Chapter 98

Q: What is a man’s idea of a balanced diet?
A: A Budweiser in each hand!

Q: What did the bartender say after Charles Dickens ordered a martini?
A: “Olive or twist?”

Q: What did the bartender say after a book walked into the bar?
A: “Please, no stories!”

Q. Why did God invent Jameson whiskey?
A. So the Irish would never rule the world!

Q: What do Russians get when mixing Holy Water with Vodka?
A: The Holy Spirit!

Q: What did the man with slab of asphalt under his arm order?
A: “A beer please, and one for the road.”

Q: You know what’s fun about being sober?
A: Nothing.

Q: Why did Mexicans create tequila?
A: So ugly people would have a chance at having sex!

Q: What do you get when you mix English class with alcohol?
A: Tequila Mockingbird

Q: What has eight arms and an IQ of 60?
A: Four guys drinking Bud Light and watching a football game!

Q: How can you tell if someone Amish is an alcoholic?
A: They keep falling off the wagon.

Q: How many men does it take to open a Budweiser bottle?
A: none. the lady should already have it open on the table!

Q: How can you find the guy who drank a case of Coors Light?
A: He’s the one dancing like an asshole!

Q: How do you know a man is really really gay?
A: When he’s nursing a Bacardi Breezer!

Q: What happens when a ghost drinks boos?
A: They get sheet-faced.

Q: What’s the difference between a G-Spot and a bottle of Jack Daniels?
A: A guy will actually SEARCH for a bottle of Jack Daniels.

Q: How does a man show he’s planning for the future?
A: He buys two cases of Miller Lite instead of one.

Q: What’s the cure for marriage?
A: Alcoholism.

Q: Why does Corona go through your system so fast?
A: Because it does not have to stop to change color

Q: How do you get a computer drunk?
A: A Screenshot of Tequila.

Q: When do women drink alcohol?
A: Wine O’Clock.

Q: Whats the difference between a dog and a fox?
A: 2 drinks.

Q: How do you find a man in a bar who is sensitive, caring and good looking?
A: He’s nursing a Mike’s Hard Lemonade and is acting super super gay!

Q: What is the difference between a sofa and a man watching Monday Night Football?
A: The sofa doesn’t keep asking for Bud Light!

Q: What is the similarity between Michelob Ultra and having sex in a rowboat?
A: They are both SO close to water!

Q: What do you say when you’re gonna drunk dial someone?
A: Al-cohol you

Q: What do blondes and bottle of Corona have in common?
A: Their both empty from the neck up!

Q: Why are Men like coolers?
A: Load them with Bud Light, and you can take them anywhere!

Q: What does a shot of Everclear and a Woman have in common?
A: Both of them make men start talking nonsense!

Q: Where do monkeys go to drink?
A: The monkey bars!

Q: Why don’t Democrats drink?
A: It interferes with their suffering!

Q: What happens when you cross a gynecologist drinking Pabst Blue Ribbon Beer and sexy blonde drinking Smirnoff Vodka?
A: a “Pabst Smir!”

Q: How do you start a parade in the ghetto?
A: Roll a 40 down the street.

Q: How do you know when you really pissed off your Bartender?
A: She leaves the string in the Bloody Mary!

Q: Why doesn’t Simon Cowell drink whiskey?
A: Because it makes him mean!

Q: What does an alcoholic ghost drink?
A: BOO’S

Q: What do you call a man with a shot of whiskey on his head?
A: A taxi. Clearly, he’s had too much liquor and is being a nuisance.

Just a comment from dorsetmike‎

How true is this!

“‘ ... it really is impossible to overstate the utter stupidity of some people.’

True – yet they are allowed to participate in the process of choosing local and national governments.”