Chapter 574

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OK, here’s more ... from Biiguy

Next, a documentary on premature ejaculation begins in 1 minute. And ends in 2.

My mother was always talking about people who had died. She said, old lady’s voice, “Do you remember Muriel? She’s just died. Do you remember Arthur? He’s just died”. I said, “Mom, please get off the roof and give me the gun.”

I come from a family of failed magicians. I have two half-sisters.

He put his lips on her and slid his tongue in THAT’S NOT HOW IT’S DONE Said the other paramedic

In the bedroom sparks were flying. I’m not really good at being an electrician.

“He looked at his wife as she lay in their bed, the blankets covering her shapely form. Her eyes slowly opened, and she whispered... ‘Did you remember to take the rubbish bins out?’”

The Police came to me yesterday telling me that my dogs were chasing people on bikes. My dogs don’t even have bikes.

A blonde woman visits her husband in prison. Before leaving, she tells a correction officer, “You shouldn’t work my husband so hard. He’s exhausted”. The officer laughs and says, “Are you kidding? He just eats and sleeps and stays in his cell”. The woman replies, “Bullshit!. He just told me that he’s been digging a tunnel for months”.

One of my earliest memories was seeing my mother through the oven window. We were playing hide-and-seek. She said, “You’re getting warmer”.

Did you know that on the Canary Islands there is not a single canary? And on the Virgin Isles? Same thing. No canaries there, either.

I was invited by a female janitor to smoke pot at her apartment, but I politely refused. I can’t deal with high maintenance women.

If you’re paying $3.00 for a bottle of Smart water, it isn’t working.

I don’t need a “Do Not Disturb” sign. I need a sign that says “Already Disturbed. Proceed with caution”.

The druggist at the pharmacy was telling a client: “You may experience irritability and pains in the hand and wrist ... And that’s just from trying to get the cap off.”

Judge: You will be tried by a jury of your peers. Defendant: Hell, no. No bunch of crooks is going to try me.

Is a masturbating woodsman called a lumberjackoff?

The winner of the Best German Sausage of the Year Award is --- The Wurst...

When your wife asks how her new dress looks on her, ‘Snug’ isn’t the right answer.

If mothers have Mothers’ Day And fathers have Fathers’ Day What is the day for unmarried men?

Palm Sunday...

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