Chapter 440

Can’t Fool Them Newfies

A Newfie decides to travel across Canada to see the Pacific Ocean. When he gets to Nanaimo, he likes the place so much that he decides to stay. But first he must find a job.

He walks into the MacMillan-Bloedel office and fills out an application as an ‘experienced’ logger. It’s his lucky day. They just happen to be looking for someone. But first, the Bush Foreman takes him for a ride into the bush in the company pickup truck to see how much he knows. The foreman stops the truck on the side of the road and points at a tree.

‘See that tree over there? I want you to tell me what species it is and how many board feet of lumber it contains.’

The Newfie promptly answers, ‘Dat dere’s a Sitka Spruce and she got 383 board feet a’ lumber in ‘ER.’

The foreman is impressed. He puts the truck in motion and stops again about a mile down the road. He points at another tree through the passenger door window and asks the same question. This time, it’s a bigger tree and of a different class.

‘Lord tunderin’! Dat’s yer Douglas Fir and she got 690 board feet.’ says the Newfie. Now the foreman is really impressed. The Newfie has answered quickly and got the answers right without even using a calculator!

One more test. They drive a little farther down the road, and the foreman stops again. This time, he points across the road through his driver side window.

‘And what about that one?’

Before the foreman finishes pointing, the Newfie says, ‘A Yeller Cedar, 242 board feet at most.’

The foreman spins the truck around and heads back to the office a little pissed off because he thinks that the Newfie is smarter than he is.

As they near the office, the foreman stops the truck and asks the Newfie to step outside. He hands him a piece of chalk and tells him, ‘See that tree over there. I want you to mark an X on the front of that tree.’ The foreman thinks to himself, ‘Idiot! How would he know which is the front of a tree?’

When the Newfie reaches the tree, he goes around it in a circle while looking at the ground. He then reaches up and places a white X on the trunk. He runs back to the foreman and hands him the chalk.

‘Dat’s da front a’ dat tree fer sure,’ the Newfie states.

The foreman laughs to himself and asks sarcastically, ‘How in the hell do you know that’s the front of the tree?’

The Newfie looks down at his feet, while rubbing the toe

of his left boot cleaning it in the gravel and replies, ‘Cuz someone took a shit behind it!’

He got the job.

Three weeks later, he became the foreman.