Chapter 515

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Special thanks to Irishblue for this one:

A woman at the supermarket spotted a very handsome man shopping. She kept him in view and as he was about to go to the checkout, she slipped in front of him in the queue. She was flirting with him and being suggestive in the queue. She waited for him after the checking out and he offered to help her carry her bags to her car. At this point her libido was working overtime so she whispered in his ear: “I’ve an Itchy Pussy!”

He answered: “Well you’ll have to point it out to me; all these Japanese cars look the same to me!”

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😎😆😂 Storyreader67 contibution:

Two cowboys are lost and about to die of starvation. Suddenly they see what appears to be a tree covered in bacon. “A bacon tree” yells one of the cowboys “We are saved”. He starts running towards the tree but soon drops dead - riddled with bullets. Turns out it was a ham-bush.

🦠🦠🦠🦠 george5 contribution, thanks

my dad called his car Shasta:
Shasta have gas
Shasta have oil
Shasta have air in her tyres
Shasta have parts
Shasta have repairs
Shasta have more parts and more repairs...

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😎😆😂 Another one from Alphqwe

I heard a Chief on a T.V. cooking show say “Where there’s fat there’s flavor. I know he was talking about cooking, but I took it as a compliment anyway. 😎😆😂

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This one is from Kevjacks

I got pulled over on the HWY for going 7 mph over the speed limit. 🚓 As the officer started walking up to my truck, I rolled my windows down... 🚙 My adorable and apparently INCREDIBLY smart 7 yr. old Granddaughter, started screaming from the backseat: “It’s coming out!!!!!” 😱😱😱😱😱😱 “I can’t hold it any longer Paw Pawwww”😳😳😳😳 “It’s almost here!!!!!!!! Paw Pawwww!!!” Now the trooper is HEARING her scream this ... and he stands up on my brush guard leans in the window and asks her “What’s going on here???” She looks him 💀 DEAD IN THE FACE 💀 And says “I’ve got poop coming outta my butt!!”🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️ He started laughing 😂😂😂😂 I must have looked shocked and embarrassed 😭😭😭😭😭 He asked how far I had to go, which was about 2 miles home. He told me to drive safe and get Miss Thang home to do her business. He could NOT stop laughing😂😂😂 As soon as we pulled away I asked “What the hell was that about???”😳😳😳😳😳😳

This kid, smirked and said “I saw it on YouTube but I didn’t think it would work”🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️

I said “So ... You’re not pooping 💩?”

She said nope and you’re not in trouble either. OMG 👀👀👀

This kid is my hero 🦸‍♀️