Linda's Talent Show - Cover

Linda's Talent Show

by Thornfoote

Copyright© 2018 by Thornfoote

Humor Story: This is Linda and the Posse 2 years after the end of the Vigilante Trilogy. Just a short story, one chapter only.

Tags: Celebrity   Humor   Extra Sensory Perception  

I’m bored, Tink complained.

Me too, Mouse sighed.

Is Linda still asleep? The Twins asked.

Yes. She had too much wine again last night. I think she’s depressed, Ret whispered.

Then we need to do something to cheer us all up! The Twins happily suggested.

Ret whispered, We could go down to the island and watch Sabrina play tennis.

That’s fun, but I always feel bad when we leave, Tink said.

Me too, but we do have to leave. It’s not safe for our friends if we hang around too much, Ret reminded them.

At least most of the crowds are gone now. I think yesterday when we did the Nuns thingy there were only a couple hundred left, Mouse added.

If we’re not going to the island, what should we do? Tink asked.

How about if we play poker? Mouse said with a smile.

No! You cheat, Mouse! The Twins replied.

Do not!

Do too! You change what the cards look like, so you always win! Tink added.

Ret cheats, too! Mouse answered.

Me? I don’t cheat at cards, Ret replied indignantly.

Ret, you know what cards all of us have in our hands. You read our minds, Tink whispered.

Well I can’t help that, but I try not to use it when we play, Ret answered.

Four girls looked at Ret and simultaneously rolled their eyes.

Okay, okay. No poker and no island visiting. What else we have? Mouse asked.

Remember that TV show on Fox that we all liked? About the girl pitcher playing for San Diego? That could be fun, Ret whispered.

You mean the show named Pitch? I was so mad when they canceled after one season. Maybe we could get Linda to let me dissolve people who cancel our favorite TV shows, Tink added with a sly smile.

Everyone ignored that suggestion.

How would we even get on a team? Don’t they, you know, draft people from college and stuff? The Twins asked.

If Linda agrees, we could research it. I think some teams have open try outs at spring training. We could go to that, Ret told them.

Linda can throw the ball over one hundred miles an hour and hit a spot low on the outside corner whenever she wants to! Tink was enthusiastic about the idea.

Curve ball! Mouse added.

Nobody could hit Linda. It would be impossible! The Twins whispered together.

We can talk about it. Spring training isn’t for a few more months. That’s assuming Linda even says ok, Ret told them. Linda can’t pitch too good. Everyone would suspect angels again, just like the golf stuff.

I thought it was funny the way the LPGA tried to disqualify Linda from her victories. Dave Jennings took them to court. There is no rule that says a golfer on the tour has to be human! We won! Mouse laughed.

Those lawsuits against the angels for wrongful death got thrown out, too. I don’t understand the legal stuff involved, but I think the judge was afraid of pissed off angels, Ret added.

So, we have to wait for baseball, what can we do now? Tink asked.

Uhm. we know, whispered The Twins. Together.

Oh good. The Twins have great ideas, Tink whispered.

Mouse looked at the two girls. Have you been watching National Geographic again? she accused.

Oh no. Not that. We was watching that USA Gots Talent show. You know, the one where people from all over America compete to see who wins? The Twins said.

What kind of talent would you like us to do? Mouse asked.

Don’t laugh at us, The Twins pleaded.

Ret answered, We won’t laugh at you. We promise. Mouse and Tink nodded agreement.

Well, what do you think about magic? The Twins suggested.

You mean like card tricks and making people disappear and things? Ret asked.

Tink cracked her knuckles. I can make people disappear, she whispered with an evil giggle. Tink was the only one who could make a giggle sound evil. Spooky.

No, not normal magic. That stuff is all fake. I mean, we could do it easy enough with Mouse doing illusions and Ret reading minds, but that won’t win the contest, The Twins whispered.

I’m guessing you have thought this over a lot and come up with a magic act plan? Mouse asked them.

Yes we have. Bricks. We want Linda to make bricks dance and fly and stuff, The Twins responded.

Bricks, hmmm. We can certainly talk it over with Linda when she wakes up, Ret decided.


The day of the auditions for USA Has Talent, the five girls waited their turn on stage patiently. Mouse had them disguised as a middle-aged single lady, with long, dark hair, a nice figure, and wearing an ankle length red dress.

When it was her turn, Sally Cummings (Linda’s chosen name for this stunt) walked out on stage to face the crowds, the TV audience, and the panel of four judges. On a table in front of her, four red bricks lay flat, end to end. Each brick was numbered in white lettering, one through four.

“Hello there. What’s your name and what are you going to do for us today?” Samon the snarky judge asked.

“Hello, everyone. My name is Sally Cummings. I’m from Texas, and I’m going to do magic for you.”

Samon rolled his eyes. It was well known that he disliked magic acts.

“Okay then, Sally. Show us what you can do,” he said, leaning back in his chair, looking disinterested already.

Sally said, “Most magic is fake. We all know that. It’s sleight of hand, trickery, smoke and mirrors. I don’t use cards or any fake props. My magic is real. You see here on this table my four bricks. These are real bricks. Watch as they perform for you!

“Brick One! Stand up, please.”

Brick One went from a prone position to a standing position on one of it’s two small flat ends. Of course, it was impossible to tell if the brick was standing on it’s feet or on it’s head. We’ll assume it was on it’s feet even though it obviously had none.

“Brick One, follow me!” Sally announced and she began walking in a large circle around the stage. Brick One floated in the air, bobbing slightly, about three feet behind her, and several feet off the ground.

“Brick Two, stand up and follow me!” Sally commanded.

The second brick, labeled number two got up and fell into line behind Brick One.

“Brick Three, stand up and follow me!” Sally ordered. Bricks Three and Four both got up.

“No, Brick Four, not yet. It’s not your turn. Lay back down till I call you,” Sally admonished the eager brick. Brick Four lay back down. It appeared to be reluctant to do so. That feeling was enhanced by Ret’s mental projection to the judges and audience. It didn’t work with the television viewers.

Brick Three fell into line behind Brick One and Brick Two. All three bricks were floating in the air, in a line behind Sally.

“Okay, Brick Four. It’s your turn. Come give Momma a kiss then get in line!”

Brick Four floated over and seemed to rub itself against Sally’s cheek then moved to the end of the floating line of bricks.

“Okay, my bricks, back to the table and lay down in the correct order,” Sally told them. The bricks did exactly as Sally requested, and the audience was roaring their approval. The judges were standing and clapping, too. Even Samon.

“Now, just so you all know this is really magic and not some cheap trick, would the judges be so kind as to each choose one of the bricks by number?”

Samon Cromwell picked brick number three. Heidi Plum chose brick number one. Melly B picked brick number four, and Howdy Mandella picked brick number two.

“Brick One, go sit on the desk in front of Heidi. Brick Two, go sit on the desk in front of Howdy. Brick Three, go sit on the desk in front of Samon. Brick Four, go sit on the desk in front of Melly.”

All four bricks floated through the air and landed with a thud on the desk in front of the judge who picked their number.

“Please, pick up the bricks and examine them. Tell us all if you find anything unusual about my bricks. Any wires, hooks, connections. Anything at all,” Sally told the judges and the audience.

The judges examined the bricks and all four of them exclaimed that they were indeed, just what they appeared to be. Common, ordinary bricks.

Then Sally said, “Bricks, come back to Momma.” All four bricks returned and lay back down on the table where they started. The act was over.

All four judges voted for Sally to continue to the next round. Of course, we all know it was Linda’s telekinesis doing the magic.


Well, that was fun! Mouse exclaimed.

We did it! We did it! shouted the Twins.

I have to admit, I’m a bit surprised. That really was kinda fun, Ret told them. I scanned the judges minds and they were really impressed.

I had fun. It was a lot better than running around cleaning out pollution, Tink whispered enthusiastically. Even if Linda won’t let me dissolve Samon, she mumbled quietly. Linda pretended not to hear.

What’s next? The Twins asked anxiously.

We have some time to use up before the next round starts, Ret told them. Let’s get the Nuns taken care of and do some of Tinker Bell’s river clean-ups.

 
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