Chapter 573

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Biiguy keeps them coming, many thanks...

Here are some more...

“I’m telling you Lisa, I’ve never been happier, “ said Sally. “I have two boyfriends. One is just fabulous. He’s handsome, sensitive, caring and considerate”.

“So what do you need the second one for?” asked Lisa.

“The second one is straight”.

A guy went to the doctor and said, I’ve got a mole on the end of my penis”.

“Drop your pants and show me”, said the doctor, who then proceeded to examine the area.

“Yes”, continued the doctor. “I can get rid of the mole, but I’m going to have to report you to the animal welfare people”.

It is noteworthy that nobody who was originally on the Paleo Diet lived past 35.

I once had sex for 62 minutes straight, without stopping. Of course, that was on the day that they moved the clocks...

My mother’s at the stage where she talks about everyone who’s died.

“Do you remember Muriel? She’s just died”

“Do you remember Arthur? He’s just died.”

I said, “Mom, get off the roof and give me the gun”.

And here are the results of the Sci Fi soccer games: R2D – 2, C3P - 0

An Italian, a Greek and a Jew were discussing their ancient civilizations.

The Italian said, “Archaeologists dug down to a level from 2000 years ago and discovered wires, which proved that the ancient Romans had telegraph.”

The Greek said, “Archaeologists dug down to a level from 2300 years ago and discovered wires, which proved that the ancient Greeks had telephones.”

The Jew said, “Archaeologists dug down to a level from 3000 years ago and discovered nothing, which proved that even in the time of the First Temple we had wireless.”

On a cooking show: What is the perfect accompaniment to a scotch egg?

Scotch sperm

The problem with HIV is sheer ignorance. Most people don’t realize that it’s just Roman for high 5

Don’t let aging get you down. It’s too hard to get up afterwards.

It’s hard to tell exactly when Nancy Pelosi became so mentally deficient, but it was probably sometime during the third trimester of her mother’s pregnancy.

Alice Cooper had a sister ... James Fenimore...

And now, let’s toast the bride and groom.

NO Guys, raise your glasses, not your flamethrowers.

Phone now to find out how I became obese. 888-8888

Madame, what you though was your hamster’s jacuzzi, is actually a food blender.

These are just flattened pieces of cardboard. This is an X-box.

Ever since my best friend became a mime, I haven’t heard from him.

I used to work in produce, which wasn’t exactly rocket salad.

I sold dining room chairs (under the table... )

Archaeologists in Stratford on Avon have discovered thousands of monkey skeletons, and many typewriters.

It was here, at this florist shop, that the War of the Roses began.

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