Chapter 92

A mathematician is interviewing for a job. The interviewer asks him “You are walking towards your office and running late for a very important meeting and you glimpse a building on fire with people screaming for help. What will you do?”

The mathematician thinks for a while and replies “People’s lives are more important than an office meeting. I would immediately call for a fire brigade and help the trapped to the best of my abilities”.

The interviewer seems to be impressed with the mathematician’s answer and moves on to the last question. Just to check his sanity, she asks “And what if the building is not on fire?.”

After a moment of thought, the mathematician replies with confidence “I will set the building on fire. Now, I have reduced it to a problem that I have already solved before!”

Great Comebacks and Insults

Some of these are quite good; witty. Some are dumb and juvenile. Others are just harsh. The rest are some you thought of later. What they all seem to overlook though is the simplicity of telling someone to “Fuck off” or to “Please kill yourself”...

• “Hey, Rainman called. He wants his social skills back.”

• “I’ve been called worse things by better people.”

• “I don’t know what makes you so dumb, but it’s working.”

• “I was going to give you a nasty look but I see you already have one.”

• “What died on your neck? Oh, it’s your head.”

• “Were you always this stupid or did you take lessons.”

• “Shouldn’t you be out on a ledge somewhere?”

• “There are two kinds of people in this world: people who care what you think, and people like me.”

• “If I throw a stick, will you leave?”

• “Don’t talk about yourself so much ... we’ll do that when you leave.”

• “The reason you’d even call me that, tells me that you’re ignorant, unclassy, and illiterate.”

• “I have way more important things to do than thinking about what you have to say to me.”

• “You’re not human, you’re a black hole that sucks the life out of people, and I’m done with you.”

• “I don’t treat people the way you do, because I know that giving insults to people, and showing no class, shows what kind of a person you really are, and how worthless you are of anyone’s time.”

• “I would insult you back but Mother Nature has already done such a fine job, I just couldn’t compete.”

• “I’m a lot better than what you have to look at in the mirror every morning.”

• “I thought I said goodbye to you this morning when I flushed the toilet.”

• “Funny you should call me an ugly bitch, your daddy likes to call me princess and other beautiful names, while he is dry humping my leg.”

• “I love it when you call me by your mum’s name ... turns me on.”

• “If you’re trying to improve the world, you should start with yourself. Nothing needs more help than you do.”

• “I could eat a whole bowl of alphabet soup, shit it out, and have something better than you just said.”

• “Shut up, I’m not your mirror.”

• “Behind every bitch there’s a man who made her that way!”

• “Ohh ... look who’s talking about themselves again!”

• “See ya and take care ... and by see ya I mean go fuck yourself and by take care I mean go fuck yourself.”

• “People say laughter is the best medicine. Your face must be curing the world.”

• “Sometimes the first step to forgiveness is understanding that the other person is a complete idiot.”

• “You’re spreading rumours about me? At least you found a hobby spreading something other than your legs.”

• “The fact that jellyfish survived for 650 million years with no brains is good news for stupid people like you.”

• “Zombies are looking for brains. Don’t worry. You’re safe.”

• “Somewhere out there is a tree, tirelessly producing oxygen so you can breath. I think you own it an apology.”

• “Well fuck you very much.”

• “If you spoke your mind, you would be speechless.”

• “I would tell you to eat trash but that’s cannibalism.”

• “I can fix my ugliness with plastic surgery but you on the other hand will stay stupid forever.”

• “Acting like a dick won’t make yours any bigger.”

• “If I wanted to hear from an asshole, I would have farted.”

• “You remind me of a penny, two faced and fucking worthless!”

• “I’ve met some pricks in my time but you my friend, are the fucking cactus.”

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