Chapter 11

After they parted, he was bothered by their whole encounter, finding it deeply disturbing. He had to face the fact that somewhere deep down inside, he was still in love with Joanie; the old connection between them hadn’t died out completely. He was worried about her and desperately wanted to help, afraid she could do something foolish. That was his mind set when he went home.

That night in bed he tossed and turned restlessly, sleeping only in brief disjointed periods. He couldn’t get Joanie and her dilemma out of his mind. He tried to tell himself that it really wasn’t his problem, she had brought it on by herself and it was up to her to deal with it. But he knew it wasn’t all that simple, he really did owe Joanie something. She had been a stabilizing influence on him when they first met.

For the first two years after he’d gotten out of the army he’d been drifting, not caring about anything other than having a good time. It wasn’t an unusual thing for young men back from Viet Nam in those days, perhaps it was even to be expected, but there is no telling how long he would have continued that way if Joanie hadn’t entered his life. It was because of her he began to settle down and take life seriously again. Without her he might never had taken steady employment and continued bouncing from job to job, quitting whenever the mood struck him. He’d seen plenty of guys like that, ones that never broke out of the post war malaise, and he was glad he wasn’t one of them. He knew he owed her something and he couldn’t forget it.

By morning he had an idea, he knew it wasn’t an ideal solution, but it was the best he could come up with. He thought about it at work the next day and made up his mind. He knew before he could talk to Joanie about it he had to talk to Connie. He wasn’t sure how he was going to explain it to her, but he knew he had to.

That evening he knocked on her door and waited nervously. It occurred to him as he stood there that he was often nervous when he called on her. This time was different, now he had reason to be uneasy, unlike the other times when it had been a mere matter of waning self-confidence. Connie answered the door warmly with a receptive smile.

“Mike, hi, come on in. I tried calling you last night, but you didn’t answer.”

“No, I was out, had dinner with my ex then stopped off for a couple of drinks afterwards.”

“Oh, Joanie, how’s she doing?”

“She’s got problems; she’s managed to get herself pregnant.”

“Well, you don’t exactly get yourself pregnant, somebody has to help you along,” she remarked jokingly.

“Well, somebody helped her along about three months ago.”

“Good for her, I hope you gave her my congratulations.”

“No, no congratulations, it seems the father has flown the coop, so to speak. She’s at a loss as what to do about it.”

“Can’t she take legal action; sue for child support or something?”

“Probably, but she won’t. You have to understand, she fears scandal the way other people fear cancer or the plague. Avoid it at all cost. Remember when I told you our divorce ended amicably? That was because she didn’t want anyone to know she’d been cheating. That would have been a double embarrassment; first the infidelity itself, then being stupid enough to get caught. This is sort of the same thing”

“That doesn’t leave her many options, does it?”

“No, it doesn’t. I thought about it all last night, and the only thing I came up with was the simple fact we have to get married.”

“Very noble of you, I’m sure,” there was a definite look of incredulity on her face. Then she turned and started towards the kitchen area.

“Ah, what did you expect, Connie?” she said aloud to herself. “You sure can pick ‘em, reach for a rose and get stuck with a prick. You’ll never learn.”

Shocked, Mike watched as she walked away shaking her head. Then he realized she’d misunderstood him, he hadn’t explained it properly.

“Connie, wait, wait, you don’t understand. I wasn’t talking about marrying the prom queen; I meant us, you and me.”

She stopped and turned to look at him angrily, he could actually physically feel her mistrust. Perhaps it was tinged with a bit of hate.

“OK, what, pray tell, does her little problem have to do with me marrying you?”

“Don’t you see? You once told me that you’d wanted kids, but couldn’t have any. Well in about six months there’s going to be a new born child who’s going to need parents. We could be those parents. Joanie’s parents moved out to Scottsdale, Arizona a couple of months ago to retire. She goes out there, has the baby, comes back, and leaves it with us. She could even tell her folks she’s the, what do you call them ... surrogate mother. She can play the giving self-sacrificing little martyr; we get each other, and a child. Everybody’s happy.”

“Thought that one up all by yourself, did you?”

Mike stood there wordlessly and nodded his head. He remembered how he’d put off talking marriage to her, fearful she’d feel rushed and react badly. Now he recognized he had rushed her and his worse qualms were being realized. He’d bungled it badly and knew it, but didn’t have a clue how to fix it. Finally he ended his silence in a very chastened sounding voice.

“It seemed like a good idea.”

She walked over and stood beside him. He felt her hand on his back.

“Michael, you can’t plan other people’s lives. You should have talked to me before including me in your half-baked schemes. Now I suggest you leave me alone to think about this before I say something we’ll both regret, understand?”

Again Mike nodded his head. He felt like an awkward child who’d just been reproached by a favorite teacher, not sure how to react.

“Ah, you want me to leave then?”

“Yes, that would be best. I’ll get ahold of you after I’ve calmed down and thought this thing out. In the meantime, you’ll have to leave,” her voice had softened, but remained determined and the hand on his back pressing him towards the door was firm.

Once out in the hallway, he bewilderedly turned and watched her door close. He stood there looking like a man who’d been hit with a brick and didn’t know where it had come from. He simply couldn’t understand what had gone wrong. In his mind he’d merely made a suggestion, if she thought it was a bad idea all she had to do was say so and that would have been the end of it all. He saw no reason for her to have gone off the handle like this.

He returned to his own apartment and sat down by the phone, expecting a call that was not forthcoming. He had hoped that in the time it took him to walk across the parking lot Connie would have calmed down and called him telling him to come back over, that he’d done nothing wrong, but the phone didn’t ring at all that night. Exhausted from the previous night’s restlessness, he went to bed confused and disappointed. Once again he didn’t know where he stood with her. To lose her now, when everything had seemed to be going so well was more than he could accept.

When he went to Herring’s the next morning he still hadn’t heard from her. Disturbed, he had difficulty concentrating on anything else at work. Finally he went up the stairs to see Donna. He really didn’t want to bother her with anymore of his problems, but there was nobody else that he felt he could talk to about Connie.

“Hi, Kid, how are you?” he asked when he entered her office.

“I’m good Daddy, what’s up?”

“I was just wondering if I could buy you lunch today, maybe over at the diner?”

“Sure, why not? What’s the occasion, something special?”

“No, I just need to talk to someone, if you don’t mind. If you’d rather not, that’s OK too.”

“No, no, Daddy, I don’t mind at all. I take it we’re not talking about work then.”

“No, it seems I did something wrong regarding Connie and now she’s kind of pissed off.”

“Uh-oh, Daddy, what did you do?”

“It’s a long story; I’ll explain it all at lunch.”

“OK,” she responded, “let me know when you’re ready to go.”

At noon he and Donna drove to a local diner. Seating themselves in a booth, he told her the whole story, interrupted only when the waitress came for their order. When he finished, she sat there quietly looking at him for a few moments before speaking.

“Wow,” she finally said, “where do we start? First, before we talk about what you did, let’s talk about what you’re going to do. You’re going to go to that phone booth outside and call her. Then you’re going to apologize and tell her how disturbed you are about what happened.”

“I can’t right now, she’ll be at work. I couldn’t bother her there.”

“OK, then don’t, but do it when you get home then. Mike, you have this way about you, a kind of stoicism that comes in handy in certain situations, but not this one. The poor woman probably has no idea what you’re thinking or even if you care for that matter.”

“I’ll call her tonight,” he promised.

“Good. Now, from what you said it sounds like you just sprang this idea of yours on her out of the blue, gave it to her as an accomplished fact. Mike, you can’t do that, it’s a life changing decision, you should have talked it over with her first, get her opinion on the matter.”

“But, that’s what I was doing. It wasn’t a done deal, she could have said no. I haven’t even talked to Joanie about it yet; she might not go alone with it. I was just trying to explain an idea to her.”

“Did Connie know that?” Donna shook her head in mock exasperation, “Men, what are we supposed to do with you? Understand, this isn’t like you deciding that we’re going to eat at the diner, that’s not important. What you were proposing was a life altering decision made in order to help your ex-wife. Why should she change her life so you can be a hero?”

“When you put it that way, it sounds kind of bad,” he admitted, “but that’s not the way I meant it.”

“But it’s the way it sounded. I have to admit, I’d have reacted the same as she did.”

They stopped talking when the waitress came with their order. They continued talking between bits of their food.

“Well, is this unrepairable?” Mike asked.

“No,” she shook her head, “not at all, she may be already over it by now, but Mike, it’s important that you let her know you care about her; her feelings, her pride, and her opinions.”

“I do care about all those things.”

“Yes, but it’s important that she knows that.” She looked at him and exhaled sharply. “You have this habit of acting unconcerned about things. It’s a fine defensive tactic, but it leaves people baffled. You don’t want to confuse this woman. If she starts feeling neglected she’s liable to walk. You don’t want that, do you?”

“You know I don’t.”

“Yes,” she replied, “I do. That’s why you’ve got to learn to communicate. I don’t think she’s like Joanie. Joanie didn’t want to be bothered with all the details and left it up to you. When she wanted something, she knew how to manipulate you to get you to do it. Connie seems to be her own woman, she can stand on her own and I doubt she wants to play the doting little girlfriend. Learn that or you’ll lose her.”

Mike sat back dumbfounded. Once again he was amazed at the wisdom of this young woman. He knew she was right, right on every count. Her insight was remarkable, she hardly knew Connie but she saw the whole problem. Once more she’d helped him through a crisis.

“How did you get so wise at so young an age?” he asked.

“I don’t know that I am.”

“Yes, you are. This isn’t the first time you’ve helped me out.”

“You mean the night you found out about Joanie?”

“Yeah, you knew what to say then, too. I’ve never forgotten that, you know.”

“I’m glad I could be there for you, it’s what friends are for.”

“Yes,” he acknowledged, “and you’ve been a better friend than I had a right to expect. I hope you know how much I’ve appreciated all this.”

“Think nothing of it. But speaking as your friend, what you have to do is, when you get home tonight mend whatever fences need mending with this woman. You’ll regret it for the rest of your life if you don’t.”

As he sat there he wondered if she even understood how much she had done for him in the last year, the steadying impact she had on him. He would never forget the night he had spent in her arms; it had been more than just a drunken one night stand. She had willingly offered herself to him, had absorbed all his frustrations and disappointments with no motive other than to calm him down and prevent him from doing something stupid.

Last summer she had been the one who had told him just how much of an effect Connie was having on him and encouraged him to pursue her. Then there was today; thanks to her he understood just exactly what he’d done wrong. While the situation probably would have self-corrected itself, he would have made the same mistake or a similar once again if she hadn’t explained it to him. He had no idea how he’d earned such loyalty from her, but he was glad that he had.

Mike knew she was right. He was anxious to get home, willing to do whatever it took restore things with Connie back to where they had been, to get down on bended knees and beg her to understand what he had meant. He was willing to do whatever it would take to make things up with her. It was on his mind all afternoon after they’d returned to Herring’s. He fought the urge to call Connie at work, fearing he’d anger her. Besides, he figured any apology or explanation would best be delivered face to face.

He left work at five o’clock and drove home, or to the apartment complex to be accurate, since he didn’t go to his own apartment. He headed straight for Connie’s. Knocking on her door, he waited, trying to get his thoughts in order. Finally the door opened.

“Mike, come on in. I was wondering if you’d be around tonight.”

He was relieved to see she seemed to be in a pleasant mood. As he walked in, he thought this might be easier than he’d expected.

“Look, Connie, about last night, I’m sorry, I don’t think I explained it right.”

“Let’s sit down first,” she interrupted, pointing to the couch.

“All right,” he agreed, then continued, “but when I told you about my idea, that’s all it was, an idea. I wasn’t trying to imply you had to go along with it and I certainly didn’t mean we should get married and adopt a baby just to do my ex a favor. It simply seemed like a good deal for everybody all the way around. I hadn’t even mentioned it to Joanie. I meant for us to talk about it, that’s all. If you said no, that would have been the end of it. Believe me, the last thing I wanted was to make you mad at me. I feel terrible about that.”

“Yes,” she said, “I don’t feel great about it either. Once I gave it some thought, I decided I might have over reacted. Let’s pretend it never happened, shall we?”

“It’s fine with me, as long as you know I wasn’t trying to force or trick you into anything. You do know that, don’t you?”

“Yes, yes I do. Actually, I kind of figured that out on my own, but I’m glad to hear you say it.”

“I don’t think I can explain just how bad I felt when you told me to leave. Good God, Connie, I hope you never do that again, no matter how badly I piss you off. Slap me, kick me, drop an anvil on my foot, do whatever it takes, I don’t care, but don’t throw me out, please don’t.”

With a look of saddened sympathy on her face, Connie reached out and put her hand on his cheek. She slowly shook her head. Mike smiled to himself, noting she’d made no promise. He wondered if he would ever completely understand her, perhaps he wasn’t supposed to. Of course, maybe no one person can ever completely understand another one. It’s a part of what keeps life interesting.

“I thought a lot about what you said last night,” she said, “about getting married and adopting the baby. Let me say this, I’d be glad to marry you anywhere, anytime you’d like, I think we were headed there anyway. But I think adopting your ex-wife’s baby is a very bad idea. Does that take marriage off the table?”

“No, not at all, I’d marry you today, tonight if we could, kind of like in those old movies where the couple wakes up the Justice of the Peace in the middle of the night. Like you said, we’ve been headed in that direction right along. It’s not like I only wanted to marry you so we could adopt the child. This is far from the most romantic proposal you could have gotten, but it is the most honest. If you’ll have me, start making plans.”