Chapter 55

This one is compliments of joevsr‎

My Dad taught me this.

Careers:

Psychiatrist: $100. a session Doctor: $50 a visit Lawyer: $60. an hour Priest: Talks for an hour on Sunday Morning and it takes 4 ushers with baskets to collect it all.

Mathematics

60 year old guy comes home to his 60 year old wife and tell her that he is leaving her for his 20 year old secretary. The wife says that she will find a 20 year old stud to take care of her. The husband starts laughing at her saying what will you do with a 20 year old man? She replies, “It’s simple mathematics. 20 goes into 60 more times then 60 goes into 20!!!

A Favor Request from jadams‎

Hello everyone. I need a favor.

A friend of mine has 2 tickets for the Super Bowl, both box seats. He paid $2,500 for each ticket, but didn’t realize when he bought them last year, that it was going to be the same day as his wedding. If you are interested, he is looking for someone to take his place. The wedding is at First Methodist Church on Broadway at 12 pm. Her name is Lori; she is 5’5” about 110 lbs, good looking, a successful real estate agent and loves to cuddle ... she’ll be the one in the Zac Posen designer white wedding gown!

More from St John‎

“You know, I don’t know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we’ve been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, I get undressed in the bathroom. I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late!”

His buddy looks at him and says, “Well, you’re obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes into the closet, jump into bed, rub my hands on my wife’s ass and say, ‘How about a blowjob?’ ... and she’s always sound asleep.”

My attractive female neighbor is completely paranoid.

She thinks I’m following or even stalking her, she is worried that I may be obsessed with her and any time she hears a noise in her house she is ... purified?

Oh, wait: Petrified. Sorry, it’s not easy reading a diary through binoculars from a tree.

I was sitting at a bar and asked the bartender where I could find a piece of ass.

He told me to go to the back door, down the dark alley and give the woman there 20 bucks.

So I go outside and hand a 20 to the woman there and started getting busy.

After a few minutes, a cop walks past and shines a flashlight on us and says “What the hell are you doing?” and I said “Having sex with my wife.”