Chapter 449

A FEW WORDS ON THE VIRUS JUST TRYING TO LIGHTEN THE LOAD😍

Ontario has banned groups larger than 5. If you’re a family of 6, you’re all about to find out who’s the least favourite.

The longer this goes on, the harder it will be to return to a society where pants and bras are required.

Happy hour is starting earlier and earlier. If this keeps up, I’ll be pouring wine in my cereal.

Today’s Weather? Room temperature.

Smoking pot and skipping school had me in trouble constantly. Now weed’s legal and schools closed ... damn kids are livin’ the dream.

This is stupid, I just tried to make my own hand sanitizer and it came out as a rum & coke.

If you get an email with the subject “Knock Knock”, don’t open it. It’s a Jehovah Witness working from home.

After a few days of not going out, I saw someone I knew walking by on the sidewalk outside. I immediately ran to the window and started yelling to them. Now I understand dogs.

Day 8 of social isolation and it’s looking like Vegas in my house: We’re losing money by the minute. Cocktails are acceptable at any hour. Nobody knows what time it is.

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There are only nine.

This is a quiz for people who know everything! I found out in a hurry that I didn’t. These are not trick questions. They are straight questions with straight answers...

1. Name the one sport in which neither the spectators nor the participants know the score or the leader until the contest ends.

2. What famous North American landmark is constantly moving backward?

3 Of all vegetables, only two can live to produce on their own for several or More growing seasons. All other vegetables must be replanted every year. What are the only two perennial vegetables?

4. What fruit has its seeds on the outside?

5. In many liquor stores, you can buy pear brandy, with a real pear inside the bottle. The pear is whole and ripe, and the bottle is genuine; it hasn’t been cut in any way. How did the pear get inside the bottle?

6. Only three words in standard English begin with the letters ‘ dw’ and they are all common words. Name two of them.

7. There are 14 punctuation marks in English grammar. Can you name at least half of them?

8. Name the only vegetable or fruit that is never sold frozen, canned, processed, cooked, or in any other form except fresh.

9. Name 6 or more things that you can wear on your feet beginning with the letter ‘S.’

Answers To Quiz:

1 The one sport in which neither the spectators nor the participants know the score or the leader until the contest ends: Boxing.

2 North American landmark constantly moving backward: Niagara Falls ... The rim is worn down about two and a half feet each year because of the millions of gallons of water that rush over it every minute

3 Only two vegetables that can live to produce on their own for several growing seasons: Asparagus and rhubarb.

4 The fruit with its seeds on the outside: Strawberry.

5 How did the pear get inside the brandy bottle? It grew inside the bottle. The bottles are placed over pear buds when they are small, and are wired in place on the tree. The bottle is left in place for the entire growing season. When the pears are ripe, they are snipped off at the stems.

6 Three English words beginning with dw: Dwarf, dwell and dwindle...

7 Fourteen punctuation marks in English grammar: Period, comma, colon, semicolon, dash, hyphen, apostrophe, question mark, exclamation point, quotation mark, brackets, parenthesis, braces, and ellipses.

8 The only vegetable or fruit never sold frozen, canned, processed, cooked, or in any other form but fresh: Lettuce.

9 Six or more things you can wear on your feet beginning with ‘S’: Shoes, socks, sandals, sneakers, slippers, skis, skates, snowshoes, stockings, stilts.

PLEASE DO YOUR PART ; Today is National Mental Health Day. You can do your part by remembering to send this e-mail to at least one genius challenged person. Okay, my job’s done!

Don’t send it back to me. I’ve already failed it once.

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From Kilocycles, many thanks.

A little girl and boy are fighting about the differences between the sexes, and which one is better. Finally, the boy drops his pants and says, “Here’s something I have that you’ll never have!” The little girl is pretty upset by this, since it is clearly true, and runs home crying. A while later, she comes running back with a smile on her face. She drops her pants and says, “My mommy says that with one of these, I can have as many of those as I want!”

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