Chapter 70

My girlfriend and I broke up today
Her: “I just need time.”
Me: “Okay. Yeah, I understand.”
Her: “And distance, as well.”
Me: “Fine. But can I ask you one last question?”
Her: “Go ahead.”
Me: “What are you calculating the velocity of, anyway?”

A man goes to a costume party wearing nothing but his underwear and a woman on his back.
His friends see him and ask “Hey man, what are you supposed to be?”
He replies “Oh, I’m dressed as a turtle”
His friend responds “A turtle? How are you supposed to be a turtle? And who is that woman on your back?”
The man replies “Oh, that’s Michelle” –

Thank Phoenix for the following.

‎ Three men were travelling in Europe and happened to meet at a bar in London, England. One man was from the US, one from France and one from Canada. They got acquainted and started talking about their problems with their wives.

The American began by saying: “I told my wife in no uncertain terms that from now on she would have to do all the cooking. Well the first day after I told her, I saw nothing. The second day I saw nothing. But on the third day when I came home from work, the table was set, wonderful dinner was prepared with wine and even dessert.”