Chapter 3

Next day Reg said goodbye as his wives went off to their university courses, promising to return with whatever his professors allocated to Reg to study. He had finished the first set of materials he had been given.

Later, hearing heavy footsteps on the stairs, he assumed that was Elizabeth and Sidra on their self-imposed exercise regime, but the pounding seemed excessive.

He called out, “What is all the noise about, girls? You are a bit noisier than usual.”

A few minutes later, Sidra entered and came over to his chair. “What were you calling for, Reg? You were indistinct; must have been where I was at the time.”

“Thanks for coming, Sidra. You and Elizabeth seemed much noisier than usual today, so I wondered why?”

“Oh, that wasn’t just us. The Robson girls decided to join us in the Stairway to Heaven trek.”

“Stairway to Heaven trek? What is that?”

“Heaven is getting your weight down to an acceptable level. I don’t have to do that, but I am getting myself fitter, and have set myself a target time to the top of the stairs and back down. Elizabeth has a target weight, and I presume Hermione and Jemima have set themselves equivalent targets. They asked me about what we were trying to achieve.”

Reg’s eyes widened. “They are actually doing it? I just mentioned getting their weight down a bit, when I was talking to them yesterday. I never expected them to dive straight in. That is tremendous, but warn them not to do too much at the beginning, Sidra.”

“I did mention that, because it was how I started Elizabeth on the staircase: a slow build-up towards a good stamina. Perhaps they were taking it too fast today, and that’s why the noise. I’ll go speak to them about it again.”

“Thanks, Sidra. You are becoming an excellent member of our household, young lady.”

She beamed at this praise, and rushed off to find the Robsons.

A little later, Jessica came to check on him, and Reg asked her, “Will you escort me to the toilet when I need to go today, Jessica? I want to do as much as possible by myself, but I need you to be there in case I falter or seize up at an awkward moment.”

“I can manage that, Reg. If I get you a walking stick, you can bang the floor beside you, and I should be able to hear you from wherever I am, and come to be with you.”

“Not what you might have expected, as one of the tasks of being my wife, eh?”

“Not in my past certainly, but with you in your present state, it is a task I will gladly accept, my darling man.”

Jessica went off to the hall cupboard, found a stout stick that would do the job, and brought it to to leave with Reg.

By the time his wives came home from the university, via the shopping centre, Reg had been twice to the toilet, and could score one success, and one partial success. He left Jessica to report on that to his wives.

Frances came to see him after hearing this. “Reg, it seems that Jessica has now performed the final spousal duties to become a true wife: helping you at the toilet and wiping your bum for you!”

“Shush, Frances; it was a little embarrassing, but I have to test myself until I can manage on my own. I managed to pee, all by myself, earlier, and felt quite pleased at that; Jessica merely hovered beside me. It was shitting that was shit for me. Wiping my bottom and pulling up my pants without pain are still beyond my capabilities, I’m afraid.”

“At least you are getting there, my darling. We brought you two textbooks and an essay to write, on megalithic art.”

“The art, rather than the megalithic structures?”

“The art. The professor was quite clear about that. I think he is looking for suggestions on what some of the symbols might represent. He said you often think outside the box.”

“That should be fun to explore. Is one of these books on such art?”

“Yes. An old one from the university library: Megalithic Art of Western Europe, published in 1981! Either the professor doesn’t want you to be exposed to more recent wild theories, or that is the best available book.”

“Damn! I’d better do an online literature search, to see if there are more recent magazine articles worth reading. What’s the other book?”

“A work on topology. A student asked the Maths Professor about the one-sided Möbius strip, so he responded by switching to topology for his next lecture. Have fun.”

“I will. Hmm, talking of wifely duties, Frances, my toenails need trimming, and I can’t bend enough to attend to that, same as I need help with my socks. Can you help out?”

Frances growled at him, “I suppose so. Hoist by my own petard, it seems!”

Fiona was right behind Frances. “Reg, my Dad phoned me today at lunchtime. He told me that he had informed his wife that his new will would pass ownership of everything he had to his children. At present, that is just me, but he permitted her to see that if she had his children, they would get an equal share. He left her to think about that, and went to phone me. He has also sent me the same information by email, so that there is now a record of his wishes, copied to her, in case he drops dead before making his will.”

“Fiona, it sounds like your Dad is a clever man. Money talks, and will-power speaks just as forcibly.”

“Will-power! I like it, Reg.”

“Nice to have my humour appreciated, Fiona. Some of my puns get punished!”

Two days later, Reg was happy for Jessica to tell his wives that Reg had managed to get to the shitter and complete his needs without assistance, other than her watching over him. The girls giggled at Jessica telling them she had now house-trained him. They in turn told Jessica that Tom Hancock was organised to come to their house on Saturday and perform the addition of Jessica to their Commitment.

She squealed her delight, almost like a teenager. “Reg! From Saturday I’ll officially be your wife, and our baby will be legitimate when it is born!” She clambered to him and gave him a strong hug, until he grunted. She released him at once, remembering his wound. “Oops. Sorry, Reg my love.”

“It is okay, Jessica; just a twinge. It is improving every day.”

There was a cough from next to Jessica, and Sidra appeared into Reg’s vision.

“I suppose that means that you will then be my father, Reg?”

“It does, my sweet. You will be a marvellous daughter, I am sure.”

“So, once you adopt Elizabeth, she will be my sister?”

Reg frowned. “We don’t do things just to suit you or Elizabeth, Sidra. We do them because they are the right thing to do.”

Sidra’s lips thinned in tension. “I am merely establishing facts, Dad!”

“Well, don’t jump the gun. I may have to adopt you, so we have to get your mother divorced first, to allow that to happen.”

“Oh. So you haven’t spoken with Freda yet?”

“Of course not. Frances has more or less hogged me since she arrived. Why?”

Sidra held up a hand. “Wait,” and rushed off.

Puzzled, Reg waited, and two minutes later, Sidra returned, dragging Freda by the hand.

“Here she is, Reg. Freda, tell him!”

Freda took a deep breath and said, “My father phoned me just after we got home, and told me he was in court today, acting for Jessica. He produced to the judge sworn statements by many of the neighbours of the Sadaf family, attesting to bruising on Jessica’s face and arms over the years, and explained that Mrs Sadaf ran away from the abuse, and is still too terrified to appear in person in the court. “I am acting for her, pro bono, as I abhor such abuse, your Lordship. My information is that she is now well again, and her similarly abused daughter has also recovered. They are in a safe refuge for the present, m’Lord.”

This documentary evidence, plus representation by eminent counsel, was enough for the judge to dismiss Mr Sadaf’s claims of desertion and replace them with a decree nisi on grounds of marital abuse, costs to be borne by Mr Sadaf, and the marital assets to be shared equally between both parties.

Freda chortled, “Dad said Sadaf’s face was a picture. All his efforts to keep his finances to himself, and now the judge declares that he must share them with his ex-wife. The judge also decreed that the wife’s share of the assets had to be paid in to the court, and then be paid out through her legal representative.”

Reg wondered, “How will the court know how much the assets actually are? He may try to keep them hidden.”

Freda told him, “Dad spoke to Jessica on the phone prior to the court case, and quizzed her on where Sadaf might have kept his assets. She gave him some pointers, and Dad got his team to use these clues to pinpoint what cash and securities he had tucked away. Dad proposes to provide to the court a list of what his team discovered, that they can compare to what he submits in the way of admitted assets. If his claim does not include some of these, Dad reckons the court will declare them as unidentified and unclaimed, and the court can impound them as presumed criminal assets; then use them to pay Jessica and the rest go towards paying Dad a fee allocated by the court!”

Reg was unusually impressed. “Wow. Your Dad is a wonder at using the law to good effect. No wonder he gets paid so highly. It is just as well we don’t have to pay his fees.”

Freda laughed. “Reg, Dad can survive missing out on fees for family and friends. He gets paid well by those who can afford it!”

“Glad to hear it, Freda. It was getting quite embarrassing, the number of times we have used his expertise. Please tell him we are truly grateful for his generosity with his time and efforts.”

Reg was hoping for another call from the Finds Liaison Officer, about the denarii coins, but when the next call in the morning came, it was Frances’ father, to tell her about the artwork.

“Frances, the draft catalogue was circulated to some experts for their comments and suggestions, and one got back to the B.M. with an offer from one his own clients, a major collector. The offer was to pay the auction catalogue price for twenty-three specified items; no haggling. I was asked by the auction house for my reaction, and said, “Go for it!” as we have no reliable provenance. The auction house, not having to offer so many without provenance, was happy to go along with this. They will not charge their usual sale fee, only their costs to get it in the catalogue and now removing it from the catalogue. The collector can research the provenance at his own cost, so we don’t have that expense to cover. I have accepted the offer of £173,000, so you get your finders fee of £17,300, my dear.”

Frances was overwhelmed. “Daddy, that is terrific; much more than I was expecting. I thought that with no provenance, you would only get a fraction of what could be realised WITH provenance.”

“This is still not high prices, particularly for one or two possible Old Masters, but we can be happy with that sum.”

“Reg will be delighted, too.”

“This is for you, Frances; for you personally.”

“I know that Daddy, but Reg will be pleased that he is not the only one to gain a windfall. He is getting over forty thousand for his gold Roman coins that he found in Yorkshire.”

“He is? That much? Good for him, Frances. That’s a lot. It is nice that your man finally has assets of his own, even though he was a nice guy when he had no assets. How is he keeping now after that adventure up north?”

“He is home and recovering well from his knife wound, our hero. He is due a medical examination next week, to see how he is progressing. It shouldn’t be too long before he is back to the lectures like the rest of us.”

“Good. Make sure he is well prepared to become a Daddy. It is hard work, you know, looking after a child.”

“It never seemed hard work for you, Dad. You always seemed to enjoy being a Dad.”

“Ah, that’s because I am special, Frances. Not all fathers are good dads.”

“I will make sure he knows how to behave. He’ll be taught to change nappies, burp babies, and rock them to sleep. He’ll even have to learn how to apply petroleum jelly to sore bottoms – the babies, I mean!”

“I am sure he already knows how to treat a wife, from what I hear from your mother.”

“Mum doesn’t tell what I say to her, does she?”

“Perhaps just a little – the good things.”

“That’s all right, then. Us girls have to have some secrets from the men of the family.”

Her father laughed. “Goodbye for now, baby.”

“Bye, Dad.”

Over the evening meal, conversation flowed merrily. Prudence told them that her father had promised to look into their conclusions from his company accounts.

“He said our discovery looked interesting. That was yesterday and he promised to tell me the outcome. I am still waiting for that call.”

Erika opined, “We should try getting another test subject for our forensic financial analysis company. Do you think the university would let us examine their accounts?”

Prudence was emphatic. “Of course. They know they have us on hand, should they have any worries about the company, so they should be willing, especially if it is without any fee!”

Reg gave his opinion. “I agree with Prudence. It would be another test of our skills, and if they were pleased with the results, they would probably be happy to recommend our company to possible future clients. The university has a lot of contacts in the business world.”

Frances declared, “Right. If there are no objections, I propose that I introduce this proposal to the University Admin staff tomorrow, okay?”

She looked around, but received nothing in the way of objections. Everyone seemed pleased with the idea, for they had a familiarity with the university that would help with assessing what they read in the accounts. Young Elizabeth was the one who raised a question.

“Mrs Robertson – Frances – surely the accounts staff in the university would spot things that were not right?”

“A cogent observation, Elizabeth, but based on the assumption that people always do the sensible thing. In my limited experience, plus what my Dad has told me over the years, most staff will take the easy route in life. If they don’t HAVE to do something, they are unlikely to volunteer to do it. Another factor is the inherent lethargy of any organisation. Everyone usually assumes that someone else has done it or will do it. In the case of accounts, all the accounts staff will assume that another member of staff has gone over the accounts with a fine tooth comb, and spotted any discrepancies. In fact, most checks that they do will be arithmetical; making sure that the figures tally in both directions. After all, that is their responsibility: checking the figures. It is not their job, in their view, to question whether any particular expenditure was warranted: that is a management task. Experts in one field avoid treading on the path of an expert in another field.

Conversely, the management staff will not look closely at the accounts, as that is an accountant’s area of expertise. So the net result is that things happen and money gets spent without too many eyes querying the desirability or justification for the expenditure.

Another factor comes into play: the blame game. If a budget gets overspent, particularly in a construction job, no-one wants to believe they mucked up their plans, be it architects, managers, accountants, building firms, or even politicians who ordered the job. The tendency is to put it all down to ‘unexpected factors’, and authorise more spending to get the job done.

That overspending process happens often with government procurement, both local and national. You will often find a project takes twice as long and costs three times as much as was promised at the start. It all comes down to no-one wanting to admit they got it wrong. Finally, the Treasury or someone responsible for the overall budget says, ‘We can’t afford this’ or ‘We no longer have a need for this’, and the project gets cancelled to save money, in theory.

That is why, Elizabeth, there is a need for a company such as we have set up; to look for such waste and either stop it happening, or point out the waste factor and get it corrected immediately.”

Elizabeth sat with her mouth open. “Wow! You folk know what you are on about. You really believe that such things happen?”

Reg told her, “Not just believe, Elizabeth, but we KNOW such things happen. One of the great things about university is that it teaches you to query the obvious; question what everyone thinks they know as fact. Amateurs can assume the opposite, of course. Some scientist is supposed to have proved that aerodynamically, bees can’t fly, so scientists are rigid thinkers.

In actuality, someone showed that, assuming a rigid fixed wing, bees do not have the capability of flight. Of course, bees do not have rigid wings, and they attain flight in a different manner to aircraft, so no-one proved anything such as is claimed. The tale does show that there is often more than one way to achieve an objective, such as flight.

We are applying that same standard to organisations, and coming up with innovative thinking about common assumptions in business. If the accounts show an unusual figure, we don’t automatically assume an error by the accounting department, or the managerial staff. We look at what other reasons there might be for the figures shown. It might be incompetence, or criminality, or a simple failure to upgrade the way work is done: the old ‘we have always done it this way’ syndrome can make a process become more and more expensive compared to an upgrade, without anyone noticing. It is up to us to propose the solutions and offer these solutions to the client.”

Elizabeth said wonderingly, “School never said things like this to us. It was always: this is what happens; this is how you behave; this is what works; this is who you listen to. Everything was simple and straightforward, with no allowance made for people making mistakes at all.”

Sidra told her, “It was even worse for me at school, Elizabeth. Everything for girls was geared up to what would make you a good wife and mother, happy with your lot. This bunch of academics – this family – changed my whole outlook on life. They taught me that learning was good for its own sake; that the more you learned, the better your vision of life and all its meanings. I was going to escape school when I ran away, and I finally did escape school; but I began learning instead. The greatest thing I learned was how to enjoy learning new things, new ideas, new ways of thinking. This household is almost like a university in itself, Elizabeth. They may be preparing me for my certificate exams, but that is incidental to what they are really teaching me: how to think!”

“You are teaching me much the same thing, Sidra. You expect me to achieve, to learn more than I ever thought I could, and I find I am doing it; simply because you have faith in my ability, and I have absorbed that faith. Before, I wouldn’t even have used the word ‘absorbed’, but you showed me that using the correct word enhances the meaning of your speech or written words, sorry, written material is better.”

Reg commented, “I am glad to hear that both of you are gaining the benefits that we pointed out to you. Most of these benefits come from your own efforts, not from anything we do for you girls. We simply point you in the right direction, and expect you to do the rest. You can.

We know you have it inside you to achieve great things if you put your heart and soul into it. Most people fail to reach the levels that they are capable of, but they never try until they believe in themselves. Belief in yourself comes from being encouraged, to be told you have some ability you may not have realised before.

You two believe in yourselves now; that is the difference in your lives. You should be able to make something of yourselves. Learn everything you can, and you will slowly see where you are going with your life. It can be fun on that journey, too.”

Elizabeth turned to look at Sidra, and Sidra looked at Elizabeth, then they gave each other a ‘high five’ with their hands, adding ‘yeah!’ The caused the rest of the household to burst into laughter, plus a few claps of applause thrown in.

Reg was one of those who laughed, and almost at once he stopped with a grimace, as the effort stretched his knife wound. “Ouch!” he exclaimed.

Elizabeth and Sidra looked worried, but he held up a hand. “It is fine, girls; just too much laughter on my part. Please don’t anybody tell me jokes for a day or two!”

When Frances went to the Admin Department to make the proposal on behalf of the new company, she met an unexpected obstacle. The Head of Admin was amenable to the idea, but insisted that the Managing Director appear in person and sign the contract.

Frances moaned, “Why do we need a contract? Our service is intended to be free, for Pete’s sake!”

“That may be, Mrs Robertson, but we require a written agreement with your company, in case there are any comebacks as a result of the arrangement. It is to protect us from any claims of mismanagement or such. Surely your Managing Director can do that?”

“At other times, yes, but he is currently at home, convalescing from a dangerous injury. He is the university hero who was wounded defending some ladies from assault!”

The Head of Admin looked chastened, then brightened up. “One of our students? Running a company already? Good God! I suppose, though, that we should encourage new private enterprise.

I know; we can prepare the deed, and you can take it to him for signature. It should protect him and his company as well as us. Do you have headed notepaper to use for the contract? We can agree a notional fee to the company of one pound, to make it a valid contract.”

Frances reminded him that the company fee structure was a basic fee – in this case one pound – plus a percentage of savings achieved by the company. He nodded. “That seems equitable. So, if you can provide the contract on headed notepaper from the company, for me to sign? As there is no immediate cost to the university, apart from the notional pound, this contract falls within my remit.”

“Damn! I knew there was something we forgot: headed notepaper. I’ll get that paper soon, and be back, but can we draft the contract now, sir? I know what we can agree to, so it merely requires putting it in words that are acceptable to you and us, and email it to our offices to be printed and signed by our Managing Director.

That was acceptable, so Frances came home with the draft sent by email, and a need for headed paper. She remembered there was a printer in the study, but she was not sure what paper it had. They needed A4 size, and the computer printer proved to be loaded with that, so it was simply a matter of devising the company heading with postal address, email address, and telephone number, and name of the Managing Director. Fiona claimed to be good at preparing such things for the printer, and set to, to produce it.

Next, the draft contract had to be scanned in from the university’s email, then edited to the most suitable typeface and font size, with a final section leaving space for the signature of the Managing Director, and the Head of Administration on behalf of the University.

Reg was informed of progress, and he asked them to make three copies for signature. “I will sign them as Managing Director. I don’t think my signature needs to be witnessed. One will be for us to keep as a company, one for the university to keep, and a third as a spare in case it has to go into the university archives or for any legal business. Once you take them to the university, get all three signed by the Head of Administration representing the university.”

Frances murmured, “And if he can’t sign immediately, we’ll ask him to come to the house to sign them.”

Prudence advised, prudently, “Maybe not on this occasion, Frances. We are the ones looking for a contract, not them! We can leave the copies for them to get signed, and collect them in a few days if that is what it takes.”

Frances concurred, “I expect that is the wiser choice, Prudence. Thanks for keeping me on track.”

Reg had a thought. “Girls, if this is to be the address of the new company, shouldn’t we have an outside sign to say so?”

Fiona declared, “We don’t need a big sign for our little company!”

Reg admitted, “That is so, Fiona, but I was thinking of a small plaque beside the door, saying: ‘ Recovery Enterprise Group: Registered Office’.That is all it needs, until such time as we build up to a larger business.”

Fiona gave her acceptance. “That should do it, Reg. Start small, and grow.”

Listening avidly, Elizabeth chipped in, “Recovery Enterprise Group? Is that about recovering missing items, Reg?”

There was a burst of laughter from some of the wives, but Reg treated it as a serious question.

“Clever idea, Elizabeth. It was not part of our initial plans, which is why your comment got laughs, but it is an option worth exploring. Do you think you and Sidra could become our R & D team?”

Elizabeth was at first shocked at the laughter, but was now intrigued at what Reg was saying to her.

“What is R & D, Reg? I have never heard of that.”

“R & D equals Research and Development, Elizabeth. It is where ideas get kicked around to see if they are viable, and when you think they are ready for further discussion, you take it to the Board for their consideration.”

“The Board, Reg?”

“The directors of the company, Elizabeth. Together, they are called the Board of the company, when they meet to make decisions on behalf of the company.”

“So who are the directors, Reg?”

“In this case, Elizabeth, they are my wives. They all have posts in the company hierarchy. In theory, all directors have shares in the company, but we haven’t got around to floating the company in that way yet. That may take some time.”

“That all sounds very important, Reg, with you running your own company.”

“A company by itself is nothing more than a vehicle for doing business, Elizabeth. A Limited Company, where you see the letters Ltd, after the name, is one where the personal liabilities of the directors are limited by law if the company folds with debts. You try to make sure the company makes profits rather than debts!”

Elizabeth turned to Sidra and said, “I learn more and more every day here.”

Sidra nodded. “This is the truth, Elizabeth. You are never bored here, even if you have to run up and down stairs several times every day.”

Elizabeth insisted, “I am getting faster all the time, and doing it more often as well!”

Sidra agreed. “Yes, I have to give you that. The weight is coming off quite rapidly. It is just as well we have our own showers; the sweat pours off you, girl.”

“But it is not the sweat that is helping me to lose weight; it is the energy I am burning up in running up and down the stairs.”

“Correct. You should be able to calculate the calories you are using, and the lower calories you are inputting as food. It is a mathematical exercise, as you know.”

“I do. A few months ago I would never have even thought this way, and now it is part of my normal day’s work: all thanks to you, Sidra.”

“Pleased to be able to help, Elizabeth. Anything for my new sister, is the way I look at it.”

“Sidra, I noticed it is not just me that spends all their time in the house. I know I don’t have an attractive body, but neither you nor your mum has that problem, so why do you almost never go out?”

“You mean, apart from a visit to church?”

“Yes. It seemed puzzling to me, but I didn’t like to ask until I got to know you better.”

“We don’t talk about it, Elizabeth, but my father regularly beat up my mother, and when he started bashing me as well, I elected to escape. My Mum manage to escape shortly afterwards, and we have been hiding out in case he discovered where we are staying.”

“You mean, when you found me and collected me from the street, that was almost your only outing? How awful!”

Jessica, overhearing, intruded, “Don’t worry about it, Elizabeth. From what we hear, he will be in trouble himself shortly. He told lies to a court, and our lawyer proved it to the court.”

“Your lawyer? How did that work? Didn’t you have to show yourself to get a lawyer to act for you?”

“Not quite, Elizabeth. A good friend arranged it all. I just had to talk to him over the phone.”

Sidra added, “And he is doing it for free, Elizabeth!”

“Good golly, Sidra. You and your mum must have some great friends.”

“We do. We are living with them.”

“Reg and his family? I thought they were university students, without their own income.”

“True, in as far as it goes, Elizabeth, but not everyone has no parents, and not everyone has bad parents. One of Reg’s wives has a father who is a barrister, and he is acting for us: isn’t that great?”

Elizabeth look grief-stricken, and Sidra suddenly recognised that Elizabeth was thinking of her dead parents.

“Oh, sorry, Elizabeth. I didn’t mean to remind you of your Mum and Dad’s car crash. I really didn’t even think of it; but I suppose that is my fault: not thinking in advance. Please forgive me, sis.” She opened her arms to gather the chubby girl to her.