Chapter 468

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Thank Reltney McFee for this one:

Here’s another candidate:

So, this one fellow died, and, having lived a wicked life, was consigned to Hell.

Upon arrival, he was inprocessed, and assigned his own Hell Counselor.

This was surprising, and he asked about it. “I had thought that Hell was about eternal torment, and misery, and suchlike.”

His demon reassured him. “Oh, that is so old fashioned! We have coffee breaks, and such. Why, you even get to select your own personal variety of Hell!”

“No stuff! When do I get to choose?”

“Right now! Let’s begin your tour!”

They walked down a hall, and the demon opened one door. Inside there were many tortured souls, standing on their heads, heads placed on paving stones. There was moaning, and wailing, and remorse aplenty.

“I don’t think so much of this one. Have you got other selections?”

“Of course!”, replied the demon-guide, and they entered another door, wherein the damned souls were standing on their heads, heads on cobblestones. Again, much wailing, much moaning, much protestations of remorse. The guy asked, “Can see other selections, please?”, and off they went farther down the hallway.

The demon opened another door, saying, “This one seems sort of popular, insofar as any of our Hells are popular.” They entered, observing many damned souls standing knee deep in sewage, drinking coffee, chatting away, and moving about, from conversational group to conversational group. The new guy stopped his demon-guide, and said, “This is the least miserable Hell I have seen. I’ll take this one!”

The demon had him sign some paperwork, gave him his badge and ID, and bade him farewell. The guy joined one conversation, got a coffee, bummed a cigarette, and was getting acquainted with his fellow damned souls.

Shortly, another demon entered, blew a whistle, and announced, “Ok,. everybody! Coffee break is over! Back on your heads!”

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