Chapter 84

This group is compliments of dorsetmike‎

Disappointed - but not overly surprised - to see that the origami world championships are only available to watch on paper view TV...

A Japanese couple is having an argument over ways of performing highly erotic sex:

Husband: Sukitaki.

Wife replies: Kowanini!

Husband says: Toka a anji rodi roumi yakoo!

Wife on her knees literally begging: Mimi nakoundinda tinkouji!

Husband replies angrily: Na miaou kina Tim kouji!

I can’t believe you just sat and tried to read this. As if you understand Japanese!

Unbelievable!

I knew you would read anything as long as it is about sex. You need help!!

(apologies to any Japanese speaking members, I don’t know if the words are Japanese or not, it’s just as I received it)

Before I retired I worked in the circus. They kept me on for ten years. I was the only one who could get the tent back in the bag...

An elderly man and woman meet in a bar and get to talking. They are enjoying their conversation so much that, when the bar closes, they decide to continue at the woman’s apartment.

After a time, things start getting pretty romantic and they wind up in bed. Afterward, they’re both laying there, staring at the ceiling.

The old man is thinking, “Gosh, if I had known she was a virgin, I would have been more careful with her.”

The old lady is thinking, “Geez, if I had known he could get it up, I would have taken off my panties

A teacher wanted to teach her students about self-esteem, so she asked anyone who thought they were stupid to stand up. One kid stood up and the teacher was surprised.

She didn’t think anyone would stand up so she asked him, “Why did you stand up?”

He answered, “I didn’t want to leave you standing up by yourself.”

A man decided to have a face lift for his birthday. He spends $ 5,000 and feels really good about the result. On his way home he stops at a newsstand and buys a paper. Before leaving he says to the salesclerk, “I hope you don’t mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?”

“About 35,” was the reply. “I’m actually 47,” the man says, feeling really happy. After that he goes into McDonalds for lunch, and asks the order taker the same question, to which the reply is, “Oh you look about 29.”

“I am actually 47.” This makes him feel really good.

While standing at the bus stop he asks an old woman the same question. She replies, “I am 85 years old and my eyesight is going. But when I was young there was a sure way of telling a man’s age. If I put my hand down your pants and play with your hairy walnuts for ten minutes I will be able to tell your exact age.”

As there was no one around, the man thought what the hell and let her slip her hand down his pants. Ten minutes later the old lady says, “OK, it’s done. You are 47.”

Stunned the man says, “That was brilliant! How did you do that?”

The old lady replies, “I was behind you in McDonalds.”

A man asks his elderly father what his secret was for living such a long life.

“I’ll tell you son, “ says the the old man, “every morning I sprinkle a little gunpowder on my cereal”.