Jokes and Giggles Part Two
Copyright© 2017 by Jack Spratt
Chapter 449
A FEW WORDS ON THE VIRUS JUST TRYING TO LIGHTEN THE LOAD?
Ontario has banned groups larger than 5. If you’re a family of 6, you’re all about to find out who’s the least favourite.
The longer this goes on, the harder it will be to return to a society where pants and bras are required.
Happy hour is starting earlier and earlier. If this keeps up, I’ll be pouring wine in my cereal.
Today’s Weather? Room temperature.
Smoking pot and skipping school had me in trouble constantly. Now weed’s legal and schools closed ... damn kids are livin’ the dream.
This is stupid, I just tried to make my own hand sanitizer and it came out as a rum & coke.
If you get an email with the subject “Knock Knock”, don’t open it. It’s a Jehovah Witness working from home.
After a few days of not going out, I saw someone I knew walking by on the sidewalk outside. I immediately ran to the window and started yelling to them. Now I understand dogs.
Day 8 of social isolation and it’s looking like Vegas in my house: We’re losing money by the minute. Cocktails are acceptable at any hour. Nobody knows what time it is.
✧ ✧ ✧
There are only nine.
This is a quiz for people who know everything! I found out in a hurry that I didn’t. These are not trick questions. They are straight questions with straight answers...
1. Name the one sport in which neither the spectators nor the participants know the score or the leader until the contest ends.
2. What famous North American landmark is constantly moving backward?
3 Of all vegetables, only two can live to produce on their own for several or More growing seasons. All other vegetables must be replanted every year. What are the only two perennial vegetables?
4. What fruit has its seeds on the outside?
5. In many liquor stores, you can buy pear brandy, with a real pear inside the bottle. The pear is whole and ripe, and the bottle is genuine; it hasn’t been cut in any way. How did the pear get inside the bottle?
6. Only three words in standard English begin with the letters ‘ dw’ and they are all common words. Name two of them.
7. There are 14 punctuation marks in English grammar. Can you name at least half of them?
8. Name the only vegetable or fruit that is never sold frozen, canned, processed, cooked, or in any other form except fresh.
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