Chapter 565

Say thanks to OldGreyDuck for this one!

Living in the South for many years ago, I recall a deeply religious couple that were neighbors. They stated that they were searching to buy a Baptist dog. Eventually, they found a preacher that was also a specialized dog breeder.

They went to see him, and a particular dog named “Rev”. The couple asked “How do we know Rev is a Baptist dog?”

The breeder said; “Rev! Go get a Bible!” and off the dog ran to a shelf and grabbed a King James Bible and returned with it in his mouth.

“Any dog can be trained to fetch a book,” the couple stated.

The breeder smiled. “Rev, Open that bible to Luke 4-11, please.” And wonder of wonders, the dog did just that. He opened the Bible and found the passage, his paw at the first line.

The couple purchased the dog.

Upon bringing Rev home, the couple proudly introduced him to their friends, and Rev would astound the friends by finding particular biblical passages.

One friend asked; “Does he know any regular dog tricks, like sit, or roll over?”

The proud over said; “Yes! Rev, heel!” and Rev came over and placed a paw on the friends head.

“That’s not a Baptist dog!” The friend stated. “He’s Pentecostal!”

fagan8300 provide this view on politics

Why in the age of political correctness when dealing with sexual harassment, do we use a word that the first two syllables are pronounced her ass?

Anon57 gave us this one,

Courtesy of my little sister, Marcia;

Back in the day, a lady was carrying an arm load of fresh vegetables when she was startled and dropped them, thus creating the first tossed salad

af9023 is to be thanked for this one!!!!

Clem had just graduated school and was kicked out of the house. First thing was he needed a place to stay and a job. Asking all around town, He couldn’t find either one. His old teacher told him to get himself to the city, where there were bigger rooms, better jobs, and fancier restaurants.

Arriving on the bus, Clem found an old paper with the help wanted section still attached. Trying all day to find a job, any job. At a hole in the wall cafe having a coffee, the old cook notices the sadness on his face.

“What’s the matter” He asks.

Clem says “Looking for a job, but nobody hiring.”

The old cook writes down an address. “Go here, I hear he’s hiring.”

Clem thanks the man and ambles off wondering if the old man was sending him on a wild goose chase? Finding the place Clem asks for the owner, telling him the old cook sent him down for a job. The owner hires him and sets up two pieces of metal, “weld them together.”

Clem strikes an arc, splatter, spit balls and pieces of wire all over the work piece. Clem then takes two other pieces sets up the machine to the correct current and welds them together, better than a robotic machine could ever do.

Clem says pointing to the first piece is my $10.00 welding. Turning to the other piece says this is my $20.00 welding, which do you want?

af9023 provided this one...

Rich kid goes off to college. Father says will pay expenses. Starts seeing checks made out for $300.00 that say “pussy” in the memo line!

Calls son and tells him to start using “nails”, in the memo line, that way mom will not know what junior is up to. Dad will understand what it’s for.

A month goes by and not one check for nails comes in. On the first day of the next month a check comes in for “Hammer head repair”!