Chapter 74

A Short one from Dorsetmike

Daft definitions

Logarithms - sound produced by primitive jungle drums

Some more compliments of Hitemp

DOWN AT THE RETIREMENT CENTER

80-year old Bessie bursts into the rec room at the retirement home. She holds her clenched fist in the air and announces, “Anyone who can guess what’s in my hand can have sex with me tonight!!”

An elderly gentleman in the rear shouts out, “An elephant?”

Bessie thinks a minute and says, “Close enough.”

Queensland Police report finding a man’s body in the Brisbane River at New Farm following his apparent attendance at an after-party for the recent same sex marriage plebiscite. The dead man’s name will not be released until his family has been notified. The victim apparently drowned due to excessive marijuana consumption. He was wearing black fishnet stockings, a red garter belt, a pink G-string, a strap-on dildo, purple lipstick, and a “Shorten for PM” T-shirt. He also had a cucumber in his rectum. The police removed the Shorten T-shirt to spare his family any unnecessary embarrassment. In spite of what we sometimes think, the Police do care.

The graduate with a science degree asks “Why does it work?” The graduate with an engineering degree asks “How does it work?” The graduate with an accounting degree asks “How much will it cost?” The graduate with a liberal arts degree asks “Do you want fries with that?”

“I have to have a raise” the man said to his boss. “There are three other companies after me”. “Is that so?” asked the manager. “What other companies are after you?” “The electric company, the telephone company, and the gas company”.

One evening a husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife. “Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in Slim Fast. Maybe it would take a few inches off your butt!” His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn’t let such a comment go unrewarded.

The next morning the husband took a set of underwear out of his drawer. “What the heck is this??” he said to himself, as a little dust cloud appeared when he shook them out. “April” he hollered into the bathroom “Why did you put talcum powder in my underwear?” She replied with a snicker “It’s not talcum powder. It’s Miracle Grow!”