Chapter 76

Compliments of pigs41

The teacher asked the class to use the word ‘contagious’ in a sentence.

Mary put up her and said “My friend had chickenpox and my mum said not to visit her so I didn’t catch them as they are very contagious.””

“Excellent Mary.” said the teacher.

Next Sebastian said “When I had a cold mum told me to wash my hands a lot so I didn’t spread it to anyone else as colds are contagious.”

“Well done Sebastian.” said the teacher.

“Anyone else?” asked the teacher hoping little Johnny had nothing to say.

Then up shot little Johnny’s hand so with a big sigh the teacher said “Yes Johnny?”

Johnny said “My dad was walking home the other day and he saw a truck loaded with bricks go around a corner and all the bricks fell off.

“Dad said it was such a shame as it took that cunt ages to load them on...”

The teacher asked the children to take note of anything special or fascinating on the way home from school and talk about it to the class the next morning.

The next morning Molly said that their next door neighbour had this beautiful big yellow rose bush full of roses and it looked really lovely.

“Thank you Molly, that’s lovely.” Said the teacher.

Lisa said that she saw two monarch butterflies and they looked so beautiful.

“That’s really nice. Thank you Lisa.” Said the teacher.

After a few other stories it finally came to little Johnny’s turn. The teacher (as usual) wasn’t looking forward to this.

“Well,” said Johnny. “On my way home yesterday I was walking past Hill Street, you know, that very steep road by the pub and coming down Hill street was the local junk man’s horse and cart. Something must have startled the horse because all of a sudden it took off and came flying down the hill, hit the fence at the bottom and the handle on the cart went right up the horses a*se.”

The teacher glared at Johnny and said, “No Johnny!! It’s rectum, Johnny, rectum.”

“Wrecked ‘im miss? fucken near killed ‘im!”