Chapter 54

More from St John‎

There was a man who had a girlfriend named Lorraine. Then one day a new woman was hired at his office. Her name was Clearly, and he soon fell in love with her. He thought about breaking things off with Lorraine. But he just couldn’t do it. Then Lorraine learned her employer was transferring her across country. The guy pretended to be sad when Lorraine moved. But deep down, he was happy. As he left the airport after seeing Lorraine off, he could be heard singing “I can see clearly now Lorraine is gone!”

Recently, our town received a grant to build housing for midgets. According to our demographics, they figured that we should have six midgets living here. They sent enough money so that we could finance the building of homes and let the ‘little people’ pay less than the going rate for rent. Since we have only one ‘little person’ living here it turns out that he won’t have to pay anything for the only house we built, the subsidy covers everything. We call it a “Stay Free Mini Pad”.

My wife was in labour with our first child. Things were going pretty well when suddenly she began to shout “Shouldn’t! Wouldn’t! Couldn’t! Can’t!” “Doctor, what’s wrong with my wife!” I cried. “It’s perfectly normal” he reassured me “She’s just having her contractions”.

Murphy came home plastered for the third night in a row. His wife dragged him to the window, pointing to the blazing lights of the big distillery in the distance. “See how big it is?” she said. “They can always make it faster than you can drink it”. “Maybe so” said Murphy “But I’ve got ‘em working nights!”

A woman buys a new Sim Card. She puts it in her phone and decides to surprise her husband, who is seated on the couch in the living room. She goes to the kitchen, calls her husband with the new number: “Hello Darling”. The husband responds in a low tone: “Let me call you back later, Honey, my wife is in the kitchen”.

A lady to doctor: “My husband has a habit of talking in his sleep! What should I give him to cure it?” Doctor: “Give him an opportunity to speak when he is awake!”

The other day I went up to a Christian bookstore and saw a “honk if you love Jesus bumper sticker”. I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting, so I bought the sticker and put in on my bumper.

I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good He is and I didn’t notice that the light had changed.

It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn’t honked, I’d never have noticed. I found that LOTS of people love Jesus! While I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and when he leaned out of his window and screamed “for the love of God, GO! GO!” What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus.

Everyone started honking! I just leaned out of my window and started waving and smiling at all these loving people.

I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love. There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a sunny beach...

I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air. When I asked my teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant, he said that it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something. Well, I’ve never met anyone from Hawaii, so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign back. My grandson burst out laughing, why even he was enjoying this religious experience.

A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me. I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed.

So, I waved to all my sisters and brothers grinning, and drove on through the intersection.

I noticed I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and I felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we had shared, so I slowed the car down, leaned out of the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away.

Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!