Chapter 81

Some weird thoughts from Phoenix‎

Don’t know if these are true but they’re fun to read.

There are men in Guam whose full-time job is to travel the countryside and deflower young virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having sex for the first time ... Reason: under Guam law, it is expressly forbidden for virgins to marry. (Let’s just think for a minute; is there any job anywhere else in the world that even comes close to this?)

In Hong Kong, a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous husband, but may only do so with her bare hands. The husband’s lover, on the other hand, may be killed in any manner desired. (Ah! Justice!)

Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool, England - but only in tropical fish stores. (But of course!)

In Cali, Colombia, a woman may only have sex with her husband, and the first time this happens, her mother must be in the room to witness the act. (Makes one shudder at the thought.)

In Santa Cruz, Bolivia, it is illegal for a man to have sex with a woman and her daughter at the same time. (I presume this was a big enough problem that they had to pass this law?

In Maryland, it is illegal to sell condoms from vending machines with one exception: prophylactics may be dispensed from a vending machine only “in places where alcoholic beverages are sold for consumption on the premises.” (Is this a great country or what? Not as great as Guam!)

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. (Hardly seems worth it)

If you fart consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb. (Now that’s more like it)

A pig’s orgasm lasts for 30 minutes. (In my next life I want to be a pig.)

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour. (Still not over that pig thing)

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure. (Is that why Flipper was always smiling?)

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue. (Hummm ... I won’t touch THAT one!)

The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30 times its own weight and always falls over on its right side when intoxicated. (From drinking little bottles of... ?) (Did the govt. pay for this research??)

Some lions mate over 50 times a day. (In my next life I STILL want to be a pig ... quality over quantity)

Butterflies taste with their feet. (Ah, geez)

An ostrich’s eye is bigger than it’s brain. (I know some people like that.)

Starfish don’t have brains. (I know some people like that too.)

Kotex was first manufactured as bandages, during W.W.I.

About a third of all Americans flush the toilet while they’re still sitting on it.(Who studied this and why?)

An average person laughs about 15 times a day.

You’re more likely to get stung by a bee on a windy day than in any other weather.

Research indicates that mosquitoes are attracted to people who have recently eaten bananas.

Penguins can jump as high as 6 feet in the air.

The average person is half an inch taller upon rising in the morning.

A sneeze zooms out of your mouth at up to 600 m.p.h.

Thomas Edison was afraid of the dark.

Donald Duck comics were banned from Finland because he doesn’t wear pants.

Every person has a unique tongue print.

Your right lung takes in more air than your left one does.

Pollsters say that 40 percent of dog and cat owners carry pictures of the pets in their wallets.

Bubble gum contains rubber.

You can only smell 1/20th as well as a dog.

Only 55 percent of all Americans know that the sun is a star.

The sound of E.T. walking was made by someone squishing her hands in Jello.

If you cut off a cockroach’s head, it can live for weeks.

Most American car horns honk in the key of F.

There are more plastic flamingos in America than real ones.

Most lipstick contains fish scales.

Mosquitoes have teeth.

After reading all these, all I can say is ... Damn Those Pigs.