Chapter 514

🦠🦠🦠🦠

Fofo Xuxu is to thank for this group!!

Here are a few jokes. Hope you can use them.

A duck walks into a bar and asks, “Got any grapes?”
“No this is a bar and we don’t serve ducks, now get out of here.”
Next day the duck comes back, “Got any grapes?”
“No, I do not and if you come here again, I’m going to nail your feet to the floor.”
Next day the duck comes back again and asks, “Got any nails?”
“No.”
“Got any grapes?”

Everyone’s Buddy

At a wedding reception I recently attended, the best man announced, “All the married men, please stand next to the person who has made your life worth living.”

The bartender was nearly crushed to death!

At breakfast, a man asked his wife:
“What would you do if I won the lottery?”
She replied, “I’d take half, and then leave you.”
“Great,” he said. “I won $12 yesterday. Here’s $6. Stay in touch.”

“Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl.”
The priest asks, “Is that you, little Joey Pagano?”
“Yes, Father, it is.”
“And who was the girl you were with?”
“I can’t tell you, Father. I don’t want to ruin her reputation.”
“Well, Joey, I’m sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?”
“I cannot say.”
“Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?”
“I’ll never tell.”
“Was it Nina Capelli?”
“I’m sorry, but I cannot name her.”
“Was it Cathy Piriano?”
“My lips are sealed.”
“Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?”
“Please, Father! I cannot tell you.”
The priest sighs in frustration. “You’re very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you’ve sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself.”
Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, “What’d you get?”
“Four months’ vacation and five good leads...”

This morning my son said his ear hurt, and I asked, on the inside or outside. So, he walks out the front door, comes back in and says both. It’s moments like this that gets me wondering if I’m saving too much for college.

Jenny’s friend Debbie was complaining about a sore throat. “So,” Jenny said, “When I have that I always give a blow job to my husband and the next day I’m better. You should try it.” Next day, Debbie comes in singing. “How did it go?” Jenny asks. “Brilliant,” says Debbie. “Your husband couldn’t believe it was your idea!”

A blonde gets home from work early and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. She rushes upstairs to find her husband naked lying on the bed, sweating and panting. “What’s up?” she asks. “I think I’m having a heart attack,” cries the husband. The blonde rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as she’s dialing, her four-year-old son says, “Mommy, Mommy, Aunty Shirley is hiding in the closet and she has no clothes on!” The blonde slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom right past her husband, rips open the closet door and sure enough, there is her sister, totally naked and cowering on the floor. “You rotten Bitch,” she screams. “My husband’s having a heart attack, and you’re running around naked playing hide and seek with the kids!!”

My wife sent me a text, “Your great”
So, naturally, I wrote back, “No, you’re great”
She’s been walking around all happy and smiling.
Should I tell her I was just correcting her grammar or leave it?

A wife named Karen is just getting out of shower, when her husband Peter walks in the bathroom. “Don’t turn it off. I need a shower as well.” And Peter hopped in. As she throws on a robe, the doorbell rings. It’s Tom the neighbor. Tom says, “Hey, is your husband home?” Karen says, “Yeah, he is in the shower, what’s up?” Tom says, “I’ll give you $1000 to open that robe and let me squeeze your breasts.” She thinks about it for a second and thinks. Hey, $1000 for just a little peak and touch. Who will know? So, she opens up the robe, and Tom gives them a nice squeeze, then goes back home. Wifey wraps up her robe and proceeds back upstairs. As she walks by the bathroom, Peter says, “Honey, who was at the door?” “Oh, just Tom the neighbor,” replied Karen. Peter asks “Did he say anything about the $1000 he borrowed?”

🦠🦠🦠🦠

😆😎