Chapter 430

This group is From new bird

Having plans sounds like a good idea until you have to put on clothes and

leave the house.

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It’s weird being the same age as old people.

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When I was a kid I wanted to be older ... this is not what I expected.

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Life is like a helicopter. I don’t know how to operate a helicopter.

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Chocolate is God’s way of telling us he likes us a little bit chubby.

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It’s probably my age that tricks people into thinking I’m an adult.

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Marriage Counselor: Your wife says you never buy her flowers. Is that true?

Him: To be honest, I never knew she sold flowers.

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Never sing in the shower! Singing leads to dancing, dancing leads to

slipping, and slipping leads to paramedics seeing you naked. So

remember ... Don’t sing!

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During the middle ages they celebrated the end of the plague with wine and

orgies. Does anyone know if there is anything planned when this one ends?

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I don’t think the therapist is supposed to say “wow,” that many times in

your first session but here we are...

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If 2020 was a math word-problem: If you’re going down a river at 2 MPH and

your canoe loses a wheel, how much pancake mix would you need to re-shingle

your roof?

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I see people about my age mountain climbing; I feel good getting my leg

through my underwear without losing my balance.

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We can all agree that in 2015 not a single person got the answer correct

to, “Where do you see yourself 5 years from now?”

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So if a cow doesn’t produce milk, is it a milk dud or an udder failure?

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If you can’t think of a word say “I forgot the English word for it.” That

way people will think you’re bilingual instead of an idiot.

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I’m at a place in my life where errands are starting to count as going out.

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Coronacoaster noun: the ups and downs of a pandemic. One day you’re loving

your bubble, doing work outs, baking banana bread and going for long walks

and the next you’re crying, drinking gin for breakfast and missing people

you don’t even like.

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I’m at that age where my mind still thinks I’m 29, my humor suggests I’m

12, while my body mostly keeps asking if I’m sure I’m not dead yet.

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Don’t be worried about your smartphone or TV spying on you. Your vacuum

cleaner has been collecting dirt on you for years.

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I’m getting tired of being part of a major historical event.

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I don’t always go the extra mile, but when I do it’s because I missed my

exit.

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How many of us have looked around our family reunion and thought “Well

aren’t we just two clowns short of a circus?”

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You don’t realize how old you are until you sit on the floor and then try

to get back up.

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We all get heavier as we get older, because there’s a lot more information

in our heads. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

(ˆ◡ˆ)¸.•´✿¨`•✿(ˆ◡ˆ)¸.•´✿¨`•✿(ˆ◡ˆ)