Chapter 1

Jon Todd walked into the bar at the Edinburgh University Students Association and went straight to the bar.

“Pint of 50 shilling please,” he said to the barman, his flat Yorkshire vowels contrasting with the softer Scottish accents all around him. He’d only come to Edinburgh the year before because that’s where his father had studied, and HE wanted his eldest child to study there as well. It was one of the prices you paid for being the son of one of the country’s pre-eminent surgeons. You had to follow in daddy’s footsteps.

Well if he had to be a surgeon, he’d be the best fucking surgeon on the planet, just to show the old bastard.

He was brought back to the real world by his arm being jostled, causing half of his pint to end up on the floor.

“Oh I’m terribly sorry,” a light pleasant voice said, “are you all right, did any splash on you?”

He looked down.

“No it all seems to have hit the floor,” he replied, “apart from a couple of spots on my shoes.”

The speaker was female, very definitely female. Dressed in an Edinburgh Dentists sweatshirt, and a pair of jeans that looked like they’d been painted on, she was, as Jon’s old English teacher might have said, the very image of feminine pulchritude. Or as Jon and his friends would have put it, gob-smackingly gorgeousness.

A head shorter than his 6 foot 2, slim, with all the right curves, in all the right places, he caught himself wondering if all the other bits were in the right places too. He was so busy looking at her, that he didn’t hear her when she spoke.

“Pardon,” he said when he realised she was saying something, “sorry I was miles away.”

“I said, let me get you another pint,” she repeated.

“No,” he replied, “that’s all right. You don’t need to, let me get you a drink.”

“Thanks,” she said, “but no. I’m with someone.”

She inclined her head towards the bar, where there were two people waiting to be served, one a tall gangly young man with long straggly hair, the other a beautiful redhead.

“Lucky bastard,” he thought, thinking of what the young man might be planning for when he took her home later.

“Lucky fellow,” he said, wryly.

“What?” she retorted, looking over at the bar, “no, not him, Sarah.”

She gestured towards the girl.

“Then I’ll buy you both a drink,” he said, and set off towards the bar.

“I’m Jon,” he said, “short for Jonathan, but most people call me Sweeney.”

“Why Sweeney?” she asked.

“My last name’s Todd, and I’m a medical student.”

“Karen Kaliszewski,” she said, pronouncing it Care-en Kalishefski, “ and in the unlikely event that you weren’t looking at my chest, I’m a dental student.”

“1st year?” he asked.

“Second, you?”

“Second as well, how come we haven’t been in the same classes.”

“Actually, we have,” she answered, “I tend to sit at the back.”

“Oh,” he said, surprised, “I’m surprised I hadn’t noticed you.”

“We’re only in Pharmacology together,” she said.

“And, er Sarah?”

“She’s doing Social Studies,” she answered.

They arrived at the bar, and Sarah, the redhead, looked at Jon appraisingly, without a great deal of pleasure.

“Sarah,” Karen said, “this is Jon, or Sweeney, Todd, I just spilled his pint.”

“So?” demanded Sarah.

“So I offered to buy him another,” Karen said, “but he wants to buy us a drink.”

She huffed and turned back to the bar.

“I can buy my own,” she said.

“Sorry,” Karen mouthed to him, “maybe some other time.”

“Yeah, maybe,” he said, and walked away.

When he arrived at the medical school building the following morning, Jon was surprised to see Karen hanging about in the entrance to the lecture theatre. As she spotted him she smiled and waved, he waved back. No redhead this time.

“Hi,” she said as he approached the door to the theatre, “I’m sorry about Sarah last night, it’s just that she gets jealous.”

“Jealous?” he asked.

“She thinks we’re a couple,” Karen explained.

“A couple?” Jon queried.

“Yes, well she’s a full on Lesbian.”

Jon looked shocked.

“Oh,” she said, taken aback, “I thought you’d noticed.”

“Noticed?”

“That we were together, you know, together, last night.”

“Er I.”

She laughed.

“I’m sorry, maybe I should explain. But not here. How about coffee after the lecture?”

“Sure,” he replied.

With a supreme effort of will Jon managed not to fall asleep during a one and a half hour lecture on Metabolic pathways by the end of which he knew far more than he wanted to about the role of Adenosine Triphosphate in energy transmission in metabolism then he wanted to, and joined Karen back on the concourse.

“Coffee shop?” she asked brightly.

“OK,” he replied, and they set off across the courtyard to the students’ association coffee shop.

At the coffee shop they got two coffees and found a corner table. Jon held out a chair for Karen to sit down, then sat opposite her.

“Right,” Karen said, “I’d better explain.”

“You don’t need to explain yourself to me,” Jon replied, “but if you want to, I’ll be happy to listen.”

“Well, then I’ll begin at the beginning.”

“A very good place to start,” Jon interjected.

“If your next line is ‘when you read you begin with abc’ I could get violent,” she said slowly.

“Sorry,” he apologised.

“It was going to be, wasn’t it?”

He blushed, then nodded as she laughed.

“OK. Sarah is my girlfriend, sort of.”

“Sort of?”

“Yes, I don’t see her as a life partner, but she’s fun to be with, most of the time, except when she’s a moody cow and she gets possessive. Like last night. But we’re different, she’s a lesbian, pure and simple. I like both men and women. But mostly men, hell one day I want the whole cottage in the cotswolds, roses in the garden, 2.4 kids deal.”

“So you’re bi-sexual.”

“That’s a fair way of putting it. But I actually prefer men. Sarah just thinks I should ignore men and just be with her.”

“And what do you think?”

“Well like Germaine Greer said last year, ‘if I have to choose between an orgasm with a full cunt and an empty one, I’ll choose the full’.”

“So, if I were to ask you out for a drink?”

“Thank you, I accept, where shall we go, and when?”

“I did say if.”

“You did, but you were asking, weren’t you?”

He looked at her, saw her big brown eyes and nodded.

“Yes, I was.”

“And does it bother you that I like girls as well?”

“No,” he replied, “not right now. After all, I’m asking you out for a drink, not to marry me. We’ll see how things go shall we?”

“OK,” she agreed, “and look at it from your point of view, you get to squire a not too shabby looking girl around town, and you may get the fringe benefits.”

“What fringe benefits?” he asked.

“You might get to fuck me as well.”

“I can see how that might be a nice fringe benefit, what do you get out of it?”

“All the Scottish louts stop hitting on me. I can see who else I want when I want. And I might get to fuck you as well.”

“And do I have to restrict myself to just you as part of this arrangement?” he asked, flatly.

“No,” she replied, “it wouldn’t be fair for me to be able to have whoever I want, and for you to only have me. For my part, I will promise that my other partners will only be women.”

“I think I can promise that mine will be too,” he replied, causing them both to laugh.

“All I ask is that you’re selective, and remain disease free.”

“I’ve managed that so far,” he asserted, “but there’s just one thing I can’t agree with.”

“What’s that?” she asked, nervous now.

“I don’t agree with your description of yourself as not too shabby looking.”

“What, you think I am too shabby looking?”

“No, Karen Kaliszewski, I think you’re the most beautiful girl I ever saw. Now, how do we seal this bargain?”

“With a kiss?” she suggested.

He was happy to oblige.

He leaned across the table and their lips met. As she pressed her lips to his, he felt an electric shock tear through his body, quite literally making the hairs on his arms stand up. The kiss started tender, and then her hand snaked around the back of his head and pulled his face into hers. The kiss heated up, and lasted for nearly a minute. A minute that seemed like a lifetime to Jon. Her tongue teased his lips until he opened them slightly, when it found its way to his tongue, and the two organs played with each other.

“Wow,” Jon said as they broke away from each other, “what was that.”

“That was our first kiss,” Karen replied, “did you feel that?”

“Like an electric shock?”

She nodded.

“Yes, I never felt that before, with anybody.”

“Do you think we should try it again? Just to check.”

“Absolutely, just in the interests of science.”

“Of course.”

So they did. To the amusement of the rest of the coffee shop customers.

“Get off of her!” a shrill voice shrieked, as a hand pulled roughly at Jon’s shoulder.

He spun round to see Sarah, the redhead from the night before, her face contorted in rage.

“You keep your fucking filthy hands off her,” she screamed.

Before he could react, Jon felt a fist contact the side of his head, and he went down to the floor. As he started to stand, shaking his head to try and clear the ringing in his ears, he saw the back of Karen, being dragged unceremoniously out of the café.

Slowly he pulled himself up onto his feet, shook his head again, and set off out of the café himself. He was pulled up short when he noticed that Karen’s book bag was still hanging on the back of the chair that she’d been sitting on.

He picked it up and looked around, seeing nobody with a Dentists t-shirt or sweat shirt on. Quickly he walked over to the counter, and offered the bag to the girl serving.

“I can’t take it,” she explained, “you need to take it to the information point at the entrance.”

“Ok thanks,” he replied and set off in that direction.

Once he’d found the information point, waited in the queue to be seen, told the person behind the counter why he was there, filled a form in and got a receipt for the nag, he realised that he was going to be late for his next lesson. In this case it was anatomy, and was two hours of dissecting a dead human being. It wasn’t his favourite, but he did realise that it was a necessary part of his training. And it was a good excuse to go for a pint afterwards. Or at least after he’d gone home and showered the smell of formalin from his body.

Which is what he did immediately after finishing the session.

Home for Jon was a two bedroomed flat in a large Victorian villa in Duddinsgton, just beside Holyrood Park. Jon’s grandfather had bought the villa a few years earlier and converted it to flats, one of which Jon now occupied. The second bedroom would be occupied in a couple of years when his younger sister Alison came to join him as a student doctor, assuming his father got his way with her too. Until then, it was his spare room, where family and friends could stay when they came to visit.

He let himself into the front door, then took the stairs to the upper floor, where his flat was. The flat itself consisted of two bedrooms, a kitchen, bathroom, separate toilet, utility room and a living/dining room that took up a third of the total space. The furnishings were modern and comfortable, and had been renewed when he moved in the previous year. It did mean, of course, that he didn’t need to work to supplement his student grant, since none of his money had to go on rent. Which is why, even though it was midweek, he was heading out to the pub as soon as he’d showered.

The pub in this case was the Sheeps Heid Inn, on the next street. A brisk five minute walk brought him to the front door, and he pushed on it and entered. The place was quiet, it being only a little after six, and the bar was occupied by a couple of local old codgers, and the landlord, Steve Matthews.

“Evening Steve,” Jon greeted the landlord.

“Hi Jon, the usual?”

“Please.”

The usual was a pint of heavy, the Scottish term for bitter. Steve pulled the pint, and placed it on the bar. Jon paid for it and took his first sip.

“Nectar,” he declared, “for a scot you do keep a good pint Steve. None of that keg crap.”

“We try.”

Jon took a seat by the fireplace, unlit during this late summer heat wave, and took a book out of his backpack. Grays anatomy, the standard anatomy text for medical students for well over a hundred years. He opened it to the chapter on the head and began to read. He spent the next half hour reading, and was about to stand up and get himself a second pint when a voice interrupted him.

“What the Fuck is he doing here?”

Jon looked up to see the redhead, Sarah, pointing at him.

“Could you moderate your language please?” Steve Matthews asked, “we have children in the dining room.”

Behind her, Karen stood, looking embarrassed.

“Er, Sarah, it’s a pub. You know, Public House, open to the public,” she said, trying to take the heat out of the situation.

“You suggested coming here because you knew that he would be here didn’t you?”

She emphasised the ‘he’ by putting extra venom into it.

“No,” Karen protested, “I suggested coming here because they were advertising for a barmaid, and I need a job. Not that I have much chance of that now.”

“Come on we’re leaving.”

“No!”

“What?”

“I said no, Sarah, you leave if you want to, I’m going to stay and at least have a drink with Jon. He’s been nothing but polite, and he rescued my bag for me.”

She turned to Steve at the bar.

“Could I have a soda and lime please, a pint, and whatever my friend over there is drinking.”

She pointed at Jon.

Sarah turned on her heel and stormed out of the pub, glaring at Jon on the way.

Steve pulled my pint, and filled another pint glass with soda water, and added three lime segments.

“Would you like a straw with that madam?” he asked.

“Thank you.”

She paid, picked up the drinks and walked over to where Jon sat.

“Sorry about earlier, and about that,” she said as she put Jon’s pint in front of him.

“It wasn’t your fault? Is she always like this?”

“Pretty much.”

“Then why stick with her? You could do better.”

“She’s my flatmate, and I’m stuck with her until the end of the year. But, in her defence, she does give great head.”

Jon laughed.

“You know, if I were you, I’d go and have a word with Steve about the job.”

“Steve?”

“The guy who just served you, he’s the landlord, licensee, manager, call it what you will.”

“You think I have a chance? After Sarah?”

“Well, if the way he’s looking at your backside from over there is anything to go by, it’s not impossible. Do you have any bar experience?”

“Yes, I worked in the union bar all last year, and my dad owns a pub But now I’m a bit worried.”

“Why worried?”

“Well if he’s ogling my bum, am I going to have to spend my whole time fending him off?”

“Nah. He may look, but he won’t touch, I’ve seen his wife. Put your glass down and go talk to him.”

She put the glass down and walked back across to the bar and spoke to Steve. First she apologised to him for her friend’s behaviour, then asked him about the possibility of working behind the bar.

“I heard what you said to Jon,” Steve answered, “You say your dad owns a pub?”

“Yes, the Manchester Arms in Blackpool.”

“I know it well, I’ve drunk in there often. Your dad’s a big polish guy right?”

“Yes Frantisek Kaliszewski, known as Frank.”

“That’s right, tell you what, why don’t you come round the bar and show me how you pull a pint?”

She walked round and pulled a perfect pint of heavy. Steve lifted it, examined it, then took a long swig.

“Excellent,” he proclaimed, before looking over at Steve, who smiled at him

“OK,” he said, “how long do you want to work each week. Can you do all day Sunday?”

“Yes.”

“OK then, how about all day Sunday, and Thursday evenings to start?”

“Done,” she said offering her hand.

“OK,” Steve replied, taking the hand and shaking, “but your friend does not come in.”

“Who Jon?”

“No, the redhead with the mouth.”

“Ok, I’ll tell her to stay away.”

“Thanks, Mr. er...”

“Matthews, but call me Steve.”

“Thanks Steve I’m Karen.”

She went back and picked her drink up off Jon’s table.”

“Thanks Jon,” she said.

“Wouldn’t you be more comfortable sat down?”

“Don’t you mind? You look busy.”

“Hmmm. Let me think a moment, I have a choice, sit and read an anatomy text, or sit and talk to a beautiful girl. Which will it be?”

“Well it is a very good text book.”

“The best, but there again the girl is a very beautiful girl.”

She blushed. Then he slammed the book shut.

“I’ve done enough anatomy for one day.

“You had anatomy today?”

“Anatomy lab all afternoon. I spent two hours dissecting a dead body.”

“Ugh! At least we dentists don’t have to do that.”

“Well we medics do, although compared to the alternative it’s not so bad.”

“What’s the alternative?”

“Disecting live ones. That comes after we qualify, but then they call it surgery.”

She laughed.

“Oh, my. A medic with a sense of humour.”

“We all have them, otherwise we’d all be Psychiatrists.”

She laughed again.

“How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb?” he asked.

“I don’t know.”

“None the light bulb will change itself when it’s ready?”

“How many dentists does it take to change a lightbulb?”

“Careful buster.”

“Three. One to administer the anaesthetic, one to extract the light bulb, and one to offer the socket some vile pink mouthwash.”

“That’s not even funny.”

“Then we’ll pass on the doctor one.”

“Oh no you don’t, spill the beans.”

“It’s not really funny.”

“I don’t care, you did dentists, I want the doctor one.”

“OK. OK. How many doctors does it take to change a light bulb?”

“I don’t know.”

“Nurse!”

For some reason Karen laughed uproariously at that.

They sat and drank for a while.

“Karen, have you eaten?”

“No, why?”

“I was going to go and get something, fancy joining me?”

“I’d love to, thanks. Where?”

“Right here, they do very good food in the dining room at the back.”

“OK, but I’m paying for myself, you’re as much of a penniless student as I am.”

“Actually I’m not. I don’t have to pay any rent.”

“Really why not?”

“Because my grandfather owns the flat I live in.”

“Really?”

“Yes he bought the house years ago, actually when he was professor of Surgery here. Then when he retired he converted it into flats.”