and looked at the glass as she rolled it around in her hand. Andy sighed beside me as his mum began nodding.

“Yes,” she said softly, “I think I’ll be having words with my beloved husband when we get home.” She pushed the glass across the table towards Andy and I. “Strong words.”

She reached into her handbag, “Another drink, Wendy?”

Mom polished off the remains of her Bloody Mary and nodded in agreement, her glass joining Ann’s in front of us.

“Would you do the honours?” asked Ann, waving another twenty in my direction.

“Gladly,” I replied taking the note and scooping up the glasses, more than happy to be away from the table whilst things were so fraught. Andy jumped to his feet and stuck with me as I crossed the empty dance floor.

I glanced in the direction of the girls we had been eyeing up but they were too busy talking to the people they were with to be paying any attention to us.

“Ben, what’s your mum going to do to your dad when you get home?”

I eyed Andy for a moment, “What’s your mum going to do to your dad?”

Andy shrugged, “I don’t know,” he replied.

“Neither do I but the way the two of them have been arguing recently I don’t think I want to be anywhere near the place when they discuss his behaviour.”

Andy nodded, “Me neither,” he paused for a moment or two then continued, “Any idea where we can go to hide.”

I grinned back, “Not a clue,” I admitted.

“It’s a shame we can’t join your sister...”

“Sandy,” I snorted, “No chance. She’s in the halls of residence and believe me, there’s not enough room there to swing a cat let alone hide us two. Besides, I doubt if her roommate would fancy having us two hanging around.”

“Why not?”

“Because she prefers girls, you dork.”

Andy blushed, “I didn’t know...”

I waved him off as the barman appeared in front of me.

“A Bloody Mary and a Bacardi and Coke,” I glanced at Andy and he shook his head. Maybe he was right, I really didn’t want to upset mum any more than she was already. “And a large Coke,” I added.

The barman nodded and turned to get our drinks.

As we crossed the floor once more with our drinks the staff were closing all of the blinds that covered the windows. It didn’t make it dark but it did mean that the light show became more effective.

The DJ was calling for attention as I passed the ladies’ drinks across the table.

“And now it’s time for the bride and groom to have their first dance as husband and wife. Would Mr. and Mrs. Sullivan make their way onto the dance floor?”

Everyone cheered as Nellie and Jack did as they were told and the noise only abated as Jack took his bride in her arms. The opening strains of Adele’s ‘Make You Feel My Love’ caused another outburst of cheering as the two newlyweds slowly spun around the floor arm in arm.

Just as the song finished the DJ led the cheers and then called on the remainder of the wedding party to join the happy couple on the dance floor. I didn’t need to look back to know that mum was scowling as Dad led the older woman out into the middle of the room. Andy’s dad was even worse; at least dad was being a little discreet about feeling up a woman who wasn’t his wife.

The music picked up in volume and I chanced a glance over my shoulder. Just as I suspected, Ann and Wendy had their heads close together discussing the situation whilst still throwing the odd glare across the dance floor.

Andy nudged me to get my attention and nodded towards the girls we had been watching earlier. They were on the edge of the dance floor waiting to join in, each of them accompanied by a boy of the same age.

I shrugged; what else can you do when that happens?

“Come on,” called the DJ as the second track finished, “Everyone on the dance floor.”

For two tracks we watched people cavorting in front of us as mum and Ann continued to chunter behind us. Andy kept glancing behind and then out onto the dance floor, it was clear that he was getting worried.

“She’s going to explode any second and make a right old scene,” he announced.

Another quick glance over the shoulder confirmed that the steam pressure was building in my mum too.

I downed the remnants of my coke and snapped the empty glass down on the table, “Come on, let’s dance.”

“Who with?” asked Andy, his confusion clear on his face.

“You take my mum and I’ll take yours, if nothing else it’ll give them time to cool down a bit.”

“You’re joking,” he hissed.

“No, I’m not.”

“I dunno...”

I didn’t give him a chance to get any further, “Come on you idiot, before they explode and ruin the evening for everyone, including us.”

I slipped around the table and placed my hand on Ann’s shoulder, “May I have the pleasure of this dance?”

She gave me a startled look before shifting her gaze across to my mum for guidance. Mum smirked at her friend but before she could say anything Andy took her elbow and said, “Would you like to dance?”

I reached down and slipped my hand under Ann’s elbow and started to lift. Looking a bit like a startled rabbit she rose to her feet and I led her onto the dance floor.

Typical, just as we got there the next track started and it was a slower one. Not totally a smoochie but slow enough that you needed to be in each other’s arms.

“Oh,” uttered Ann as I closed the distance between us and held her by the waist. It wasn’t particularly slim but it wasn’t rolling in fat either. The top of her head was level with my eyes, making her about six inches shorter than me given that she was wearing heels.

Gently we started to move with the music, not what I’d originally had in mind when I thought of dancing but I was finding that it was more fun than sitting around the edge watching other people perform. As we danced Ann slowly closed the distance between us until her bust was rubbing against my chest each time she swayed. She didn’t have as big a rack as Aunt Nellie or mum but there was sufficient for me to appreciate the feeling as she swayed to the music.

As the song finished I was hoping for another slow track but it wasn’t to be.

“Can everyone gather around the top table and have your camera’s ready. The bride and groom are going to cut the cake.”

Ann gave me a lingering look before stepping away and leading us back to our table. Andy gave me a smile as mum let go of his hand and dropped into her chair.

I looked over to the bar and it was nearly deserted, “Another drink?”

Ann nodded and mum frowned for a moment, “Have you got enough money?”

“Plenty,” I replied.

“Then I’ll have the same again.”

“Andy?”

“Cider?”

“No probs,” I replied and headed over to the bar.

The same barman served me as before and didn’t bother to ask who the drinks were for. I suppose the fact that I was still upright and well behaved must have counted for something in his eyes.

I eyed the four glasses and wondered how I was going to manage them, finally resigning myself to having to make two trips and hope that no one nicked my drinks when I wasn’t there.

“Here, use this.” A waitress placed a round metal tray on the bar beside my glasses, “Just put the tray on the bar when you bring it back.”

I muttered, “Thanks,” to her but she was already walking away.

Carrying the four glasses over to our table was much easier and made dodging some of the dancers a piece of cake, even the older guy who was flailing his arms around like a demented octopus. Lowering the tray to the table I dished out the drinks and got a look from Andy begging to be rescued.

I handed him the tray, “Run that back to the bar for me would you.”

I almost cracked up at the look he gave me. It seems he may have wanted to be rescued but not at the expense of actually having to do something.

As he walked away I dropped onto my seat and took a sip of the cider, as I returned the glass to the table it was clear that mum and Ann were still muttering about what was going on. They’d keep glancing towards the top table where the older male members of our respective families were still making prats of themselves then mumble something softly to each other.

Mum cast a dark look in my direction for some reason before taking another swallow of her drink.

Andy got back and dropped onto the seat next to me, leaning close he asked, “Are they still moaning?”

I nodded in confirmation, “Fancy dancing with my mum again?”

I don’t believe it; the bastard blushed. What had he been up to?

Before I could ask he muttered, “Yeah, why not.”

I eyed him suspiciously as he agreed so readily but he was up on his feet and heading around the table surprisingly fast.

Must be a guilty conscience, I thought as I followed suit, after plastering a smile on my face I moved around and as mum rose to her feet next to Andy I grasped Ann’s hand. I didn’t say a word to her, just gave a slight tug and led her out onto the dance floor, she followed along passively, accepting my lead.

Around us the party was beginning to get more lively, the alcohol flowing was lowering peoples’ inhibitions and their senses of propriety had gone. I snorted; it must have been taken by the bride and groom when they went to get changed.

I grasped Ann’s hand and pulled her closer to me, I enjoyed touching her and she didn’t object to my actions. There wasn’t a slow dance in the time we were out there but I made sure to run my hands over her arms and hips whenever I got the chance. Maybe that cider was having more of an effect on me than I’d thought.

The DJ switched music and started playing an old rock and roll number so I shook my head and led the way back to our table. Ann wrapped herself around my arm and I, as casually as possible, allowed my hand to rest on her rump as we moved towards our seats.

Mum was already there with Andy sitting very close to her. As we approached the table he saw the two of us getting closer he scooted to the side, not far but just moving like that made it obvious and raised questions in my mind. Questions like, what had he been up to, should I be worried, what was mum playing at, you know, all the usual things that you think of when someone looks guilty.

I dismissed my concerns when Ann giggled in my ear at her son’s antics.

“He can’t hide anything, can he?” she whispered in my ear.

Suddenly I was thinking ‘hide what’ as my Mum gave me the sort of look I’d been giving her as we approached and I have to admit that I turned as red as Andy had done.

I barely managed to restrain the urge to snatch my hand off Ann’s bum as I guided her the last couple of steps to her seat before retreating to my own side of the table. Andy and I eyed each other warily across our drinks as mum and Ann got their heads together. I sipped my drink and contemplated what was going on, I know it was my idea to dance with our mothers but that was to stop them exploding. Now I was doing it for fun and Ann was no longer my mate’s ‘old’ mother but had become an object of desire. Was Andy looking at my mum in the same way?

Mum, or Wendy as she wanted me to call her wasn’t a beauty by any stretch of the imagination. Yes she had an impressive set of tits and the dress she was wearing did display them nicely but I wouldn’t have described her as a MILF or anything. Then again, Ann was shorter and had a smaller bust than mum and I was having carnal thoughts about her.

Ann looked around, “Where’s Peter?”

Mum scowled, “I’ve no idea and before you ask I don’t know where William is either.” She shot me a look that I really couldn’t describe then looked at Ann. “To be honest I really don’t care where they are or what they are doing.”

That hit me like a ton of bricks, all of a sudden I was thinking that my parent’s marriage was on the rocks.

Mum looked back at me and smiled, a sort of kind, understanding smile that seemed to confirm my worst suspicions whilst promising to always love me. It felt strange and I lifted my drink to hide my confusion.

Mum was doing pretty much the same thing with her drink as behind us the noise level dropped as the DJ switched genres once more.

“Come on, Andy,” said mum as she put her glass down with a thump. “Take this old woman for a dance.”

Andy was up like a shot, holding his hand out to my mum.

I looked at Ann and she was staring back at me, her eyes wide and glistening, her bottom lip quivering as she waited to see what I was going to do.

I drained the last of the cider and thought of my dad and what he was probably up to at this very moment. ‘Bugger the bastard, he deserves all the hurt mum gives him.’

With that I dumped my glass back on the table and smiled at Ann, “Come on, we can’t let those two have all the fun.”

I grabbed her hand as she smiled and once more we were on the dance floor. I pulled her in close and she hugged me back, her soft body feeling wonderful in my arms. I stepped back a little and allowed my body to move to the beat, Ann did the same but kept closing the distance between us.