Chapter 1: Don’t Let the Sun Go Down on Me

Labatt Guest House

5:20pm, Tuesday, October 2, 1979

“Hey, E, didn’t you know that I’ve always wanted a shot at pounding away on your DW drums?” I exclaimed after Brick made the suggestion that her older sister come out front and to sing Elton John’s, Don’t Let the Sun Go Down on Me.

(Note: This classic rock ballad was written by Elton and his lyricist Bernie Taupin; and is from the Caribou album. This song reached number two on the Hot100 Billboard chart in 1974, and an amazing live duet version between George Michael and Sir Elton, reached the number one spot in 1991 on the US and UK music charts.)

“Sammy has already worked on the guitar parts to the song!” Lynette stated, which added another factor in having our drummer move out front for her first lead vocal performance as a Bandette.

“You know you want this, Sis!” Brick said as she moved with me behind E’s drum kit and put her hands under her sister’s shoulders to give her a lift from her throne.

“You can’t be serious about me getting up front on stage and singing at our Friday concert,” E cried as she locked her legs around her throne’s pedestal legs. She looked pretty funny being carried by her sister and me with her chrome and black leather cushioned drum chair tucked against her Levi’s covered ass.

“You can’t hide behind your drum kit, forever!” Sammy chortled as Eda’s throne clamored on the carpet in front of her drum set.

“But that’s why I like singing from there ... I’m semi-hidden. Plus, using my hands and feet are part of who I am and what I do!”

“Can’t argue with that, I suppose,” I calmly said as I bent over to pick up the drum throne. I then smiled at Brick as she stood beside her older sister where I usually stand at practice, and shouted, “But I’ve got the drum chair now, and I’m gonna beat you to your drum kit!”

“Got her for ya, Cuda!” Brick laughed as she wrapped her struggling sister up in her arms, giving me an even bigger time and distance advantage to Eda’s drums.

“C’mon, you guys!” Eda whined as she broke free from her taller sister’s python grip. “I wanna sing this song but...”

“No buts! Lead vocalists sing from up front in this band ... whenever possible...” Lynette stated with a smile. “I try to use my keytar to get up front when feasible, so you can do this, E.”

“And with this song, it’s possible because Cuda can play the drums ... at least we hope he can!” Sammy added with a small look of concern on her face as she watched me position the drum throne behind E’s drum kit.

“Oh, yeah!” I cried out as I gave a pretty skilled short drum volley over Eda’s six drums, and with just my right foot bass drum kicker. “Still haven’t got the double bass drum footwork down, but Don’t Let the Sun doesn’t need a massive bass drum quality, does it?”

“Noooo,” Eda rightfully replied with a dour tone to that reply.

“Hey, E, I think it would be good if you used the tambourine as you sing,” Sammy said as she adjusted the tone knob on the body of the new 1962 replicate ‘Seaform Green’ Fender Stratocaster, which Sammy and I built from scratch at the end of August. We had the parts and materials shipped to us from the Fender Musical Instruments Corporation site in Fullerton, CA.

“If you can’t get the sound you want out that green axe, feel free to grab ole Silverburst. I think it’s all set to go for this song, Sammy,” I said as she seemed to be having a bit of trouble getting the right setup of the bridge and middle pickups.

“Give ... me a ... like that ... and voila!” Sammy hesitatingly said, and then cried at her success in setting tremolo system to get the sound quality she wanted.

“That tambourine should give you something to do with your hands as you sing, Sis, so just have fun up here with us ladies,” Brick said as she gave her older sister a pat on her back.

“Ready, E, Sammy, Cuda?” Lynette called out from her piano keyboard.

We all gave a quick nod to Lynette and she laid out a sweet sounding variation of Elton’s piano melody for Don’t Let the Sun Go Down on Me. I started to lightly tap on the twenty-inch cymbal, a few beats before Eda, in her incredibly rich alto voice sang:

“I can’t light ... no more of your darkness.
All my pictures ... seem to fade to black and white.
I’m growing tired ... and time stands still before me.
Frozen here ... on the ladder of my life.”

As Eda sang out that last word in that verse, she rapped the tambourine against her thigh and then shook it vigorously to really emphasize that key aspect in that first verse. Right before she started to sing the second verse; Brick added a subtle bass guitar sound to her vocals:

“Too late ... to save myself from falling.
I took a chance ... and changed your way of life.
But you misread ... my meaning when I met you.
Closed the door ... and left me blinded ... by the light.”

Just as Eda sang, ‘and changed your way of life.’ Sammy gently added her electric guitar to the instrumental sounds. Then on, ‘But you misread,... ‘ I lightly began to flat-tap the snare drum to add one more barely there sound to Lynette’s wonderful piano and Eda’s sweet vocals.

Our first little practice with Eda out from behind her drum kit was going superbly. Lynette was the only one really challenged by the music to the end of the second verse. As the rest of our ‘grand entrance’ in this song approached, Eda evaluated her vocal levels to finish the second verse. Brick and Sammy smiled at me with Brick mouthing, ‘Bring them skins into play, Cuda.’

All three of us had huge grins on our faces as I pounded out the well-known drum and cymbal line prior to Eda singing the chorus and the remainder of this song:

“Don’t let the sun, go down on me.
Although I search myself, it’s always someone else I see.
I’d just allow a fragment of your life ... to wander free.
But losing everything ... is like the sun going down on me.

I can’t find ... oh, the right romantic line.
But see me once ... and see the way I feel.
Don’t discard me ... just because you think I mean you harm.
But these cuts I have ... oh they need love ... to help them heal.”

Chorus twice.

Sammy’s new Fender guitar sounded delicious as she ripped out a killer guitar riff to match up with Lynette’s piano and Eda’s vocals during the chorus. Brick’s right hip was bouncing her Fender Rickenbacker bass off her pelvis as she grooved to the beat we were imparting to this Elton song.

When I looked over at Lynette, I could tell she loved our performance, but also that she had an idea or two about how to make this song even better. She smiled over at me and mouthed, ‘Keep going, Cuda’ as her fingers were tickling the ebonies and ivories. I simply loved how she created a wonderful variation of Elton John’s piano masterpiece. When we wrapped out our big finish to this classic rock ballad, Sammy and Brick both gave Eda a mini-group hug.

As those three giddy ladies separated in front of Lynette and me, Lynette said, “That was by far the best first performance of a song we’ve ever done! If we don’t change a thing, that song is already ‘performance quality’, period!”

Eda beamed with pride at Lynette’s statement because Lynette didn’t offer up humongous praise that easily. In addition, Eda also had a hard time with not taking constructive criticism personally.

When I nodded at our keyboardist, I mouthed, ‘Wait, let them enjoy it,” because I just knew she was about to offer a suggestion to make this song even better.

“That was pretty dang sweet, ladies!” I called out from behind the drums. With a nod at Lynette, I then asked, “Let’s see if we can make it truly ‘Elton John worthy’, though. Anyone got any suggestions on how to do...”

“Besides getting a new drummer, you mean!” Brick chuckled as she aimed the neck of her bass guitar at me through Eda’s DW drums.

“Walked smack-dab into that one, didn’t cha’, Cuda?” Sammy laughed as she exchanged a high-five with our ‘new’ resident jolly joker and bassist. With a shake of my head, I did a nice little, ‘ba-da boom’ drum and cymbal crash after their comments.

“You guys, I don’t think ... I’d change a thing with your vocals or playing,” Lynette said to get us back on track. She then tinkered with her synthesizer and quickly laid down an organ track over her previously recorded piano track. The four of us marveled at how her hands moved to impart a subtle violin sound at just the right moment, without missing a note in her organ sequence.

“Okay, let’s try it ... again, and I’m going to overlay that organ, violin and maybe a cello track with what we just did,” Lynette said as her fingers worked to get that recorded track ready to go with the press of a button.

“Do you want me to put my two cents worth of vocals in with your harmonized voices?” I asked after I downed the last of my Coke.

“I think we should keep it as ‘ladies only’ vocals,” Eda replied.

“Your three alto voices with my low soprano tone did create a pretty sweet sound, didn’t they?” Brick sweetly stated.

“I’m good by my lonesome back here behind the drums,” I faux uttered and hung my head.

“It’s not good to see the guy who sings over fifty percent of our songs getting his panties in a wad because he can’t sing with the girls,” Sammy teasingly said as she reached into her Guess jeans and slightly tugged up on the right rear piece of her hunter green thong panties.

“Hey, if I did that, I’d be able to sing in a wonderful soprano voice, too!” I chuckled in a high falsetto voice and then did another ‘ba-da boom’ drum and cymbal crash.

Because Lynette didn’t require a call in to get the song started again, she simply started to play her skilled melody and the rest of us quickly set our minds back to the task at hand. The additional sounds from Lynette’s synthesizer definitely upped the sound quality in our performance of this song. About half way through our second run-through of Eda’s vocals, Mr. Labatt and Katie walked into the guest house and sat down in the leather love seat with huge smiles on their faces.

“Is that the first time you’ve gotten out from behind the drums to sing, Eda?” Katie Labatt asked at the end of that song.

“Yes, Ma’am,” Eda said with a huge grin on her face.

“You should let the Beast play drums on a few more songs, then, Ladies. You all sounded simply marvelous singing our favorite Elton John song,” Mr. Labatt added as he gave me, ‘the Beast’ a small salute during his playful put down of me, or more honestly, his uplifting words regarding the harmonizing girls in the band.

“Most definitely, you all ... Listen to me, I’m starting to sound like Mike with that ‘you all’ term,” Katie chortled and then added, “That was wonderful, and, uh, I hope you’ll think what we have to ask you is wonderful, as well.”

As we have come to expect a time or ‘five’ when Sammy’s parents come into our practice session, they brought some type of good news or some new instrument for us.

“I just got off the phone with Ms. McIntyre, the lovely Scottish lady at the Aeolian Hall,” Mr. Labatt said with a huge grin on his face. Both adults moved to the edge of the loveseat and Mr. Labatt continued, “She asked me if you would like to do a...”

“She wants to know if you’ll do a second show at their Hall on Sunday at 3pm.” Katie excitedly uttered when her husband took too long to share that good news with us.

“What? Why?” I asked as I stood up from E’s drum throne and walked back out to my normal spot.

“They sold out your Friday show early yesterday morning, and she said they have gotten a ton of calls yesterday and today asking for tickets. So, she tried calling your booking agent ... ah-um, Samantha, and when she couldn’t get you, she called me at work,” Mr. Labatt replied and playfully pointed at his daughter to give her a finger shake for not answering or returning Ms. McIntyre’s call.

“She told William that they’ll pay you two-thousand dollars again, plus add in another three to five hundred based on how many tickets can be sold before your second show,” Katie stated as she lightly patted her husband’s left knee with her right hand.

We were super excited to hear that we could make as much as four-thousand-five hundred dollars for doing two shows this coming Friday and Sunday. After a few moments of talking this over with Sammy’s parents and the other band members, I noticed a look of concern spread over Eda’s face.

“Something’s got you flummoxed, E. What’s the matter?” I asked our drummer.

“I’ve got a major French test AND a huge physics project due on Monday, and uh, I’m not sure it’ll be a good with Momma if I screw either of them up because of Bandette stuff,” Eda replied as she scuffed the ball of her bare right foot on the soft carpet.

I had to chuckle when Lynette, Sammy and her step-mom, Katie immediately broke into a perfect French discussion. When Sammy turned to Lynette and asked, “Vous pensez que le Toxique peut aider Eda avec son projet de physique?” (You think Toxic can help Eda with her physics project?) I shook my head and smiled at their command of Canada’s second official language.

“Selon le calendrier de sa gymnastique ... I’m sure Tox would be happy to lend a hand with E’s physics project,” Lynette replied, switching from French to English after she saw the looks of confusion on Eda’s and Lisa’s faces due to their less than stellar French comprehension skills. (Depending on her gymnastics’ schedule... )

“As you probably can guess, Miss Eda, you have several high-quality French tutors available to help with your ‘examen de Français’,” Katie Labatt said with a smile.

“And we’ll check with our resident physics and science wizardess, Kalena to see if she has time to work with you on your physics project,” Sammy added as she pointed to Lynette and me regarding Kalena’s availability.

“If Kalena can’t get with you, E, I’ll give you a hand with it on Saturday afternoon,” I stated. Both Mrs. Labatt’s and our offers to help Eda seemed to lower her anxiety levels about being the ‘rate-limiting-enzyme’ for our band’s Sunday afternoon performance.

“Well, with your help I think, um, I ... we’ll be able to play that concert on Sunday afternoon,” Eda said with the beginning stages of one of her killer smiles spreading over her face.

“Do you need to double check this with your parents’, Lynette, Mike, Eda, Lisa?” Mr. Labatt asked as he pushed himself up from the loveseat.

“My folks will be good with it,” Lynette quickly replied.

“Mine, too,” I stated as I put my hand on Eda’s and Lisa’s shoulders.

“We better check with them before saying ‘we can do it’, Mr. Labatt,” Brick rightly replied as she looked at her older sister.

“Would you like me to give them a call? I’ll tell them that you’ve promised to get everything done for school, and share those offers of tutoring help with your French material,” Katie Labatt asked as she walked towards the front door with her husband.

“Would you? I, uh, we’d really appreciate that ... Thanks, Ms. Katie!” Eda initially responded, with Lisa adding the final words to that statement.

“Regardless of the outcome with your parents, I’ll give Ms. McIntyre a call to inform her of Mike and the Time Bandettes’ availability to play on Sunday,” Mr. Labatt said with a smile on his face.

“Thanks, Mr. and Mrs. Labatt,” Lynette and I said in unison.

“Yes, thanks, Dad, Katie!” Sammy added.

We played a couple more songs after Sammy’s parents went back to their main house. Given we were going to have two, hour and fifteen minute sets with a twenty minute break at our Aeolian show, we had to figure out what songs we wanted to play.

(Note: The Aeolian Hall has twice been awarded ‘Best Live Venue’ by the Jack Richardson Music Awards Group in Canada. It is truly a music marvel for all types of concerts and shows.)

“I really think we should keep our cover songs to a minimum, maybe two, three tops in each eleven, twelve song set,” Sammy stated as we stood around the kitchen counter eating a few chips and having a pop or water.

“I still really liked our first set of songs, which we’ve played at Glencoe and the other schools,” Brick said.

“If we add, say, Keep Your Hands to Yourself and Swamp River Days from our Southern Rock set to our first set list, I think that would be ‘bout an hour and fifteen minutes ... give or take a few with instrument changes and talking to the crowd,” Lynette stated as she mentally added that extra two songs’ time in her head.

“Do we want to reorder the songs some with where we slot in ‘Hands‘ and ‘Swamp‘ into our playlist?” I asked after chowing down on a fist full of Bar-B-Q Fritos corn-chips.

If we put those two songs, like here, and here,” Sammy said as she pointed first to the slot between Life in the Fast Lane and These Dreams, and then between Love Will Keep Us Alive and Life is a Lemon.

“Which one are you thinking of after Fast Lane, Sammy?” Brick asked as she looked at the paper in an upside-down orientation from her vantage point.

“I would do Swamp River Days there and then, Keep Your Hands to Yourself before Life is a Lemon. I think having that humorous song ahead of our philosophical song would be a sweet pairing.”

“I like that, Sammy,” Lynette said as she jotted them in on our much modified playlist of songs.

“If you give that to me, I’ll make a new, clean copy for you, Lynette,” Brick said with a smile.

“What, you can’t read this upside-down ... through all the scratches, arrows and scribbled notes,” I chortled and put my hand on Brick’s hand as Eda and Sammy giggled at my words.

“No! Ahhh! I can read that just fine, thank you,” Brick replied as she pulled her hand from under mine and quickly tried to slap my hand with hers. I was prepared for that move and yanked my hand out of the way in plenty of time to hear Brick’s hand slap on the countertop.

“To please Brick, I’m gonna write out a new playlist,” Lynette said with a grin as she tore out a new lined page from the coiled notebook on the countertop. “Okay, we’re gonna start with Crazy Train, I Hate Myself, Alone, Right Now, Fast Lane, then Swamp River Days, right? Then its These Dreams, Two Steps Behind, Love Will Keep Us Alive, then Keep Your Hands to Yourself ... that’s a nifty combo, ain’t it? Then we’ll finish the first set with Life is a Lemon and Life’s Been Good,” Lynette stated as she wrote those songs down in her best handwriting.

“That a pretty sweet set list,” E replied.

“I like that trio of Sammy’s Love – Alive, and then my Hands to Yourself, and Life is a Lemon songs. We go from a sweet acoustic ballad to a funny, southern rock tune to our semi-funny, philosophical song as Sammy called it a couple of minutes ago,” I said as I wrapped my left arm around Sammy’s neck and shoulders.

A crazy idea popped into my head as I was related those thoughts to the girls. “Wait a sec!” I exclaimed which drew their attention to me. “E, you’ve told me a bunch of times that you thought we could rework Keep Your Hands, and have one of you girls sing lead instead of me. Why don’t you and Brick fool around with the lyrics and see what you can come up with.”

“I like that idea, Mike and E,” Sammy as she gave Eda a thumbs-up.

“Why don’t we all take a shot at tinkering with Mike’s lyrics, and then combine the best changes,” Lynette added, which everyone nodded their agreement with.

“Try and get something done for Thursday’s practice so we can see how it’s gonna go. Then, if we like the new version, we’ll swap out lead singers, ‘kay?” I stated which was again agreed upon by everyone.

It didn’t take us very long to rearrange our second set list, and our two encore songs. We decided to go with Ain’t That a Shame, Feels So Good, Hit Me With Your Best Shot, Don’t Let the Sun Go Down on Me, in place of Old Time Rock & Roll, YYZ, Don’t Be Cruel, Hotel California, Rock & Roll Dreams Come Through, and Best of Both Worlds, with Bat Out of Hell and Love Walks In as our encore songs.

The biggest debate was whether to do Hotel California as an acoustic song or with my electric, double-necked guitar like we’ve played it in our previous shows. I would have loved to do the acoustic version we learned from Dr. Kharlamov in Chatham, but the girls said they enjoyed doing the full electric version. I think Sammy’s desire to keep playing her Strat as if she were Joe Walsh was a major thing for her and the other girls. That was all the proof I needed to know that our band, Mike and the Time Bandettes, had me above the others in name only. I had no more say in our band’s decisions than each of the ‘ettes, which I truly loved.

The other semi-discussion was whether E would do her drum solo at the start of the second set as an intro to Ain’t That a Shame or near the end of our YYZ performance. She had done a solo during each of those songs previously, so when she said, “I’d prefer to do it during YYZ,” that settled that minor hiccup with our second set and encore playlist.

While we were winding down, Anthony and Mikey Masciotro walked into the guest house. “Hey Squirt! Ant! Is it 7pm, already?” Brick exclaimed as her nine-year-old brother ran to her and gave her a hug.

“We’re a tad early,” Anthony replied as he stepped over to the counter. “Mind if we snag a few Fritos?”

“Heck, no! Have as much as you guys want, Anthony, Michael,” Sammy replied as she pushed the nearly full bag of corn chips towards Eda’s and Brick’s brothers. Eda had already given Mikey a lift up onto a bar stool and he knelt on that tall stool to reach for the chip bag.

“You two want a Coke?” I said as I opened the fridge door.

“Do you have a Mountain Dew?” Mikey asked.

“Yes, but you can’t have one this late in the day, Mikey,” Eda said to her younger brother. “How ‘bout a Sprite?”

“A Sprite is fine,” Mikey replied in a less than enthusiastic voice.

“You know that Momma would kill all of us if we let you have a Dew, Mikey,” Anthony calmly said to his younger brother. “Heck, I try not to have Dews after supper-time because it makes it hard for me to get to sleep.”

After we chatted and finished off that bag of chips, Anthony said, “Thanks for the Fritos and drinks, Sammy,” as he slipped off his bar stool. His simple statement and movement let his siblings know it was time to hit the road for home.

“Si, grazie, signorina!” Mikey said to Sammy as he slid down off his bar stool.

“Lei è molto benvenuto, il mio giovane. Ritorno in qualsiasi momento per patatine fritte ed un Folletto,” Sammy said in Italian to the youngest Masciotro. (You are most welcome, my young man. Come back anytime for chips and a Sprite.)

“Lei parla veramente bene Italiano, Samantha,” Mikey said as he moved to give Sammy a hug. (You speak Italian really well, Samantha.)

“Grazie, Michael,” the petite redhead replied as she wrapped her arms around the little man.

“See you Thursday,” Brick said as the Masciotro clan walked to the front door.

“Do I need to get you, ladies at Montcalm?” I asked as Lynette, Sammy and I made our way out behind the four siblings.

“If you can pick them up, Mike, I’m sure I can come and get them after your practice,” Anthony said as he held the outside door open for us.

“That’s not a problem, my man. I’ll make sure they get home if something comes up and you’re not here by say, seven-fifteen,” I replied and gave him a fist-bump before he turned to walk to his parents’ large Ford car.

“See y’all,” Lynette said in a ‘picked-up’ southernism.

“Have a good evening!” E and Brick said in unison as Brick followed Mikey into the back seat, while Eda joined her older brother in the front seat.

“If you two don’t mind, I’ve got to run and use the bathroom,” Sammy said with a little ‘giddy’ in her ‘up.’

“Go pee, Girlfriend,” Lynette chuckled as she waved her hand towards the Sammy’s mansion.

“I gotta pee so bad, I think my teeth are floating!” Sammy cried as she jogged the short distance to her large house.

“You heard anything else from Stephanie, Lava?” I asked my girlfriend as I walked her over to her new, used 1976 black Chevy Nova.

“We’re, uh, hoping you’re able to come back to my place for some Jacuzzi and ‘Dancing the Night Away‘ fun in my parents’ bedroom,” Lava-Lips replied with a huge grin on her face.

“She told you about the, ‘dancing the night away’ phrase, did she?” I chuckled as we leaned on the driver’s side of her midnight black ride.

“Yuppers. She’s gonna spend the night with me, and uh, if you can swing it, we’d love for you to be there with us on Saturday morning.”

“Dillon, Gary, and Jessie are out of town this weekend, huh?” I asked as I leaned down to kiss her cheek.

“Yes. They’re taking ‘Half-pint’ to work with that pitching specialist in Guelph on Saturday morning, so they’re heading down and staying at Grandma’s place on Friday.”

“I’ll see what I can do ‘bout spending the night with you and Strawberry,” I said as I stepped from beside Lava-Lips to directly in front of her.

“Strawberry, is it?” she softly said as she tilted her head up at me and licked her lips.

“She a strawberry blonde, who uses a strawberry scented shampoo, and uh, as I’m sure you’ll find out on Friday ... she puts a little strawberry wash down around her...”

“Ahhh. Strawberry really does capture the essence of Miss Stephanie, then,” Lynette softly said as she closed her eyes and readied her lips for one of my kisses. “Ummm,” Lava-Lips moaned into my mouth as our tongues danced together.

When she pulled back from me to catch her breath, she throatily said, “I may see about getting some of my Mom’s special Strawberry scented oil. She orders it from the Philippines or Taiwan, or some ‘Asiany’ place. For some unknown reason, she hasn’t let me use any of it, but with you and Stephanie coming over...”

“Maybe you can convince her to let us try it,” I said as I wrapped my arms around her shoulders and pulled her tightly to my chest.

“Maybe you should give her a call, because you can’t do anything wrong in her eyes, it seems.”

“I can do that. Want me to call you tonight or wait ‘til tomorrow?”

“Tonight’s good. Maybe around nine-thirty, so I have time to get my homework done,” Lynette said as she moved up on her tip-toes to give me a final kiss before she grabbed the door handle and pulled her door open.

“Be careful on the way home, Lava-Lips,” I said before I pushed her door shut.

After she rolled her window down, she smiled up at me and said her new going away phrase, “Drive smart in your ‘Purple-B-Cuda-Machine’, Cuda!”

“I will, Lava,” I replied as she started to pull out of Sammy’s drive.

Mike’s House in Bryanston, Ontario

9:42pm, Tuesday, Oct. 2, 1979

“Good evening, Mike,” Mrs. Robertson said to me over the telephone as I sat at my desk in my bedroom. Patt was still downstairs watching TV, so with the aid of my ‘computer-telephone’, I had a little more privacy than I’d have at our corded telephone in front entrance hallway.

“Hey, Ms. R,” I replied back towards the microphone. “How’d your day go?”

“It’s been good, so far, and it’s gonna get a lot better here shortly,” Mrs. R. replied with a chortle. “Just hang on a minute, Mike...” With her hand over her phone, I barely heard her yell, “Jessica! Bed... Now! Lynette, ten o’clock!” That was followed by two muffled, “Yes, Momma!” and “Yes, Ma’am!” statements.

“Okay, I’m back,” she said in a normal tone. “So, my eldest has told you about my strawberry oil? I’m, uh, not sure I should even tell you this ... but you’ve keep your word about taking care of Lynette and showing her multiple ways of experiencing the fullness of sex and love, so I guess I can tell you about my ‘Missive-Maker’ oil.”

“Missive-Maker oil? What’s that all about?” I asked.

“This oil, Mike, has the ability to bring either heaven to ... or hell out of a woman. For women with submissive tendencies like me ... or my baby girl, it will certainly bring heaven’s pleasures during a submissive sexual situation. However, for ladies who aren’t into giving up control to a dominant partner, it will more than likely bring the bitchiest or the most hellacious aspects out of that woman.”

“Why’s that?” I asked knowing full well that Mrs. R would tell me regardless of my asking.

“A drop of this oil on a lady’s nipples or her clit, combined with the higher carbon dioxide levels from a person’s expired air causes a very intense itching-burning sensation in those sexually sensitive tissues. Those sensations will absolutely drive a woman insane with sexual desire and pleasure, but the oil also prevents the lady from reaching an orgasm. So, in a submissive like me or Lynette, we’ll do positively anything for our man to reach that killer orgasm ... Because there’s something about the chemical makeup in a guy’s semen that ends the oil’s orgasm stopping effect, and only slows those wickedly good sensations ... the missive-maker oil allows the female to cum harder and longer than she’s ever orgasmed before.”