Chapter 433

Compliments of Red Dog

Ok so this mortician had a habit of cutting the corpses penis off, he did this for many years, he kept them in a jar on the shelf. Anyway, he decided he had enough penis in a couple large jars and he took them to a taxidermist to see what he could make from them. This process took years, but one day the mortician got a call from the taxidermist, he told him to come down and see what he thought. Mortician walks into taxidermist’s office and he hands the mortician a plain simple wallet. Mortician asks, “What’s this, that’s all you got from all those dicks?!?” Taxidermist said “Relax, would ya, when you rub it, it becomes luggage”.

✧ ✧ ✧

This one is from Jimborh

Sorry this is a bit long but worth the read ... raprosdokians are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected and is frequently humorous. (Sir Winston Churchill loved them)

1. Where there’s a will, I want to be in it.
2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you ... but it’s still on my list.
3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
4. If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong.
5. We never really grow up -- we only learn how to act in public.
6. War does not determine who is right, only who is left.
7. Knowledge, is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
8. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
9. I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
10. In filling out an application, where it says, “In case of an emergency, notify...” I answered “a doctor.
11. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
12. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive more than once.
13. I used to be indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.
14. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
15. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian, any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
16. You’re never too old to learn something stupid.
17. I’m supposed to respect my elders, but it’s getting harder and harder for me to find someone older than me.

Spread the Laughter, Share the Cheer, Let’s be Happy, while we’re here!