Jokes and Giggles Part Two
Copyright© 2017 by Jack Spratt
Chapter 8
This one is compliments of thedad4909
Two Newfies walk into a pet shop. They go directly over to the Bird section. Gerry says to Paddy,”Dat’s dem.”
The clerk comes over and asks if he can help them.
Yeah, we’ll take four of dem dere budgies in dat cage op dere,” says Gerry,
“Put dem in a peeper bag.”
The clerk puts the budgies in a bag, and the two guys pay for the birds and leave the shop.
They get into Gerry’s van and drive to ‘Come-By-Chance ‘ until they are high up on a hill and stop at the top of a cliff with a 500 foot drop.
Dis looks like a grand place, he?” says Gerry.
He then takes two birds out of the bag, places them on his shoulders and jumps off the cliff.
Paddy watches as his mate drops off the edge and goes straight down for a few seconds before he hits the rocks below with a ‘SPLAT!’
As Paddy looks down he shakes his head and says, “Fock dat, did Budgie Jumpin is too fockin’ dangerous fer me.”
This one is compliments of Mace
A newly retired military man who’d managed to sock away a very tidy sum during his time in the service and now pensioned off having done his twenty years and making very good money from investments besides bought himself a house and looked for a golf club to join. Hearing about a rather exclusive country club nearby, he sent in an application.
In due time he got back a response and was amazed to discover that quite apart from the stiff fees charged to members on a yearly basis there was an initiation test. Having eyeballed the course and thinking it was probably worth it, he turned up to the club.
The club president proceeded to lead him to a small room and pointed to the three doors opposite the one they’d entered from and a line on the floor near it.
“Your test is quite simple. Behind the first door is a bottle of imported rum, the good stuff. You need to drain the bottle, bring it out here and put it on this side of the line. Half an hour time limit. Easy.”
The prospective member nodded and looked at the other two doors. “I take it there’s more to it though.”
“Quite correct, the booze just adds a little handicap to the event to prevent making it too easy. Behind the second door is a ferocious grizzly bear and you need to take a tooth from it inside the same time limit, bring it out here and put it this side of the line next to the empty bottle.”
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