An All-American Teenage Sex Life - Cover

An All-American Teenage Sex Life

Copyright© 2018 by Max Geyser

Chapter 34

Coming of Age Story: Chapter 34 - Navigate the dangerous curves of high school in the early 90s with Jake Parker as he overcomes a tragedy with friends, sports, sex and love.

Caution: This Coming of Age Story contains strong sexual content, including mt/ft   Teenagers   Consensual   Romantic   Heterosexual   Fiction   Sports   Spanking   Anal Sex   First   Masturbation   Oral Sex   Petting   Big Breasts   Slow  

TUESDAY, JULY 16, 1991

“I’m learnin’ to fly ... But I ain’t got wings...”

The haunting tone of Tom Petty woke me from a fitful slumber. I knew who Tom Petty was, but I didn’t really consider him a rocker until this latest album. I let the whole song play before shutting my alarm off, just as the DJ started talking about a new album coming from Metallica.

I skipped the shower and put my workout clothes on. That meant a muscle shirt and cloth shorts.

I picked Mikey up at his house just before 6. He was yawning on his front porch as I rumbled up.

“Mornin’.”

“Mornin’, bitch.”

“I’m not your bitch,” I glared at him.

“You’re driving me around like you are,” Mikey chuckled.

“I can drop you off, oh, say anywhere,” I grinned.

“Just kidding,” he held his arms up defensively. “But you look rough this morning.”

“Didn’t get much sleep,” I admitted.

“Two girls keeping you up late,” he grinned.

“That’s not,” I paused in embarrassment. “Not at the same time,” I admitted sheepishly.

“Everyone knows, dude. Just roll with it. Who else could pull it off?”

“I’m not really trying to pull anything off,” I shrugged. “The better explanation would be closer to dating one and sleeping with the other.”

“That doesn’t sound any better.”

“You’re right. It doesn’t. I’m not dating anyone seriously until school starts. Both of them want to spend time with me anyway, and are fully aware of the rules.”

“Wait, which one are you sleeping with?”

“I’m NOT telling.”

“Gotta be Mandy. Autumn’s too frigid and shy, but my God man, you have a freckle-less redhead. That’s as hot as it gets, even for a skinny one like her.”

I gave a long sigh, exhaling at my friend.

“All I’ll say is that I like both of them for different reasons, and I’m getting to know Autumn quite well. I think we’ll be close for a long time, even after school starts.”

“What happens after school starts?” Mikey asked incredulously.

“Then I’ll date someone seriously again,” I shrugged.

“So Mandy then?”

“Maybe.”

“Just maybe? Maybe Autumn?”

“Maybe,” I took my eyes off the road for the moment. “You know how all the girls in our class are at least somewhat similar in some way, like we’ve known them most of our lives and there are really no surprises with them?”

“Not really.”

“Well, OK, regardless, Autumn is NOT the girl we have all grown up knowing. She is a much more complex girl than anyone knows.”

“So it’s Autumn you’re fucking?”

“Jesus, Mike!” I squeezed my eyes together like I had a migraine. “Swear to secrecy?”

“Oh, this has to be good! I swear!”

“On pain of death?”

“On pain of death!”

I gave him a look like I didn’t quite trust him, then caved.

“If you must know, yes, I’m fucking both of them. Happy?”

“Not really. You suck,” he shrugged.

“Well, you wanted to know. Now you know,” I smiled slyly to myself.

“So what is it about Autumn?”

“Autumn,” I paused for a moment. “Autumn’s going through a BIG change. Glasses, gone. New, sexy wardrobe, on. Completely changed her room like it’s a college dorm. She will be the biggest surprise of the new school year. Well, maybe the second biggest surprise.”

“What’s going to be the biggest?”

“You’ll know when you see it, Mikey.”

“You suck.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

Mikey was surprisingly reflective for a moment, then turned the tables on me.

“So answer me one question with a yes or a no. Would it be safe to say that Mandy has the reputation as a hellcat in bed, but really isn’t, and would it also be safe to say that Autumn has the reputation of the shy, frigid girl, when she’s actually the hellcat in bed.”

“I, uh...”

“Say no more,” he grinned gleefully, rubbing his hands together. “That IS a big surprise.”

“You will say nothing of this to anyone, ever, or I will reach down your throat and tear your nuts out from the inside.”

“Ow! That would be impressive.”

“Bet your ass it would be. That kind of talk would destroy either girl. Not a word?”

“Not a word,” Mike said flatly.

“Mandy wants to be treated like a princess. Autumn wants to be treated like a piece of meat.”

“My God, you suck!”

“So do they. One just wants a date first,” I smiled.

“And you juggle all this, and they know, and no one is pissed?”

“I’m sure both of them would prefer I not be around the other girl, but they walked into this knowing the rules. They both know when I’m seeing the other girl, and they already know when I tell them.”

“I’m just a gigolo, everywhere I go!” Mikey sang in my direction.

“Fuck off, Diamond Dave. I don’t charge.”

“Still, you get passed around more than money.”

“Yeah, yeah, poor me.”

We were pretty close to school when the conversation had run dry.

“Wait, where are you doing all this fucking?” Mike pondered aloud.

“Oh, uh, houses are nice, but sometimes right here in the Mustang.”

An uneasy look crept over Mikey’s face.

“Right here in the car?”

“All the time,” I grinned.

“I don’t want to touch anything in here again,” he said with a sour look on his face.

“I don’t blame you a bit,” I laughed. “Hell, there might be some tit prints on the back of your seat, and I wouldn’t shine a black light in that back seat if I were you.”

“Awwww, dude!”

I laughed nearly uncontrollably as we rolled up to the gate to the stadium and our rubberized running track.

“You’re late,” Beast complained at both of us.

“Well, you can always start running before I get here. It’s not like I won’t catch your big ass anyway.”

The boys had a good laugh over that one, even Beast chuckled.

The group had swelled to about 20 of us today. Nearly every Sophomore in football. We started with some unorganized stretches, then ran a warmup quarter mile. We split into four groups of five, then ran 40-yard dashes on the track, elimination style. The slowest in the group would drop out and run with that group of drops, working our way through the whole team.

We separated the linemen from the backs and receivers in a hurry, then it was down to the last five, one each from the original teams.

Mitch, Wyatt Jones, Chad Woody, Brian Thompson and me. I was the biggest man still alive.

We stretched and got into our marks for the final rounds. I came up fourth on the first pass, just edging Brian Thompson. I found just a little more speed on the next pass, edging Wyatt, our speedy tailback.

The final three was set, with our starting quarterback, our fullback and me, a defensive end.

We stretched, got into our marks and took off at “GO!” I fell slightly behind both offensive stars from the start and pulled close at the end, but game up short.

“You’ll need that racecar if you want to run faster than Mitch or Woody,” Beast teased.

It was then I realized that Woody had been second on every run, save his group final. He was holding something back.

“Any bets on who wins this one?” I challenged Beast.

“Mitch’s got it,” he boasted.

“I got Woody,” What’s the bet?”

“You wash my Chevy if Mitch wins. I wash your Ford if Woody wins.”

“I like that,” I smiled. “I like it hand washed, and don’t forget the interior.”

Mikey choked back a hard laugh at the word ‘interior.’ I smacked his arm lightly to keep him from laughing out loud. He covered his mouth and held it in best he could.

“You got this, Mitch!” Beast called out.

I folded my arms over my chest and watched the final round with a smile.

Mitch and Woody stretched, hopped in place and got down into their marks.

“GO!”

It was close right from the start, but at about 30 yards Woody found another gear and put a length between him and Mitch. Mitch had won every race he’d been in up to that point, and he was tired. Woody had held something back for the end. Smarter beat faster.

“I like it nice and sudsy, Beast. And all that chrome will need special attention. I can give you an old toothbrush if you like.”

Laughter rang out and Beast had a sour look on his big head.

“It’s a small car. Won’t take much more than a toothbrush. Leave yours out for me,” he teased.

More laughs from the boys.

We kept our legs loose with more short sprints, then ran ladders on the practice field before ending the day on a mile run. I lapped Beast on my last lap while he was on his third, running along with Mike and Vernon.

I slapped him on the ass as I went by.

“I’ll drop her off Sunday,” I waved.


‘Breathe. Remember to breathe, moron.’

This was no mere “girl.” This was a woman. I worried that I might be in well over my head.

A few miles from our farm was a rundown place with a mangy junkyard dog that would chase cars that drove by. I often wondered what on earth that stupid dog would do if he ever happened to actually catch a car.

Today, I was that mangy dog. I had managed to catch one.

The most beautiful girl I had ever laid eyes on lay beneath me, entirely naked. I was surrounded by soft, supple skin. She’d grown more curves in her first year of college, and her freshman 15 were placed right on her perfect breasts and round ass. Her tummy was soft, but not pudgy, and she’d discovered the joy of a complete lack of pubic hair. Even with the short blonde locks dyed purple in the back, she was centerfold material.

Betsy Morris was like a dream come to life and all I had to do was step up to the plate and deliver.

I had just rolled the condom down perhaps the hardest erection of my life and she was giving me a slightly cocky look that said, ‘Let’s see what you’ve got, kid.’

It’s said that a man has enough blood supply to operate his brain or his cock, but not both at the same time. The fact that I was forgetting to breathe was ample proof of it.

There was no further preamble. No oral foreplay at her demand and at my frustration. Under no uncertain terms, she wanted to be fucked and she wanted to be fucked proper. Right now.

But how did we get all the way here?


The sexual tension was palpable between us from the moment I arrived, although Betsy seemed entirely calm and in control.

She sat us down at the table and we went through a chapter, two quizzes and a test I nailed easily. I was impressed with my focus, but Betsy’s demeanor had me doubting anything was going to happen between us again, particularly after she graded the test.

“No errors today,” she said airily. “Great job.”

“Thanks,” I nodded, with an hour of scheduled tutoring time left.

“So about yesterday,” Betsy started, as if another lesson was about to begin.

“I’m sorry if I did anything to make you uncomfortable,” I blurted out, already feeling guilty.

Betsy paused with a small smile and her eyes narrowed.

“You didn’t do anything wrong, Jake, not yet at least.”

I gave her a questioning look, as she continued.

“You’ve flirted with me all summer,” she said warmly. “And I even flirted back a little. I might have encouraged you. But you’ve really grown on me all this time we’ve spent together. You’re sweet, you’re whip smart, you’re surprisingly mature and you ARE a hunk,” she finished shyly. “My trip to Colorado was a big turning point for me. I started questioning everything after that, and now I don’t even know if I want to be a teacher anymore. I’m probably going to have a different major than I had planned to declare next year.”

I nodded into her deep blue eyes in understanding, letting her continue.

“I was so sure of so many things before. Now I’m not really sure of anything, well, save one thing.”

“What’s that?”

Betsy leaned closer to me from across the table and looked straight into my eyes.

“I want to know what I might be missing out on.”

I had to swallow hard suddenly, my mouth dry at the meaning of her words.

“Yes, you’re still in high school, and I’m sure your parents would be very mad at me if a word of this got out, but in a time where I’m not sure of anything else, I’m sure I want you.”

“You’re sure you want me?”

“Yes, but I’ll only do this if you’re certain as well.”

“You want me to break up with Mandy and Autumn?”

“That’s the wrong answer entirely, Jake,” she said in disappointment.

“You don’t want me to break up with Mandy and Autumn?”

“I want you to keep this a complete secret and I don’t want it to get in the way of the tutoring.”

I fumbled around with the right words to reply with, knowing I might already be on thin ice.

“Casual?” was all that would come out of my mouth.

“Casual,” Betsy repeated, with a big smile.

She got up from her chair and stepped around to mine, bidding me to stand up. I was inches away from her gorgeous face, about to lean in to kiss her when she put both hands on my jaw and held me in place.

“Jake, you can’t ever tell anyone. Even if we only do this once. You have to promise me. I know you’re a good person, so promise me?”

“I think you already know I’ll honor your secret. I promise you I will never share what happens between us with anyone else. As hard as that might be,” I grinned.

She then set the tone by leaning in and kissing me softly. She smelled so incredible as her scent filled my nostrils, and her kiss was insistent but measured.

She wrapped her arms around me and pressed her curves into me, our tongues softly dueling together. I let both hands roam down her back and get their first feel of her shapely ass. She let out her first moan of surprise and pleasure at my touch, ending the kiss.

Betsy came down from her tiptoes and smiled at me, then took my hand and led me through the house to her bedroom.

Soft light came in through a single window facing the front yard. Her small bed was the feature of the tidy room, with a dresser and makeup vanity in a corner. It looked like almost all wall decor had been removed since she went to college, or it had been taken along for the ride.

For the moment, she closed the door and locked it, pausing with her back against it to look at me. She seemed to be considering her actions for one last moment before a small smile crossed her face. She seemed to make the right choice as she crossed each foot over the other and model walked her delicious body toward me.

I let her be entirely in charge. She leaned up and kissed me again, molding her body against mine. Her kiss was soft in feel and in intensity, and I matched her rhythm.

“You’re a very good kisser,” she paused to tell me, her deep blue eyes afire with lust. “Don’t move.”

She took a step back and started unbuttoning her silky blouse, pulling the tucked in portion out of the top of her tight jeans.

I did my best to keep my hands to myself, sort of rocking in place as I took in each new inch of flesh I was seeing for the first time.

Betsy pulled her shirt open, exposing a sort of silvery and lacy bra, holding back her impressive breasts. She pulled her arms out of the blouse and let it fall behind her. Her eyes never left mine as she pulled open the buttons of her tight button-fly jeans, a soft blue hue that hugged her lower body.

She shoved the top of her pants down her thighs, and over her knees, revealing a matching pair of lacy panties with that same silvery color. The lacy material hugged her form perfectly.

She crooked a finger at me and repeated herself.

“Don’t move.”

She leaned in and gripped the bottom of my T-shirt, pulling it gently over my arms as I lifted them for her. I had to lean forward to let the shorter girl take it off over my head.

She giggled for a moment at her struggle, then locked her eyes on my chest as she discarded my shirt carelessly.

With only her fingertips, she leaned in and put both hands on my upper chest, running her nails down my pectorals, and then down my tan abs.

She seemed to suck in her breath at the feel of me, then ran her fingers down the front of my denim shorts to feel the growing bulge inside. A sharp intake of breath followed her covering my engorged cock, still trapped in my shorts and briefs, with both hands.

She looked up at me and repeated herself again.

“Don’t move.”

It was agony and ecstasy all at the same time. I fought the instinct to grab her and toss her on the bed to pleasure her, while still enjoying the time-altering process she was taking me through.

Betsy went down on one knee, pulling my shorts and briefs down in a single pull, then allowed me to step out of them somewhat awkwardly.

She stood back up, clad only in that matching bra and panty set, eyeing my proud erection as it protruded directly forward as if it were cantilevered within me in a feat of human engineering.

She tilted her head a little to the side, still staring at my cock as she walked around me and tossed the comforter off her bed, then laid down on her top sheet.

“Come here and undress me, Tiger.”

I might have chuckled if I had enough air in my lungs to let it out. “Tiger?” I’m ‘Tiger’ now?

I turned around fully, climbing onto her bed cautiously to come to a kneeling position between her legs. She leaned up to let me unhook her bra, then slid her arms out of the straps and flopped back down on the bed, the effect causing ripples in the incredibly soft flesh of her generous tits, each capped with a large areola that had stiffened into dark peaks.

I sucked in my breath at the view of this flawless creature, slowly writhing on the bed beneath me. I had only to slide those silky panties down her legs and I would know true heaven.

Betsy stared into my eyes as I took the delicate sides of her panties in my fingertips and gave a gentle tug. She rolled her hips for me, lifting her legs to allow me to remove the last piece of clothing between us. There before me was my intended target. Soft, pink and hairless, with no exposed lips. My mouth watered at the first look. I had to taste her.

I leaned down and took her knee in my hand, kissing her inner thigh and moving my lips slowly toward her pussy.

“No.” Betsy shook her head slowly. “Just fuck me, Tiger.”

‘So close!’ I gave her soft pussy a longing look before heeling to her command. I backed up and put a foot on the floor, reaching into the pocket of my shorts to retrieve my condom. I showed it to her as I got back between her thighs, giving her a half shoulder shrug and a shy smile.

She returned my smile with one of her own, then went back to studying my every move as I rolled the condom down my aching cock.

Finally ready for this, I put my body over hers without touching it, and kissed her very lightly. She wrapped her arms around my lower back and guided me into place as we kissed, and moment or two of hip adjustment brought the head of my cock into her folds. We both opened our eyes as she pulled my hips into her, sliding my cock inside this goddess.

It felt surreal. It felt incredible.

Betsy pushed my hips back, then slowly into her again, not quite all the way in. She gave me an intense look, but seemed to be trying to figure out some puzzle inside. I let her guide me in and out of her at a very deliberate pace as our breathing began to synchronize and we kissed each other on and off.

Betsy’s arms trembled as she guided me, holding me just short of letting our hips collide, then pushing me just short of slipping out of her hot channel. I tried to add to the pace just a tiny bit, but her hands on my hips became more insistent, holding me to her timing. Her raised eyebrow let me know that she was in charge.

It was bliss. It was torture.

Betsy took my earlobe in her lips and nibbled and suckled at it. I let my teeth touch the nape of her neck, then kissed and suckled it lightly. She tensed up momentarily, likely at the thought that this idiot kid would give her a hickey. My gentle ministrations appeased her for the moment, and her grip on my hips insisted on a slightly quicker pace.

Betsy drove me in and out of her tightness, keeping me at bay like a taskmistress. She increased her pace again, and this was when I knew true torture.

Betsy guided me to a faster pace, but steadfastly kept my hips from contacting hers. I was in essence, half-fucking her. I find the greatest pleasure from stimulation to the very root of my cock, and this was becoming a frustration.

For her part, she was finally into it. Just as insistent as her hands were her moans, gasps and the occasional lewd word.

“Fuck me, Tiger. Just like that. Fuck me!”

Her nipples stood at rock hard attention. She writhed her hips but avoided contact with mine. Her body began to tighten below me and my experience knew the early stages of a big female orgasm were in full effect. I set my jaw and kept her feverish pace, knowing I had to hold it to get her off.

Sweat formed at my brow. My muscles began to ache with each abrupt thrust, ending short of the depth I wished for. Betsy began to squirm below me, her teeth clenched tight and her head thrown back.

If only I could just jackrabbit fuck her from this point, she’d go off like a fireworks show, but she robotically held my hips in check with each measured thrust.

She was close, and I knew a big orgasm was just seconds away when her eyes flew open and she shoved my hips back far enough to dislodge my cock from the inferno between her legs.

“STOP! Oh, God, Stop!”

I did, my hips pausing from their thrusting in mid-air like some broken steam machine from the turn of the century. I watched her writhe and shake in place as she seemed to fight something off.

“What’s wrong?” I asked in concern, looking her over.

“Nothing,” she wheezed between sharp intakes of breath. “It felt too good.”

“It felt too what?” I added flatly.

“Sometimes it feels too good,” she admitted, not looking at me.

“It’s supposed to feel good. Very good,” I said with an air of suspicion.

This was beyond strange. Betsy had just killed her own orgasm, strangling it right by the throat. But why?

“So are you OK?” I asked cautiously.

“I’m fine,” she said with a slightly embarrassed smile.

“Can I ask you a personal question?”

“I guess,” she replied in a lower tone.

“How many times have you done this?”

Betsy had regained her breath entirely, and gave me a slightly hurt look.

“You’re the third I’ve been with,” she admitted quietly. A few times with a college boyfriend, and just once in high school.”

The Homecoming Queen? The cheerleading captain? The unquestioned most beautiful girl in our school had almost no sexual experience.

‘Just my luck,’ I thought ruefully. ‘Or, maybe, just my luck,’ I thought more positively.

I leaned down and gave her a soft kiss to reassure her, then put my body against hers with my weight on the bed, looking into her eyes.

“Can I ask why you hold my hips in place?”

“It’s kind of embarrassing,” she said, not looking me in the eye.

“I won’t judge you,” I said, running my fingers over her body. “Tell me everything, and I bet I can make all of this a lot better. Don’t be embarrassed.”

“Believe me, it’s embarrassing if a 16-year-old kid has to teach you how to have sex.”

“It’s not that way at all,” I said calmly, letting her mistake in my age pass for the moment. “I’m very patient.”

“You are, aren’t you?” she admitted. Then seemed to make up her mind.

“Can I pull the sheets over me?” she asked softly.

“Sure,” I said, helping her cover herself as she let out a long sigh.

“What was it like the first time you had sex?” she asked me.

“Um, you want the full story, or just like how it was like?”

“Just, what was it like?”

It took me back just a year and few weeks. It had happened not far from here with Mel.

“Well, I have to say she was entirely in charge. She knew what she was doing and she just told me exactly what to do, and we did it.”

“That’s sort of clinical,” she said, finally looking me in the eye again.

“Oh, I had feelings for her. We’d dated before and had broken up a long time before. I hadn’t really gotten over her entirely, and I was in love with her again by the time I had any clothes off.”

Betsy chuckled at that, touching my cheek with a soft palm.

“But your first time was good?”

“It was amazing,” I started, just as I realized her likely had not been. “Oh...”

Betsy wiped a single tear from her cheek. “No, nothing terrible happened to me. I wasn’t forced or anything, just something embarrassing happened.”

“Ok,” I filled the pause in the conversation with some noise of understanding.

“It started so, so good. I couldn’t believe how good it felt. He gave me a big orgasm right away, and we were trying some other positions when it happened.”

“What happened?”

“Um, well I had another big orgasm,” she admitted. “And I really shouldn’t have.”

“Why not?”

“I was mortified,” she said, covering her face with one hand. “When I had my second big orgasm, I peed all over him.”

A look of confusion crossed my face before the light of understanding crossed my eyes.

“Can you imagine? That going around in high school? ‘Betsy Wetsy’ they would have called me,” she said, another single tear sliding down her cheek.

“Uh, I don’t think it’s what you think it was,” I started to say.

“I swore him to secrecy,” she said sadly. I wanted to date him even longer. He was very gentle with me, and a great guy. I just couldn’t stand the embarrassment with him. The second guy, in college, I just made sure to only have one orgasm and hope he came at the same time.”

“Hang on,” I interrupted. “Tell me what that first time was like?”

“Well he was very understanding, and said he didn’t mind. But my God, who wouldn’t mind?”

“More clinical,” I smiled, using her own words against her.

“Oh, well, I was on top and when I had another big orgasm, I peed all over him.”

“That probably wasn’t pee,” I said, shaking my head with an understanding smile.

“Then what was it?” she said suspiciously.

“Well, I’m betting you squirted.”

“Squirted? More like gushed,” she said bitterly.

“OK, I’m no expert, but I had a girlfriend who, let’s say, would occasionally get extremely wet.”

“But that’s not like pee,” Betsy shrugged.

“We both kind of thought it was at first,” I chuckled. “But it’s not. It’s just more of what makes you wet.”

“Really?”

“Really,” I nodded. “You’re already super wet. You were careful to pull the comforter off before we started, right?”

“Right, but just in case I peed,” she said quietly.

“Well, I don’t think you’re going to pee on me,” I said in full confidence. “In fact, I think you should get on top of me and cum as hard as you can.”

Betsy covered her face in both hands.

“I don’t think I can trust myself,” she said in a suddenly high voice.

I began running my fingers over her body through the sheets, noting that she was still very turned on.

“I trust you,” I said in a husky voice. “And I want you to cum as hard as you can. Then we’ll prove it isn’t pee.”

Once she made up her mind, it didn’t take long to get her voluptuous body atop mine. The harder part was getting her to sit down all the way, impaling herself on my cock fully.

I gripped her impressive breasts and let her writhe and buck on top of me, grinding her hips down against my pelvis as she lifted her arms up to cradle the back of her head.

She was indeed very wet, an almost squishy amount of it glistening on my inner thighs and balls. I knew already what was going to happen. It was just a matter of time.

Betsy called out, gripping her hands over mine as I kneaded her hefty tits, squeezing her nipples between my fingers. I felt her internal muscles quiver and convulse, constricting around my cock as she suddenly stopped in place and came hard.

“FUUUUUUCK!” she cried out, squeezing her eyes closed as her hips jerked and convulsed. What had started as a bit of extra wetness between us was now more of a small puddle on my pelvis. Her internal plumbing had coated both of us in a bit of female ejaculate. I’d had a hint of it before. This was something else.

“I told you!” she said sadly from above. “Look at this!” she practically screamed.

“Hold still!” I commanded her, holding her against me firmly. I ran two fingers over my tummy at our joining and gathered up some of the sticky substance.

“Look,” I insisted. “It’s not pee. It’s clear, it’s a little sticky and it doesn’t stink like pee.”

Betsy sat atop me with her hands covering her eyes.

“Look!” I commanded her with a frown until she opened her eyes.

I bravely put a fingertip to my tongue and and tasted the liquid in question, much to her initial horror.

“That tastes like pussy,” I said smugly. “No pee there.”

“Are you sure?”

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