Chapter 7: Wide Awake

I went to work the next morning, anyway.

Olivia tried her very best to keep me in bed, but I had to know what Robert was deciding on—Stalking in the Third or Fourth Degree. Fourth Degree meant Dan would only spend 90 days in jail; Third Degree carried a year sentence. Neither was a wonderful option, but Third was the best we could hope for.

Of course if Dan pulled something when released, next time we could push further in court and the jail time would go up to at least 4 years. It was still tremendously sad to me that Rose would have to continue to be tormented, that Dan would have to nearly kill her before being put away.

Stalking was a tough crime to prove. It was even more difficult to get a decent jail sentence. Most stalkers didn’t just forget about their victims in jail; usually the obsession simmered and then boiled over. Dan Tierney seemed like the kind of stalker who would remain dedicated to his mission of making life hell for Rose and Felicity.

I had wanted to put him away permanently, but my hands were tied. Or Robert’s hands were tied; mine were just clasped in prayer that there would be some justice. I wanted Dan to receive far more than a slap on the wrist.

I marched along the sidewalk, my irritation growing with each person bumping roughly into me. I collided with a tourist, his gigantic camera lifted up to capture the image of an insignificant building. He didn’t apologize. Of course not.

Freezing rain trickled down, stabbing my face with each drop. I huddled into my coat but a truck sped past, throwing filthy and ice-cold water onto my stockinged legs. Motherfucker. I hadn’t thought to bring an umbrella, either. My heels nearly slipped on the sidewalk. I tried to walk slowly for once but the morning crowd was relentless and unapologetic as it pushed itself—and me—along. Things weren’t boding well for me.

When I walked into the office I spotted Robert in the kitchen. I dropped my stuff onto my desk and went over to him. He rolled his eyes.

“You gonna start yelling at me because I took your girlfriends away?” he asked.

I wanted to. I had to bite my tongue to keep from shouting at him and calling him every bad name I could think of. But I realized the trial was about way more than me and Robert and Roger and office politics. It was about a lot more than my ego.

“No.” I took a deep breath. “I would just appreciate it if you shared some of the information with me. Kept me updated.”

“God,” he groaned, tossing his head back. “Don’t you ever give yourself a break? This isn’t even your case anymore and you’re obsessing over it.”

“Could you just do that for me?”

He stirred his coffee, studying me. “And what do I get out of this?”

I blew my bangs out of my face and narrowed my eyes. “Do you have to be gross about it?”

“I’m not being gross. I’m not insinuating anything, in fact.” Robert sipped his coffee and then licked his lips. “It must have killed you inside when Roger disciplined you.”

“Forget I said anything,” I sighed, turning to leave the kitchen.

Robert’s hand stopped me, squeezing the flesh of my upper arm. “The case is mine, Elizabeth. Don’t you fucking dare try to worm your way back in.”

“I am not trying to do anything. I care about these people; I’ve been working with them for a long—”

His bark of laughter cut me off. “You’re funny. Hilarious. Why is this case so much more important to you than all the others, Elizabeth?”

“I don’t—”

“You got too close. I wonder why. I wonder what the draw was...”

I kept my eyes fixed on his fingers on my arm. “Let me go,” I said breathlessly, “or I’ll make a complaint.”

“You’ll make a complaint,” Robert mimicked. “It’s just a pink sheet, Elizabeth.”

I yanked my arm from his hold and he continued laughing at me.

“I’ll go to Roger,” I heard myself saying. God, I sounded weak. I was disgusted with myself, but even more so with Robert. I reached for my wildcard, even as my mind swirled. “And I’ll tell him all about your little affair with his wife. Don’t think I forgot about that, Robert,” I said, spitting out his name.

A spark of fear ignited in his eyes. “He still wouldn’t give you the case,” he said carefully.

“It would be worth it just to see you squished beneath his shoes.” A smile crept across my face. “I should have told him when I found out, honestly, but I hadn’t wanted to hurt him. You think I still feel that way?”

Robert straightened his tie. “No one else can represent your girlfriends like I can.”

I got nose to nose with him. “See that you do that, or I’ll tell Roger everything. It would be incredibly exciting for me to see you take that smug smile, and even that pink sheet you joked about earlier, and shove them up your useless ass.”

Robert watched me stalk over to my desk and kept an eye on me for the rest of the day. I wasn’t sure if it was because he was terrified and wanted to make sure I didn’t run to Roger when he wasn’t looking, or if he was thinking of something awful to do to me. By the end of the day my stomach was in a complete knot.

He packed up his stuff and passed me, pausing for a moment by my desk. “I’m going for Fourth Degree. It’s the only one that’ll stick.”

“You’re not even going to try to—”

“Landon has more evidence, Elizabeth. Of fucking course. More texts, more photos and more letters. It is a clusterfuck. Breaking and entering is out, attempted assault is out. All we have left is the stalking charge. Better to get Tierney for anything we can than to let him walk away entirely. This’ll go on his record. If he dicks around with Rose Sherman again, we can hit him with Second Degree ... maybe.”

Tears came to my eyes. I figured he’d do Fourth, but the reality of it hit me. 90 days. What a breeze that would be. And I knew he wouldn’t stop, even after he was released. He’d never stop until he made Rose pay for having the courage to walk away.

On the ride home I zoned out and put my headphones in. I played sad song after sad song, feeling sorry for myself. The familiar odors of urine and smoke that the subway often provided were at least some comfort to me. It seemed tragic, but that some things can remain familiar while everything else is going to shit is always a comfort.

Olivia called me while I crossed a street and gave the middle finger to a taxi who ran through the light.

“Hi.”

“How are you?” she asked immediately.

I leaned against a storefront, ignoring the rush of people passing by me. “Shitty.”

“Come home. Toronto and I miss you.”

Olivia cooked me dinner that night. Beef stew, she said, because I needed something homey.

I watched her cutting the carrots and felt this burning need to hold her. I got up from the chair and wrapped my arms around her stomach. The dress she wore was silky; I couldn’t resist balling a bit of the fabric in my fist and feeling the warmth of her below. She leant back into my body.

“What are you doing?”

“I just want to be near you.” I nuzzled my cheek into her shoulder. “You’re the best thing in my life.”

“That’s because the rest of your life sucks right now,” she snickered. She looked over her shoulder at me. “I wish there was something I could do to make it better.”

I kissed her neck and she made a small noise of pleasure.

“You’re making it better right now,” I whispered against her skin. “Just by being here. Just by being you. Thank you. I know all this can’t be fun for you.”

Olivia spun around and rested her arms on my shoulders, clasping her hands at the back of my neck. “Fun? You can’t have fun every second. It would lose its novelty.”

“I think you’re used to a lot more fun than you’ve been having. You have to keep taking care of me and it must be such a drag. Have you even been painting? Gone to any galas, exhibits, shows? You’re stuck with me.”

Her eyebrows rose. “Stuck? I’d rather be stuck with you than anyone else. Being stuck can be good.” I opened my mouth to disagree but she kissed me, shutting me up. She pulled away a few minutes later, leaving us both breathless. “I paint while you are at work. I’ve always painted during the day. As for galas, I was just at one, remember? I don’t care to go that often, between you and me. And we were just out last night, and even though you’d had a horrendous day I had a wonderful night. You were hilarious and sweet. You gave a big part of yourself to me and you don’t even realize.”

I kissed her. How could I not when she said such sweet things?

I wanted to tell her I loved her. I wanted to give an even bigger part of myself to her, because she deserved to know. It didn’t matter to me if she didn’t feel the same way because I knew she cared for me a great deal. That was enough.

But something boiled over on the stove and Olivia cursed, running over to turn down the dial. I followed her, turning it off entirely.

She looked at me, her coffee eyes scanning my face. “And what are you doing, little girl?”

My hand traveled down her side and gripped her hip. I took a step closer, pressing our breasts together. My eyes widened a bit when I felt and saw her hard nipples. I laughed when she blushed.

“I’m used to you not wearing a bra, Olivia.” My fingers crept up her thigh and met bare, slick heat. Now I truly was surprised. “No underwear at all, then?”

Olivia bit her lip to keep from giggling. She failed, laughing so hard that I couldn’t help but laugh with her.

“Laundry day?” I teased.

“Hush up and fuck me.”

I licked the corner of her mouth and pushed two fingers inside her. “As you command.”

She made kitten noises as I moved in and out, picking up speed when her body rippled with pleasure. I kissed her all over—her forehead, her nose, the point of her nipple through her silky dress. The last one made her jump delightfully and I felt her tighten against my fingers. I slipped another in and she slammed her hands down on the countertop. The smacking sound of her palms against the counter added to the eroticism of the moment.

“Want to go to the bedroom?” I asked her, panting against her throat.

Olivia shook her head wildly, her hair flying all over the place. Then she met my eyes, leaning her weight back into her arms. Her eyes were completely electrified, begging me for more and promising tortuous satisfaction for later.

“I want you to finger me ... here. Here in the kitchen.” She rested her ass and back against the counter, freeing her hands to run over my body. I gasped and my fingers slowed. “Could you have ever imagined this before, Elizabeth? Fucking someone in your kitchen, fucking a woman in your kitchen?”

“No,” I breathed. “No, I never could have.”

Her hands roughly pulled aside my blouse and she nearly ripped off my bra. She held my breasts in her hands, occasionally letting her thumbs graze the nipples. In response I thrust another finger inside her soaked pussy, rubbing her clit with my thumb. The howl she buried in my shoulder made my empty pussy pulse, desperate to grab onto something. I could smell her, that damp stickiness of pleasure, and it made me long even more to be filled.

As if Olivia heard my thoughts, she yanked down my pencil skirt. She made a sound of amusement when she saw the frilly blue panties I wore. I hadn’t even made a conscious effort to wear them that morning, and she apparently hadn’t noticed them, either.

She pushed my panties from my hips and they slipped down my legs, catching around my ankles. One finger ran down my drenched lips, catching at my hole. It was so simple, but it turned me on so much.

I fucked her harder with my fingers and she paused touching me, closing her eyes. I bent my head down, licking and biting her delicious nipples through her thin dress. She trembled and I wondered for a moment if she might come. I sped up and applied more pressure to her slippery clit.

“Oh, God,” she groaned. “Please. Wait.”

“Are you going to come, Olivia?” I asked, running my nose up her cheek and inhaling the scent of her perfume mixed with the saltiness of her flesh. Then I licked my lips and pressed them to her ear. “You gonna come all over my fingers?”

I felt her grow wetter as her pussy squeezed my fingers rhythmically. She let out a sharp gasp and then cried, “Yes. Oh, god, yeah.”

Tonguing her clothed nipple, I rammed my fingers in harder. She went completely wild, writhing between me and the counter. All that held her up were my fingers inside her and my other arm wrapped around her waist.

A few minutes later she floated down to earth. Her heavy eyelashes flicked up and she pinned me with an almost feral stare. Her face approached mine slowly. She licked my lips and I shivered.

“I’m going to make you come so hard tonight, baby. All your stress is gonna disappear. Just like that,” Olivia whispered.

“Touch me,” I begged.

“Step out of your panties.” I looked down and lifted each heeled foot. Her hand ran down my back and clutched my ass. “You have a delicious ass.”

“Olivia. Please.”

She took my hand and brought me to the bedroom, making a kissy noise at Toronto who slept peacefully in his bed. I was glad he had someone to pay attention to him lately.

She pushed me down onto the bed. I couldn’t wait for her touch, so I pinched my nipples, watching her fully undress through heavy eyes. She tore off my heels and tossed them over her shoulder. Finally she was beside me. She slapped my hands away from my nipples, and then slapped my breasts for good measure.

“It’s my time to touch you,” Olivia rasped. “And I get very jealous. Even of your fingers.”

She kissed me deeply. Then those full, damp lips traveled down ... over my throat, skimming across my collarbone, down to my breasts where her mouth lingered. Her eyes caught mine as her tongue slipped out slowly and ran against my nipple. It was hard before, but now it was painfully so.

Then she clamped down on it, sucking it with relentless passion. Finally she gave up her prey, only to move on to my other breast. My hips were lifting on their own at that point, eager for something to fill that aching emptiness. I felt her fingers carefully separating my slick lips, just grazing the edge of my clit. Then they pushed inside. I moaned and reached for her hair, tugging on it gently.

Olivia’s mouth came back to mine, sharing passionate kisses as she explored me. Another finger joined the one, probing deeper. She pulled back, panting even harder than I was, and watched my face as she slipped in another finger and increased the speed.

“Shall I put my mouth on you?” she asked. The hand between my thighs moved away.

I kept thinking “please, please, please” but I couldn’t even get the words out. She obviously knew what I wanted and smirked as she bent down for another kiss.

Thankfully she took mercy on me and crept down my body, her tongue sliding out to lick here and there. When she got to my right hipbone, she swirled her tongue around in tiny, wet circles. She sucked in my skin and then released it a few minutes later. I stared down my body at her, hypnotized by the sparks in her eyes. She watched me as I watched her. Then her tongue dipped into my wetness. The sight was so erotic I nearly came then.

Her tongue ran across my lips in long glides, always managing to skip my clit. I grabbed onto the sheets and chased her mouth with my hips every time she pulled away to laugh.

My hands couldn’t take it anymore and frantically reached for my breasts. My nipples were desperately hard, and when I twisted them between my fingers a delicious chill went through my body.

Olivia continued to lap at me, her fat tongue licking me up. She moaned into my flesh and worked her tongue inside. I couldn’t take it anymore and began pleading. I have no idea what words and promises poured forth from me in those pleasure-wracked moments; I just know Olivia kept fucking me with her tongue. She continued dragging me to the precipice of orgasming and then she would pull back. It was maddening.

After what felt like an eternity, her fingers went to my clit. Everything tightened.

Olivia took her mouth away. “Wanna come for me, baby?”

“Please. Yes.”

She licked her finger which was dripping from me. “Will you come for me?”

“Yeah. Mm, yeah.”

Olivia disappeared from between my thighs. I would have wept had she not positioned herself over me so that her soft, wet pussy moved against my own. She moved on me quickly but carefully, mashing herself against my clit. Tan skin pushed against pale thighs. Her hair hung down, and when she bent to kiss me, the tips of it brushed against my nipples. She kept one soaked hand between us to play.

It was all too much. With one last wet thrust against my clit, I was coming like I’d never come before. My cries were hardly recognizable. Somewhere through my bliss, Olivia had returned to crouching between my legs. She fucked me with her tongue tortuously fast. Then she soothed me with it, caressing me as I came down.

“Oh, God,” I said when I finally got my breath back.

Olivia gave me one last lick before joining me at the top of the bed. I reached for one of her breasts, plucking a nipple. Her breath twisted. She opened her mouth to say something but I reached over and took the nipple into my mouth, running my tongue over it. She groaned and fisted my hair.

Then she laughed. “I’ve created a monster.”

I pulled away, smiling wide. “Are you sorry?”

“No,” she said immediately, kissing my nose.

I stretched out on the bed, feeling relaxed and wonderful. Olivia gave that to me. My hand went to her thigh which I pushed over my own. Entwined like that, I could have lay there for hours.

“My stew,” Olivia whispered, as if she, too, was reluctant to break the spell. “I still have to cook it.”

My foggy mind remembered the meal she was making for me. Just then it occurred to me I was starving. Olivia smiled and pressed her hand against my stomach.

“I’ll be quick.”

She burst out of bed and threw on a robe she’d brought over. Then she dashed out to the kitchen. I got up and followed, not even self-conscious I was walking around naked. Toronto saw me and his ears perked up. His tail gave a few enthusiastic wags before his head went back down.

Olivia saw me standing across the kitchen.

“Want to help me cut up some potatoes?”

“I’m awful at it,” I said. “I’ll probably end up cutting my fingers off.”

She rolled her eyes. “Stop being such a baby and get over here.”

I grabbed my own robe—I didn’t want to sit on my chair with a naked and wet bottom. I did as she ordered and miraculously my fingers remained intact. Sitting there in my warm kitchen, smelling the spices cook, listening to Olivia sing under her breath ... I felt at peace. I felt at home.

I felt happy.

A week later I met up with Rose and Felicity at a busy Italian restaurant on the other side of town. It was a nice, quiet place, in spite of the crowd. Unfortunately the tranquility ended once Felicity sat down and flipped out on me.

“Enough,” Rose said after Felicity verbally abused me for twenty minutes. She took Felicity’s hand and kissed it. “Calm down. It isn’t her fault.”

Felicity’s head spun back to her girlfriend. “Isn’t her fault?! She totally fucked up our case! And now we have some asshole in charge of whether or not that disgusting shit-skid-mark-of-a-man is gonna be able to roam the streets and terrorize you. Jesus. What a fucking mess.” Her eyes squinted at me. “He stares at our tits. Robert the Asshole.”

I groaned. “Ugh. He is disgusting, and I’m sorry for that. It really was out of my hands. Believe me.”

The busy week had caught up with me and it took everything I had not to fall asleep at the table. Mostly it had consisted of me running around, filing this and that motion or meeting with so-and-so to arrange a plea. Nothing particularly exciting but definitely time-consuming. Roger definitely knew how to keep me busy. Not to mention my mother had been calling relentlessly and I couldn’t go much longer without calling her back. She’d want me to come over and I’d have to announce to both my parents that not only was I in love with a woman but the man my father admired and considered a good friend screwed me over.

The only thing I had to look forward to during the week was Olivia curled up with me on the sofa. Toronto’s big body would squeeze between us as we watched mindless TV.

I asked her one night if she wanted to go over to her place. She asked me if that was a subtle way to ask for space, to which I replied a fervent “no”. It did strike me, however, that we’d spent every night together for the past week.

Which brought me back to wondering if we should go over to her apartment for a change. I felt bad for taking her completely out of her element of creativity and freedom and dragging her into my world of gloom and furniture that didn’t match (it seemed like she was far more upset about my mismatching furniture). I’d uprooted her life and I felt guilty that she was intent on sharing my burden. She wanted to know everything about my job, what I was doing, how I was feeling. She was just as sad as I was about Rose.

A few days later I pressed the issue again. Surely she missed the open, inviting, gorgeous brownstone that almost everyone envied. She waved me off and changed the subject. Then I thought maybe Toronto was a factor. I said I could have my neighbor watch him for one night. Finally she admitted she just liked it at my place.

“I like the simple life.”

I scooped some dog food into Toronto’s bowl and glanced at her. “I’ll take that as a compliment, I think.”

Though Robert told me a bit about what was going on with Rose’s case, I wanted to see her in person and apologize.

Sitting across from them, I thought to myself that I should have left it alone, especially with Felicity barking in my face.

I sighed and rubbed my eyes. “At least Robert’s a good lawyer. He’s a prick, but he’s a good lawyer. And he always wants to win. He’s going to be an animal in that courtroom opposite Landon, trust me.”

Felicity’s face screwed up. “Trust you? Believe me, I don’t fucking—”

“We only have a little more than 2 weeks before they let Dan out for violating the protective order,” Rose cut in, looking terrified. I could tell she was fighting hard to keep it together. “What then?”

“It’s the state’s duty to protect you. The protective order will go back into effect and I imagine they’ll keep him under close watch.” My attempt to sound optimistic was shitty, and both girls watched me closely. “I’m sorry I didn’t do a better job for you. I wish I could be the one by your side, but it truly is out of my control. I’ve essentially been demoted; you should see the case files being dropped on my desk now. Most of them won’t even warrant me going into court. It’s just to keep my busy.”

“I’m sorry,” Rose breathed. “I feel like it’s my fault, you know, because I withheld that information. I never thought it would come up. I should have known. It was just so humiliating!”

I cut in before Felicity could go off on some well-meaning but loud and brusque diatribe about how Rose needs to stop blaming herself and to stop falling back into the victim mindset. Whatever information Felicity read online in the support groups she’d joined and the lessons they were getting from their therapy sessions were certainly helpful, but it wasn’t always the time or place to whip them out.

Though it was sweet she tried, I guess. It reminded me a little of Olivia, who still ranted and raved about my unofficial demotion. She wanted me to “do something about it”, but there wasn’t much to be done. I gave Roger an excuse. On paper, it made perfect sense that he handed the case over, and no one could say I wasn’t being given work. Still, it boiled Olivia’s blood. The fact she cared so much was just another way she was amazing.

“It’s absolutely not your fault. I didn’t mean to make you feel bad ... I just want you to know I’m powerless when it comes to this. Landon played this like a dick, my boss sniffed failure and remembered I had a vagina. It would have happened eventually. I was bound to make an error somewhere, you know? I just wish it wasn’t on this case.” I took a big gulp of wine. “You—both of you—have come to mean a lot to me. I care about you. I want the two of you to be safe and happy. I can’t be the one who brings about the safety and the happiness, but I do believe in Robert’s experience and ability. Landon even swallows hard when Robert performs. He’s won a few big cases against Landon in the past.”

I smiled, reveling in the memories I had of Robert turning Landon into a stuttering mess. It wasn’t often, but when it happened it was divine.

I focused my attention back on the two girls across from me. “I asked Robert to keep me updated on the case, okay? I might not be able to represent you, but I want to help any way I can. And now I’m invested; I can’t let go.”

Felicity offered me a small smile. It was practically a fucking miracle coming from her. She hated my guts. “I think you care maybe a little too much. You’re very passionate.”

“Ah, and there is my fatal flaw,” I laughed. “Passion is good in a courtroom but if you get too close or distracted being passionate in real life...” I looked away. “Lorna Stone was very important. I missed her. I was over-confident and distracted by a lot of bullshit.”

Rose tore apart a piece of bread. “So what kind of jail time are we looking at, if he gets time? Or prison?”

I’d said to Rose and Felicity that we weren’t looking at a great deal of jail time after this trial, but in the flurry of courtroom drama and Robert taking over, I feared they might have forgotten.

“90 days.”

The women looked at one another. They were expressionless. I prepared myself for tears. I figured Felicity was going to leap over the table and strangle me. That’s what I imagined, anyway.

Instead they looked back at me, both faces sober and pale.

“How the fuck is that possible?” Felicity asked.

“It’s the best chance we have of getting jail time on his record. If he were to do anything when released, we would be able to get more. Let’s hope this bout of law enforcement will influence him to move on.”

“Law enforcement?” Rose asked in disbelief. “Do I have to be nearly dead before they do something to him? He violated me in so many ways. Broke into my apartment. Did disgusting stuff to my things. Those voicemails he left ... I’ll never get his voice out of my head, or the mental picture of the things he promised.”

I looked down at my hands, wishing there was more I could do. “I’m sorry, Rose.”

She snorted and my eyes swept up. “Unreal.” She downed her glass of wine. “I remember you saying he likely wouldn’t get a lot of jail time but... 90 days.”

Felicity pushed Rose’s hair over her shoulder. “It’ll be okay, Rose.”

“No. No, it won’t.” Unshed tears gleamed in her eyes. Her sorrowful gaze met mine. “He’s never going to stop, is he? That’s sort of what you’re banking on. He’ll have to keep hunting me before you can really do anything. Right?”

“Robert will—”

“I don’t want to feel like this anymore!” Rose burst out. “He’s going to hunt me forever. He won’t let go. He won’t let go because he’s a sick, twisted, perverted nightmare.”

There was no point in answering and continuing the conversation. It only made us feel horrible. We needed a distraction, something happy and fun. A strange thought came into my head. I talked myself out of it a few times but then figured what the hell could happen.

“Do you two want to come over tomorrow night?” The next day was Friday. Perfect. “We’ll have dinner. Some drinks. Play with my dog. You can meet my,” I took a breath and swallowed, “meet my girlfriend.”

It was the first time I referred to Olivia as my girlfriend and I liked it.

Rose and Felicity did a double-take.

Felicity spoke first. “What?”

“My girlfriend. My partner.”

“I’m confused,” Rose said, a small smile creeping across her face. “You’re gay?”

I shrugged because I didn’t have an answer to that question. “Her name is Olivia. You’ll like her. Let me give you my address.”

I went home to an empty apartment that night. Olivia was meeting a friend and it was so close to her place that it just didn’t make sense for her to come back over. Plus I thought it was a good idea to give us space—even if it was only for the night.

My apartment still felt uncomfortably vacant and I could smell the faint hint of her musky perfume. She’d even left some of her shoes and clothes strewn about (I was shocked to learn how messy she was).

At least I had Toronto, who charged towards me when I was two steps into the apartment. He jumped up and pushed with his paws, his huge tongue lolling from the side of his mouth. He looked ridiculous, my silly dog. I burst out laughing, rubbing behind his ears and giving his snout a big smooch.

I took Toronto out, shivering as it flurried. I grumbled to myself that the forecast had not fucking mentioned flurries. I peered up at the sky, studying its beautiful and unique shade of purple. A few people brushed past me but I ignored them. Toronto sat next to me, content to just have me near. I reached down to give him a little pet.