Chapter 10

Connie’s recovery was fairly swift. Perhaps it was because of her attitude. She didn’t seem to go through the useless business of wondering why it had happened, or the ‘if only I had paused a moment somewhere along the way, somebody else would have been hit”. She just accepted the fact that it had happened, completely bypassing the depression stage, tacking the job of recuperating as just something that had to be done.

She was released from the hospital two days later and sent to a nearby rehabilitation facility. It was there Mike saw her real fortitude as she determinedly learned how to use a walker with one broken arm. She quickly graduated to using a cane. Her stay there was also brief. When he visited her on the fifth day she had an announcement.

“They evaluated me today, and they said I could leave tomorrow,” she told him. “They said they’d like for me to continue on an out-patient basis for a couple of weeks.”

‘That’s great,” he answered, “and coming to the gym really is a good idea.”

“Yeah, they said it’d be three times a week for a little while. They also said they were a little concerned about me living alone,” she waited a few seconds before continuing. “When I was in the hospital you mentioned the possibility of my staying with you if need be, did you mean it?”

“Of course I meant it,” he wondered if she could really doubt it. “How can you ask a question like that? I’d love to have you, you know that.”

“Well, it really is an imposition and I could stay with my sister, but your apartment is just a couple hundred feet from mine where all my things are. I just thought it would work better.”

“You needn’t ask, just tell me what you need and when and I’ll take care of it.”

Even though the small victory he’d sensed in the hospital had just become a big victory, he couldn’t help but think that by mentioning the possibility of staying with her sister, she’d thrown a wet blanket on it. He was beginning to expect her to throw these little roadblocks up every now and then, to expect them actually. He was becoming resigned to the process; two steps forward followed by one step backward. He just had to keep reminding himself he was still one step ahead each time. It was a slow way to move, but she was worth it. The race, he thought to himself, doesn’t always go to the swift, or so he hoped.

“You must be doing pretty good for them to be moving you out this quick,” he told her.

“No, I think the insurance companies just don’t want to pay any more than they have to.”

“Well yeah, but I still think they wouldn’t be shipping you out if they didn’t think you were ready.”

“Perhaps,” she smiled at him, “or maybe they just needed the bed.”

Mike took the next morning off to pick her up and take her home. It seemed odd to him to think of taking her to his apartment as taking her home, but it was a pleasant sort of oddity. When he got to the rehabilitation center Connie was all packed and ready, anxious to leave. He took her bag down to the car and when he came back, a nurse practitioner was going over some instructions and suggestions with her, while an administrator was waiting with some papers for her to sign. When the nurse was finished, she came over to Mike while the administrator talked to Connie.

“You’re the person who she’ll be going home with, I assume?”

“Yes, I’m the one,” Mike affirmed.

“Now, just so you know, one of our suppliers will be at your home with a walker and a cane. We don’t really think she’ll need the walker all that much, but we want her to have it in case she has periods of weakness or fatigue. Mostly she’ll be using the cane. He’ll also have a portable commode that fits over your toilet, it’s higher and has side arms so she can get up and down easier.

You’ll have to keep your floor clear, so there’s nothing for her to trip on. We’ll have a van pick her up three times a week to bring her up to our gym, we want to keep her in shape. Often people just sit and vegetate when they get released and we don’t want that to happen, so we keep them coming up here.

Other than that, you shouldn’t have any problems. She’s recovering rather well, she is actually quite capable of living on her own. She did express some anxiety about being alone, and with the combination of the broken arm and pelvis, we agreed with her. It’s nice that she has a friend like you to depend on. You’d be surprised how many people don’t. Now then, any questions?”

“None that I can think of, but I’m sure I’ll have a million after I leave.”

“That’s always the way,” she smiled at him. “Okay then, good bye and good luck.”

Mike acknowledged her as she left but was lost in thought, looking at Connie. If he understood what the nurse had said, it was Connie’s idea to move in with someone and she chose to stay with him rather than her sister. As he thought about it he felt himself growing slightly emotional. It seemed like every day he was gaining more insight as to how her mind worked, the way she played her hand close to her vest so to speak, always trying not to give too much of herself away. It was also a realization of how much damage two failed relationships had done to her psyche, leaving her an emotional basket case. That’s when he came to understand that they needed each other, Donna had been right.

It was so simple, he wondered why he hadn’t put it together sooner. They were two broken human beings. Both had been emotionally shattered by their bad experiences, both afraid of leaving themselves vulnerable to another failure. The problem was Connie hid behind a façade of contented self-assurance; she gave the illusion of being as at peace with herself as a Buddhist Zen master. Mike had been protecting himself with a mask of indifference. Neither could understand the other’s reactions, always assuming the worst. Both had been afraid to be completely honest with the other.

Mike had understood his own actions, of course, but despite what he had seen, what Helen had told him, what Connie herself had told him, he hadn’t had a clue as to the depth of Connie’s angst. Now, in this moment, he understood; all those times when she seemed to pull back, or withhold herself had been purely defensive. He wondered why he hadn’t realized all this before now, but then he recognized he’d been blinded by his own insecurities. It was quite an epiphany.

Mike pondered this as he picked up her suitcase and a plastic bag filled with assorted junk from her hospital stay. Telling her he’d be right back, he took them out to the car. It was a strange feeling, knowing this was the start of a completely new phase of his life. Now that there was no longer any doubt in his mind where he stood with her, he felt completely at ease. He hadn’t realized before now how much of a drain it had been on him emotionally, feeling his way through their budding relationship.

It was a shame, he thought to himself, that it had taken something like this to advance their relationship to its next level. But he was glad, knowing he no longer had to watch every word or phrase he spoke or his every action around her. It seemed like a bond had formed between them, a bond that could not be easily broken.

He put her things into the trunk of the car and went back into the building. Taking the elevator up to the second floor, he went down the hall to her room and found it empty. Momentarily confused, he went down to the nurse’s station and asked if she’d left or if not, did they know where she was.

“She’s all signed out and they took her down in the elevator a couple of minutes ago.” Then the nursed added, “You must have been coming up in one while she was going down in the other.”

“Ah,” he replied, “like two ships in the night.”

The nurse smiled and nodded her head. Mike went back to the elevators and pressed the call button to go down. This little incident seemed to sum up their whole relationship as he now understood it; two people, both trying to get together but somehow not quite connecting. He smiled as he stood there waiting, all this miss-direction had to end.

When he arrived back on the first floor, Connie was seated in the wheelchair with an attendant standing behind her. Both were smiling.

“Lose something?” she said laughing.

“Naw, there’s a cute little blonde nurse up there, and I thought I’d stop and see if she was busy tonight.”

“And... ?”

“She said something about hell freezing over but I don’t know what that has to do with anything.”

“It means, my darling,” she looked up at him with her head tipped to the side and winked her eye, “it means I’m stuck with you. Now let’s go home, shall we?”

Mike was pleased that she’d used the phrase “go home”, thinking about it as he went to bring the car around to the front of the building. When he pulled up and Connie saw the red reliant her smile widened in recognition. Mike started to get out to help her in, but the attendant had the door open and Connie on her feet before he had the opportunity. He slid back into the driver’s seat and watched as the attendant assisted her into the car, then wishing her luck closed the door. He stepped back, waved, then took the wheelchair back into the building.

“They were nice to me,” she said, “but I’m damned glad to be out of there.”

“That’s understandable,” he remarked as he pulled out. “How was the food in there anyhow?”

Connie made a gagging sound. It was answer enough.

“I’m surprised you brought my car,” she said, “I had visions of it still sitting at the mall.”

“No, I got it the first night, I brought it today just to get the oil and other fluids circulating, and charge the battery up.”

“Oh, I thought you just wanted to use my gas.”

“Well now, there’s that too, you found figured out my ulterior motive.” He was glad she still had her sense of humor.

“I won’t be staying long, just until I’m confident I can operate on my own. Like I told you, I don’t want to impose on you, but your place is so convenient.”

“It’s no imposition at all, I’m looking forward to it.”

He wished she didn’t feel the need to make these excuses, but at least now he understood why she did. It was all a part of her defensive set up. If for some unbelievable reason he turned on her it wouldn’t look like another broken romance and she wouldn’t, in her mind at least, look foolish. She was always trying to leave herself an escape route.

When they arrived at the parking lot of their apartment complex, Mike saw an empty spot next to his car and pulled into it. There seemed to him to be something fittingly symbolic about their cars being parked together. He got out and came around to help Connie out and onto her feet. Once up she leaned against him, clinging to his arm nervously with both hands. They walked slowly towards the door of the building. She was unsure of herself, apparently walking across the lot seemed much different to her than walking the hallways in the hospital or in rehab.

Once in Mike’s apartment, Connie released her grip on him and headed over to his easy chair. Sitting down, she closed her eyes, took a deep relaxing breath and slowly exhaled. Then, opening her eyes she looked at Mike.

“Sorry for grabbing your chair, but if there was one comfortable chair in that God damned hospital or the rehab center, they hid it well. Sitting in this thing seems like a little piece of heaven right now.”

“Enjoy yourself, we only want happy visitors here at Chateau Kassler.” Then, as an afterthought, he added, “Is there anything I can get for you?”

“Something to drink would be nice, something cold like soda, please. Any kind.”

“I’ve got ginger ale or Pepsi.”

“Ginger ale would be perfect.”

Pouring her a glass of ginger ale he remembered offering Joanie the same that first night all those years ago, he had a slightly Déjà vu-like feeling. It was not quite the same however, with Connie there was a distinctly home-like, almost familial ambiance to it. That atmosphere would prevail throughout her stay. They would function together almost like a married couple with all the give and take that comes with it.

Later that day, after the delivery man from the medical supply house dropped off her cane, walker, and portable commode they went to a supermarket shopping for food. Armed with the cane, Connie showed none of the hesitancy she had earlier, walking now with confidence across the parking lot. At the store she clung to the shopping cart for support, but other than that she had no noticeable difficulty. Mike realized her stay with him was probably going to be short.

He thought about that when they returned to his apartment as he put away the groceries. On one hand, he was hoping for her sake that she would recuperate quickly, but he also hoped she would be staying with him for a long while. The two scenarios were irreconcilable. He wondered if he was being unnaturally selfish, putting his wishes on an equal basis with her needs. He did understand, though, that there was nothing he could do one way or another; her recovery took precedence.

“Mike, we have to talk about the sleeping arrangements,” her voice startled him from his thoughts. “You have a single bed, that’s real cozy for two, but it’s not good for sleeping. I can sleep on the couch.”

“No, you take the bed and I’ll take the couch.”

“Mike, I can’t take your bed.”

“Don’t be foolish, the couch folds out, I’ll be fine.”